The only sounds that could be heard in the quiet office were footsteps, clicking on various keyboards, and the constant chime of the elevator as people entered and exited the floor. No other sound could have been heard as the work day continued on peacefully.
When the day ended, I didn't waste any time to grab my things and leave. Even though they had been warned about bringing up Noel, I still couldn't shake the feeling of everyone's eyes on me. The stares felt hostile compared to before and the idea of facing that sensation head on made me sick.
Reaching my car, the uneasy feeling became worse after I entered the parking lot. I attempted to open the car door as my body ran cold and hands began to shake, fumbling my keys.
The feeling of a presence slowly approached and caused me to freeze. My keys fell to the floor as the sound of their footsteps got closer. I quickly rushed to grab them but the sight of black boots blocked them from me.
There was a deep breath before they spoke. "Are you avoiding me?" She asked, confused.
I shot up and looked at her hurt expression, "No, no! What made you think that Ace?"
She placed her hands onto her hips, moving her leather jacket out of the way, "You never called me back! I've been chasing and calling after you since you left the building and you didn't even acknowledge me. On top of that, I haven't seen anyone from the group today. I went to the red floor but you, Noel, and Pam were gone. I can never find the rest of them so I didn't even try looking and Becca always ignores me during work so I didn't try talking to her, but once the day finished she disappeared."
I rubbed my forehead slowly before checking to see if anyone was around. Seeing that the coast was clear, I leaned close to her and quietly said, "I don't know if you'll get in trouble if we talk about this. Jen gave a direct order that we're not supposed to talk about it with others. We should talk about this at my place when everyone's ready."
"So you can't just tell me the short version of what happened the other day?"
"Ace, I don't think it's a good idea."
"Whatever you tell me, I'll be fine. Trust me. It can't be as bad as the insane rumors."
"I don't k-"
"Why am I the only one from the group that doesn't know what exactly happened? That's not really fair."
"It's not about being fair. I can't-"
"Just tell me! Please, V. You really want me to wait for everyone? Can I at least get a warning of what I'll be walking into?"
I sighed and quickly looked around. I can't just leave her in the dark about this, she was close with him too. She was supposed to be there with us when it happened. She does deserve to know.
Her hand waved in front of my wandering eyes, "Hello, you there?"
I nodded and closed my eyes. "Noel disappeared," I muttered.
"I couldn't hear you, what?" She leaned closer to me, bringing her ear to my lips.
"Noel disappeared," I repeated slowly.
She backed up and began laughing uncontrollably. She held her stomach as she bent over from the pain, "You're kidding! There's no way! That kid would never-"
She finally looked up at me and noticed that my face hadn't changed from its serious state. Her smile dropped into a frown as her eyes tried to read my expression.
"You- no! He can't. He wouldn't. I-"
A single tear escaped from her eyes before she turned around and raised her arms to her head.
"Ace, I know that it's hard to believe but he was sick," I placed a hand softly onto her shoulder.
"I should've been there. This is my fault," she choked out.
"No one could've prevented what he did."
She turned to me with wide, teary eyes, "W-what he did? What did he do?"
"We can talk about that another time when everyone's ready. Do you want to come with me to my place or I'll go with you to yours?"
"No," she snapped, pushing my hand off of her shoulder. "I mean I have to go." Without another word she sped-walked toward her car.
I knew this was a bad idea.
I ran after her and continuously called her name but she didn't respond to me in any way. She just kept repeating that this was all her fault along with a string of curses. Once I reached her at her car, she opened the door and slammed it shut. I began to bang on the window as she started the car. She placed her sunglasses over her eyes as another tear escaped.
"Ace, please open up! We can just sit together for a while but you shouldn't be alone right now. Ace, listen to me!"
Without even a glance my way, she sped off. The tires cried as she made a sharp turn out of the parking lot and onto the road.
"This is why I didn't want to tell you," I mumbled as I walked back to my car.
Dammit! I just want to go home and sleep.
I dragged myself the rest of the way to my car and hopped into the driver's seat. Once my car started and was on the road, Ace's car was nowhere in sight. I began driving to her apartment to see if she was there.
If she's there, I'll knock until she answers. If not, well, I honestly don't know where else she'll be. I just need to make sure that she's safe.
As I neared her apartment, I noticed that her car wasn't parked in its usual spot nor anywhere in the area. Goddammit.
I drove back to my place as I called and told Meek everything that just happened.
"I'm pretty sure she's fine, V. There's no need to worry," he explained
"But what if she was so shocked about the news and isn't thinking straight?" I asked as I left my car and walked to my apartment.
"It's Ace. When does she ever think things through?"
"Gee, thanks. So comforting," I said sarcastically as I walked up the stairs.
He chuckled, "Sorry but it's true! She's an impulsive person but that doesn't mean she'll go out and get herself hurt. The most she does worry about is her own safety."
"I hope you're right. I'll head back to her place to check on her again in the morning."
"Or maybe just call her? Don't force her to be near you. You are the one who told her the news so you might make her feel worse. When she's ready, she'll approach you. Maybe call Becca and tell her to talk to her, they work on the same floor."
I took the keys out of my purse and put them into the lock. "Yeah, okay. I just got into my apartment so I'll let you go."
"Alright, relax and get some rest. Bye!"
"Bye! Call me if you need anything."
With that, we hung up the phone as I pushed open the door and went straight into my room to throw myself on the bed. My eyes wandered around the room before I finally let them close. I laid there for what seemed to be a few minutes before I got up to shower.
