“Maria it’s just dinner, jeez I’m not trying to sleep with her.”
She stepped back from curling my hair and eyed me, “Yea, but if the opportunity arises…”
I gave her an evil look through my mirror, watching her curl the last bit of my hair and finishing. I roughed my curls, causing them to fall just a little bit to give myself a more natural look as I stood. Sleeping with Drew wasn’t on my mind, I mean I had thought about it once… or twice, but no… it was too soon for that.
“So where are you two going anyway?”
I shrugged, “No idea, she just told me a new Italian restaurant.”
Maria wiggled her eyebrows, “Will there be wine?”
I noticed what she was doing as I nodded, still giving her a haunt look, “Yes, but we’re not going to drink a lot. I mean she does have to drive us home.”
“Look, you can’t blame me for being excited for you.”
I looked at Maria, knowing exactly what she was talking about. It had been a long time since I had accepted any kind of date with anyone, considering my last relationship that ended pretty badly back when I was just a freshman. I nodded, not wishing to rethink all of the bad memories, “Yea I know, it’s been a while.”
“It’s been three years, Bree. It’s been more than a while.”
I waved my hand, trying to change the subject, “Yea well, here I am about to go on a date so…”
She nodded, “Yes, so have a good time, okay? My rides out front so I’m gonna go.”
I walked her to the door, “Thanks for keeping me company.”
She hugged me tight and spoke, “Love you, boo.”
I smiled, “Love you.”
I closed the door behind her, wishing Maria would be that sweet all the time instead of constantly giving me a hard time, but decided I loved her anyway. She had been there for me during one of the hardest times of my life, and I would never be able to repay her for that. But now wasn’t the time to be thinking of that because getting into one of my mood would completely ruin the rest of my night, and I couldn’t allow that.
I glanced at the clock, seeing that 7:00 was approaching slowly. Would she even go through with this? What if she ended up not showing up? Oh that would be the icing on the cake.
I knew I shouldn’t doubt her considering she seemed to be the type of girl to keep her word, but I knew that she was still a very closed off person. I was nervous, and I didn’t know if this would even be classified as a date. It kind of felt like one, but then again it probably wasn’t because we had just labeled it as dinner. Then again I had put a little more effort into my appearance, and I kept checking the clock as if the minute hand would move faster if I kept staring at it.
I felt like a hot mess, feeling my skin heat up at the thought of Drew showing up to pick me up and take me out. Although I felt tousled I knew I looked okay considering I had fixed my hair but now I was just freaking myself out.
Oh God if she took any longer to get here I was going to explode…
Then I heard my phone ring out from the counter.
I felt my heart slam against my rib cage, already knowing it was her. I ran my hands through my hair as I opened the text, “Waiting outside.”
I quickly grabbed my purse and exhaled a deep breath as I walked out of my door, locking it behind me and heading towards the front of the apartment complex. I could feel my legs shaking in anticipation of seeing her as I walked, and it was taking me everything I had not to run full sprint.
I rounded the corner of the lobby and walked out of the front doors, seeing her standing there leaning against her bike oh-so casually. It was kind of like a scene out of a movie, the gorgeous badass chick leaning against her bike, arms crossed with that hot smirk plastered on her lips. She seemed so calm and collected while I was over here trying not to trip over my own feet as I walked towards her.
She looks so good, I thought as I took in her tight skinny jeans and her leather jacket. She had a different aura to her tonight, confident yet casual. I could feel my heart speed up as I prepared myself to greet her.
When I got closer she voiced, “Hey.”
I stopped in front of her, “Hey, you’re right on time.”
“Of course I am,” she stood straight and smiled, holding out two helmets towards me, one of them hers and the other I wasn’t sure about. She explained, “Demarcus let me borrow his tonight, just because the last thing I want is to get a ticket while I’m spending time with you.”
I took the familiar black helmet, knowing I wanted Drew’s instead of Demarcus’s. There was comfort in Drew’s, the smell of her shampoo and the warmth from her wearing it here.
She smiled as I slipped her helmet on my head, climbing onto her bike in the process. I wrapped my hands around her, feeling the comfortable warmth of her body against mine. I could feel the electricity flowing between our bodies, the way my heart refused to slow down the entire time I was with her. There was nothing like it, and it wasn’t long before we were speeding down the busy streets of New York.
I was nervous to get to the restaurant where Drew’s full attention would be on me and I really didn’t want to bore her. I wasn’t exciting like she was, and I just wanted her to find me as interesting as I found her.
