It's been a week since mine and Leah's last interaction in person.
The last week has gone by slowly. We played Atletico Madrid yesterday and won 3-0. Me, Jenni and Caro all got on the score sheet. Life over here is good. I'm enjoying it more and more each day. Right now, this is where i want to be. Right now, this is where my future lies. Right now, this is the only place i see myself playing football. This club means so much to me already.
We don't play for another five days and today is our day off.
The past week has been difficult for my relationship. There's been fights and tears. I don't know if Leah has cried but i have. I can't take this distance between us. Distance can't stop what's meant to be.
Throwback to mine and Leah's conversation a couple of nights ago.
I was with the team at the grounds when my phone began to ring. I looked at it and saw it was Leah. I instantly got up, leaving the room. I found a quiet spot and answered.
"hey"
I said, answering the phone.
"hey, you okay?"
"Yeah, you?"
"Yeah, not bad"
"Good. What's up?"
"You told me to call you when i thought about our future"
Oh, i thought maybe just maybe she called to check in. To catch up, something that hasn't happened since i moved here.
"well.."
"I- You're right. Something is up and it's the distance between us. We haven't been this far apart since the day we met, seven years ago. Look, it's damaging us and our relationship, a lot"
"Distance means nothing when someone means everything"
"Got anymore quotes?"
"Yeah, i do actually. Distance can't stop what's meant to be"
"Maybe we would be better off if you forgot about me and i forgot about you"
I chuckled, sarcastically.
"Forget about you? Seriously?"
"Yeah, i'm being serious. This isn't good for us"
"How can i just forget about you!"
"I don't know. I'll need to fucking forget about you too"
"Leah, i have a reminder of you tattooed on my fucking wrist. I can't just rub that away"
"Get it removed then. I don't care!"
"You don't care?"
"No. I don't, Sophie. I don't care"
"what's happened to you. Before i left you told me you would fight tooth and nail for us and now you're deciding to give up the minute it gets hard! That's so pathetic!"
"This. This whole thing happened. Our relationship fell apart the moment you got on a plane and left. You just left!"
I began to get annoyed.
"Don't you dare put all of this on me! That's not fair, Leah and you know it! I moved here for my career. It's my job and my future, not urs. Viv is happy for me, why can't you be? I'm happy here. I've fell in love with the game i love again and i'm enjoying my football. I'm being consistent and i'm surrounded by good people. Can't you just be happy for me!"
"long distance doesn't work."
"That's not true. What about Harder and Eriksson. Magda was in fucking England while Harder was in Germany. Now look at them! Distance didn't break them apart!"
"They're different"
"No, Leah. They're not different. I told you when this all happened, i told you this isn't going to be easy, it's going to be really hard. We're going to need to work at this everyday but that's okay because i want to be with you. I told you that and you agreed with me. You told me you want to be with me and wait, you said to me that in the future we will be together, so being apart for a little while will be worth it. What happened to that?"
"It's affecting me and my career"
"Is it now? That's not what i've been seeing while watching your games. Look at Viv, she's not moaning at me for doing this. She's happy and proud of me. So is Beth, Steph, Caitlin, Keira, Hempo, Jordan, Kim and Anna... I could name the whole squad and more. It's just you Leah and i don't really understand why"
"Things change. People change and feelings change"
"Don't act like i'm so oblivious. I know this has got something to do with Jordan. Say i'm wrong all you want because we both know i'm not wrong"
Leah remained silent. I sighed.
"It's me or her Leah. It's me or Jordan and you're going to need to chose"
"I don't need to chose anything! Jordan isn't an option!"
"You can keep lying to me all you want but i'm not fucking stupid Leah. Me or her?"
"You're ruining us. I was going to tell you that i wanted to fight for us"
"Me? I'm ruining us? I'm the only one putting in the effort to keep this relationship going. You called me and told me that the distance is ruining us before you went on to blame me for this! Don't twist it!"
"Look. Call me when you know. Me or her. I'll be waiting"
I said
"Alright"
******
That was the last time i spoke to her. I've not heard from her since. Viv has been looking out for me. Her and Jordan are the same way they were last week. Nothings changed.
Most nights, there's been tears. It's so hard. Leah is everything to me. She means the world to me, but the words she said, they've stuck with me.
Get it removed then. I don't care.
No. I don't, Sophie. I don't care!
It hurts.
Currently i am sat in my home with a few of the girls. Alexia, Caro, Lieke, Mapi, Rolfö, Patri, Jana, Jenni and Leila. Well, i'm not with them. They're watching Netflix or something but i'm not. I'm in my room, crying. I was alone until Jana came into my room. Jana came over to me and hugged me.
"You okay?"
I lightly shook my head.
"Your girl still causing you problems?"
"How'd you guess?"
"Because i'm Telepathic, stupid. The power of being the young guns!"
Me and Jana are the youngsters.
"True. True. So, what have you guys been doing out there?"
"Watching Netflix. Pretty boring if you ask me. Alexia and Jenni are cuddling while everyone else is watching some show. I got bored without my sidekick so i came to find you"
"Probably the nicest thing you've said"
"That's not true! I'm so nice to you! I've got to be! Everyone else is mean to us!"
"They're just jealous that we're younger than them"
"Haha, Yeah. So, apart from the obvious relationship problems, how's it going?"
"Great. I love it here"
"Great. Why don't you plan your stay a little longer?"
I smiled at Jana.
"Ask me in two years when my contract is up and we will see"
"So you're not ruling out the possibility of extending at Barca"
"I'm not ruling anything out at the moment"
"Let me ask you this. Next year, your contract has a year left on it and Arsenal come in for you. Do you stay for the remainder of your contract or do you go back home?"
"I would stay. I signed for two years and i'm not leaving until those two years are up, and i might not even leave then. Jana, this is where i want to be. Right now, my home is here. You guys are my family. I have my Arsenal family and my Barca family, i don't need anything else. I'm happy here"
"Well, what about your real family? Don't you miss them?"
Right, no one here knows about my real family.
"No. I don't. I don't have good parents Jana. They're bad people. I miss Viv, she's my real family."
"I'm sorry to hear that"
"It's okay. Everything right now, is okay"
"Want to go and watch Netflix with the girls"
"Jana. Are they watching it in Spanish?"
Jana laughed.
"Yeah but they have the English subtitles on for you, Lieke and Caro"
"Yeah, let's go"
I wiped the tears from my face and jumped onto Janas back. We joined the rest of the girls. I sat in the middle of Jana and Patri.
Meanwhile back in London...