TW: SWEARING, YELLING, TRAUMA LOTS OF TRAUMA BUT NOT AN EXTREME AMOUNT
Fanart by EmOkiil and this is what I picture the guy's uniforms as looking like. Also, I just love the fanart it's so good.
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~~~~ Tommy's P.O.V ~~~~
My legs burned with every step that vibrated through my bones into my body. My feet thud against the frozen ground. I was more skipping than running and heavily favouring my injured leg. But I couldn't care less.
I'd found it. I finally found it.
In the distance was Techno's house. The only safe place I could go where Dream wouldn't find me. He'd never think to come here. I barely even thought of it.
I could see the shape of an unbuilt house next to Technos and a fully built house behind them. Techno had people living with him? Whatever, it didn't matter. I didn't plan to see anyone.
My hands and feet were numb and I was sure I'd have frostbite. I stumbled frequently and my lungs burned from the effort. My body was running on air. Thankfully the night sky was clear and the moon lit my path to the house so I couldn't get lost.
I was saved.
I opt to not go in through the front door and instead try the doors that seemed to go under the house. They were unlocked.
I cringe as the door creaks. I peek inside and feel my stomach drop. Wolves. So. Many. Wolves. I force myself to breathe as I slip through the door. Thankfully, there was nothing else in here. Just wolves. A lot of wolves.
I shuffle along the sides of the room with my back to the wall. I wince with every step and move more quietly than I ever have before in my entire life. I spot a ladder on the other side of the room. I look at the sea of fur between it and me. Fuck it.
I hesitantly move off the wall. Every tap of my shoe on the floor is nerve-wracking. Every snort from the dogs sends me reeling. Every creak in the ceiling makes me want to scream. I step over the big grey sleeping beasts until I reach the ladder on the other end of the room.
I climb down and am instantly hit with a revolting smell. I groan and cover my nose. I poke around a bit until I find workstations thrown in the back. I noticed that there was leather curating in a caldron, that's what the awful smell was.
Revolted, I find another ladder and head even deeper into Techno's house. How many basements did this guy have?
The next basement was full of chests and on one wall was an iron door. Curious, I try the door but it's firmly locked. I turn my attention to the chests next and hallelujah was that a good idea. My eye light up as I see golden apples, emeralds, armour, weapons, literally anything I could ever want or need!
Like a kid in a candy store, I grab as much as I can carry. In particular, I grab the apples. I bite into one so fast I barely remember to chew. The deliciously sweet flavour runs over my tongue and I feel pure bliss. Golden apples are the best. I finish the apple and then move on to another and then another. I let them fill my belly with their sweetness.
I'm biting my third or fourth apple when I notice a weird bit of fabric draped on one wall. I bite into the apple and chew as I pull back the fabric.
It was a hole in the wall. It was small but I could just fit into it. I hum in thought. It could make a great hiding place if it was a little bigger. I feel a lightbulb go off in my head and I dig through the chests until I find a pickaxe. An unused, shiny, iron pickaxe with diamonds in the hilt. I whistle in admiration and then set to work making the hole in the stone wall deeper.
~~~~ Y/N's P.O.V ~~~~
I was pulling on my thick woollen socks when Ranboo knocked at my door.
We'd finished building our house. We made quick work on the project and were super happy with how it turned out. All I can say is thank the gods that I was here to oversee the decorating. If I wasn't I fear for what the boys would have come up with. Except for Phil, he's got a good eye.
In the end, we'd built our house similarly to Technos. Spruce, stone and whatever that white stuff was that they used for the walls. We had two floors. Upstairs were our rooms and downstairs was our kitchen, bathroom, living room and laundry as well as a storage room for all of our weapons and armour. In the storage room is a counter full of brewing stands, papers with potion recipes and vials of ingredients for my use.
Seeing as Ranboo is so tall all the doorways and ceilings are built for his height. Since we had the extra room I made the effort to coffer the ceiling so that they wouldn't look boring. The house was similar to Techno and Phil's house on the outside, but on the inside, it was definitely our own. The paint I'd used was warmer and leant on the yellow side and I'd cluttered the house with bits and pieces of things that Phil and Techno had found on adventures. I have a feeling that Lorelei would have enjoyed the way the place looks.