We ended up making it to the outskirts of the city, the traffic calming down just a bit. She veered off of the road and parked, signaling that we had made it to the restaurant. She climbed off of the bike and turned to me, willing to help me if I needed. I couldn’t help myself as my eyes quickly traveled over her magnificent body, her long, toned legs still teasing me in those tight jeans.
We made our way inside as Drew walked up to the hostess stand and smiled politely, “Reservation for Drew.”
The hostess politely smiled and grabbed two menus, nodding towards us, “You can follow me.”
Okay maybe this was sort of a date… I thought as I looked up at Drew, taking in her angular face. I mean she had made reservations, and this was a nice restaurant, not one of those casual settings we were so used to. I was flattered, and I was also grateful that I had dressed my best tonight.
We made it to a secluded booth as I sat in the seat across from Drew, my eyes watching her the entire time. She looked up to me and leaned on the table, “I honestly didn’t know it was this nice… Is it too much…?”
I shook my head, loving the way she seemed nervous by over-impressing me. At least I wasn’t the only one mildly freaking out about tonight.
I smiled, wanting to ask her something but our waitress arrived. She smiled politely and asked, “How are you both doing this evening?”
I didn’t answer but instead watched Drew interact with her, almost amazed at how cool she seemed while speaking with the young girl.
We ordered waters and then the waitress asked, “Would you two like to try our house wine? It’s a Moscato.”
Oh, that sounded great…
Drew must’ve read my face because she nodded, “Bring her a glass.”
I snapped out of it, shaking my head, “Bring her one too.”
Drew leaned on the table and smirked, “I’m driving.”
I shrugged, “I’m not drinking alone then.”
Drew shook her head while a wide smile spread on her lips, “I guess bring us two glasses then.”
The waitress nodded and walked off, finally leaving me and Drew alone to talk. I crossed my arms on the table and spoke, “One glass gets you drunk?”
“Probably not, but I don’t drink much so you never know.”
I shrugged, leaning on my arms as I answered, “I usually don’t either, but wine is my weakness.”
Drew was watching me silently as I finished my sentence, and my eyes couldn’t help but switch from her eyes to her lips.
“Why’d you agree to come out with me but not with Jordi?”
The sudden question caught me off guard as I looked up at Drew, wondering how I should answer this. I mean it was obvious I found her a lot more interesting than Jordi, but explaining that without sounding weird proved to be difficult.
She was smiling, and I knew deep down she probably knew the answer, I mean Drew was observant right? She wasn’t stupid, and it was probably obvious that I was slightly infatuated with her.
I smirked, “I guess I just like your bike.”
She laughed slightly and I swear something in my heart melted. She leaned back in the booth as she shook her head, “That’s definitely a lie considering the first time you saw my bike you nearly had a heart attack.”
She was obviously right, and as I laughed the waitress walked up with a bottle of wine and presumed to pour us two glasses. We ended up ordering quickly in the process, not wanting to be interrupted anytime soon and I realized being with Drew was becoming something that was actually easy. It wasn’t awkward or forced, I was comfortable and I could tell she was loosening up the more time we spent together.
“Yea well, I got used to it.”
I watched her lips remain in a stretched smile, wishing I could find out what they tasted like. They were shapely, and God they looked so soft… If Drew wouldn’t be so damn intimidating I would most likely initiate on making a move but that just wouldn’t happen. If anything would happen it would be if Drew herself made the first move.
Her smooth voice cut through my thoughts, “So what are your plans after you graduate?”
I pulled my eyes from her lips and to her beautiful eyes, “Um well, I was planning on moving back home to start up my own studio.”
She nodded, looking quite interested, “I’m guessing you only have a few more semesters left?”
I nodded, “Yea, this is my last semester that I’ll be taking classes. Next semester I’ll be interning somewhere, hopefully here in New York so I don’t have to move.”
Drew smiled, “I don’t think they’ll send you anywhere else, New York has so many great opportunities for that specifically.”
I shrugged, “I really would rather work with young children.”
“Do you have younger siblings?”
I shook my head, “I’m the youngest but I’ve always had younger cousins that I babysat and stuff so I’m used to kids.”
I could see a hint of admiration in Drew’s eyes, which was something I hadn’t seen before. I could tell she was enjoying getting to know me, and as flattering as that was I was ready to start learning more about her.
I pressed, “Have you lived in New York all your life or…?”
She shook her head, sipping her wine, “Originally from Boston.”
I smiled, secretly hoping that she felt as comfortable with me as I did with her. She had obviously moved here, by why New York City of all places?
