Seb wanted to pinch himself and kept stealing little glances her way as he drove. Now it felt real! She was right next to him in the flesh, he could smell her and touch her and hear her breaths and he couldn't wait to feel her body properly pressed against his own without a stitch of clothing to separate them. But first they, or rather he, had an obstacle to overcome in the form of Gisela.
Next to him, Alex was quiet and seemed on edge as she picked at her fingers and nibbled on her nails but then he couldn't expect her to be calmness personified, not with what she'd been through. It would take a long time for the memories to fade and the mental scars to heal. As she lifted a hand towards her lips again he reached across and took hold of it.
"Have you heard from Gisela?" She asked, making him glance at her again.
His wife wasn't really a subject that he wanted to dwell on but it wasn't something that could be ignored either. "I don't want you worrying about her, I told you on the phone remember?"
"But she's got my phone, right?" She was still convinced that Gisela had seen everything.
"It's at my place, doesn't mean that she's got it. Why are you so worried anyway?" He asked, picking up on her concern. "Is it the messages we've sent each other? Your phone is locked though right? She won't be able to get into it."
"The police would have unlocked it." She put her right hand on her tummy as the nerves began to make her feel sick and she wondered if she should confess now.
"Yeah but they wouldn't have left it like that."
"But if she's seen....."
"Alex, stop," he cut her off, "you've been under a lot of stress, let me deal with Gisela. If she's seen the messages then there's nothing to be done about it. I was going to talk to her later anyway. I'm going to tell her about us and that I want a divorce. She knows about my feelings for you so I doubt it will come as much of a shock to her anyway."
Turning in her seat, her hand latched onto his forearm. She was desperate, if she didn't say this now then she never would. "No, wait. There's something I've got to say to you first."
He could tell by her voice that it wasn't good and his mind began to think the worst - that she'd changed her mind about them being together and that she no longer wanted to be with him. Hell, she could even be ditching him for Christian! As they were on the outskirts of Zürich he pulled into the first place he could, a fuel station. It wasn't the ideal place to stop and he made sure to park up where they'd not cause an obstruction. Whatever she had to say he knew it was better if he wasn't driving while she said it.
His serious expression as he released his seatbelt and turned to face her made her feel even more nervous but at least she had his full attention. That was until his phone rang from in the door pocket.
"It's Britta, she's probably just checking that I've picked you up ok," he said as he looked at the screen.
"Don't answer it. Once you've heard what I have to say then you might not want to be with me, that's why I don't you speaking to Gisela yet, not until you know."
He rejected the call and the phone fell silent, "until I know what?"
She took a deep breath and wrung her hands together in her lap, mentally preparing herself to wave goodbye to the best thing to ever happen to her in her whole life, "there's stuff on my phone...evidence."
His brows furrowed, a concentrated look on his face, "evidence of what?"
She closed her eyes, deciding that she didn't want to see his reaction, that she didn't want to see how angry he'd become because it would break her heart and terrify her all at the same time, "there's photos and a video of us having sex in the car in England and I was the one who filmed it."
There was silence. Seb's brows raised and his eyes widened, his cheeks filling up with air as he breathed out through a tiny gap between his lips. He remembered the night well, they'd been at a party at Aston Martin F1's HQ to celebrate his podium in Azerbaijan and she'd gone out for a drink with Jake later that evening. He'd ended up rescuing her from Jake's drunken advances outside the pub they'd been in and she hadn't been at all grateful for his intervention. They'd argued in the car, she'd taunted him over his jealousy of her seeing Jake and somehow things between them had snapped, ending in hot, angry sex by the roadside. That was the only time he could recall them having sex in a car, especially in England. But he hadn't been at all aware of her taking photos or filming them so how had she done it? "Why?" He asked, breaking the tense silence in the car. "Why and how did you film it?"
"If Gisela's been able to access my phone then....."
"Why Alex?!" He rose his voice, "right now I don't give a shit about whether Gisela's seen it or not, just tell me why you'd do that?!"
She recoiled, pressing herself against the door in an instinctive reaction to his voice.
He sighed heavily as he quickly realised that yelling at her was not the right thing to do after what she'd been through. Instead he carried on in a calmer voice, "I don't get it Alex, I never saw you do it, I was never aware of you having your phone near to us, we weren't even together then so why do it? Have you any idea of the damage you could cause if it had got into the wrong hands?"
"I'm sorry," she replied meekly as she repositioned herself in her seat, "I meant to delete it but I forgot."
"What was you even doing filming us in the first place?"