I rolled out of my heavily quilted bed and got dressed like I do every morning. My casual navy shirt over my light uniform pants and put my earring in and my crown on my head. But when I pulled on my socks the rapid knocking at my door was hard to ignore.
When I open the door I was met with Ranboo's worried face.
"What could be happening so early that I haven't even had breakfast yet?" I mumble irritatedly and Ranboo leads me downstairs to one of the front windows. I give him a strange look but then he points at Techno's house.
Phil and Techno's shadows flit about the house quickly and I hear the faint sound of yelling. I looked back at Ranboo. That was odd, usually, Techno and Phil are lazily waking up at this time of the morning.
I huff and pull on my boots, coat and cloak and head outside. Ranboo follows hot on my heels wringing his hands. He was oddly quiet this morning as well.
I notice that it hadn't snowed last night. Evidence of the quickly approaching springtime. I nearly stop walking when I see the wolves outside. They're whining and rolling about in what's left of the morning frost. I don't think they have had breakfast yet.
I hum in thought. A loud clatter and bang from inside the house make me walk faster. I march up the stairs two at a time and fling open the door.
"Why are you living underneath my house like a Racoon?! Is this just all of my- DID YOU TAKE A STACK OF EMERALDS?!" I hear Techno yelling at someone downstairs. But he doesn't really sound mad.
I look away from the ladder and instead at Phil who looked incredibly tired. He pinches the bridge of his nose before mumbling "good morning" to us.
"I think we should be calling it our house," a cheeky voice says back to Techno. I'm struck by familiarity but am unable to place the voice on a person.
"ARE THESE MY GOLD BARS?! AND NETHERITE HELMET! PASS THAT BACK IT'S MINE!"
"Not if it's in my hands, idiot," I look back at Phil confused. He simply takes a swig of what looks like coffee and holds it up to me in a "cheers" gesture.
"Who is Techno yelling at?" I ask Phil still confused as to why Techno hasn't just killed them already. I hear the sound of squealing and yelling and the ladder creaks.
"PUT ME DOWN, YOU BASTARD!"
"You'll see in about two seconds," Phil simply says and sets his now empty cup of coffee down crossing his arms.
I watch as Techno climbs up the ladder with a person slung over his shoulder and a grumpy look on his face.
It takes all of two seconds for realisation to hit me and Ranboo. Adrenaline punches me in the face and I put my hand to the dagger on my hip.
Tommy. Wilbur's accomplice. The person who let Wilbur abuse me. The kid who never cared about me. Pretended to like me and then called me names in hushed tones to other people. He hurt me then. He'll hurt me again.
I hear Ranboo's tail flick agitatedly and out the corner of my eye, I see his ears turn back. He takes a step forward putting himself just in front of me. All I want to do is run. I don't want to be anywhere near Tommy. My heart is hammering in my chest and I feel the blood rushing to my head. Everything in my body was in panic mode ready to bust me out of here in a second.
Then Tommy sees me. His eyes go wide but I don't bother to process the emotion behind them.
"Y/N," he says hoarsely, desperately, and then wriggles off Techno's shoulder hitting the ground with a heavy thud. I hold my dagger tighter. He scrambles towards me.
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" I scream and Ranboo sticks an arm in front of me. I didn't mean to scream so loudly, nor do I mean to step back and nearly trip over. I can't show him how afraid I am. He'll use it against me, just like everyone else.
Tommy freezes instantly, hurt crossing his features. I couldn't care less. He hurt me. I remember he hurt me.
"Wh-"
"Because you're Wilbur's accomplice! His little gremlin thing that did whatever he wanted. You helped him plant the TNT and let him get away with everything in Pogtopia! You never cared for me at all. You just pretended so I would help you with your stupid plans!" I shout and I feel my knuckles going white from squeezing my dagger so tightly.
My breath comes out in quick short puffs. The room is deadly silent for a split second before Phil comes to my side.
"Y/N, Y/N relax," I flinch and step back when he puts a hand on my arm. He looks up at Ranboo who lowers the arm he had in front of me.
