Valentine's Day meant chocolates for Courtney,
Dating my sister meant dudes had to pay a toll fee,
Brayden wanted a night without Amarah and cleaning up her bed soaked in pee,
Trick spent his day with Ashley, Lisa, and Marie.
I said a little poem to myself as I waited for Lillian to arrive. I never dated a girl before but I knew it wasn't like being a girl and dating a guy. Who was supposed to open the door for who? Who covered the bill? Half and half like creamer or you pay for you and I pay for me? Do I bring the flowers? Can I expect flowers? Does there have to be a "dude" in the relationship? These questions seemed childish but that didn't mean they were obvious.
Tap. Tap. Tap. Lillian knocking at my door shook me from my roaming mindset. She smiled at me from behind the glass and I rolled my eyes unlocking the door. Was dating her a wise choice? Lillian's parents knew she was going on a date but not with who and I was scheduled to babysit the twins around the same time Lillian would be returning from her date. As long as her parents didn't see her exit my car all would be okay. Not that it was illegal to date her, probably unethical to her parents but not illegal."Happy Valentine's Day! These are for you." Lillian said, holding a bag out to me. It was a yellow bag with bold, black sticker letters that said, "Somebody's girlfriend."
"Nice bag decorating. I hope it didn't take all night." I teased Lillian playfully. I reached into the bag and pulled out a piece of rectangular paper. It was a spa voucher for two at some spa I didn't know.
"You work so hard. You're always babysitting the twins and then there's school. You should take a day for yourself and relax."
How thoughtful. How sweet. I wasn't a sentimental person just ask my family but Lillian's gift deserved one thing. I leaned over, my face hovering next to hers. Lillian brought her face closer and for a second I thought about pulling back and teasing her. Her glossy lips met my own that were covered in shea butter. They molded together so perfectly like a puzzle. A puzzle that finally had all of its pieces.
"Thanks for the gift."
"There's one more."
"Spoiling me are we?" I answered as I reached into the bag once more. This time it was clothes I pulled out. A shirt to be exact. It was a regular tee in sunflower yellow and the front read, "Girlfriend Claimed" I lifted an eyebrow and smiled. "Possessive aren't we."
"Do you like it?"
"I love it. Where'd you get it?"
"I made it. I think I figured out what I want to do with my life or at least some of it. I want to be a fashion designer. I want to make clothes that help people find their forever or temporary person. What do you think?"
"I think you're amazing and you care about people. Don't ever change, oreo. Now, let's go to the aquarium and your gift is there."
It was only a ten minute drive to the aquarium from where Lillian lived and since it was a Friday it was plenty packed. I held onto Lillian's hand and we started our tour at the aquarium. The African penguins were amusing to watch as they did tricks for fish. Their habitat is surrounded by rocks and a deep water pool. I enjoyed stroking a pink starfish and Lillian practically squashed a yellow one. Lillian screamed when a American alligator surprised her by blending in with the murky water. A surprise behind the scene look with the dolphins cheered her up and also got us wet.
We walked through a tunnel of glass that held gallons of water and little, colorful fish. The underwater scenery was simply breathtaking with boulders that sparkled and fields of coral reef went on and on. "You're one to talk about fancy gifts. This is the best gift ever." Lillian said as she pulled me in close. We kissed under a glass of water that could crush us surrounded by complete strangers. Best day ever.
"I got one more surprise. Then we have to head to your house." I replied as a man hugged two little kids not too far from us. A mom, I presumed snapped a shot with a camera. "Lillian, can I ask you something?"
"Yeah,"
"Why do you hate Mr.Anderson?"
"What's it matter? And I don't hate him."
I side-eyed Lillian as we kept walking, "Well you know my bizarre family. It's only right I get to know a little about yours.'
Lillian closed her eyes and sighed, "Fine. It's like I said I don't hate him. For the longest time it was just me, him and mom. My mom and I were never close. I think it's because she regrets being with my dad but I don't know. She doesn't answer any of my questions concerning him. He's not here. What do you want from me, is what she always says. Mr.Anderson was my dad. . .in the beginning. He was there on the first day of pre-k. He taught me how to tie my shoe, ride a bike and said all the things that made a daughter feel special." Lillian explained. We stood in front of the gift shop. A dad wiped his daughters mustard covered face.
"What changed?"
