Camila POV
Another day at school and it's the same thing, people walk by talk about the latest gossip of who is dating who. Even though at school to everyone else I am not at the top of the gossip, my friends like to think that I am the most tending topic right now. Ever since Lauren left they like to think I am some kind of lonely person who doesn't have their life together. They are my friends and I know they want the best for me but all I care about is getting through this year so I can finally see Lauren; she is my one true love.
I went to my locker before class to get my books that I needed for that day. Nothing out of the ordinary until I suddenly I felt someone approach me.
"Hey Mila, I was wondering, would you like to go to the school fair with me this Friday?" the soccer player with his lettermen jacket asked me as I closed my locker door. Which was odd because he was probably one of the cutest guys at this school and as much as I would like to go on a date with him I was very much committed to Lauren I couldn't do that to her.
"I'm sorry Ryan but I can't" I tried my best not to break his heart. But my heart belongs to someone else.
"Alright I get it, too soon, have a good day" Just like that he walked away. I sighed and walked to class. I sat in my usual spot next to my friends. He wasn't trying to be a jerk about it but how else would someone act if they just got rejected?
"What happen out there Mila I saw Ryan talking to you" Dinah asked.
"He asked me to the fair but before you say anything I said no" I took out my notebook and started writing down the objective.
"He is the hottest guy in school and doesn't have that ego for it. You need to get out there." Normani jumped in.
"Guys please not thing again, as much as I would like to I can't. I'm committed to the love of my life Lauren I can't do that" I tried talking as low as I can without interrupting the class.
"You can't wait for her forever." Just like that the teacher shot us a look to be quite. Which I'm quite thankful for because I don't know how much more of this conversation I could take.
I couldn't stop thinking about what they said. I am missing my chances with other people here at school because I'm waiting for Lauren. What if she can visit next month like she said she was going to try? Then she will go out to college and being with her is all I want right now but how can that be if I can't physically be with her.
Today Lauren was the only thing on my mind; we don't talk like before we are always both so busy with school projects and friends. We can't really talk about us because it turns into a conversation of just waiting. How long can I really wait to hold her again? Not to mention I have been craving her so much.
The night we spend together making love was the best night of my life. I have her to blame she makes me so horny. I caught myself smiling thinking out our semi dirty text and little conversation we have over the phone. Maybe after all it is worth waiting for. I love her and I know she loves me. Is it enough to make a long distant relationship work right?
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Lauren POV
I came home today after helping the senior class committee prepare for Fridays pep rally. It was one of the biggest events at school because it where we recognize all athletes and to be honest it's mostly about the free food and music.
Every club from school helps out by pitching in with some type of food. There are food stands everywhere and the hottest latest Dj on the radio comes and plays music. Almost like a festival. I know it's my first year here but I been to one two years ago with Erica; it's incredible and an honor to be a part of now that I am here to help organize.
I went up to my room and jumped on the bed. I got my phone to text Camila like I do mostly every day.
L: Where is my foot massage?
C: I'm guessing you had a long day at school?
L: Don't know the half of it, we had a meeting and preparation. So what about it?
C: Well if you were here I would give you more than just a foot massage ;)
L: I am a very visual person, please share the detail.
C: I can show you better than I can tell you ;)
Ugh what is she doing is she trying to kill me? Although I don't know how accurate these messages are they are a good too way to spark my imagination.
L: Okay, before I get more images in my head why don't you tell me how your day went?
C: Normal. There is a fair I want to go to but it's mostly for couples. The one with carnival rides.
L: Oh right that fair. I'm sorry I can't make it.
C: I thought so, but a girl can hope.
L: If you're so worried about a date why don't you ask one of the girls to go with you?
I sighed and got up out of my bed. I sat on my desk and opened up my laptop. As it loaded I kept thinking about Camila's inability to function in society without me. It seems as if she is going back to her old ways of being antisocial.
When my laptop finally loaded I realized I got a miss video chat from Normani. I was a bit surprised although they are my friends too they are more Camila's. I've only ever really talked to them when Camila was around. Maybe this was the case. But Camila would have told me since I was just texting her right?
I was about to close the notification when my computer started ringing. It was another video chat call from Normani. I answered.
L: Hey girl!
N: How are you, looks like the new school is treating you well
The younger one joked as we both shared the laugh. Before I could respond I realize Normani was not alone she was with Dinah. I didn't exactly think anything of it. Maybe they were just bored and wanted to check up on me
L: I guess. It has but I miss you guys.
D: Why you lying you know you truly miss Camila
I smiled so big because that statement couldn't be truer. I miss Camila so much I think that is why I do so much at school to keep me busy because I would probably go insane missing her just alone at home. Its normal right? I mean after all she is my other half and on top of that we did everything together. We love each other like no one else could love another person.
L: Alright you caught me. But you can't blame me she is too cute.
N: Actually that is the main reason why were calling.
L: To talk about Camila's cuteness cause I'm sure I can win and go all day about this
D: Awe that is so cute
N: haha well I know you are aware of how low Camila had been since you left although I do think it has gone a little worse.
