November 5th.
Almost two months have passed and our home feels empty without him.
Its difficult knowing that we won’t be able to see him until next September. Keign and I would have had our milestone 18th birthday and the babies would be almost a year old by then.
Of course, we’ll all pay dad a few visits in between, but it still won’t feel the same.
We miss dad. It’s like there’s a missing piece in our lives. I expected mum to miss him the most but no one has been hit as hard as Keign.
The first month was rough. My twin is usually a tough egg to crack, he doesn’t shed a tear very easily. Dad leaving was the first time in 10 years that I’ve seen Keign cry like that, I didn’t expect him to react the way he did. He was devastated.
My brother has looked up to dad for his whole life. Following in his footsteps and aspiring to join the medical field, young Keign idolised him. When he was stuck on homework, it didn’t matter how many people explained to him the way to do it, dad’s opinion was always the one he would settle on. Every school play, awards evening and teachers conference, dad had to be there.
On role model day in primary, guess who he dressed up as? In full nurses uniform. Dad.
Yeah, Jordan and I are really close to dad too, but Keign and dad’s bond is different.
He always made an effort to make dad proud.
Dad was always right in his eyes.
His confession completely shattered Keign’s image of him. As it did to the rest of us too. I assumed the incident had just been some sort of fluke. Yeah, it was a horrifying experience to witness but, I thought maybe he was just a raging father with a child pregnant at 17. Any parent would have been upset.
No. but dad was different to me. It was like something broke inside him. Now I know that nothing broke, and nothing was different. This was him all along. Perhaps that is what Keign can’t wrap his head around. Maybe that’s what he can’t understand, or refuses to accept.
That dad isn’t who he thought he was. He isn’t always right.
Tonight is bonfire night in the London, every year -without a fail- my whole family (cousin’s and all), come together to watch the fireworks. We gather in the backyard around a fire pit chatting and laughing. Sometimes we even roast marshmallows. Annually, we alternate between our grandma's house or ours. This year it was grandma's turn.
She lived a little over an hour east away from us so if we wanted to get there for six o’clock We would have to leave at Four. (Side note, if you know anything about my family, no one is ever on time).
Mum and I were on our way to a scan appointment. I was sort of hoping it could have been just Louis and I but she INSISTED that I should have her drive.
We had to be there for one o’clock but first, a quick detour to Louis’ house. He texted me the directions. The GPS said two minutes away but mum was never good at following maps. She took the wrong exit Three times.
Eventually, we turned into Lakeland Grove with five minutes until my scan. Gladly, it was only down the road from his house.
I pulled my phone out from my worn out jogging bottom’s pocket.
“Rye, what are you doing?” mum leaned over to have a look at my phone.
“About to text Louis that we’re here.”
“Rye! That is not very polite, do it properly and knock the door.” She swiped my phone from my grasp.
“Mum!”
She gave me the look all mum’s give, that means they’re are serious and you have 5 seconds before they start ranting.
I stayed seated, with my arms crossed over my chest.
“Rye Reign Parker if you don’t unbuckle that seatbelt right now...” “Alright! Fine, I’m going.” I groaned.
She didn’t even care that I was heavily pregnant and carrying twins, I was still 17 years old and her rules still applied. For one more year.
I climbed out of the car, conscious of my large basketball-sized bump. At the house, I reached out to press the black, rectangular doorbell. The brisk winter breeze hit my skin through my hoodie. My coat no longer fit. I shuffled my feet on the spot, trying to keep warm.
Little scurrying footsteps thumped down the corridor followed by a young voice I recognised to be one of Louis’ sisters.
“Mummy! Should I get the door.”
Even bigger thumps travelled rapidly down the stairs, sounding like someone had taken a tumble. I knew who those footsteps belonged to.
“I’ll get it!!!” Louis yelled.
Keys jingled and clicked before the door opened, making a horrid screeching noise as it scraped against the wooden tiles. I scrunched up my face, cringing at the sound.
His head hung low, gradually lifting until our eyes met.
His hair looked different than normal, it was all gelled neatly to one side. He was wearing a smart black jumper with a white collar, visible from the shirt underneath.
He looked cute but, why was he so dressed up?
“Hey.” He said, closing the door behind him.
“Hey, why are you so dressed up? We’re only going to a scan.” “Just felt like it.” He shrugged.
“Oh ok, you look good.”