I studied her, “When did you move here?”
She sucked in a tight breath and leaned on the table slightly, “Uh, about five years ago? I was just eighteen.”
The more detailed she got the more timid she became, as if there was something behind her reasoning. She had to have a reason to move to New York, and for some reason my mind was assuming that her reason was to just get away. Boston wasn’t a small town, there were plenty of people and you really didn’t hear many bad things about the city.
So why here? And why at such a young age?
My mind was dying to know why but my mouth seemed to know better, wondering if pushing the envelope at this specific moment was a good idea. She seemed to be comfortable, although she had clammed up a bit since I started asking questions…
Then before I could stop myself I asked, “Why’d you move here?”
She stared at her glass of wine, something in her eyes telling me I probably shouldn’t have asked. The reason couldn’t be that bad, could it? I mean if she had shitty parents then that was a pretty good reason and I would totally understand. Had she planned to go to NYU and things didn’t go as planned? Was she a runaway? A foster kid? Oh God maybe I shouldn’t have asked so suddenly…
She shrugged, “I just needed to get away from my hometown, I guess.”
Analyzing her answer wasn’t hard, and although it was vague I could tell there was something Drew was intentionally leaving out. I didn’t want to press her any further considering her mood seemed to dampen a bit, so I tried to lighten the mood up in response.
I threw one of my hands up, “I get it, too many bad breakups and crazy ex’s trying to torment you.”
She laughed slightly, “Uh, not quite but sure… we’ll go with that.”
I wished silently that she would open up to me a little more but figured she would when she was ready. I was dying to know Drew on a deeper level, but maybe personal life was touchy for her, so steering clear of that would be a smart idea.
“What about you? Where are you from?”
“Philadelphia, but you know why I’m here.”
She nodded, “It’s definitely not for the friendly atmosphere.”
I laughed, knowing exactly what she was talking about. Here in New York City life was a rush, everyone was in a hurry to get to nowhere and it was exhausting, especially when I first moved here. It was so hard to find people to relate to and have decent relationships, but luckily school had helped me out significantly with that. I was surrounded by thousands of magnificent people, but right now I was convinced I had stumbled onto a real gem.
I shrugged, “The people in the bars are pretty nice, but only around midnight.”
She smiled, attempting not to laugh too loud in fear of annoying the surrounding tables. She nodded, “Yea they’re pretty nice when they can barely keep their eyes open.”
“It’s just so refreshing when you meet someone that you can relate to and they’re actually friendly and easy to tolerate. Most people are too busy to even notice what’s going on around them.”
Drew’s big, light blue-green eyes engulfed me, as if she understood everything I was saying. I was being sort of hypocritical in a sense considering I was mostly that type of person. The kind of girl to rush through New York without actually stopping to take notice to what I was actually doing. It was the city’s atmosphere, it was the constant rush, but lately I had found myself actually looking around on the streets instead of straight forward like a robot.
I blamed Drew.
“You know,” she started, catching my attention, “I kind of want to go to that recital you’ve been rehearsing for.”
I felt myself blush at the sound of that, wondering why the hell Drew would be interested in such a thing. Was it because she was interested in me, or something else? It kind of made me nervous, thinking about her watching us perform. Not because we sucked or anything but because it was Drew watching us perform.
I smiled, shrugging off my stupid thoughts, “You should.”
“How about you get me a ticket whenever they go on sale and I’ll pay you back?”
“Or I can just steal one.”
She narrowed her eyes, smiling, “Um, don’t do that.”
“Why not?”
By this time seemed to be taking me quite seriously, which was funny because I wouldn’t actually steal a ticket for her, or for anyone for that matter. I had thought about it plenty of times though considering the dancers didn’t even get one complementary ticket. What a rip-off.
She shook her head, “Because that’s like stealing from your own school… Couldn’t you get kicked out for that?”
I laughed, the concern in her voice amusing me, “Drew I’ll buy you a ticket when they go on sale. I have to get three for my family anyway.”
She smiled this time, looking relieved I had only been messing with her, “You’re evil.”
I sipped my wine, “You have no idea.”
I shifted in my seat, coming into contact with Drew’s leg and feeling the warmth against my own. I felt my heart jump at the contact, and when I looked up her eyes were staring at me, as if we had felt the exact same thing and she was letting me know.
Then unfortunately our food came, which inevitably cut our conversation and heated eye contact short. We remained exchanging small talk throughout dinner, mostly about dancing and working and making fun of a few waitresses that seemed to be new at their job.