Phil looks around my side and sees the dagger. He moves a hand towards it and I quickly flinch again. He pauses and gives me a gentle look. I don't flinch this time when he wraps a hand around my white knuckles and forces them to let go of the dagger. He takes the dagger from my belt and sets it on the counter behind him.
My eyes stay trained on Tommy. Like prey eyeing its predator, I watch every twitch and shake of his body. Ready to run if he attacks.
"Y/N, those memories aren't real-"
"How do you know that?" I snap like a snake. Phil takes and deep breath and I realise that I've been holding mine. I watch as Ranboo slowly relaxes although like me his eyes don't leave Tommy and his tail never stops flicking.
"Where did you learn it from," Phil asks softly. I take a deep breath and try to calm myself. Think straight Y/N.
"Schlatt," my voice cracks at the end. My breath becomes shaky and Ranboo wraps an arm around my shoulders. I lean into him gratefully and wrap my hands around my necklace. I touch the jewel of my mother's ring and try to memorise the details to ground myself.
This time when I look at Tommy I really look at him. I glance over his appearance. His favoured leg and the gash on his face seemed to be untreated. His clothes were in shreds, he was missing a shoe, the knees of his jeans had massive rips in them. His hair was long, greasy, unwashed and full of crud. His expression was sickly, green and pale. Rough, calloused hands and unhealthily skinny arms. He looked like a shell of a person.
The most eye-catching thing about his looks was the compass around his neck. It had an engraving on it that I couldn't read. I could see that it wasn't pointing North.
Tommy's looks weren't what hit me in the face though. I could see pain, so much pain in his eyes. He'd been hurting a lot. Not just physically. He trembled even though it wasn't cold and his fingers didn't stop twitching for even a second. I saw sadness and great confusion.
Tommy didn't expect my outburst at all. I'd wounded him greatly, I could tell. For some reason, although I was still greatly afraid, I felt it pull at my heartstrings.
I didn't remember him at all. Not the real him anyway.
Techno moves past my outburst for the moment. I know we'll talk more later.
"Why are you in my house Tommy," he says in a monotone voice. Like a light switch, Tommy flips in an instant and moves from being upset to arguing with Techno.
"YOU ARE A BITCH!" he yells almost jokingly as Techno starts listing the shit he took.
They go back and forth and back and forth so much that I stop listening. Tommy slips on his injured leg and something falls from his pocket. A photograph. It lands on the floor near my feet.
I pick it up and inspect the image but I frown when I don't understand it. It was a photo of Tommy and Schlatt. But a much younger version of Schlatt wearing a green shirt and dark jeans. They're laughing. Schlatt's might horns are little more than pointy stubs and his face is wrapped in a bandage.
"Hey give that back!" the photo is snatched from my hands and I watch as Tommy's face flicks again as he becomes immediately afraid and apologetic.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I didn't mean to snatch like that I'm sorry," his words tumble like an avalanche and mix together he says them so quickly. Reflexively almost.
Something was wrong here. Something happened to him, it's not normal for someone to flick so easily. Ranboo sighs bringing me out of my train of thought.
"I'm sorry Y/N but I really have to go, I'm meeting someone in L'Manburg," Ranboo says quietly to me as Tommy and Techno start arguing again.
I don't want him to go. But that would be a selfish thing to ask of him.
"Are you going to be alright?" he asks and holds my shoulders in his hands. No.
"I'll be ok with Phil and Techno," I lie with a smile. I see that Ranboo knows it, he opens his mouth to say that he can stay but I shake my head.
I want you to be happy. You don't have to look after me. I don't want to be selfish.
Ranboo stops and nods. He knows how I'm feeling, we've both been there before.
I hug him tightly and straighten his crown. He gives me a half-smile and straightens mine and then slips out the door. Just by the way he's walking I can tell that as much as he doesn't want to leave me, he's excited about this meeting. Who has he met?
"What the hell am I supposed to do with the hole in my wall?!" I turn back to the chaos in the room.
"It was already there," Tommy says trying to sound smooth and businesslike. He just sounds silly.
"Jesus christ you really are a fucking racoon," Phil mumbles and starts to climb down the ladder and assess the damage.
