Maya
"Do you know how to chop this?"
Laura placed a cucumber on the chopping board, looking at the girl questionably.
As promised, Maya helped her with dinner. Being the small human she was, she stood on one of the wooden dinner table chairs next to the counter, so she could reach the countertop. Side to side, they prepared the ingredients, like they had known each other for years.
"They won't let me," Maya admitted, suppressing her eye roll. Katya's attitude started to rub off on her, to Natasha's frustration and amusement.
"Of course not, paranoid little Russians," Laura joked with a straight face, which made Maya laugh, agreeing with a nod. Sometimes, they were a bit overprotective. But Laura wasn't, she handed Maya a knife like it was no big deal. "Here. I'm sure you know how to. Watch your fingers. Can't send you back there with a limb missing."
Extremely slowly and carefully, Maya cut the cucumber, moving her fingers inches away from the knife each time. With her face pulled into one of concentration, she did her best to make the slices the same width.
The only sounds in that kitchen for a while, came from Laura peeling the potatoes, and Maya's knife hitting the cutting board.
"So, how do you like it so far in New York?"
Maya took a breath and straightened up, her back hurting from standing hunched over. "It's so much fun. I can do so much. I'm going to school, I have friends, and they even let me have a birthday party," she smiled brightly, thankful for everything they had already given her.
"I saw pictures of that! Thought I was looking at your Mom as a child," Laura laughed. "Are they strict? I bet they are."
"Not at all.'' Maya shook her head, stopped, and shrugged. ''Well, they won't let me stay up too late, I can't have a phone yet, and they refuse to teach me any fight tricks. I think they're scared I will turn out like them."
"I think you may be right with that," Laura agreed softly.
The last thing Natasha and Katya wanted for their daughter was to fall into a life of danger after teaching her how to fight and stuff. A normal life may sound boring, but the best thing Maya could grow up to be - in their eyes - was a vet, like she wanted to be, in a nice apartment in the city, with only bills to worry about.
"But we do lots of fun stuff,'' Maya quickly continued, going back to her cucumber. ''Movie nights, boardgames, and when there are fun things to do in the city, we'll be going. I do love it there."
Laura smiled happily. "Good. I know they were very nervous for your arrival."
"They were?" Maya raised a surprised eyebrow. They didn't look like the kind of people who were nervous for anything.
Laura nodded with a chuckle. "Yes, totally. Nat was freaking out. She hates insecurity, you know? It's not easy to suddenly become a parent, and she was afraid of doing it wrong. But they've had lots of practice with my kids." She paused, smirking mischievously. "You know, Cooper has had a crush on Katya for years."
Maya's eyes grew wide, snapping to Laura's face in wonder. "No way." She laughed when Laura nodded. Cooper a crush on her mom? Katya was beautiful and kind, but that poor kid was crushing on someone he could never get.
"Don't tell him I said that. He'll be so embarrassed,'' she laughed. ''But yes, if he could get rid of Nat and replace her, he would."
Maya shook her head. "Kat will never let him."
"Probably not. Those two just belong together."
''When did they first come here? Was Clint always friends with them?'' Maya wondered, speaking her thoughts out loud. Her moms hadn't told her much about their lives. Not many details anyway.
''The first time Clint ever brought Nat here, was around 2007. I think. A little more than a year before she ran into Katya again. That poor girl had no one. No family, no home. So, she became part of this one, because she's one of the sweetest people I've ever met. Someone who would do anything for the people she loves.'' She washed the peeled potatoes and filled a pot with water. ''Maybe that's why she fits so good with Kat. I knew those two were soulmates the first time Nat brought her along. This would have been... late 2009, early 2010. I've never seen her look at anyone the way she looked at Katya. Like she was some miracle. But I guess she was.''
Maya hummed, shoving the cucumber slices in a bowl and moving on to the carrots. ''Did they come here often? I just wondered because I found some clothes in the closet and they're theirs.''