This was where she knew she had no option but to tell Seb everything. She loved him and knew he deserved the truth even it meant losing him, which would be completely her own fault if it happened. Maybe she should have told him all of this right at the start, it was too late now though. "I'd been in a bad place when you employed me, after Soren I hated men and I used them for my own vengeance, to get my own sense of justice. Men like him no longer hurt me, I wanted to be the one who dished out the pain. So I'd go out, looking for married or taken men who were weak and easy to tempt into straying. It wasn't hard, all I had to do was wait for them to get drunk and then make a move. A few of them I'd sleep with but most of them I'd just fool around with, then when they were asleep I'd try to access their phones to either take photos and send straight to their wives and girlfriends or to get their contact details and send photos from my own phone. I'd do it to wreck their relationships and then walk away and it gave me a kind of high, a power trip, like I was getting payback for everything that had happened to me."
"Jesus," he uttered in pure disbelief and dismay, "I figured you were a bit of a man hater but to do that....was I on your list? Is that why you took photos and filmed me?"
"We weren't always getting on. But we were both in denial, you of your feelings for me and vice versa. That night....I just came to this conclusion that if you freaked out and went into denial again then I'd leave and leave Gisela with the evidence. You made it clear that that night had meant nothing and I was hurt. But I fell in love with you Seb...." she reached across and grabbed his right hand, "....I couldn't do it and then things got better between us. I wanted to delete them but I just forgot....I'd never use them now. The last thing I want is to hurt you."
He looked down to where she tightly gripping his hand, trying to compute what she'd just told him. "So you would have done that to me? You would've used that stuff on your phone to wreck my marriage and walk away?" He was amazed at how calm he was keeping because inside he felt anything but.
"I admit I considered it but at the time I took the photos I was angry. You didn't want me but you didn't want anyone else to have me either and you wouldn't face up to how you felt about me. It was my way of lashing out but I couldn't go through with it because I'd fallen for you."
Pulling his hand away from hers, he opened the car door muttering a tense, "I just need a minute," before he got out and shut the door a bit harder than he meant to. He slowly wandered away from the car, in the direction of an air pump where people could check and pump up their tyres, keeping his back to the rear of the DBX. She'd sent his mind into a spin; how many men had she done this to? How many men had she slept with? Did she not care about the relationships she'd broken up? Did she not feel any remorse at all? If things had worked out differently, would his have been another marriage destroyed? Could he carry on being with her after this? He looked up at the cloudy sky, uttering the word, "fuck," before looking back down at the concrete. He didn't want to lose her, he'd only just got her back but he needed time to get to grips with her revelation. If Gisela had seen the images on Alex's phone then there was no way she'd be letting him stay in the marital home, he'd either have to find a hotel or stay with Alex.
Hearing the car door open and shut behind him it wasn't long before Alex was by his side.
"I don't want to lose you," she said quietly, slipping her hands on to his shoulder blades, "you're the best thing to ever happen to me. You've restored my faith and taught me that not all men are like Soren."
He didn't reply, all he could think of was that she'd once been prepared to wreck his marriage and then walk away. She done it to who-knows-how-many men, detonating a bomb and walking away without a care in the world. But despite that, he still loved her and he didn't want to lose her again.
"I'm so sorry Seb," she tried again, "I'll understand if this changes things between us, if you don't want me anymore."
He spun round and muttered, "get back in the car," without looking at her before walking away to get in the car himself.
She watched him numbly for a moment before she moved. Getting back in the car, she studied his face as she shut the door. He looked grim, as though someone had died and it seemed that he was making every effort not to look at her.
His mind had now moved on to his wife and how likely it could be that she'd been able to look through Alex's phone. He'd soon find out once he got there, she'd said that she wanted to 'talk' when he got home and she'd barely answered his calls and messages. It seemed only logical that she was being like this because she knew of his affair. Whether she meant to or not, it seemed that Alex had destroyed his marriage already even though he'd been planning on ending things himself.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Despite her efforts to talk, he didn't speak to her for the rest of the way home and once he got to Alex's place, he simply dropped her off at the kerbside, breaking his silence only to tell her that Britta would be there waiting for her with a new set of keys because he'd arranged to have the locks changed for her peace of mind.
He was yet to make his mind up over what to do next and wanted to see what Gisela knew before he made any decision.
Arriving home, Gisela's car was parked outside. So, at least she was home. Leaving his case in the car, he headed straight in. The ground floor was silent, the kids would be at Kindergarten and their younger brother would be somewhere with his mother. It was odd coming home to the sound of silence instead of being met by two excited little girls.