The fact that I had genuinely enjoyed this dinner made me super happy, wishing Drew wasn’t the danger that she actually was. I had finally discovered someone that was sweet, intelligent and gorgeous and she just so happened to be pretty fucking dangerous when it came down to it. She didn’t seem to have anger issues though, but then again I always seemed tip-toe around our conversations in hopes to not piss her off.
So I honestly could be dead wrong about her not having temperament issues.
But I didn’t want to think about Drew getting all mean because that image was quite terrifying. I just wanted to know her better, and after this dinner I really felt like I did.
After we ate and paid she asked, “Ready?”
I nodded, even though I really didn’t want to leave her presence. Being with Drew was refreshing, and my heart remained beating as if I had just run a mile in five minutes time.
We walked out to the parking lot, this time a little closer then when we had first walked into the restaurant. I felt comfortable next to her, and I felt like she actually did find me interesting like I found her. I hoped I wasn’t reading into her wrong though, because if Drew was just a good actor in hiding how she found me boring I was convinced it would devastate me.
Don’t think like that…
We made it to her bike but she must’ve realized I honestly didn’t want to go home. She leaned on what leg and sighed, “Can I take you somewhere?”
For some reason I didn’t question it, even though I barely knew her, but I still trusted her. I took her helmet and nodded, “Yes, where to?”
She smiled, “It’s a surprise… But you don’t have somewhere else to be?”
I shook my head, smiling, “I’m all yours tonight.”
Now that I was getting more comfortable with Drew my mouth was starting to say things without hesitation. Luckily she seemed to like the sound of that whenever she slipped on Demarcus’s helmet and nodded, “Good.”
We climbed onto her bike and she revved it up, the vibration of the engine making my heart race along with it. My arms instinctively tightened around her, pressing my chest tightly against her back as she started onto the street.
I was excited, I had no idea where we were going but I was just happy I wasn’t going home yet. I would be alone anyway, and I would obviously much rather be with Drew.
As we drove down the street I noticed we were making it back into the city, almost near Central Park. I was anxious to see what Drew had planned up her sleeve but riding on the back of her bike with her was also something I found myself enjoying a lot.
Considering it was Friday night I knew the streets were going to be packed with college students looking for a good time. You know that saying “The city that never sleeps”? Yea, well it was completely true.
We eventually made it to the Midtown area of Manhattan and she parked, letting me know we would have to walk to wherever we were going. I fell into stride next to her, our arms brushing slightly as we made our way down the street.
Eventually I could hear the sound of water, like rushing water that was insanely loud at nearly 9:00 o’clock at night. We rounded the corner and I saw exactly what Drew had taken me to see, something I hadn’t even known existed in the four years I had lived in New York City.
She smiled, “This is probably one of my favorite spots in New York.”
I understood why immediately, the night lights illuminating the water that flowed down over the walls and over the archway that people could actually walk under. Being next to Drew and hearing the running water made everything in me relax, and I realized Drew was probably more into this hangout than I had assumed. It felt so much like a date, but I didn’t really want to assume it was considering she hadn’t technically asked me on a date.
And then I realized something in me suddenly wished it was.
I walked closer to the archway, wanting to walk under as we approached it. I looked at her, “How have I never seen this place?”
Drew shook her head, “Do you get out at all?”
I looked at her, smiling as I shoved her playfully, “Yes I do, but no one’s ever showed me this place.”
She walked us closer to the archway that had water running over it, the lights making the place look all the more cool. I figured it probably wasn’t as pretty during the day but I was so glad Drew had shared this with me.
We walked through the archway, the sound of heavy water running overhead filling my ears. I was fascinated, and the fact that Drew seemed just as amazed was adorable. She looked so cute right now, oh God I wanted to kiss her so bad. Within the two weeks we had kind of known each other I had never felt so compelled towards someone in my life.
I joked, “You know, I haven’t been on a date in a long time.”
She smirked at my joke about it being a date and tilted her head, “That’s what this is?”
“I don’t know, is it?”
Her eyes never left mine as she smiled, this time actually blushing in the process, “I guess it can be, I mean I did pay for your dinner.”
I laughed, wondering if she meant what she was saying or if she was just messing around. I wanted it to be a date, even though I had told Jordi multiple times I didn’t want to go on a date. Everything was different with Drew, and tonight felt like a date night and there was no convincing me otherwise.
“Then thank you, for taking me out on one of the best dates I’ve ever had.”
She nodded, still smiling like an idiot, “Thank you for letting me.”