Laura pursed her lips. ''They tried to be here as much as they could. Which, with SHIELD's busy schedule and all those week-long missions they went on, wasn't much. I saw them maybe once every four or five months, a couple days at a time. Natasha came here a lot when Katya was on a mission, and the other way around. They always had homesickness for each other, and I suspect that being here helped."
That sounded familiar to Maya's ears.
"Mama was really restless and not as happy when Mom was away with Sam and Bucky."
"Ah, yes, she was always like that when Katya was on missions. Afraid she'd get hurt and not come back." Seeing Maya's serious face, she added playfully. "Oh, and Nat worries about everything, as you must have noticed."
A smile broke through on the girl's face. Hearing about her moms from another's point of view was always interesting, and only made her more interested in this house and the things that took place here. It would have been cool to go back in time and meet her parents in the middle of her SHIELD career, back when everything was simple.
One thing Maya already learned from them though, was the constant state of alertness they were in, sensing things another person would never notice. Maybe that's how she heard Lila walk into the kitchen before Laura did.
She glanced over her shoulder, automatically smiling wider. "Hi, Lila."
"Hey.'' She stopped by the table; annoyance settling on her face. ''Dad told me to help."
Laura laughed at her pout. "What an enthusiasm. You can set the table. Don't forget the extra plate."
Reluctantly, Lila did as asked, gathering the plates from a cabinet. Until she perked up. "Maya, you want to sit next to me?" Her smile radiated hope, and only widened when the redheaded girl nodded.
"Sure."
Laura eyed Maya, smiling knowingly when her gaze lingered on her daughter until she turned back to the counter with a wide smile. Too wide for something as casual as seating at the dinner table.
Maya was still a bit shy during dinner, but she chatted with Lila like they had been friends for years, exclaiming horrified when Lila stole one of her dinosaur chicken nuggets. "Hey, that's mine! Don't steal my food."
"Oh, was this yours? I didn't realize.'' Lila played dumb, quickly biting into it so Maya wouldn't want it back. But she had chosen the wrong girl to steal from. After Maya closed her gaping mouth, she snatched a nugget from Lila's plate, too fast to see it. ''Hey!"
"Payback,'' Maya smirked, devouring it quickly. However, she was too slow to push Lila's hand away a second time, which is how she ended up with an empty plate. ''No, that was my last nugget!"
"Too bad.'' Lila beamed, but she quickly took pity on Maya's pout. ''Here, you can have some of mine.'' She left her plate wide open, a couple nuggets still on there. Happily, Maya perked up, hovering her hand above it like she looked for the right one, until she took all three. Lila gasped. ''I said one! Maya!"
Clint laughed loudly and held up his hand for Maya to slap, which she happily did. ''Nice one, Romanoff.''
''Dad!''
Natasha
Natasha tossed the car keys on the kitchen counter. ''So, what for dinner?''
The house was dark, empty, and silent. Never had her boots sounded so ominous on the wooden floor.
''Pizza.'' Katya trailed after her, pulling her jacket off and kicking her shoes off. Both mentally and physically, she was exhausted, and a headache crept up on her.
''Pizza it is.''
While Natasha made the call, Katya plopped down on the edge of the couch, deflating her body by letting a breath escape her lips.
After therapy is always when she started overanalyzing her answers, the things she said, mentally hitting herself for saying them, because they were so embarrassing and made her want to curl up and die.
In fact, she had a hard time looking at her wife, realizing how pathetic and weak her words had sounded in that office, how dumb her tears were.
What was she even crying over? Fucking badass assassin crying over how she didn't believe that her wife loved her anymore...
Laughable, that's what it was.
''Honey.''
Natasha's gentle voice snapped her out of her thoughts. And when Katya looked up, surprised to see her stand next to her feet, a gentle smile greeted her.
Natasha needed only one peek at the gleam in her eyes to sit next to her and take one of her hands, the other on her cheek. Katya closed her eyes and leaned into her palm, taking deep breaths.
She hadn't needed to say anything, or approach Natasha, she had sensed something was wrong, that Katya spiraled.