“Thanks.” He smiled. A timid smile.
My hand linked with his automatically, I didn’t even have to think about it anymore.
“Thanks for picking me up, Mrs Parker.” Louis said, Politely. “You don’t have to thank me, we are practically family now.” Mum started the gas and turned right onto the motorway.
“And none of that. ‘Mrs Parker' is what my manager calls me, just Mary or Rose from now on.” Mum demanded.
“Alright.” Louis said.
We arrived in the nick of time for my appointment. Almost straight after we checked in, my name was called.
“Rye Parker!”
It was nurse Hazel again, well midwife Hazel I guess. I was still getting used to all this terminology.
“Good afternoon Rye, nice to see you again.”
“Nice to see you too, Hazel.”
“And hello to you too, we met last time, you’re the father aren’t you?” “Yeah, I’m Louis.”
“Oh yes, I remember, and you are....” She held her hand out in mum’s direction.
“Rye’s mother.” Mum shook her hand.
“Of course.” Hazel smiled and winks at mum.
That was weird.
“Alright, lift your jumper up and bring your trousers down below your belly.” “I’ll get the ultrasound ready.” Hazel said.
I did as she asked, bracing myself for the cold gel.
“Sheesh! it gets me every time.”
“Oh, all the mothers, I see say the same, actually.” Hazel said.
She zig-zagged the ultrasound back and forth along on my bump, until the babies showed up on the screen.
“Holy shit! How do they both fit in there? They’re So big now!” Louis yelled, frenziedly.
I narrowed my eyes at him.
“Sorry, but seriously, they look really big.”
“Yes, Rye is approaching the end of her second trimester, the babies are at an average size for 24 weeks.”
“I’m almost in the last trimester already?!”
“Yep, times flies once you hit the second trimester, you’ll be giving birth soon enough.”
“Oh, don’t remind me.” I sighed.
Hazel scribbled down notes and measurements onto the clipboard.
“Awww, this bring back memories of when I was pregnant with you and your brother.” Mum smiled to herself.
“Do you know when you’re due?” Hazel asked.
“Yeah, February 14th you wrote it at the back of my scan picture last time.” “What, you didn’t tell me that, Rye.” Louis’ face fell, disappointedly.
“Sorry Lou, I must have forgotten.”
He turned away from me with a mad look on his face.
“All done, the babies are growing at a healthy rate, although baby B is breach at the moment. They should flip the right way before your due date, but I’ll schedule you a follow up appointment in a months time, to make sure.”
“What does breach mean?” I asked, slightly concerned.
“Well, the baby is meant to be head down towards the uterus, but its legs are down instead. Nothing to worry about, they usually correct themselves.” Hazel said, calmly.
“OK.”
She handed me a tissue and I used it to wipe away the gel.
“Rye, could you please wait outside in the waiting room?, I need to speak with your mother.”
“Alright, Louis, can you come with?”
He hesitated for a moment, hovering above his seat, then followed me outside.
“Are you mad at me?” I asked, when we got to the waiting area.
“No, I’m just a bit upset that you didn’t tell me, I would have wanted to know.” He took a seat beside me.
“I’m sorry, I just forgot, I didn’t keep it from you deliberately, I guess I thought you knew.” I placed my palm on his cheek and pulled him into a kiss.
“Do you forgive me?”
“Even if I didn’t, I couldn’t be mad at you for long.” He leaned in and kissed me.
“Of course.” Louis said.
We compose ourselves as mum approached us, with a white envelope flapping in her hand.
“Ready to go?, you two love birds.”
“And yeah. I saw it all, from around the corner.” Mum made a cheeky smile, which caused Louis’ cheeks to turn bright red.
“You’re so embarrassing mum, let's just go.”
In the car, I decided to sit in the backseat next to Louis. When mum left the car park, it began to bucket down. Resting my head against the window, I peered out and watched the streams of water rush down like little waterfalls, smudging the glass.
I liked the rain, I could watch it for hours on end. I think mum and Louis did too because we were all sat in comfortable silence as mum drove.
Mum swerved in to Louis’ driveway and parked awfully, half on the grass and half in the driveway.
“Sorry about that, just thought I’d park closer so you didn’t get soaked.” Mum said.
“Its all good, thanks for the ride Mary.”
He unbuckled his seatbelt, and kissed me on the cheek.
“See you.”