"Shove it, Phil," Tommy shouts after him. The same regretful look passes his eyes and he quickly and profusely apologises. Techno follows after Phil, complaining all the while.
Tommy nervously turns to me. We were alone.
"I can't believe you're alive," he whispers.
"A lot has changed," I say simply. I don't know what else I could say to him. I could feel the adrenaline starting to dump but I was still ready to run.
"Well you can't stay here Tommy, we're too full," Techno says climbing up the ladder.
"Aw, why can't I just live in my hole?" Tommy whines. I raise an eyebrow, he wanted to live in a hole?
"You are not living in my wall," Techno says firmly.
"Surely he can stay in the basement like I used to," I say and Tommy shoots me a confused look. I'm not surprised by his reaction, I was ready to stab him a few minutes ago.
"Fine, but who's filling in the hole?" Techno's trying to be as stubborn as he possibly can. I resist the urge to snicker.
"You can, since the hole was already there," Phil says climbing up the ladder. He gets to the top and stretches his wings a little after the small squeeze.
"But Tommy made it bigger!"
"You should've fixed it in the first place!" Tommy teases and Techno grunts and opens his mouth to argue again.
"Shut up both of you! Techno, you're fixing the hole. Tommy, you're pulling out the cot in the basement and cleaning yourself up," Phil said with a sense of finality. I smirked a little, they were definitely family.
"But I don't have any other clothes," Tommy mumbles and looks down at himself.
"I'll help clean him up, his leg will never heal otherwise," I sigh. This time everyone looks at me in surprise and I feel like shrinking into a corner.
I remember Tommy. But what I remember is wrong. I need to at least learn the truth, and the best way to do it is to hear it from him. Besides, if he tried anything I could flick him and he'd fall over.
But despite how I felt, I could tell that Tommy wasn't evil. Nothing about him said so. The voices weren't restless, I was the only part of me that was uneasy. The voices were quiet and docile for the first time in a while. Maybe there was more to the silence than just being with Phil and Techno.
"Alright, that's our plan, now scram all of you," Phil says waving his hands. Techno grumbles and heads down into the basement to fix the hole. Tommy looks at me unsure of what to do.
"We can handle your sleeping arrangements later, let's just go to my house," I say. Tommy nods and for once stays silent. I think he was still in shock.
He walks with only one shoe across the half-frozen ground to my house. We get inside and he pauses before entering. He looks at everything taking it all in.
"Do you like my decorating?" I try to joke. Tommy is shocked from his daze.
"Oh uhm yeah yeah. I'm just not used to seeing nice things I guess," he mumbles the last part. I frown.
I tell him to wait and then go upstairs. I dig around in one of the chests Techno gave me full of clothes. I pull out navy pants, thick socks, a white cotton shirt similar to mine and a red sweater. Just something to keep him warm until we can get some real clothes. I also swipe a fresh bar of soap and a towel.
I head back down to Tommy with the stuff and he stares at it like he hasn't seen clean clothes for ages. Perhaps he hasn't.
"Tommy, I need you to be aware that if you're living here it's still technically exile," I tell him. I knew he was in exile, I just had no idea that he was in such a bad condition.
"What do you mean?" he frowns.
"I mean that if you go to L'Manburg you risk exposing all of us and getting us all killed," I state bluntly.
"They won't kill you," he points out but I shake my head.
"I don't want to be found. There are a lot of things wrong with me that I need to fix first before I go back."
"What do you mean?" he repeats.
"I don't think I'm ready to tell you that, I barely even remember who you are," I simply everything. Tommy looks at me perplexed and I decide it's best to move on.
"Bathroom is just through that door there. Use the bath, I don't want you standing on that foot any more than you have to," I instruct him and he nods and doesn't ask any more questions.
A soldier, just like how I remember him. At least that part was true. The rebellion changed all of us, some more permanently than others.
"Do you have an ender chest?" he asks and I nod. He limps with me to the other side of the room where my ender chest is.
He touches it making the enchantment ripple and then he opens it. He takes the photo I saw earlier as well as some others out of his pocket and sets them inside. He does the same with his compass and then he takes a book out of the back of his pants. I recognise the book.
"Wait stop," I say quickly and snatch the book.