It took a while for her mind to calm down and completely focus on her wife, but she let out a breath of relief when it went quiet. A good kind of quiet which would only last a couple minutes.
Taking the hand from her cheek, she kissed the palm of it before placing it on Natasha's lap.
"Wanna tell me why?" the redhead whispered, studying her blue eyes for any hint of why her thoughts had spiraled.
Katya went to shake her head, but she was rational enough to remember what Eliza had said, and what Natasha wished. She had to start disclosing her thoughts, but speaking them out loud was too difficult sometimes.
Instead, she reached for the notepad on the coffee table, scribbled something down and handed it to Natasha, who was surprised by this sudden change of method, but didn't complain.
Katya looked away when she read it, secondhand embarrassment taking over. If she hadn't, she would have seen how pleased Natasha was by this step. It didn't take her long to grab her hands again, and squeeze them.
"Thank you. Keep writing if that makes it easier. I like to know, doesn't matter how."
Natasha sensed that her unease hadn't fully left, so she carefully wrapped her arms around her shaking wife, not able to ignore the tiny shocks taunting her body every now and then. Muscles protesting under all the strain and stress.
"I wish I could let you feel how much I love you. Maybe I need to haul Wanda's ass over here," she whispered without thinking anything of it, until she froze and pulled back. "Wanda. Oh my god. Of course."
Katya stared at her with furrowed eyebrows as Natasha tried to put together her thoughts to explain her idea. For good measure, she stood and paced, shaking her long hair to her back.
"I know this sounds controversial, but maybe Wanda can help with this problem we have, where you don't believe anything I say. It's hard to believe words, but when you feel what I'm feeling, you can't ignore it." She stopped when she saw a thoughtful frown on Katya's face. ''I mean, if you're up for it. I understand if it's too weird or too invasive or too much for you. It was just an idea that pop-''
''I'm willing to try anything at this point,'' Katya cut in, Natasha's hopefulness transferring onto her.
A smile flashed across Natasha's features. ''I'll call her first thing tomorrow.''
After a night filled with nightmares and restless turning on Katya's part, Natasha picked up the phone and called Wanda over.
The witch managed to revive the toaster - don't ask how - and they'd been living in another American state ever since. Everyone thought Wanda would go back to Europe, but all her friends were here, and she had grown fond of this country. And Vision, he didn't have any other roots than the lab he was born in, so he just went wherever Wanda went.
Lucky for Natasha and Katya, she came on her own. Because neither ever got used to him and his android self. Maybe because of the whole Ultron trauma?
Even before setting a foot inside the house, Wanda heard and felt the heaviness of Katya's mind. It was a dark place, with dangerous thoughts.
Every other week, on Friday night, they called each other. Sometimes only for a minute of five, other times almost an hour.
Wanda was one of those people Katya simply really liked to talk to. Funny, easy, kind, but also able to have serious conversations. They discussed everything from their partners, to their doubts, to the new shows they binged.
And when Katya's call hadn't come last night, Wanda felt something was up.
Luckily, unraveling minds was exactly what she was good at.
Natasha swung the front door open, greeting her friend with a wide smile. "Wanda. Thank you for coming over so quickly. I really appreciate it." She stepped aside to let her in, noticing how relaxed and genuinely happy the witch looked. It appears retirement did a lot of people much good.
"You both helped me so much during my life, and now I am here to help you." She ignored the hint of pain in Natasha's eyes and looked around. "Where's the kid?"
"At Clint's, hopefully enjoying her holiday."
Like an overprotective mom - which she was - Natasha's expression grew concerned and attentive when Katya dragged her feet into the hallway.
Wanda melted at their dynamics, how Natasha subtly scanned Katya to make sure she was still okay, and shuffled closer to support her.
And she had to admit, Katya looked like she could fall over at any given minute. Pale cheeks, a dangerous kind of fog over her eyes, unstable balance.