As I stepped into the bathroom, rolled up my sleeves, and began to wipe off the little bit of makeup that was left on my face, the doorbell rang. I gave myself one last look in the mirror to check if I missed any spots and quickly ran my hand across my face to double check. I grabbed the rag that hung on the side of the sink and wiped off the spots of mascara that stuck to my hands as I walked toward the door.
The bell rang again.
Hanging the rag from my pocket, I rolled my eyes before getting to the door. I pulled down my sleeves, placed my hand onto the door knob, and took a deep breath as I opened the door.
He was beautiful. The lights from the hallway shone behind him, creating a halo. His eyes were kind as he looked down at me with a perfect smile.
"I brought you something," he breathed out, pulling out a white plastic bag from behind him.
My breathing hitched, eyes widened, and began to sweat even though my body had become cold. I stepped back as his face fell into worrying.
"V, what's going on?" DJ asked, placing the bag onto the floor.
I couldn't breathe.
My heart raced as my legs became wobbly. Before I could hit the ground, he ran in and caught my body. I began to scream and thrash, attempting to get out of his grip. His skin burned mine.
Instead of letting go of me right away, he slowly brought me to the floor as he held my body closer to him and mumbled assurances into my skin. Once I was on the floor, he gently placed me down and backed away into the hallway.
I closed my eyes tightly and took slow deep breaths as he instructed them. Tears fell from my eyes as I turned to look at him.
"I bought food for you" -he placed the bag inside of my apartment by the door- "I figured you didn't eat yet. Do you need anything for me to run and get? Do you want to be left alone?"
I shook my head to both questions as I slowly sat up, bringing my knees to my chest.
"May I come in?"
I nodded. He closed the door behind him and sat in front of it, keeping his distance.
"Do you want me to set up the food or sit next to you?" He indicated the options with his fingers.
I held up my fingers to match his for the first option. He nodded, stood, and went straight to the kitchen as he picked up the bag from the floor.
After a while, my heartbeat and breathing went back to normal. I stayed sitting on the floor and tried to decipher what had happened but my mind was blank. All I could think about was how exhausted I was, how I wished everything was normal, how I thought of things I could've done differently and what would've changed. None of it was logical of course and I knew that, but the comfort in the what ifs almost kept me sane.
"Food's ready," DJ called from the kitchen. "Do you want to sit together?"
I stood up, walked into his view, and whispered, "Yes."
He placed two plates of gnocchi on opposite sides of the table and pulled out a chair, motioning for me to sit in it. Doing so, he pushed the chair in for me and then ripped off his apron, throwing it over the other chair that he sat in.
"Enjoy," he smiled, holding up his fork.
Once I took my first bite, images of small hands rolling dough and warmth surrounded me. The sun shined through the window in the kitchen, lighting up Ava's powdered face as she smiled up at me and she showed me her perfectly rolled gnocchi ball. A muscular arm wrapped around my waist while the other went to ruffle her hair. His blurred face smiled down at her while Marley jumped around trying to understand how she got something perfect compared to his blob of dough.
I've never seen this memory before.
"Is the food good?" DJ asked.
I blinked a few, "Yeah, sorry. It's really good, thank you."
"You froze there for a second. I thought I messed up," he chuckled.
I chuckled, "No, not at all."
We continued eating and told each other about our day. He told me that he would check in on Ace if he saw her but, like Meek, he didn't advise me to constantly go to her. After a while, he began to roll a plate of his food around the mostly empty plate.
"Do you want to talk about the episodes you had today?" He didn't look at me while he asked his question in a low tone.
My body stiffened as I hummed, agreeing to his question.
"You haven't had them in a long time. What's going on? What made you react the way you did?" His eyes flickered from his food to mine.
My fingers danced among themselves under the table, "Honestly, I'm not sure. I guess it's just the closeness of- of-"
"Of men?" He murmured.
I hesitated before responding, "Yes."
He brought his sad eyes back down to his plate. We sat in silence as he thought of what to say next.
When we first met, fifty-three years ago, the only man I stayed with was Meek. I used to try to hide my reactions because I didn't want anyone to feel bad about themselves, but it was very obvious that any man who came close and wasn't him made it impossible for me to speak or move. I could never understand why. As the years went on, they made sure that the only people I sat near were one of the girls or Meek. When I finally opened up about my frustrations, they explained to me that it was normal for someone to have odd and unexplainable reactions, they called them traumatic episodes. They told me that it was simple to overcome as long as I let them help and they explained how they overcame theirs. As a group, we slowly worked through the episodes. They learned the signs that I didn't notice I even had, and they learned how to help me through it. When it became too overwhelming for me, the episodes became difficult to get through. It was to the point where no one could be around me. My progress eventually became better, my episodes were non-existent. I learned to be open about them, for the most part, so it made it easier to respond when Dontae became a part of the group. That marked my last episode to be thirty years ago.
"I don't think they're episodes. They feel… different," I finally broke the silence with a soft voice.
He looked at me with curious eyes, "What do you mean?"
"Honestly, I don't know how to explain it."
"Do you even want to explain it?"
"No," I replied slowly.
He placed his other hand onto the table with his palm up, keeping it on his side, "I'm here whenever you're ready."
As I stretched my arm out for his hand, he extended it the rest of the way, letting my hand lay on top of his. He smirked and traced light circles onto the back of my hand with his thumb.
What are you guys thinking so far about the dreams and memories?
Till next time ✌🏼💕