“I’ll text you when I get home.” I said.
“OK.” He hopped out the car and sprinted to his front door.
Mum and I waved as we reversed out of the driveway and then made our way home.
“What’s that envelope for?” I asked mum when we got back.
“Oh, nothing. Just some leaflets and exercises you can do for the babies.” “Can I see?” I asked.
“Can you go upstairs and put on your smart clothes? I’ve laid some out on my bed for you.”
Did she just change the subject? Something is definitely off about today. Louis wearing smart clothes for no reason, mum being weird. OK, she’s weird all the time, but today she seemed different.
“Hello? Earth to Rye.” Mum waved her arms above her head like she was signaling for a plane to land.
“Yeah.”
“I don’t have time for you to be texting Louis, We’ve got to leave in an hour, GO GO GO!”
“But it’s only 2 o’clock.”
“And there’s still 3 of us to get ready so, GO!” mum shooed me upstairs.
“OKAY! I’m going.” See what I mean?
Laid neatly on the bed there were, blue maternity dungarees, a pink shirt with confetti coloured polka-dots and a purple bow tie. THIS was why I never let mum pick my outfits. Polka-dotes. Really?
I guess I was just going to have to get used to this, until these babies pop out. All my good outfits were about 2 sizes too small.
I dressed with my back towards her rose gold, cheval mirror . I knew I’d be horrified and take it off immediately, if I looked. Keign was going to get a kick out of this.
“Keign, look what mum made me put on to go to grandma’s!” I yelled.
“It’s probably not as bad as you.... Whoa!” “Its bad isn’t it?” I asked.
“It looks...... Great.”
“Really? cos your face says ‘Take that off, you look like an idiot.’” I said.
“OK, you’re totally right. It looks like the circus threw up on you Rye.” He burst out laughing. For the first time in a while.
“Well I’m just going to have to get completely humiliated tonight, because nothing else fits me.” I sat on mum’s bed in a sulk.
“Let me help you out.” Keign ran out of the room.
“Wait, what are you doing?!”
“JUST WAIT AND SEE!”
While I waited for Keign, I sat playing a game on my phone. A few seconds later, Jordan walked past, on a phone call.
At first, I don’t think he noticed me, but then he reversed and took a double- take. I couldn’t help but to laugh.
“Hold on babe, I’ll......call you back.”
“Who are you? And what have you done with my Rye?” Jordan asked as he walked into the room.
“Mum picked my outfit.”
“I figured. This is definitely not your style.” He sat down beside me, observing our reflections before us.
“OK, I think we can fix this.” Keign said, as he walked in the room, carrying a black button-up shirt, with red cuffs.
“Hey bro.” He nodded.
“Here, try this shirt on Rye.” He passed me the shirt.
“Keign, but this is...”
“I know just....just try it on.”
I began to unbutton my dungarees.
“Um..maybe you two should face the other way.” I said.
“Oh yeah.”
I slipped out of the pink shirt and switch it for the black one.
“Ok, you can look.”
The shirt, I was wearing, wasn’t just any old shirt. It was the shirt dad wore on his wedding day.
“It fits.”
“You look really good.” Jordan said.
“Yeah, you do.” Keign said.
“Its dad’s Keign, I can’t wear this.”
I began to unbutton my shirt, but Keign walked up to me, face to face and placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Rye, listen. I think dad would want you to wear it. Just trust me on this one, ok.”
“Alright.” I said, completely bewildered.
“I'm just gonna.... go down stairs.” I said, backing out the room.
For a whole month, Keign couldn’t talk about dad and now he’s handing me dad’s wedding shirt. The one no one ever touches. I feel like I’ve woken up in another dimension.
“Wait! here’s your bow-tie.” Jordan ran up and handed it to me.
“Thanks.”
In the living room, mum was frantically looking for something, tearing the sofa apart.
“Mum.”
“Mum!”
“What Hun?” she didn’t turn to me, she just continued her search.
“What are you looking for?”
“My lip balm, have you seen it?” She asked.
“I haven’t.”
“Ok. Wait....” She stood up and paused. “What are you wearing?”
“Dad’s shirt, Keign demanded I wear it.”
“Well I never.” Mum strolled towards me in awe and began to fiddle with the collar of the shirt.
“It never crossed my mind that you could be the first to wear this shirt after your father.” “It looks good on you.” She gestured for me to pass the magenta bow tie.