"Hey." She lit up at the sight of her friend, happy to see someone new. In the careful hug she gave, Wanda felt her trembling hands. "It's good to see you."
"You too." Wanda cleared her throat and gestured towards the living room. "Let's dive straight into it, shall we?"
After everyone settled down on the couch and the adjourning lounge chair, Wanda started, "So, I did a bit of thinking of my own. And I came up with the best plan for this. I need a necklace of yours, preferably one with a stone from nature."
Natasha nodded and excused herself, leaving an uneasy Katya behind, who knew Wanda could feel her troubles. Avoiding her eyes, she focused on Liho in her lap, and started to pet her as a distraction. The black animal purred under all the attention.
"Will this one do?" Natasha barged into the room with a necklace in her hand, rescuing Katya from being analyzed further. "It's my birthstone."
Wanda stood and took the jewelry, feeling how the stone was real. "Perfect.'' Placing the necklace in her palm, she reached up to place her fingertips on Natasha's temple. "Relax. This won't hurt at all. Maybe tickle a bit."
Natasha nodded, so Wanda pressed her fingers down. The skin under them started to glow red, and seconds later, the necklace followed. Wanda's eyes were closed, but if they hadn't been, they would have been red as well.
Warily, Natasha glanced down at Katya, always uneasy when people did stuff to her without knowing exactly what. To a certain degree, she must trust the witch. Otherwise, she would have never allowed this.
Not five seconds later, it stopped, and Wanda opened her eyes, offering Natasha the necklace back. ''Here, try this."
"That was fast."
"It's a simple spell." She shrugged, a small smile on her lips.
Natasha clasped the chain around her neck and turned the hanger over and over between her fingers, staring down at it questionably. "So, how does this work?"
Wanda chuckled at her helplessness and looked at Katya, nodding her head to the necklace. "Put your hand on there."
With furrowed eyebrows, Katya maneuvered the cat onto one arm and stood, cautiously pressing her fingers against it.
Like a brick, everything Natasha felt, hit her. She couldn't stop a surprised sound from slipping out.
It was overwhelming, but in a good way. She could still think clearly, and feel what she felt herself, but Natasha's feelings were strongly present as they flowed through her nervous system.
"You're wary of something, uneasy because you have no idea what she did to that necklace and what I am feeling now," Katya spoke, flickering her eyes from the necklace to Natasha's, as surprised as her own.
"You can read my mind?"
"No, I'm a spy and your wife," she teased with a dry look, shaking her head with a tired smile. "Don't worry, I can just feel what you're feeling." She squinted. "How long have you been horny?"
"Kat," Natasha hissed, eyeing Wanda awkwardly, who had to laugh loudly. With a scowl, she peeled Katya's hand away. "Okay, enough of that." But how could she ever be mad when Katya genuinely chuckled?
"I spelled it so she can feel what you are feeling. Exactly, everything. No thoughts, just feelings. If you take your hand off. It stops," Wanda explained, backing up Katya's claims. "Should I also make one for you?"
Katya nodded. "I have a necklace with a diamond?"
"It's a stone, so yeah, that works."
And this time, after Wanda performed the spell, Katya found herself on the other side of the game, when Natasha's breath hitched in surprise with her fingertips on the diamond.
"Wow, this is weird," she muttered to try and mask the fact that she was about to cry at everything she felt.
Feeling this, finally understanding the weight of Katya's pain, she grew even more amazed at the fact that she still stood here, breathing, eating, smiling.
And Natasha could simply take her hand away and stop feeling it, but Katya couldn't. She had to fight it every second of the day. Shutting this pain out for years made so much sense now.
Wanda awkwardly shifted her weight around, breaking this emotional moment. "Is this what you had in mind? Can I help with anything else?"
"Eh... yeah, no." Natasha had trouble collecting herself, shuffling backwards to try and make it feel less intimate. "I can't think of anything. You?" Katya shook her head. "No, thank you so much."
"Happy to help." And she was. Such little effort for her, which could make a huge difference for Katya. Hopefully, she believed Natasha's words now, and the necklace took her doubts away.