As he got back into the hall and to the bottom of the stairs, Gisela appeared with two black bin bags in her hands. Both were bulging full.
Her eyes were puffy and red from crying, her cheeks glistening with tears. She looked heartbroken but also disgusted as she got to the bottom and dumped the two bags at his feet while spitting, "here! Take these back to your fucking whore!"
He couldn't defend himself. Instead he guiltily asked, "how did you know?"
"God!" She threw her hands up in the air, "you're not even denying it!"
"Gee, I'm sorry....."
Don't!" She snarled, "don't even call me that! Go up and collect the rest of your stuff and then leave!"
"Let's just talk, let's not end things like this!" He tried to placate her.
"Talk?! You're fucking your personal trainer! How could you do that?!" She started to sob, "how could you cheat on me and the kids with that...with her?!"
An awful, sickening feeling of shame washed over him and he stared at the two bin bags. What could he say? He was guilty as charged. "I tried to fight it," he admitted feebly.
She barged past him, stomping her way through the lounge to the kitchen.
Seb tried to follow but was met halfway as she came back and thrust Alex's iPhone in his face.
"Don't feed me more lies Sebastian! I've seen what you did, it's all on here! She'd even captured the moment and filmed you both having sex! You're disgusting, the pair of you!"
"I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry," he mumbled shamefully. Seeing her so distraught was heartbreaking. He'd caused this and there was nothing he could do to make things right.
"I knew having a female PT was bad idea but I tried to accept it, I trusted you! I honestly believed that you'd never hurt me in this way!"
She broke down in harsh, loud sobs and he instinctively went to put his arms around her only for her to shove him away and snarl, "don't fucking touch me! Just get your things and go, our marriage is over!
He turned away to head upstairs to start collecting his stuff. Every step felt heavy and weary, his legs felt like lead, his heart even heavier. Alex had destroyed his marriage, even though she hadn't meant to and he knew that he was just as much to blame too. He'd wanted to end things, to try and break it to Gisela gently, she hadn't deserved to find out in the way that she had.
After his third trip to load up the car, Gisela had calmed down but her fury was still simmering beneath the surface as she stood outside the front door, watching him.
She couldn't resist sniping at him, "let's hope she's fucking worth it because you won't be able to come crawling back to me when she fucks someone else."
He said nothing as he went back in to collect more of those black bin bags.
A minute later he re-emerged, another four bags in his hands and as he walked past her she vented at him again, "I saw when those photos and that video were taken, you've been fucking each other behind my back for months."
Again he said nothing and just carried on, this time heading to pick up a few more things that he knew he'd probably need - including Alex's phone and laptop. All the time while he'd been loading the car he'd also been wondering where his son was. Knowing that he was leaving the kids behind was the biggest wrench of all and he didn't know if it was harder not being able to see them now or not. It seemed that Xiomar wasn't here, where was he?
With everything he thought he'd need now in the car and Alex's things in his hands, he came back outside, looking back at the house, like he was leaving it for the very last time.
Silent, angry tears were now running down Gisela's cheeks, she felt broken and could barely bring herself to look at him.
"Where's Xiomar? I'd like to see the kids as soon as I can, I need to try and explain to the girls why I'm not home." He stopped in front of her, torturing himself with guilt and shame as he looked at her.
She could only just get the words out, she hurt so much that it felt like it was about to knock her off of her feet, "he's with a friend, what are you going to say to them? That you're fucking you're PT? That you don't love them enough to stay faithful?"
He visibly winced, that hurt. "Gee, you know I dote on our kids, I love them above everything else. They'll always be my priority."
She gave a sarcastic little laugh, "ha! Priority?! It didn't look that way in the fucking video! Now leave! I can't bear to look at you anymore!"
"But the kids...." he began, he'd do anything to see his kids, losing them was unthinkable.
"Go!" She screamed, bursting into near hysterical sobs, "just go!"
Knowing that it was only making things worse by standing where he was, he turned and went to the car.
Gisela turned away too, she couldn't bear to watch him leave, it felt like he was walking out of her life for good. She couldn't even begin to think about things like giving him access to the kids in the state that she was in.
Hearing his car start up and then leave was the hardest thing she'd ever had go through so far and she slowly wandered inside, almost blinded by her tears. Shutting the door, she slumped back against it and then slid down to the floor as her legs buckled and gave way beneath her. Her sobs filled the whole house, she was completely broken and had no idea how she'd ever get over it. She'd lost him, her marriage to Seb was now beyond repair. It was over.