H.
What the fuck was that? I didn't know how to feel, considering that has never once happened to me before. I was embarrassed even reliving it in my head and I sure as hell couldn't go out there and face Beau. She was very understanding, however I felt as though I wanted to climb down the fire escape.
I decide that maybe I should seek medical attention, something could really be wrong and I just wanted to see what it was as early as possible.
So I text Dr. Kingsley, much too embarrassed to call.
HARRY.
I've got a concern.
My knee bobs up and down as I await for his answer, and I hope that it's not so late that he's asleep, I'll forget about my embarrassment and call him. Thankfully, he texts me back no later than two minutes.
Dr. KINGSLEY.
I'm all ears. Or...eyes?
I bite the inside of my cheek. What the fuck am I supposed to say? My fingers hover above my keyboard until I begin to type away my concerns.
HARRY.
I've just had sex, or at least tried to and it sort of...went away.
I wanted to poke my eyes out, it felt like I was going for a physical check up with my mother and he had asked if I'm sexually active. The memory still haunts me to this day. I know this man since I was 15, I've taken several women for birth control implants and check ups and all of a sudden, I'm shy?
Dr. KINGSLEY.
Are we talking about erections here?
I roll my eyes.
HARRY.
I figured it was pretty obvious.
Dr. KINGSLEY.
It could be that maybe you've had a hard week, maybe stress? I told you not to stress too much.
HARRY.
No, it's not that. It has never happened to me before.
Dr. KINGSLEY.
It was bound to happen at least once in your life, Harry. These kinds of things are normal. The last time I saw you, you were a healthy thirty-one year old. If you'd like me to check you, just come by my office tomorrow morning.
I confirm the appointment and set my phone down and just as I was running my hands through my hair, Beau opens the door. "Harry?" She speaks softly. "Dinner's going to get cold, come join me?"
I figure there's no way I would escape this, I would just have to swallow my embarrassment and get out there. I put on my shirt and have dinner, wishing it over with soon.
—
"Well," Dr. Kingsley says as I sit on the hard bed. "As suspected. Healthy."
I shake my head. "This doesn't make any sense," I say. "There's got to be something there." I refused to leave this room until I get answers.
"When did you say you stopped taking your antidepressants?" He asks, looking over some papers on his clipboard.
"About two months ago."
"Huh," He hums. "I would've assumed it was maybe that, but you say that it hadn't disrupted your sex life before?"
"Not if I took them every other day."
"And have you consumed any other drugs as of recently?" After he says this, he looks up. "Marijuana, LSD, Cocaine?" Shit. So this is Elija's fault. My silence answers him. "For fucks sake, Harry." He breathes out. "When was this?"
"Two days ago." I was already beating myself up for it.
"Well then there you go," he says. "Of course, I do need some blood work to confirm this but if that's the case, then you are looking at much bigger problems than just an erectile dysfunction."
"And what if it is? What's the underlining?" I dare to ask.
Dr. Kingsley looks down momentarily before he looks back at me. "If my suspicions are correct, then I hope you weren't planning on having children."
Fuck.
—
B.
"Does mom know?" Cami asks as she walks on the side of me, a grin on her face from ear to ear. After dinner, Harry and I shared a bath which is our favorite thing to do together aside from sex. He kept apologizing for what happened during sex and I kept reassuring him that it was okay, that he had nothing to worry about.
We had also talked about if we were going to start telling people and he said that it was okay that I tell my family first. So here I was, at the mall with Brooklyn and Cami shopping for Christmas presents.
"No," I say. "She doesn't even know he exists." I give a short laugh. It's kind of stupid how Harry and I have known each other for almost 4 years now and not once has he been brought up by me. I guess on some level I thought he was too good to be true, almost like with William.
I was absolutely in love with him, even after he left to study in London. And then I saw his true colors.
I guess I just didn't want to make a fool of myself in front of my parents.
"Beau!" She exclaims, her eyes wide and her mouth agape as if she couldn't believe it. "Have you even told them you and Will aren't a thing anymore?"
"Oh, please." I roll my eyes. He isn't important enough for me to bring up. Besides, I'm almost a 30 year old woman. I live alone and pay my own bills. I didn't need to tell my parents everything.
Cami gives a pleased sigh. "It's been so long since I've been to a wedding," she says. "When are you going to start planning it out? Who's going to be your bridesmaids? Your maid of honor?" I stop her from her rambling and laugh it out.
"You're getting ahead of yourself," I say. "We only just got engaged. He hasn't even told his parents yet." That's probably the part that I was dreading the most of this whole thing.
How is Harry going to go up to his parents and tell them that he is engaged to his step-brother's ex girlfriend? How did I ever get myself into such a predicament, holy fuck. Right now, he's probably talking to his parents because he hasn't picked up my calls or read my texts.
My main thought right now was: what to get Harry for Christmas. What do you give someone who can potentially have all of wall-street if he wanted to? Harry has done so much for me, so what the hell could I possibly give him that lets him know how much I love him?
This would surely be our first Christmas together, so it had to be something special.
"...How about a baby?" I hear Cami say from behind me and I notice that I had zone out and had been staring at the Babies 'R' Us store.
I scoff.
"That's the last thing on my mind," I say, somewhat it was a lie. I knew I wanted children, but I needed to check that with Harry first before I make any irrational decisions on my own.
Cami chuckles and looks away when Brooklyn pulls her arm towards a store she wanted to go to. We walk around the mall at least two more times, hoping to see something we might've missed the first time. So far, I've got my mother, Tom, and I will have to come back and pick out something for Brooklyn and Cami whenever they are not here.
Just as we were about to leave, something catches my eye, something sentimental and somewhat a perfect gift for Harry. I go in there and make the purchase before I have it boxed and we are ready to go home.
—
"What a day," Cami groans as she plops down on the couch, the bags on the floor next to her. Brooklyn looks inside the bags like the impatient child she is and Cami scolds her.
"I'm going to take a shower, you can order some takeout if you'd like." I say and Cami agrees. I only make it to my bedroom when my phone is ringing, it's Harry. "Oh, hi." I smile.
Harry seems to stay quiet for a bit before he actually responds. "Are you home?"
"Yeah, just got here actually." I say. "I've got your Christmas present already, I know it's very last minute and Christmas is in two days but I just had to get you something that I think you might like." I ramble on.
"Shit," He curses. "It's in two days?" He asks and I hum in response. "I was actually already packing my things for London."
"Oh no," I drag. "That's already this week?" I remember him saying something about going to a business meeting in London but it had completely slipped my mind until right now.
"I meant it when I told you that you should come with," Harry recalls. "Plane doesn't leave for another three hours?" He says suggestively. What the hell am I going to do in London? Then again, I have never been anywhere outside of the U.S. it would be nice for a change, besides this way I would get to spend Christmas with Harry instead of waiting for him to come back until I actually give him his present.
I bite my lip, looking around my bedroom. If I start packing now we can make it to the airport with forty–five minutes to spare. Fuck it. "Pick me up in an hour?" I smile, actually surprised that I'm agreeing to this.
I can practically feel Harry's mood change through the phone. "See you in an hour." He says before he hangs up and I quickly begin to pack my stuff.