"Do you want some coffee?" Natasha asked subtly, jabbing her thumb towards the kitchen.
"I can't stay long, but a coffee is always welcome." When they stopped in the kitchen, Wanda looked over her shoulder at Katya, who had curled up on the couch again with Liho on her thighs. "You have to watch her. Her mind is heavy and dark. She's very vulnerable and I'm afraid she might be falling back into certain... habits."
Natasha frowned, talking in hushed tones and hoping the brewing coffee drowned the sound out. "What are you talking about?"
"Alcohol, Nat. She wants it. She thinks it will make her feel better, so she isn't so sad and down all the time. Addiction is her Achilles' heel."
"Thanks for warning me." She smiled unconvincingly, preparing two mugs. "It was a close call a few days ago, but I will pay attention."
But Wanda shook her head. "No, you don't get what I'm trying to say. She's addicted to anything that will ease her mind without trying." Her finger pointed to the necklace. "It's a tool. Not the solution to her problem."
"I get it, but thank you." Natasha leaned back against the counter, gripping the edge with her hands. "Did you read anything else?"
"I didn't go too deep into her mind. Privacy and all." Disappointed, Natasha bit her lip and looked at her feet, hoping Wanda could have given her more. It was hard for the witch to see. "But her biggest drive and motivation is you, and Maya. She wants to get better for you. I don't know, maybe you can do something with that."
Natasha looked up, the tiniest slither of relief on her face. "Thank you. Truly. I am starting to feel-"
"Helpless." Wanda threw her an apologetic look. "Sorry, your mind is very loud. I promise I didn't read anything, it just hangs around you like a cloud. You're doing your best. That's all you can do."
Natasha nodded unconvincingly, and poured the coffee, adding milk and sugar for Wanda. "Can't you stay for dinner? Socializing is good for her. Or so I've read." Her words were pleading, but Wanda shook her head, hanging it.
"I'm sorry."
"Talking about me?" Katya joked when they came back into the living room, wrapping her fingers around the hot cup of tea Natasha handed over. "It's alright," she chuckled, waving away their guilty faces before turning to Wanda. "So, anything exciting happen in your life since the last time we spoke? Two weeks ago." Wanda grew visibly uneasy, a blush on her cheeks as she looked down. And Katya might feel like shit, but reading body language was still possible. "Wanda... I may not be able to read minds but I can read people. Spill."
She sighed, beaten. "I was gonna wait, but..." From her pocket, she took her wallet, and in that wallet...
"No way." Katya gasped, carefully taking the picture without getting her fingerprints all over it. She teared up, studying the black and white image everyone recognized.
"You're pregnant?" Natasha was the same amount of shocked. And when Wanda nodded with a careful smile, afraid to have timed this wrong, Natasha started to stutter. "How- Eh, how- I don't-"
"No idea," Wanda chuckled, understanding what she was getting at. "I didn't even know that was a thing, but clearly, it is." The ultrasound picture didn't lie.
"Twins?" Katya had been staring at the picture the entire time, studying every line, trying to make sense of it. And, if she was correct, there were two little... humans? Witch-toaster hybrids?
"Yes."
Natasha reached over and took her hand, squeezing it a couple times. "I'm so happy for you, Wanda. I know you'll be an amazing mom. Although I have my doubts about Vision's parenting skills."
"He'll learn." Wanda laughed, her cheeks red from the attention and excitement. She wasn't sure how to tell them this, knowing the topic was sensitive here. But it bothered Natasha a lot less now that Maya lived with them.
Katya placed the picture in her lap and reached over to awkwardly hug her with one arm, balancing her tea with the other. "Congratulations."
"Thank you. I'm nervous but I'm sure it will all be okay." She smiled shyly, fonding over the ultrasound image. "That's why I can't stay long. So much to do."
"Don't forget to enjoy it as well. It's a privilege and a blessing." Katya smiled sadly, and Natasha dropped her gaze to her mug, quickly taking a sip to hide her unease.