“Its was silly of me to put that bright pink shirt out in the first place.”
“Yeah, pink is a forbidden colour in my wardrobe.” I said, as she finished tying my bow tie.
“Done. Is it ‘Rye’ approved?” She grabbed a small circular mirror from her jean pocket and passed it to me.
“Yep, perfect.”
“Good.” Mum said.
“Boys! you need to get dressed. We leave in 20 minutes!” “OK!” they’re deep voices, echoed downstairs.
Not a moment too soon, they entered the living room dressed in smart attire.
The boys matched, with a baby blue button-up shirt, khaki brown trousers and a pink-ish tie. Is it just me or is there a common pattern I’m not seeing here? “Don’t you two look handsome!” Mum gasped.
“Did we really have to match though?” Keign moaned.
“Oh shush! You look great. Come on we need to beat the traffic.”
One at a time, we left out the door and headed for the car. Jordan double checked the door was locked and then we were off.
We succeeded in beating the traffic, now aiming to get to there just before 6 o’clock.
This might have been the only time we weren’t late. It had stopped raining and the ground was drying up.
I was behind the driver’s seat. Mum’s bag was on the arm rest with the white envelope poking out of it. That thing hadn’t mum’s side since she got it. If it was useless leaflets and exercise instructions, then why was she bringing it with us?
At this point, I had given up on trying to guess. I had already accepted that my family was naturally weird.
Once we reach Our grandma’s road, we are shocked to see that its full from the bottom leading to her house with cars. Almost all the parking spaces were taken. As we searched, we began to name all our family member’s cars that we recognised.
“Uncle Jeremy.” Keign pointed out.
“That’s aunty Natalie’s.” Jordan said.
“Cousin Jay's car!” I shouted.
“Louis' I think.” Keign said.
“Laura’s.” Jordan called out.
“Wait what! Did you just say Louis, Keign?”
“Yeah, so?”
“Mum, I just saw Louis' car, why is Louis here?” I asked, confusedly.
Jordan and mum exchanged sly looks.
While Mum put the car in park, I saw Louis waving from my grandma's front porch, swinging gracefully on the old deck swing my granddad once built.
I fumbled with my seatbelt and quickly slipped out of the car.
“Louis, what are you doing?”
He stood up from the swing and walked over to the front door, smiling.
“I can’t say yet, but I have two people I would like you to meet.”
Two little girls, wearing pink flowery dresses and white tights, reluctantly, came out from hiding behind the open door. They’re brown curls flowing over their shoulders and rosy red cheeks (Just like Louis').
“These are my sisters, Emily and Aliah.”
“Girls, remember the person I’m always telling you about called Rye? This is her.” They both were hid partly behind they’re older brother’s leg.
“Hi, you two look so pretty.”
“Thank you.” Emily whispered, so gently it was like her words got carried by the chill autumn breeze.
“I see you got here alright.” Mum said, as she approached us from behind.
“Yeah, it was pretty easy actually.” Louis said.
“Hey Jordan, Keign.”
“What’s up man?” They all fist bumped.
“Alright what’s going on? Everyone’s been acting strange today.”
“Should we tell her?” Louis asked.
“I mean she’s going to find out as soon as she goes in.” Jordan said.
“True. Keign agreed.
“What! You all know about this?”
“Just go in and have a look.” Mum sighed, rolling her eyes and smiling.
Beyond the doorway, everyone's conversations overlapped one another’s while old school R&B tunes rocked the house from various speakers. Cousins slipped in and out giggling and playing chase. But the thing I noticed instantly was the theme.
Blue and pink balloons. Blue and pink banners. Blue and pink sweets and streamers.
Blue and pink dresses and shirts and ties.
“Oh my gosh! Is it a baby shower?”
“Well sorta, its a gender reveal.” Louis linked his arm into mine like a gentleman.
“That’s why you’re all dressed up!” “Yep.” Louis said.
“Wait, how long did you all know about this?”
“We’ve all known for at least 2 weeks.” Keign said.
“Damn, I had no idea, until you guys started acting weird today.”
“Rye-Rye!” Grandma exclaimed. Dancing and swaying her hips to the music as she made her way towards us.
She grabbed me and squeezed me in a warm hug.
“Hey grandma.” I said.
“Hey, my sweet pea.”
“Hold on, let me look at you.”