"One day I woke up and I wasn't so special. There wasn't time for trips to get ice cream or go to the park. Not one but two little bundles of joy took my place. Their skin matched his exactly and their hair was the exact shade as his. He wasn't my dad. He never was. He was theirs."
I pulled Lillian in for a hug when she let out a gut-wrenching cry. Her shoulders moved up and down as her tiny frame took in gulps of air. "Oreo, that's not how parental love works. You don't get suddenly replaced. A heart, a parents heart expands. It doesn't kick out one kid to make room. There's plenty of room for all. I can tell. Mr.Anderson, he misses it. He misses you."
"No, he doesn't, he has Henley."
"And before her there was you. There's still you."
The ride back home was quiet. The music was on low and provided a peacefulness to the silence. Lillian was looking out the window. Deep in thought, I guessed. Her picture that was painted by penguins was held protectively in her lap. My final gift to her. Who knew, penguins painted. I parked my car outside of the Andersons house and Lillian left her painting in the car. She would get it when her parents left. Lillian unlocked the door and I followed in after her.
"How was your date, Lil?" Mr.Anderson asked from the living room. He and Mrs.Anderson were sipping wine from wine glasses.
Lillian went into the kitchen and grabbed a popsicle from the freezer, "Fine. He made it to second base,"
Lillian's parents coughed out dark red wine and I grabbed some nearby towels. I guess a ten minute car ride wasn't enough time for Lillian to think. Lillian's parents left and the twins and I enjoyed some Chinese and a movie. Lillian never came back downstairs. I hope she's not mad at me for bringing Mr.Anderson up in the first place. Good grief.
About halfway into the movie, the doorbell rang. Melody started barking. Eight pounds and all bark. That was Melody. She had cute power though but that was about it. I went to the door and peeked my head behind the blinds to see who it was. A tall, light-skinned man stood at the door. He wore a tie with a plain white shirt and some black slacks. He held roses and a box of chocolates in the shape of a heart in his hands. Kennedy, you dog, I thought to myself.
My eyebrows sinked and my smile turned upside down. I didn't peg her for a cheater. I was usually right about these things. The man rang the bell again. I didn't want him to alert the twins. They were so young. What did I care? I'm not a monster. It's not my problem. I didn't live for this sort of thing. I just made a living off of it. It didn't make me happy. Didn't it?
I opened the door. The man took a step back. His flowers fell to the floor. He looked up at me and then scrambled to pick them up. "Who are you? What do you want? Do you really think Valentine's Day is the day you should break up a family?" I bombarded him before he had a chance to talk.
He raked a hand through his dark curls. He turned around to leave. I watched him take a step and then another. He turned back around. "I just want to see my daughter." He cried in anguish.
"Daughter? Not mistress?" I asked in shock and confusion.
"What? No, I'm, I'm, I'm, a dad. My daughter lives here. I don't even know her name. Her mother kept her from me. She always has. I can't stand it anymore. I need her to know she has a dad."
I listened to the man as he told his short story, "Not good enough. If you're her father then she wouldn't have been able to stop you. No. What'd she offer you?"
The man sighed in guilt, "Her parents gave me twenty grand and I stayed away. Twenty grand. Who could refuse that? It was the most money I'd ever think I see in my life. I came to see her when she was about five but then it was her mother that pushed me away. She threatened to tell her everything. How I accepted money instead of being a father. I couldn't bare it. I didn't think she could. I don't deserve to be a father. I made a lot of bad choices."
"You're right. So why are you here?"
"I figured. I, at least, owed it to my daughter to make the decision herself if I was worth forgiving or not."
"A few years too late don't 'cha think." I wasn't giving this guy any mercy. Twenty grand was a lot but still he chose that over being a father. He came back but then got easily swayed to leave. He didn't deserve Lillian.
"Her grandparents and mom didn't make it easy. They came from money. I was nothing, now I'm something. I own three restaurants that all make a profit. Daddy's BBQ. I have a nice house with a backyard. I have another daughter. I want her to meet her sister. I want my daughter to see the life I can provide for her now. Me."
"You. You. You. You're just as selfish as her mom and grandparents. No excuses. You should've let your daughter decide for herself years ago. She's seventeen now. Daughter dad dates aren't exactly what she needs."