The way I felt right now frightened me a bit, just because no telling how much worse those feelings would get if I kept hanging out with her. Not to mention the whole fact of what she was actually involved with illegally was constantly lingering in the back of my mind… And did she even like me like I liked her? For all I could know Drew was just super fucking friendly and extremely hard to read when it came to her emotional relationships.
We made it out the archway and to the other side, allowing me to grab her full attention once more. I hated how difficult it was to read her but it was exhilarating at the same time, like trying to figure out a puzzle. I wanted to solve it on my own, I wanted to figure out Drew and get to know her, I was just hoping after this night that wouldn’t come to a halt.
She looked at me, “Can I ask you something?”
I stepped closer to her in attempt to hear her over the running water, “Yea, sure.”
“Why haven’t you been on a date in a long time?”
I sucked in a tight breath, secretly wishing Drew wouldn’t have asked that. The thought surfaced a lot of bad feelings I had been suppressing for a long time, but they never seemed to ever disappear.
She must’ve caught my hesitation, “You don’t have to answer that…”
I shook my head, “No, it’s fine… uh, my last relationship kind of went down in flames, left me kind of broken.”
She watched me, scratching the back of her neck, “You have a hard time trusting people?”
I tilted my head, “Something like that, um… she just left me kind of numb to everything after we ended things. I thought I wasn’t ever going to find someone after her.”
By this time I could actually see a hint of Drew smiling, and I figured it was because I pretty much had just admitted to liking her. Well, if she hadn’t known she most definitely knew now, and I was kind of glad she did.
Drew nodded and continued, “I guess I’m the same way, about the whole dating thing.”
“Bad breakup too?”
She tilted her head from side to side, contemplating how to go about telling me, “Uh, well not quite… but certain things in my past kind of make it hard for me to open up. Plus like I said before, not many people find me worth the time.”
Like always there was something dark behind those light eyes, something I wished so desperately that she would tell me. I wanted to know Drew, and I mean really know her, on a personal level. There was a reason she was so standoff-ish, there was a reason she distanced herself from most people, and I wanted to know.
I mumbled, “I find you worth the time.”
She looked at me, a cute smile plastered on her magnificent face. She looked so happy to hear that, as if she hadn’t heard it in years. Her face literally lit up with joy, and that was one of the most rewarding things I had experienced tonight.
She tilted her head, smiling, “So does that mean you’ll want to hang out again?”
I looked up at her, “Of course I do. Unless I’ve started to scare you away already?”
She shook her head, “I’m not scared of much, and you’re probably the least intimidating thing in New York.”
I laughed, knowing she was probably right, “Well I would love to hang out with you again…”
I could tell there was something in Drew that was enjoying my company, but of course there was that tiny demon on her shoulder that was making her doubt her choices. There was something in Drew that was toxic, something I had seen the night she had fought against that girl in the ring. The demon didn’t show itself often but it was there, always lingering in the corner.
But she pushed past it and nodded, “I can honestly say I like your company.”
I walked besides her as we started back towards her bike, “I’m not too boring for you?”
She looked at me, smirking, “Just a bit, but we can work on it.”
I let my mouth hang open, knowing she was only kidding by her sarcastic tone but still. Her wittiness never got old, and I was glad she felt comfortable enough with me to actually be herself.
I groaned, “Sorry, I’ve been too busy the last four years to do anything besides school.”
“I understand,” she looked down at me and smiled, “but there’s more to New York than just going to class, you know.”
I knew she was right, but I honestly had been too busy to even tour New York, which was weird I know but it wasn’t my fault.
“Well then, I’m hiring you as my tour guide.”
She laughed, nodding, “Ok, I can do that.”
We made it back to her bike and it didn’t take long for us to be on the street again. It wasn’t too late but it was late enough, and I was upset that the night with Drew had to end. I didn’t know when I would see her again, and I knew since she had asked me out tonight I would be up to bat next. But what would I bring her do? I didn’t want to have dinner again because that was just too boring and repetitive, so coming up with a good idea would be on my to-do list.
She drove up to my apartment and parked, staying on her bike as I climbed off. She slipped off Demarcus’s helmet and strapped it down to her back seat, allowing me to hand over hers.
“I’m glad you agreed to come out with me tonight,” her light eyes searched mine, allowing me to see that she really meant that.
I nodded, “So I guess I’ll see you when I see you?”
She nodded, leaning over and smiling, “I actually told Kevin to schedule me Tuesday and Thursday nights instead of mornings so… You’ll definitely see me Tuesday.”