My journal. The one I remembered on the road. My journal. I flick through the pages seeing all my chemistry notes, drawings, photos, ribbons, favourite recipes and regular journal entries.
"Where did you get this?" I demand and look at him dead in the eyes. He gulps and closes the chest.
"I took it when you disappeared. It helped me feel closer to you," his voice screamed vulnerability. I could tell he wasn't faking it.
I examine the book a little more. Despite wherever he'd been that put him through the wars, my journal was mostly unscathed. A few new scratches on the leather but other than that there was nothing wrong with it. No water damage or torn pages. He looked after it, and that's all I could ask of him.
"I hope you didn't read it," I say with a warning in my voice.
"Well..." Tommy's voice rises in pitch making his guilt even more evident.
I roll my eyes and whack him with the book to which he groans and gets off the floor. I give him the clothes and towel and soap and he limps into the bathroom to clean up.
I set to work making some food. I duck outside and grab a frozen rabbit from our icebox and then take it back inside to make rabbit stew. I butcher the rabbit and throw the meat and some vegetables into a pot on the stove. I then duck into our spare room where my potion supplies are.
I open my journal and flick to a familiar page. Regeneration and health potion hybrid. I didn't need to make it strong, just enough to heal Tommy's wounds and clear off any infection. Easy work.
I drop a frozen ghast tear and some glistening melon into the brewing stand and let it boil. I duck back into the kitchen and stir the stew a little more. Whilst I'm stirring I hear the familiar bubble of the potions signifying that they're ready.
I take one of the three bottles and pour it into the stew. Perfect.
I'm pouring the stew into bowls when Tommy comes out of the bathroom. He looks much better than he did before. He also smelt better, so much better, than he did before. I don't even know how to describe what he smelt like it was so natural and disgusting. The only scent I could pick out was salt.
"How does it feel to be clean?" I mock and pat a stool at the breakfast bar for him to sit on. He scoffs and takes a seat.
"Pretty good," he mumbles and I chuckle a little bit. I push the soup towards him with a spoon. he looks at me with wide, excited eyes.
"Well go on then," I urge and he tucks in maybe a little too ravenously.
"Don't eat too quickly or you'll get a stomach ache," I warn and head into the bathroom. I grab the hand towel, scissors and a comb.
"You washed your hair properly right?" I ask coming out of the bathroom.
"Yeah?" Tommy says not looking up.
"Good, because I'm going to cut it," Tommy's head shoots up from the bowl.
"No don't! I like my long hair, man. It's fucking nice!" he complains and I roll my eyes.
"I'm not shaving your head! I'm just making it look like you haven't been in exile for god knows how long," I say and set the towel on his shoulders.
"Fine," he grumbles and goes back to eating.
I comb through his terribly knotted hair, cutting out the bits that I can't untangle. There were quite a few...
"While I'm stuck here, can you fill me in on what I missed?" I ask and Tommy hums a "yes".
As I tidy his hair he tells me everything he can remember. He was an open book. He explains that Dream went "cuckoo bananas" and that Tubbo exiled him for some dumb reason that he doesn't understand. I had a feeling it wasn't so dumb. Everyone worked together in a house until it all went south. Niki is still there to Tommy's knowledge.
"What did you do to get exiled?" I ask.
"Griefed George's summer house," Tommy says simply.
"That doesn't sound exile-worthy," I comment.
"EXACTLY!" Tommy shouts and moves quickly.
"CAREFUL I'M HOLDING SCISSORS!" I shout back and Tommy apologises quickly.
"It doesn't matter why I was exiled. All I know now is that Tubbo doesn't like me anymore and L'Manburg has forgotten me," I frown.
"They can't have forgotten you," I note. All of my memories of Tommy were twisted but one thing rang true, the closeness of Tommy and Tubbo's friendship.
"Bullshit, you don't get it Y/N. As you said, a lot is different," Tommy throws my words back at me. He wasn't wrong.
"What about you, what happened to you?" Tommy asks nonchalantly. I take a deep breath and try to put it all into a few words.
"Schlatt kidnapped me and fucked with my brain," I say just as nonchalantly. I take the towel off Tommy's shoulders signifying that I'm finished with his hair.