"I know. I know. Your right. She does need college money. I want to help with that. I can help get her a place and guide her. She doesn't know that there's a whole other side to who she is." Lillian's dad insisted. He was clutching harder and harder onto the chocolates and roses.
"She does and she has had to figure it out without you. Now, you need to live. I'll call the cops."
"Please, just let me see her. I know she's home. I saw her get out of the car with you."
"Oh great, so now you're a stalker."
"No, I'm not. I just want to introduce myself. If I upset her I'll leave. I swear." The guy pleaded. I scratched my face. He looked pathetic. He looked sorry. Who was I to stand in his way no better than Kennedy or her parents that's for sure.
"I-." Wait, this was juicy. If Lillian found out that her mom was keeping this secret she would explode. This was going to be expensive. Who to get the dad or the mom? Who had more to lose? I looked at the man as he waited for me to finish my response. He didn't look like much right now.
Was I seriously going to do this? Cash out on my girlfriend's feelings? Her trauma? Her dad? This would be the lowest thing I've ever done. This was it. This was rock bottom. If I did this I was lower than low. I was trash. You couldn't recycle me and save me. Where were my morals? The morals that I stood by. My dried tongue licked my lips.
Everything that I did up to this point, I at least could say people made their own beds. I just so happened to catch them in it. I wasn't hurting anybody any more than they were. If I did this I couldn't say that anymore. Did I care? Was money worth that much? How much was my humanity worth? One hundred a week? Two?? Ten grand?
"Leave. Leave and don't come back. She's better off without you. Find peace in that." I said. The man's mouth opened and closed like a fish out of water. He looked down at the crushed items in his hand. He looked at me as heavy tears rolled down his eyes. It's not too late Mi'a. Save your soul. Save your soul. The man turned and left. This time he didn't stop. He made it to his car door before I yelled out, "Lillian. Her name is Lillian."
There was no saving me. I wiped a tear that threatened to spill. He drove away. Morals didn't pave the way to the life I wanted. Lillian wasn't the girlfriend I adopted a kid with. She was fun at most. I turned around. My foot crushed something and I lifted my leg. A rose petal. It's crushed now.
I smoothed Hunter's hair from his face. His blonde eyelashes tickle my hand. Henley is already asleep in her bed. I turn the sound machine up a little. I check to make sure they're both fine once more and leave the room. Lillian's room is right beside theirs. I open her door and she's not there. I check her bathroom. It's also empty. My stomach starts to twist and turn. Could she have heard? Saw her dad from outside? I take the stairs two at a time. I nearly miss the door swinging open by taking a step back.
Lillian steps in and she has the penguin picture in her hand. "You nearly took my head off." I scowled but on the inside, I was breathing a sigh of relief. She didn't know and after tonight she would never know.
"Sorry, I saw you put the tweebs in their room and figured I'd just grab the painting. How was your night with them?"
"It was great. The twins are great. I don't babysit more than one kid for the most part but the twins always do well together." I say as we both sit on the couch. Lillian is in her pajamas now wearing a peach pink, "Let me Sleep" t-shirt and matching shorts.
"Aren't they truly amazing." Lillian replied sarcastically.
"Yeah but not as amazing as the comment you made to Julian," I stated referring to Mr.Anderson.
Lillian and I burst out laughing simultaneously. Our legs tangled up as we fell back against the couch on opposite ends. "Did you see his face? I was about to say sex but I do like having an allowance. Do you think he's mad? My mom for sure. I'll no doubt hear about it tomorrow."
"Would you care if he was mad? You said it for a reason."
"I know but maybe you're right. I should give Julian a chance to be my dad again."
I looked at Lillian from my side of the couch, "I think that's a great idea. He never stopped being your dad. It shouldn't be too hard to fix as long as you don't make it awkward again with baseball/sex analogies."
"Yeah, your right." Lillian smiles. She hugs a couch pillow to her chest and rubs my calf. Glad I shaved. "Especially since it looks like he'll be the only dad I'll ever know. I can't even imagine finding my other, actual dad. What would he even say to me? What would I say to him? And if he has kids? If he's been in Georgia the whole time but never tried to see me? I don't think I could handle it. I'd rather he just stay away."
I sit up and stroke Lillian's hair comforting her, "I think that would be best. You have everything you need," I kiss her cheek, then her forehead, and finally her lips. "What more could you want?"
"I can think of one thing."