I smiled involuntarily at the sound of that, wondering if she had switched because of me or because of other reasons I wasn’t aware of. I tilted my head and leaned on one leg, “Well then I’ll see you Tuesday.”
She smirked, “Good night Bree.
Oh God, kiss her…
No it’s too early for all of that.
I forced myself to say goodbye, “Good night Drew.”
I turned away, wishing I didn’t have to but knowing lingering would only make me look desperate for more attention. I mean, don’t get me wrong I was kind of desperate for her attention but she didn’t have to know that.
I turned before walking in through the lobby, seeing her waiting for me to walk into the building before leaving. She smiled, waving as I disappeared into the apartment, feeling as if I had a million butterflies fluttering around in my stomach.
~ ~ ~ ~
“So how was the date?! Did you two kiss? Tell me everything!”
I shushed Maria as we paced into the studio. We were alone right now which was good, so I continued to explain to her everything we had done and talked about and how perfect I thought it had been.
She watched wide-eyed the entire time.
After I finished she smiled like an idiot, “I’m so glad you’ve finally found someone you enjoy being around…”
“I am too, you have no idea. She kind of makes all the bad feelings I’ve been having go away… you know?”
Maria nodded, “Yea cause after that Ashley bitch fucked you up I thought you would never let anyone in again…”
I cringed at the word bitch, even when I knew I should agree. After three years of an unresolved breakup there was something within me that was torn between actually hating my ex and missing what we used to have. I hadn’t spoken to her in so long, I honestly couldn’t remember the last time, but I knew it was for the best, no matter how bad it hurt.
It wasn’t like she missed me anyway.
Rehearsal began and we got pretty far in actually mastering the Freakshow dance, which I was proud of significantly but Ashley was still lingering. The thoughts of her were like a ghost, always haunting me whenever I decided to pay her attention. Most times I was good at ignoring her, but tonight was proving that I had little strength to do so.
I exhaled a painful breath, feeling the aching in my chest as the hours passed with a blur, me attempting to keep most of my shit together. The last thing I needed right now was to allow thoughts of my selfish ex into my head and mess me up for the night. Nothing good ever came out of overthinking about her.
But it was too late, the thoughts resurfaced themselves even when I was trying my hardest to will them away. Rehearsal drug on because of it, thoughts of my ex swarming through my brain like wasps in a nest, the pain and the stinging of my memories managing to make me crazy for hours.
It wasn’t fair, none of it, the way she lingered in my mind and weighed on my heart. I didn’t want to have one of those nights, I didn’t want to lie awake tonight thinking about who she could be sleeping with now. I didn’t want to have the compulsion to text her and ask her how she was doing because I knew deep down she wasn’t wondering how I was doing, which also wasn’t fair at all.
The way we had left things had managed to completely ruin me, the way we had completely just cut ourselves out of each other’s lives. Most of it had to do with me and my willingness to try and just push her straight out of my life like she never existed but we all knew that was easier said than done. Although three years had numbed most of the pain, it just didn’t numb all of it.
We had been best friends for years, we had dated for three years… how could I honestly just act like she never happened? Even after three years I still remembered the way she touched me and how it had made me feel… and then I suddenly remembered that she had been doing it to other people while I was away for my first semester.
Bitch…
“Bree?”
I snapped out of my thoughts and looked back, seeing Maria and the rest of the group looking at me with worried expressions. Maria knew what was wrong but no one else did, and I checked the time, which read 9:00 o’clock.
Damn, already…
I groaned, “Sorry guys, see everyone Tuesday.”
I turned off the stereo and shamed myself for allowing Ashley to ruin my thoughts. She didn’t deserve the time spent in my head, and I most definitely didn’t deserve the pain her memories brought me. Fuck her, I thought, remembering how I had literally caught her with someone else the day I got back home for winter break.
“Bree, you okay?”
I looked up from my dance bag, seeing my best friend looking quite worried. I nodded, “Y-Yea, I uh, just in one of my moods.”
I could see the sympathy in Maria’s chocolate eyes, probably worried about me and how I was going to make it through the night. I would be alone, as usual, but I knew I would be okay for the most part.
Then a part of me suddenly wished Drew was here, because she was the only one that seemed to have the ability to make the darkness go away.
“You want me to tell Demarcus I’ll have to reschedule our movie? I can come over and keep you company instead? We can watch Gossip Girl and drink all of your wine.”
I shook my head, smiling weakly, “No it’s okay Maria, go out with him. I’ll be fine.”