Luckily, Wanda decided to change topics and asked about Maya instead. And that was a good choice, because both Russians lit up again.
She left an hour later, because she sensed that Katya's social battery was dead. Yes, interactions with friends and loved ones was good for her, but in small steps, not by running an entire marathon, no matter how much she loved talking to Wanda.
''Take care.''
Katya smiled at the words whispered in her ear. ''You too.'' She let the hug go and stepped back, letting Natasha wrap an arm around her waist. ''Keep us updated. Oh, and if you need help with names...''
''I'll know who to call.'' Wanda winked, stepping onto the porch as she fished her car keys out of her pocket. It was sad to see her go so quickly, but that barbecue with friends would come, even if it turned into gourmet on Christmas.
Katya curled up on the couch after Wanda's SUV was out of sight, toying with her diamond necklace absentmindedly. It was a hella smart idea on Natasha's side, but it exposed everything. As soon as she touched this thing, nothing Katya felt would stay a secret. Which, even as wives, was a big thing.
''Did you order something again?'' She called out when the doorbell rang, not noticing it was only 4 PM.
Natasha emerged from the kitchen with a smile, drying her hands after cleaning the dishes. ''No. Did you forget about the surprise?''
''The car's here?'' Katya furrowed her eyebrows. Honestly, yes, she forgot about it. Because what importance does a car have in this moment?
With a nod, Natasha went to open the door. ''Take a look for yourself.''
Katya dragged herself off the couch, hugging her arms close to her body while she stared at the transport truck in front of their house, following Natasha's figure with her eyes as she went to talk to the driver.
She got the car keys from him, and, with an excited grin, stepped in the McLaren after taking off the protective plastic cover, revealing the bright orange paint.
The gravel grinded under the tires as she drove it backwards onto the driveway, revving the engine for her and Katya's pleasure, the deep sound vibrating in their chests.
Katya knew it should affect her more than it did. This car had been her dream car for years, her child, as Natasha called it. But all she felt was exhausted and the need to sleep for a week.
''All yours,'' Natasha grinned when Katya joined her side, attempting to transfer her enthusiasm on her, but all it did was force Katya to smile.
''I still love it," she tried monotonously.
''How do you like the seats?'' She gestured to the black leather with orange stitching, watching Katya closely as she peeked at it.
''Better than the other ones.'' Her tone was flat as she stepped back and crossed her arms over her chest in comfort. ''Thank you for doing this.'' Her eyes darted everywhere. Not alert or scared, just restless and unfocused.
''You wanna take it for a spin?''
''Not tonight." Or any time soon. What if she got a panic attack behind the wheel? She shifted her weight around, a tree attracting her focus more than her wife. "Are you gonna make dinner?''
Natasha cocked her head and studied her, answering cautiously. ''I was planning on it, yes.''
''Then I'm gonna take a nap if you don't mind. Exhausted," she chuckled, trying to make a joke out of it.
Natasha managed to produce a semi-believable smile in return. ''Of course.''
After a thankful nod, Katya turned and left after barely looking at the car. And Natasha could only watch with pained eyes.
Maybe this wasn't a right time. Maybe this was a dumb idea.
With a sad sigh, she turned back to the gorgeous piece of machinery, tracing her fingertips over the engraved name on the doorframe Katya hadn't noticed.
Katya Romanoff-Petrova
Of course, Natasha had customized it.
Carefully, she shut the door and locked it, running her hand over the perfect paint. She needed to build a garage for this thing asap.
With a heavy feeling in her chest, she started dinner. Much too early, but time felt weird nowadays. The days merged into one, but the hours and minutes did as well.
Katya barely ate anything these days, and with Maya missing, it was a sad heap of sweet potatoes, chicken, and avocado. But it was healthy, and Natasha hoped the nap had done her wife some good.
''Honey? Dinner's ready." She knocked on the bedroom door softly, but got no answer. "Kat?''
She opened the door to an empty bed. That alone was enough to make her heart skip a beat.
