"Mark…" He sobbed. "Let me out, please."
Something in his tone broke my heart in two. He is not just crying, but he is bawling his eyes out, and sobbing like a baby that was left by his mother. He is totally wrecked.
He wiped his tears with a fist and sniffled. "Let me out."
In a second, I've had my car in the most peaceful place I could ever find that was so near from the hotel. I didn't even know this existed but for now this is the best.
"Donghyuck, look—"
"Shut up!" He says, voice breaking. "I… I don't need… it. I don't need your… explanation. I saw it with my bare eyes!"
I bit my lips and frustration and had my head banged on the chair. He never stopped crying until then.
"Yeah." I gulp thickly and looked at him. "I kissed him. He kissed me back. We were kissing."
"Shut the fuck—"
"And if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to decipher what the fuck you're doing to my peaceful life!" I hissed and chuckled sarcastically. "Goddamnit!"
"Open the door!"
I held his hand back tightly, very eager not to let him slip away by any means.
"Stay here, baby."
"No!"
"Lee Donghyuck!"
"You're a fucking shit!" He shouted so loudly, that it made me flinch away. "You are so selfish."
"Donghyuck, please…" I grabbed on his shoulders only to be pushed away.
"I don't want you to hurt me anymore." He cried out, harshly pressing both his hands between his thighs. "You've been so bad to me but I didn't mind it until now."
"You offered this first Donghyuck. In exchange of me, teaching you." I explained in a reason that we both know is acceptable.
Because it's true. We were never a thing. Although he likes me, and maybe, I like him too, we aren't together. He offered me things first and it was just because of lust, that I compelled. He can't just blame me for everything because he offered sexual things first.
Even if I kissed Renjun, it is nothing. I did not cheat to anyone, even though I admit to have hurt them both by that. Even if I'd fuck around, it'll be nothing, because Donghyuck and I are not in a relationship.
I'll just try to conceal the very fact that I don't want to ever fuck around and I don't want to kiss Renjun again because of the sole reason that I don't want Donghyuck to be hurt because of me, again, as well. It's better to just try and hide the urge that is tingling around me, to wipe his tears away.
"I did, Maku hyung…" He says and his voice were dwindling. "It's my fault. I shouldn't have liked you so much. I shouldn't have allowed you to touch me. I shouldn't have gave up my virginity to you… I shouldn't even have tried making you like me back."
"Hey…" My tone weakened, like how my heart broke when he said those.
It's not his fault that he likes me. It's not his fault that I didn't like him as well, back then. It is my fault for hurting him and always make him feel less and make him feel sad and lonely.
"Baby, please?"
"Maku hyung…" He sobbed, cried over and over, and wiped his eyes agressively. "I don't want this anymore. I don't want to get hurt anymore. It's enough."
"I'm sorry." I gulp thickly and realized that, there, I said it. But still, nothing feels right.
"Last night…" He says, and my eyes were wide open, anticipating for the bomb. "I thought it was a dream, but then I figured out it wasn't. You asked me what am I doing to you…"
"Donghyuck, I thought you were asleep and—"
"I thought you like me."
Fuck!
"I thought you finally started to do so. I thought you're finally not denying anything."
He lifted his eyes to me, sobbed and punched my chest achingly. I had to bear it because I know this is just his way of feeling his emotions, in which I know are sadness and hatred towards me.
"But you fucker decided to kiss Renjun… twice… in your car… in which we had sex in… in front of me… and almost as if you like him." He grit. "Do you like him?"
"I don't." I honestly said and then gently grope his hands that was punching me. "And I'm sorry for hurting you—"
In one swift motion, I've had his hands on top of my cheeks, giving me a harsh and strong slap that was the cause of my wild yelp as I flinch away.
"That's for being a jerk!" He hissed and opened my car seat.
I was too shocked from the slap that I wasn't able to run for him immediately but I did. Only after he had placed himself inside a taxi, and sprinted away. I crumbled to the ground, cursing myself for everything that happened.
For hurting Donghyuck, for making him cry, for shitting his life out, and for causing his hatred towards me. I am at fault. I admit to that. And the regret of not being able to bring him back into my arms was too much, I can't help it but cry.
Slowly, it sinked into me, how his eyes had a shade of bloody red when he looked at me, when his lips quivered furiously while talking to me, and when he cried because of me.
The image of him, bawling his eyes out, gave a very big impact to me and it immediately changed my perspective.
I like Donghyuck. I shouldn't have denied it in the first place. I shouldn't have kissed someone else. I like him, I should have told him this fact.
I like Donghyuck but the fucking pride and boastfulness of me just won't admit to things—that I was a jerk. And of all people, I probably hurted him most.
📚
It was an hour or more than that, before I was finally able to compose myself and sprint off to the nearest convenient store I can find.
Because, there's just no way I could forget about how Donghyuck cried in front of me aside from alcohol. I need it today. And so I did, purchasing more than I think I could take.