“I still can not believe you are pregnant. I was just telling Louis how you and Keign used to run around wearing your underwear outside your clothes with blankets as capes, when you came to stay in the summer. Pretending to be super heroes.”
“AWWW GRAN!” Keign groaned I hid behind my hands.
“Yeah gran, that is so embarrassing.”
“Nonsense, this is merely the reason why I love being a grandparent. Your grandfather would say the same.”
“I remember. That’s hilarious!” Jordan laughed.
“Don’t think I’ve forgotten about you, remember when you were in your Justin Bieber phase?”
“No way! You gotta tell us about that gran.” Keign said eagerly.
“You know what? I think I still have the picture upstairs somewhere.” Grandma teased.
“NO no no, I think we should get to the party. Grandma, where are the cakes at?” Jordan shuffled awkwardly on the spot.
“Over there, on the table.”
Grandma pointed over the large dining table covered in a variety of vivid coloured sweets and treats.
“I’ll show you kids the pictures later.” She whispered, winking to Louis, Keign and I.
“So mum, how are you?” Mum walked off, distracting grandma with a conversation. Everyone who knows Grandma Dawson -Dawson is my mum’s maiden name-knows that once you get her talking, she’s doesn’t stop.
“Rye, wanna go sit over there?” He pointed to the seating area across the room. There were a few stray chairs and a huge black sofa.
“Sure. My back is kinda hurting actually.”
Me, Louis and the two girls walked throw the crowd of people, stopping to great aunties and cousins on the way, before sitting on the sofa. we relaxed and admired the sparkly garden lights through the glass doors. It lit up the entire gazebo, like a spotlight on a stage. Fireworks were exploding in the distance. Louis had Aliah sat on his lap, he was fiddling with her curls, while she played a game on his phone. Emily was on his right side looking like she might fall asleep.
“How come your mum didn’t come Lou?”
“Um, she’s still not really on board with this whole thing, we aren’t on speaking terms.” Louis moved Aliah over on to his left leg and lifted Emily onto his right.
“Oh, why?”
“She said something a while ago that I haven’t forgiven her for, but don’t worry about it, today we’re celebrating our babies.”
Aliah turned around and whispered something in his ear.
“You ask her, you don’t need to be shy.” Louis said softly to Aliah.
“Where are the babies?” Aliah asked shyly.
“They’re inside my belly.”
“My aunty had a baby in her tummy and then it came out.” Emily perked up.
“Yeah, exactly like that.
“Do you think I’m having boys or girls?” “I want it to be a girl.” Emily said.
“Boys.” Aliah mumbled.
“Really liah? You said girl earlier.” Louis said.
“Nope, I want it to be a boy.” She replied, assertively.
“Alright then.”
A few minutes later, when me and the girls had began to get to know each other, Keign popped out of nowhere and tapped my arm.
“Rye.”
“Geez! Keign don’t do that, you almost gave me a heart attack!”
“Sorry, mum wants me to tell you that its time to do the reveal.” “Ok, where is she?” I asked.
“She’s in the garden.”
Louis helped me up then we followed Keign outside. Most people were already there, either seated on the garden chairs or sat in the gazebo.
“There you are.” Mum waved Louis and I over to the middle of the garden, where she was standing in between two large boxes that read ‘Bows or Bowties’. Keign took the girls to watch with everyone else.
“Are you two ready for this?” she asked, excitedly.
“I am for sure.”
“Me too.” Louis said.
“Alright, when you’re ready, open both the boxes at the same time.”
The garden faded into almost complete silence. My whole family were watching us intently. The pressure was on.
“OK, on the count of three.”
“One....”
“Two....”
“Three!”
We opened our boxes simultaneously, balloons escaped its enclosure.
Each one floating up into the sky, being whisked away by the wind.
The crowd erupted with loud cheers and applauds. Kids yelling ‘I knew it!’ And party poppers exploding like fireworks.
“Rye! Did you see it?” Louis bounced up and down on the spot, exhilaratingly.
It took a while for my brain to actually recognise what just happened, everything seemed like a bit of a blur. I think I zoned out.
“I can’t believe it, Rye.” Louis said.
Fireworks boomed in the sky like thunder. It filled the darkness with splatters of colours.
Red.
White.
Purple,
Pink
And blue.
“Blue.” I whispered. Just loud enough for the universe to hear.