After a look in the bathroom, Maya's room, and the guest bedroom, she went downstairs, calling Katya's name. How hadn't she heard her come down the stairs and walk around?
The house appeared empty, which did not calm her down at all. About to fall into a state of panic, her gaze fell on the decorative bowl on the small side table in the hallway, the one they kept their keys in, and the one she tossed the new set of McLaren keys in about an hour ago.
That set was missing, which would have been worrying, if not for the fact that Natasha had already seen that the car was still in the driveway.
Putting some shoes on, she pulled the front door closed and approached the McLaren carefully, making sure Katya saw her before stepping into the passenger's seat.
As soon as she pulled the door closed, they found themselves in a vacuum of silence. Where only in here mattered, and not out there.
Natasha watched her wife, who hadn't acknowledged her presence at all. She simply stared out the windshield, loosely gripping the steering wheel at the very bottom, absentmindedly pressing her nails into the leather before letting go.
"Hey. What are you doing in here?" She asked softly, whole body turned to the driver's side.
"I don't know. The house felt stifling, so I came here to think." Katya's voice was surprisingly calm, strong, and clear. It was still emotionless, but the clarity in which she spoke was startling.
"Any conclusions worth sharing?" Natasha studied the side of her face, tracing the dark circles and pale skin.
"That Wanda was right. I do have a problem with addiction. And I'm starting to think that also includes you."
Natasha cringed at the revelation that she heard them talk, but kept her patient demeanor, even if the words started to scare her. "What does that mean?"
"It means that I don't know if you're the right person to help me. Maybe you're too close." Her nails kept digging themselves into the steering wheel. "You're doing everything right, but what Wanda said was true. I am still focusing on you. I'm fighting for you, where I need to fight for myself."
Natasha swallowed thickly, dread settling in her stomach. "What are you saying?"
"I think someone else needs to help me. Someone objective. I'm saying maybe I should be going someplace else, where they can help me better." Her words didn't falter, so Natasha knew she already decided she wanted this, and came to peace with it.
"Like a psychiatric hospital?" Katya's silence was a good enough answer. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" Her heart broke at the idea, but what she felt didn't matter.
For the first time, Katya looked away from the lake, a broken look in her eyes. Someone desperately trying to hold on to sanity and to life.
"It went through my head again, Nat. And it scared the shit out of me. I've had difficult periods before, but I have never, ever, thought about picking up a knife again." Her gaze dropped to her lap, and Natasha suddenly understood why her sleeves were pulled over her hands. "It's too much. I can't deal with it like this."
"Okay. I understand. If that's something you want and think will help you more, than who am I to stop you? What you want, we do." She smiled softly, wishing to reach over and kiss the frown off her face. "Why don't you come back inside, and we'll discuss this with Eliza on Monday? She has connections, she knows you. She will be able to come up with the right plan."
Katya nodded, a tiny bit of weight lifting off her shoulders. ''I know it has only been a couple days, but I can feel this won't work.''
''It's okay." Natasha smiled softly. "You don't have to explain. You know what you're feeling best, and I know you can make the right decisions for yourself. I'm glad you're telling me this.''
"I'm sorry," Katya mumbled, placing her hand in the one Natasha offered, still staring at her lap. "The last thing I want is to leave you alone, but Maya will be back soon. And you've done this without me once before..."
Natasha's hand squeezed hers a couple times. "Honey, Maya and I will make it work. I'm a grown-up woman who can take care of herself, and Maya is big enough to do that too. On top of that, we have a huge support team behind us. We'll be okay, promise."
Bringing Katya's hand to her lips, she kissed it a couple times before reaching her free one over and gently turning her head to face her, to lock their eyes.
"We'll get you the help you need."
~~~~~~~~
A/N: another week, another semi-sad chapter. I promise the angst will ease soon :) I hope you have the best Christmas next weekend, and celebrate it with people you love, safely. And if you (have to) celebrate it on your own for whatever reason, I'm thinking of you <3