I could tell she was hesitant about leaving me alone but I wasn’t going to make her ditch Demarcus for me. I knew Maria really liked him, and they were just like me and Drew with finding time to actually hang out. I wasn’t going to bring her down just because Ashley had managed to ruin my night.
I walked with Maria towards the front, knowing that Demarcus was planning on picking her up outside the gym. I could feel her worried eyes glancing at me from the side, as if she was worried I would suddenly break down and start crying.
Then to my complete surprise when we walked outside Drew was there, laughing with Demarcus on their bikes. Suddenly everything about Ashley faded away, every toxic thought and dark feeling just seemed to disappear, as if none of it existed.
Maria nudged me, “Have fun boo,” then she kissed my cheek and climbed onto Demarcus’s bike, both of them waving us off as they left.
Drew looked at me as she leaned on her bike, “Maria told Demarcus that you were having a bad night so I figured I could take you on your second tour of New York.”
I felt my heart throb in my chest, sending a quick and silent prayer to thank God Drew existed and decided to show up. I walked up to her, smiling, “Thank you.”
I really wanted to hug her but I felt like even that would be pushing the envelope with Drew, and I didn’t know where she stood on the affectionate side yet. She didn’t seem to be the touchy-feely type, which was okay, so I would retain my impulses until she showed me otherwise.
She asked, “Ever been to Times Square at night?”
I shook my head, “I’ve only seen it during the day… doesn’t seem like much.”
Smiling playfully as she handed me her helmet I could tell she found humor in my confession. Although I lived in Manhattan, Times Square was one of the most hectic places in New York City, and I honestly wasn’t about all of the commotion. I’ve heard it’s a different scene at night but I had never had the chance to go, and it’s not like I was a fan of traveling the streets while dark.
But I was willing if I was with Drew.
She looked at me, “Do you mind if we drop my bike off at my house and then catch a cab? It’ll be less of a headache.”
I shrugged, “I don’t mind at all.”
We climbed onto her bike and took off onto the streets, the sense of freedom completely wiping all of my worries from my head. The fact that Drew had shown up simply because I was having a bad night flattered me, and if that didn’t say “I like you” then I don’t know what did.
I couldn’t be the only one, not after what she had offered to do tonight.
We made it to her house within fifteen minutes, avoiding as much traffic as possible. She parked her bike and took it upon herself to call a cab to pick us up, which wouldn’t take long at all considering New York was flowing with them.
In the meantime she began unlocking her door to her house, “Wanna come in? I’m gonna go set my stuff inside.”
I nodded, following her hesitantly into her apartment, which was actually more like a studio than anything. It was so open, and I found myself being almost tripped at the feet as I heard Drew scold.
“Milo! Come here!”
I looked down, seeing an excited black and white streak run across the studio towards Drew. I watched as Drew knelt down and greeted her dog that had obeyed her fairly well considering it looked pretty young. I walked over to her, feeling my heart swell at the sight.
She sighed, “I guess I should’ve warned you.”
I smiled, bending down to greet Milo as I took his face in my hands and allowed him to sniff me. I watched his tail wag as I rubbed his face, finding joy in the fact that Drew had a dog. It wasn’t very common for people to hold dogs in apartments and studios simply because of the hassle and time, but Milo was one of the cutest ones I’ve seen.
I mumbled, “What mix is he?”
She lifted her bag onto the counter and turned back towards me and Milo, “Jack Russell and Border Collie I think? That’s what the vet told me anyway. I found him on the street when he was just a puppy almost a year ago.”
Milo jumped onto the couch and cured up, his tail still wagging in excitement of us visiting him. He was adorable, his black and white face looking up at us as he watched Drew and I from afar. He was well behaved too, calm for the most part except for when we had initially walked in.
I looked over to Drew, “That’s... just amazing.”
She nodded, “I’m glad he likes you.”
I smiled shyly over to her and nodded too, “Me too.”
Then the moment was interrupted by the honking of a taxi outside and Drew smiled, “Well, let’s go.”
I followed her out of her apartment and climbed into the taxi, Drew ordering the driver to take us to Times Square. I was excited just to be with Drew, and the fact that she had brought me to her own house let me know she did somewhat trust me. I wanted to know more about her, including the fighting she was involved with like Jada was. I wanted to know how she had gotten caught up in all that but I didn’t want to catch her off guard, but something in me was worried she would never tell me about something like that.
Drew and I sat close, which was weird because I was always so used to riding on the back of her bike instead. I liked being near her like this, and she smelt amazing like always.
Then she asked, “How was rehearsal?”