Although I could argue that the reason Camila is sad is not completely my fault. I didn't ask to move, in fact I didn't want to move at all but this was completely out of my control. But instead defending myself I wanted to focus on the main point; Camila's happiness.
L: How so?
D: Just don't get mad ok?
N: Well Ryan on the soccer team asked her out today and the only reason why she said no?
D: Was because she said she was committed to you
N: She isn't enjoying herself. She wants to do so many things but she doesn't because she is missing her other half. You. As much as I hate to say it. If it's not going to be you making her happy let someone else make her happy.
L: What are you trying to say? I make her happy!
D: We know you do Laur-
L: Please don't call me that you know Camz only calls me that
I didn't mean to yell at my friend on the other side of the screen but I couldn't help myself. There was a fire burning inside of me. Were they telling me what I think they are? They want me to let Camila date someone else while were together? Camila doesn't want this, does she?
D: I'm sorry
I couldn't respond to Dinah because my phone vibrated indicating I had a message. It was Camila
C: I'm not worried about a date, I was asked out today but they aren't you. So I said no. I rather just stay home and watch Netflix.
I read the emptiness in Camila's text. She wants to go to the fair so bad but I'm holding her back. If this is true how many more things am I holding her back from?
D: Lauren?
L: You think I should let her see other people?
N: It's for the best. If you really love her you should let her go and live her life. If it's meant to be you will find a way back to each other you always do.
L: That's the thing. It took me so long to get her back and now that I have her, I don't ever want to let go.
N: If it's meant to be it will be.
D: If you don't, you can take away her interaction and involvement in her life with others to make this a better high school experience. Would you rather have her cry at her house?
L: I have to go.
I didn't give them enough time to answer before I ended the video chat. I jumped on my bed and dug my face in the pillow. I stared crying. How was I supposed to pick between keeping the love of my life with me and risking every chance I have with her or letting her go to be happy?
Can I really be this selfish? How do I know this is what she wants? Maybe in the mist of all this she wants me as much as I want her and she knows happiness will come. But then again she won't ever admit she wants to leave me to be happy. Maybe that's why she send her friends to tell me because she couldn't do it herself.
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I started thinking about morals and values. What would be the right thing to do and what is my heart telling me what to do. At the end of it all I always end up without Camila in my decisions. Maybe that is why I have been feeling like this, I know that in order to make Camila live her life I need to break up with her. She can't spend her life waiting because we never know the outcome of the future.
I am just scared to make the same mistake. I've broken up this relationship thinking it was the best thing for both us. I know before she told me to never make a decision like this without telling her but I know she will never tell me. She is blinded by love, she doesn't know what best for her.. Ugh Why is this so hard?!
Camila had texted me asking if we can video chat right now. It was a bit strange but I didn't deny it. I opened up my laptop and connected the chat.
"Hey babe what's up" I greeted.
"You went to the party" she talked above her normal voice to show she was upset about the situation.
"What are you talking about you know I go to many parties" I tried explaining
"I saw your Instagram and Ally posted pictures of you at Leos party. That party Lauren" She confirmed her theory.
"You were stalking me? Camila how could you!" I was now yelling. "A relationship is built on trust and commitment if you can't honor that what is it good for? I have tried everything to make this work but obviously you can't see that!"
"Lauren you lied to me! You said you were going with a couple of friends to grab a shake and go walk around the game room? Why would you even lie about that?" Camila explained
"I lied because you never go out! I knew this would make you upset. I didn't want you to think that hanging out a friend's house for a small party was a big deal. You're just jealous! Why don't you ever go out?"
There was silence. I knew I've gone too far. She doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve me. I'm supposed to be helping to build this relationship but every time we talk it seems like I'm tearing it down. Ever since that video chat with Normani and Dinah I have been on edge but not only with Camila but with love and trust
"You already know why Lo"
"And I'm just supposed to watch TV at home instead of having fun because you refuse to?" I fought back.
"That's not fair" She looked down at her fingers trying to hide the tears filling her eyes.
"Well it's not fair how you expect me to stay at home all the time" Ignoring her pain but expressing my feelings to justify myself. I needed her to hear me out for once.
Unfortunately this was kind of normal. We fight constantly. Sometimes the fights we have are so irrelevant. Not only because what we fight about is stupid but sometimes it's not its important and there are things we need to address. For example how I refused to apply for a college but she pushed me to do it. I thank her for that. But we fight about the smallest things to what dress she is wearing for a friend gathering to what project she will do for class. It didn't matter what we start fighting about because at the end of the day and mostly every fight we have we end up fight about us. It's probably the frustration of not being together for too long. How life is moving too fast for us to not enjoy it but how can we when we are missing our other half?
Just like today we are fighting about how Ally and I got closer. We go to parties and bowling together. Apparently Camila decided to stalk me on social media. She saw that I went out with my friends to a small get together instead of going to the video store and going home.
"Why do you keep fighting with me?" Camila finally questioned after all this time.