He looks at me and I know that he understands it's a lot more complicated than what I just said.
"I'm sorry," he mumbles.
"Don't be, some good things happened too I guess. I met Ranboo and I've got some wicked powers," I shrug trying to keep things light. Tommy's been through a lot, I don't want to put anything else on him.
"What powers?" he asks as he finishes his bowl of soup. I push the second bowl to him and get up to make another for myself.
"Well, we think I'm a descendant of the gods," I sigh exhausted. There was a lot more to it than that. Maybe too much to it. I dish myself a bowl and walk back around to sit next to Tommy.
"The same fake gods that Technoblade is always on about?" Tommy rolls his eyes.
"They're very real Tommy," I say and bite into a chunk of Rabbit meat in my stew.
"Prove it," he challenges.
"Touch that gash you had on your forehead," I say. He does so and realises that the scratch was gone. I chuckle as his eyes widen and he checks his leg. Also healed.
"I have a particular connection to healing people, that's why I was so good at making potions," I explain and scoop up some more soup. It tasted delicious if I do say so myself.
"Did you slip a healing potion into the stew?" Tommy exclaims and I shrug.
"Maybe," I smile and Tommy laughs.
I don't know why, but it felt good to hear him laugh. It was a sound my mind welcomed.
"Can you read my mind?" Tommy asks childishly.
"Why?"
"So you can see what happened, maybe it will help you understand some more," what Tommy offers means a lot more to me than he thinks it does. It makes my heart wrench in my chest and I force back the pricks in my eyes that I know are just below the surface.
"Well it's not that simple, I can only tap into the emotions of animals. Hybrids too I guess, but it gets complicated and I don't know how safe it is. The human brain is massive," I try to explain.
"Can you try?" Tommy asks. I look into his eyes for a reason why he's giving me this. A chance to finally understand something. Does he even know how much I've wanted this? Clarity and understanding were two things I craved.
I feel myself cave. The danger was worth it.
"I can try," I suck in a breath nervously. I reach both my hands asking the question with my eyes, Tommy nods and I put my palms on either side of his head. I take a shaky breath and shut my eyes.
Noise. So much noise. Crazy random things shoot around at rapid-fire and I rip my hands from the sides of Tommy's head and snap my eyes open. I catch myself on the bench before I fall over.
"Y/N? Y/N, what's wrong?" Tommy asks frantically, worriedly.
"It was so loud," I mutter and shut my eyes trying to steady myself. I flinch when Tommy puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Sorry," we both mumble but neither of us move.
"Your mind was so loud. Everything was everywhere, I didn't catch much but..." I trail off.
What I did understand was horrifying. Tommy's mind was sick, incredibly sick. He was anxious about everything around him. Most specifically of the door. He was terrified of a knock and a mask with a smile.
He was terrified of me; that I'll never remember him. He was scared that I've forgotten everything, that I'm nothing like I was.
I was afraid of that too.
"Did Dream really do that?" my voice some out thick and pained.
I can tell that Tommy doesn't want to answer. He knew full well that I loved Dream and I think he understands that I still do.
"Yes."
~~~~
HELOOOOOOOOOOOOO
WE ARE HERE AND WE ARE FABULOUS AND WE ARE EXCITED AND WE ARE ON. THE. GRIND.
I don't have a lot to say but I do have a lot to show because I want to give you guys a better visual of what's going on.
I made a lil mood board for y'all. It's basically the aesthetic of Ranboo and Y/N's house and where the commune is. Because it's going into spring and they live on a Tundra the ice will be melting so there's a photo in there of a Tundra where the snow has melted.
ALSO FOR MORE CLARIFICATION.
THIS IS WHAT Y/N'S CASUAL WEAR IS LIKE. Except the pants are light blue and the top is navy. Some people got confused and I was like PINTEREST YOU GOTTA HELP ME OUT HERE.
Also, this is kind of what the crown looks like except it goes all the way around and it's not as grand.
You can picture this stuff however you like, this is just how I see it :P
Anyway, that's all from me for now, see y'all in the next one.
I HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A POG MORNING/DAY/EVENING/NIGHT <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3