It Pains
"Cut that old one, will you?" Danuj asks as Nihal stands up after finishing his basic stitches here and there. This has become his regular chore, the tiredness obvious on his face.
"Told you, that hasn't healed yet. I don't understand this, why do you need to drag it towards this particular scenario everytime. Can't I expect a single day opening the door to find you without any cuts and gashes? This is disgusting!" Nihal speaks, frustratingly slamming the first-aid box.
"This needed to be done Nihal. You knew that already, didn't you? They were crossing their limits. They needed to know who has the upper hand here. I won't tolerate the same mistakes twice." He responds to Nihal while shoving the cigarette filter into the ashtray.
"I know everything and that's what is becoming intolerable. This has become a cat and mouse game Dan. You have to stop it at a point. Otherwise God might stop your heart forcefully one day. And we will be witnessing the same without a single clue as to what should we do next." Nihal says moving out of the room.
"H-Her dinner?" Danuj asks hesitantly without looking at Nihal.
"The way you talk to her doesn't sound like you would care for her even a bit. The girl waited for you, Dan. She was worried. You could have stayed silent if you couldn't bring out anything good for her. Pathetic." Nihal shakes his head.
"She was.... worried? I-I.. don't know how to.. umm.." He bites on his lower lip nervously.
"How to behave? I know that you don't know. However, I left the tray outside her room before coming over to you. She should be eating it already." Saying so Nihal gets out of the room with immense disappointment, keeping the door wide open.
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She places the tray outside her room, just the way she found it. Going inside once again, she picks up the empty bottle and comes out of her room again. She strolls towards the kitchen that's set at her floor. The closer she gets to the end of the corridor a muffled hissing could be heard. It doesn't take a second for her to understand where the sound is coming from. The dim light from Danuj's room can be seen from outside. As she nears his room she decides to peep in for a moment, then she thinks otherwise. After all who would like another set of rude words flowing out of his sacred mouth.
Ignoring his room she gets inside the kitchen. She pours some water in the bottle and drinks that right there. Then she starts filling the bottle again and another painful hissing sound startles her, sprinkling some water out of the bottle. She furrows her eyebrows and releases a sigh as she turns around and moves out of the kitchen holding the bottle tightly.
Blood. Abundance of it is covering the floor. Terrified, she raises her eyes slowly to witness the most gruesome view ever possible. Danuj is sitting on the floor, keeping his back to the entrance. His hand is tightly holding onto a sharp screwdriver. There are other equipments like a knife and scissors lying on the floor. These are the less terrifying factors comparing to how he is using the screwdriver to tear the stitches that doesn't look older than a week or so.
Her lips tremble and her vision blurs as her eyes tear up in terror. She has seen people crying out loud in pain for the smallest of cuts and the maximum he is making is this hissing sound. How is he even bearing the pain as if it's just a tiny cut? Doesn't he feel anything?
"Is he really not a human anymore?" She thinks to herself as she watches him trying really hard to reach the stitches at his back. The way he has bent his hand behind him it's losing control everytime he is trying to reach the stitches at the upper middle part of his backside. Not to mention the entire body part is filled with scars, some of which seem old enough and some too new and too bloody. He might have poked at the wrong stitches as well.
Her legs involuntarily start dragging her inside. This nature is what throws her into difficult state of affairs everytime, but no matter how much she tries, this is her. She fails to keep herself at peace even more when she witnesses someone else going through a bad situation.
Preoccupied, Danuj fails to sense her enter the room. But then at once the whole world pauses around him as he identifies the soft touch on his back. Closing his eyes by reflex he takes in a sharp breath. His jaw clenches further more as he feels her fingers grazing all over his back. By now the screwdriver has fallen out of his grip, his hands are clutching tightly on the cloth of his track pant.
"W-why do you do this?" Her broken voice utters hesitantly. "It pains, I know it has to. Then why would you keep on torturing your body like this? No one in this entire world would prefer to tolerate such amount of pain. Then what makes you bear this?" She asks barely controlling her tears. But she gets no response at all, how would she, when the man in question remains utterly spellbound and overwhelmed.
He has seen people fearing him, dissatisfied and disappointed with him, even hating him to the point of no return but this? The feeling he is having right now, is so new, so alien to him. Her broken voice, her concern is making him feel uneasy. Someone talking about the "pain" he feels is too much for him to absorb. And above all this weird sensation that is successfully surpassing even this inhuman pain his body is going through, is confusing him.
"Fine. Don't answer these questions. Atleast tell me why the hell are you opening the fresh stitches like this?" She asks, gathering her emotions.
He opens his eyes to this question. He is not looking at her, neither is she looking into his eyes but still he feels like he has been exposed, caught red handed. Still keeping his back towards her, he clears his throat as his deep voice hesitantly starts answering.
"I-it .. it hur..uhm.. tingles w-whenever I wear something. Distracts me when I am at work. I can't really lose it.. my.. my concentration." He finishes.
Smiling sadly, Vasudha shakes her head. She forcefully gulps down the emerging sob.
"It tingles, doesn't it?" She asks keeping the same expression. He obviously fails to understand that she realizes more than mere words.
"Yes." He answers and she sighs.
"Then let it tingle. The wounds are not healed yet, you have to wait till it heals. I am calling Nihal. He will stitch it once again." She says as she gets ready to stand up.
"No! Don't." He says, suddenly turning towards her. The desperation visible in his eyes.
"What do you mean by 'don't'? You can't keep them open like this, they'll get infected eventually." She tries to convince him.
"Fine. You do it then?" He offers expectantly. As if that's the only way to get rid of his ache. Which 'ache'? The one outside or the one buried deep within, that is not the concern anymore. All he wants is to feel her touch once again, the way her one touch soothed every fiber in his body, a part in him desperately longs to feel that again. It doesn't matter if it's a needle that'll be plunged into his flesh, if it'll be painful. The only thing matters to him is to feel at peace for once. He has tasted it ages ago and after today the greed for it has overpowered his senses. He knows what it is : Care. Something he has long forgotten the taste of and now he knows where to find it.
"That's not possible Mr. D'. I've applied it long back on a street dog. I've no idea what mess I'll be doing. Nihal is the best option for it." She speaks bringing him out of his thoughts.
"Then leave it the way it is." He says turning around. As he does so her eyes fall on the wounds again and she flinches immediately. Her eyes remain fixed at the scars for another minute before she releases another deep sigh.
"Where is the first-aid box?" She asks, feeling defeated and his whole body relaxes.
"On that table." He utters sheepishly without turning around.
"Stubborn!" She whispers glaring at his back.
It took half an hour for her to completely stitch the cuts and clean everything. Everytime she went for another turn her hand trembled but she did it fortunately. As she completes everything another thought arises in her mind.
"How will this man sleep? His back will get hurt." She thinks to herself and starts searching for something soft that will not hurt as much as the direct touch of the bed would.
"Where can I get some soft clothes?" She asks Danuj who keep looking at her in amazement.
"What for?" He asks.
"For your sleeping arrangements." She answers.
"I don't sleep.... on days like this." He answers looking here and there.
"Why won't you? That'll increase the problems more. You should know that." She says while she looks for the suitable clothing.
"Yes! This will do for tonight." She utters, as she finally manages to find a soft blanket. She arranges it on the bed.
"Come over here. Let me check if it's doing the job well or not." She says looking at the blanket intently. His eyes remain fixed at her face and her gestures, as if whatever is happening is too good to be true. He slowly strolls towards the bed. As he nears his bed their eyes meet and his mouth involuntarily utters,
"Stay. Till I fall asleep?"
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Love, Puja. ❤