It took me by surprise how I got so hurt, because of the possibility that Donghyuck might never come back to me ever again. And even more admitting to every fault that I did inside those days that I've been with him.
And also, how fast I admitted to what I feel. We just knew each other for a total of three months, and I just got to hold him in a sexual way in just a month but then, I admit to have liked him in that span of time. It's not what I was expecting, really.
Or it's just that I haven't had any relationships, that's why. If Donghyuck would be mine, then he's my first. Oh, shit what am I thinking?
But then, my heart leaped just by thinking about it. Donghyuck and I? We're a perfect couple really. He would fit perfectly in my arms. He'd looks so cute and tiny beside me. I would carry him like a baby everywhere I go because that's what he is, a real baby. I would kiss him ‘til his lips bleed. I would engulf him in my arms. Cuddle with him until we fall asleep in our own bed. I'd have him as frequent as I can. I'd give my everything, because that's what he deserves.
"Sir, are you drunk?"
I furrow my eyebrows and gave him a malicious stare. "What the fuck?"
"You're drunk sir, you should go home by now."
"I'm…" I hiccup and shut my eyes. "I'm not brunk!"
"Drunk, sir?" He laughed at me and I just want to punch his face. "You actually are. You have to go now since our store closes—"
"What kind of store closes?" I argue with fists. "Nothing—"
"We are." He sighs. "Should I just hand you over to the police?"
"No!" I hiss. "Just hand me over to Donghyuck…"
"Who's Donghyuck sir?"
"My boyfriend." I giggled and huff. "Give me to him!"
"Fine! Fine… Now we'll just grab your phone and call your… uh… boyfriend!"
"O-Okay!" I smile and dropped down to my chair.
Fuck, I'm not drunk.
"Here we go…"
"Who the fuck— Mark?"
"Hi, baby…" I smile and dropped down to kiss him. It's been a while since I last saw him, and I missed him so much.
"He was so drunk in our convenience store… and he mentioned Donghyuck… his boyfriend—"
"No." Donghyuck says firmly while holding me close. "I'm not his boyfriend."
"Oh?" The man trailed off and furrowed his eyebrows at me. "Then should I just hand him over to the police—"
"No!" I shout and Donghyuck said it as well in a huff. "Don't give me to— Don't… Ah! I'm here's, the fuck— Stop hurting me!"
"I'm not drunk, baby!" I argue because I'm really sure I'm not. "I just… had a few drinks… that's it."
"Oh my god, you've been walking around like this?"
"Yes." I hiccup.
"Thank you so much, what's your name?" Donghyuck asks.
"Jaemin, sir. Na Jaemin."
I scoff. "You're not pretty like my baby. Get out!"
"Mark!"
"What?" I collapsed on the floor when Donghyuck lets me go. "I said what I said!"
"Thank you so much. I really owe this to you!"
"No problem… uh… Donghyuck?"
"Yes…"
"Baby… Close the door, please?" I groan and shiver. It's so cold.
"Bye!" Donghyuck says. He's so cute. "Thank you."
"Thank you." I utter and try to follow how he did it but I failed. It's not as cute as his.
The door was finally shut.
"Mark, get up!" He kicked me. "Mark!"
I groan and sit up. "I'm really not d— drunk baby…"
"You are." He hissed. "Where were you drinking?" He says as he removed my shirt over my head. Suddenly, it feels hotter.
"Just… around." I say and look from his head to toe.
"Why aren't you wearing any shirt, baby?"
"It was hot." He says while removing my shorts now.
"Damn…" I gulp. "You look sexy."
"Mark, please."
"I'm sorry." I held his arms, it made him halt and look at me badly. "I'm really sorry, Donghyuck."
He sighs, then grabbed me using my arms and placed it over his shoulders. I stood up, still almost collasping until we finally went to an unfamiliar bedroom.
"Your house looks nice." I smile. "How about we live together?"
"You're so drunk." He huffs. "Let me give you—"
"Why are you still taking care of me?" I ask and gently intertwine our hands. "I hurted you so much, didn't I?"
"That doesn't mean I'd force you out when you're this drunk."
"Baby, you are such an angel."
"Stop calling me that."
"And I hate that I hurted you." All of a sudden, I sobbed. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm really, really, sorry. It was my fault. It's all mine. Please… Just don't—"
I was stopped by a warm pair of lips, kissing me passionately. His lips. Then he fell on my lap.
"Wanna have sex?"
"But I'm… crying?" I sob again and he kissed me again. "Baby, please, don't…"
He let his lips trail from my lips, to my neck, down to my abdomen, down, down, to my dick, making it straight up and hard.
"I really don't want to have sex right now." I complain but then he doesn't stop. "Donghyuck… I just want to— oh god…" I moan.
"I just want to talk to you." I've never cried harder that how I did it now. Shit.
"And I want to have sex—"
"No!" I argue but then suddenly, my world swirled, I feel sleepy after I had his name out from my lips in a moan.
We just had sex.