OMKAR
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She kept staring at me angrily while still pressing her back to the wall while I bit my lower lip and took a step back to maintain a good distance from her and turned my back towards her.
'I didn't mean to do it Mukta..but please just once listen to me...I only need to talk to you!!!'
While she spat angrily...
'Doesnt mean you forcefully begin to undress a woman!!! Every time these cheap tricks don't work with me... specially when a rich man like you tries to quote a price even for a comforting hug or even a heartfelt kiss!!! How much will you pay me to see my exposed back tell me!!!' she said while her voice broke and my eyes filled with tears and I shut my eyes tightly and tears spilled out of my eyes.
Her every word was like a slap on my face. Indeed I have hurt her way too much. How could I even say such things that night. I ruined everything.
No Omkar!!! You have to ask for her forgiveness. You have to!!!
'I know baby girl...I hurt you...I have crossed every damn line of respect in a relationship by literally auctioning our relationship but just listen to me once... please' I begged to her and my eyes went to see her reflection in the mirror while I gasped for a brief moment as I saw her move her lush long hair on the left side of her chest and began tying the fasteners. Our eyes met through the mirror and she spat angrily...
'DONT SEE!!!' and I averted my gaze elsewhere and whispered a 'Sorry!!!'
In return she said...'Say what you have to say...fast!!!' and I let go off a breath that was stuck in my throat and began...
'I have trust issues... specially when it comes to women. First time it happened when I was in 6th standard and we used to visit my granny's home in summer vacations...there was an aunty who stayed in my grandmother's neighborhood...she would call me home and offer me chocolate. In return she would touch me. I would initially deny her saying it's 'bad touch' but she would not listen. One day she literally pulled down my pants and inners and I was shocked. I was a overgrown child but still I was a child Mukta. A mere 11 year old. I still remember I came home running and hugged my grandmother confessing about what happened but what I heard from her was even more shocking.
I was told 'You are a boy!!! And boys don't cry. Boys don't get molested!!!' and that's when self doubt arouse in me. I was a tall and a hafty boy, to add on was my height. I was a biggie since my school days itself but I wasn't like Rudra or Shivansh. They were all strong and brave. I wasn't. I would get scared of even hurting a mosquito.'
While she asked...
'Is that the reason you are still scared of cockroaches?'
To which I smiled and said...
'Lizards too!!! Although I'm good with rest of the animal kingdom thanks to my trecking and doing forest camping!!!'
She hummed. I continued.
'I would get bullied in the school as well but I knew if I had to survive this cruel world I need to be a fighter and I voluntarily went to dad and asked him if I could attend the boxing classes in the school. Boxing built the much required self esteem in me. I was a big strong boy who could fight the world now but my childhood scars were still deep. That aunty stayed next to my grandmother's house, kept visiting our home too, she passed me creepy statements like 'Do you remember our private time?' and although I was a big boy that line brought shivers down my spine.
I still regret I couldn't do anything about her. I would avoid going to my grandmother's home and last I heard was the lady shifted to a different city. So when Harry tried to molest you, I actually saw that lady and her creepy face all over again. The reason why I made sure Harry gets beaten black and blue after that incident. No one should go through it. No child...no man...no woman...no third gender!!! Molestation is wrong with everyone.
And when same repeated with me years later with Manisha doing it to me. The way she grabbed my crotch...all my childhood demons came alive. I am a strong man Mukta. I could throw a punch on her and she will die but you know what a child's innocence must be protected if not those childhood demons never leave you. I couldn't react when Manisha did that. I froze for a brief amount of time. It took me to time to gather myself but I stood strong and protected myself from a succubus like her!!!
And then when I saw tears in your eyes that day, it hurt me Mukta. I thought you didn't trust me. That feeling of self doubt again began arising. It was the same feeling when my grandmother told me that men don't get molested!!! That feeling is worst. I blindly trust you Mukta. The last three months since you entered my life, I have become dependent upon you. I hopelessly trust in you but that night my trust shook.
And I wanted to confront you, fight with you but nothing came out. And then alcohol happened!!!
Look Mukta I'm not saying what I did to you was right!!! It was wrong in every single way...I am wrong to have not trusted you, I am wrong to have called you a gold digger, I am wrong to have dragged your late father in this. I can't apologize enough to you but all u request you is...to please forgive me... please!!!' I said folding my hands and closing my eyes.
While there was a pin drop silence in the room. She didn't reply. I stood there quietly. Neither of us spoke and I finally broke the silence saying...
'I guess I must leave...' and I began walking towards the door while I heard her voice.
'Omkar....'
My name from her mouth is like honey drops in my ears...I stopped.
'My hand doesn't reach to tie this one... can you tie this please?' and I was shocked.
I turned around to see her standing infront of the mirror while she was speaking to me looking at me via the mirror and I nodded.
I walked closer to her and stood behind her. My hands shivered this time as I held the fasteners in my hand. But I ignored all the thundering inside my chest and began tying it.
'I forgive you!!!' she said and in one go I looked at her face in the mirror.
I was shocked!!!
'Mukta I....'
To which she smiled sadly and said...
'I forgive you not because you are sorry about it...but I forgive you because I need mental peace. You know Omkar... we all have had bad experiences in life... Don't forgive the evil... forgive yourself..your sound Omkar... for not being able to fight back...we all are humans..we are all vulnerable to fear but you know who are strong?' she asked and I lifted my head up and saw her face.
'Your inner self!!! You are strong Omkar...I am... we human race can fight our fears and win it. Stop blaming yourself...You didn't do anything wrong...you are brave that you fought it!!!' she said while a drop of tear fell from my eye and my hands stopped tying the fasteners.
I tried my best but couldn't control myself. Ages of built up emotions and pain. No one told this to me till now. I really needed these comforting words from a long time. I was never healed. The wounds were still raw. I had built myself into an influential man, a boxer, a giant, a demon because my inner demon was always alive. Scared. Feared!!!
I couldn't help but rested my forehead on her shoulder and burst out into tears. In one go she turned around and pulled me into her chest. I began crying badly and she caressed my head.
She took me towards the nearby couch and made me sit there. She made me drink some water and asked me to relax. I circled my arms around her waist and hugged her tightly and buried my face in her neck and kissed her neck and shoulders and kept shedding tears. She patted my head and I gradually calmed down.
I don't know for how long I kept hugging her. She was my peace. My peace. My healer.
I slowly moved my hands behind her and tied her fasteners while still hugging her and I kept giving soft butterfly kisses on her shoulder and neck. I inhaled her fragrance and whispered in her ears..
'Sorry...I know I'm a caveman...I don't know how to behave with girls. Sorry baby girl' and she softly rubbed on my back. I digged my face again in the small of her neck and whispered...
'Come back home babygirl...your home...our home... that house isn't a house without you...you have no idea how much I tortured Comissioner Sandesh and my boys to track you down babygirl... please come home!!!' while suddenly her body stiffened.
And her grip on my back loosened. I moved a bit back and looked at her face while her face faded and pain resurfaced and I saw worry lingering in her eyes.
Then she spoke like she broke a stick into two... breaking my heart into s billion pieces.
'Sorry Omkar...I will not come back to that house and I don't think this would work out. We must take a divorce!!!'