"Because you overreact over the littlest thing Camila"
"How would you like it if I go out with the hottest guys in school?" She stared at me. As if she was searching for the answer she knew was coming.
"Is that what this is about you're jealous? How could you even think I will cheat on you Camila!?"
"That's not what I'm talking about, how would you feel if I was hanging out with the hottest guys in school?"
There it is. The way she answered that sounds like she desires it because this was never a problem before. Other people in our life were never a factor before. We were all we had and nothing mattered no matter what. We were never really the jealous type because we know how much we love each other.
"I don't want to fight no more." I finally said in a clam serious voice.
"I don't either do I but we end up getting over it"
"No Camz I mean we need a break. We are constantly fighting, just until we finish this year so I can move back to school over there and I find my way back to you." I tried explaining the best way I could without crying. I started feeling the lump in my throat with every word it got harder to speak.
"Are you seriously breaking up with me?"
"I think it's just what is best for us"
"Us or you Lauren? So you can go hang out with Ally all you want?" she claimed. I know she didn't mean it but she was hurt. She always tried taking out her anger instead of actually confronting her feelings.
"Camila! I love you and this is why I'm doing this. So you can go out with your friends and do everything you want and not worry about me. I promise to come back for you. Just we need to be our own people."
"I'll wait for you, I won't fight anymore" she wasn't even looking at me anymore.
"Camz listen to me; if you love me understand this is for us. If you decide to wait until the year ends just promise me you won't block everyone out. Do anything you want to do and not let me or this break up hold you back. This is the whole reason why I'm doing this, ok?"
"Okay I promise." She mumbled.
"Bye Camz, I love you"
"I love you too" she whispered right before she ended the video chat.
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Camila POV
I went to school the next day. I did my normal routine. I went to my locker and headed for class. As the teacher was trying to explain how to solve tragicomic functions trying to get through the day not really paying attention hoping maybe Lauren figured out what she did was a mistake. She was just upset and wants me back.
I kept telling myself all day, as each class passed by I checked my phone. I checked it as much as I could like when the teacher gave us independent study or walking form class to class. But still every check was the same no messages. Not even a good morning text from her.
Lunch finally came I went to go get the meal of the day. I'm glad today is pizza Monday. I sat at the table where my friends were already sitting.
"Hey guys" I said as I sat down.
"Damn girl why you looking all hot today?" Dinah asked as Normani turned to look and observe me.
I smiled and took another look at my outfit. Since it was so hard to sleep last night after what had happen I needed a way to cover my depression. I applied dark make up to hide the bags under my eyes. I wore a dark crop top with black high pants. I curled my hair to enhance my outfit. I thought if I internally don't feel well I might as well goo good right?
"I'm going to go ask out Ryan" I explained with a smirk.
"What? What are you talking about and what does Lauren say?" Normani asked in shock.
"She is fine with it, she actually encourage me to. We broke up" I tried saying as confident as I could without breaking. It was so hard to accept that we really are taking a break and Lauren wants us to see other people.
That's right Lauren wants us to see other people. So why not? I never thought about it before this moment. When I said it, it was a joke I never thought about going out with anyone that isn't Lauren. But if that is what she wants that is what she will get. After all I did promise her. I promised I will go out more. Ryan is a good looking guy. What is a date right? On top of all that my friends were telling me to go out more often as well. Maybe this is a perfect opportunity to please everyone.
I shouldn't treat Ryan this way, he might be a jock but he is a sweet guy. I shouldn't be using him like this. Who knows maybe I will like him and won't be just a good distraction?
"Mila, I don't know" Dinah said trying to get my attention. But I didn't respond. I got up and walked to where Ryan usually eats.
As I walked to the soccer table where all the men on the soccer team hang out I saw Ryan look at me. I smiled and waved for him to come over. I stood by the tree not too far from the table. After all I wouldn't want the whole team to hear out conversation.
"Hey Mila what's up?" He smiled.
"I came to ask you if that offer of us going out still open?" I asked a bit nervous but as soon as he smiled all my nervousness went away I knew he still would want to and I was not going to get rejected. "Well I know the fair passed but maybe we can watch a movie or I don't know whatever"
"Haha Yeah of course Mila. Since its Friday how about we go to a movie and dinner. I will pick you up around 6 that way you're parents won't hate me" he tried joking. He looked like the typical high school boy with hands in his pockets smiling so much.
"It's a date, Ill text you later" I kissed him on the cheek and walked away.
The bell rang indicating that lunch finally ended. I walked with Dinah and Normani with a big smile on my face and explained to them what had happen. Not just with Ryan but why I did it and the reason to all of this; Lauren. They weren't so sure about this, they didn't think I should move on so quick that I am making rash decisions.
Nothing is going to stop me. This is what I want right now to feel wanted and if Ryan is the one to give me that attention so be it. The only way this date won't happen is if Lauren calls and comes up with the best apology of her life. I am done waiting. Clearly she doesn't want me and if she is not going to show me then I deserve better.. Right? Well even if that is not true a person must move on with their life at some point.