Immediately I remembered how I had spaced out nearly the entire time because of my own thoughts but I knew not to let them get to me. I shrugged, “Alright I guess, just a bad Saturday.”
She eyed me, “Why were you having a bad day?”
I looked down art my hands, wondering if opening up to Drew a little bit would be a good idea. I mean she seemed to genuinely care, and I’m pretty sure she did considering she had offered to take me out tonight.
I started, “Just uh, thinking about some things that got me down…”
She raised one brow and nodded, “You don’t have to elaborate if you don’t want. I understand.”
But I found myself wanting to elaborate, I wanted to open up to Drew just because I wanted her to know I trusted her on a higher level. Not to mention that she could probably relate to me and understand me a little better. I just felt so comfortable with her, and she deserved to know why she had been summoned in the first place.
I started, “My ex, Maria kind of brought her up and it put me in a shitty mood I guess.”
Drew looked at me, watching me and listening to everything that was coming out of my mouth. If there was anything about Drew that I loved it was the way she listened with full intent. I mean don’t get me wrong everything about her seemed generally perfect, besides the fighting of course, but she was a great listener.
Drew decided we were close enough to Times Square as she paid the taxi driver, letting us out onto the streets as she continued our previous conversation. She pressed, “The way you talk about her, your tone… she sounds like she messed you up.”
I looked down at the sidewalk as I nodded, “Yea, but it was so long ago…”
Shaking her head she responded, “Sometimes time doesn’t help, you know? Sometimes certain things stick with you no matter how long ago they happened.”
Hearing her talk like this let me know she had experienced something traumatic as well, which I was hoping she would elaborate on sooner or later. I decided to continue on my story until she felt ready, “It’s not that I still love her or anything like that… it’s just sometimes I wonder why. Why she felt the need to hurt me, why she lied for so long… she never really answered those questions for me. It’s not like she could anyway, I cut her out of my life after everything went down between us anyway, so it’s also kind of my fault.”
Drew’s amazing eyes watched me as we walked closer to the noise of the city. There were people around us now but not as many as I knew would be in Times Square at this hour. She seemed to have a change of heart suddenly, grabbing my hand in the process.
“Scratch Times Square, follow me.”
And I did, allowing her to tug me around a corner and into the front of a tiny hotel. She waved to the doorman in the process and we passed a few people in the lobby, then she pulled me into the elevator.
I looked at her, “What are you planning?”
She smirked, “Trust me.”
She hit the highest floor which was only twenty, but I already had an idea of where she was taking me. I didn’t think we could get in trouble for sneaking into a hotel but you never knew in New York, and as we waited in the elevator I couldn’t help but want to close the gap between me and Drew.
I looked at her, “What made you change your mind about Times Square.”
She shrugged, leaning on the wall of the elevator, “Times Square just didn’t seem like the right place to talk about your ex, you know?”
I nodded, allowing my eyes to take in Drew and all her magnificent glory. God she was gorgeous, and I watched Drew’s playful smirk spread on her lips as the elevator door opened.
We stepped out, Drew grabbing my hand and pulling me towards the stairwell and tugging the door behind her. I could feel my heart pumping as we made it up one flight of stairs, seeing a door at the end that read Roof Access, and Drew pushed the door open.
The cool air wrapped around us, the night sky actually kind of visible as I looked up, seeing the stars hanging over our heads. It was refreshing to be up here, and Drew led me over to the edge of the rooftop to look over New York City.
She mumbled, “Are you afraid of heights?”
I shook my head, “Not really.”
“Good,” she answered, slowly leading me over to the edge that actually had a ledge that looked at if it was made to be sat on. I felt my nerves kick in as the city streets came into view, knowing that we were pretty high up.
She sat on the ledge and nodded over, “This seems like a better place to talk.”
I shook my head, joining her, “How did you find this?”
She shrugged, “Uh well, I would stay here sometimes whenever I first moved here.”
Her answer sounded genuine but something in her tone allowed me to see that maybe there was more to Drew than she was hinting on. I asked, “You stayed here…?”
She shook her head, waving her hand in a dismissive motion, “We’ll talk about me later, I want to hear your story.”
I smiled, realizing Drew was actually genuinely interested in the things I had to say. It was flattering to know she cared, which was rare in a city like this. I nodded, “Okay… well what do you want to hear?”
She smiled, “Well, if you want you could finish up about your ex, or we can talk about something completely different.”
Knowing she was interested in hearing about my ex was cute in a sense, as if she was seeing who she could possibly be up against. I never wanted to get back together with Ashley, but Drew seemed to think otherwise by what little I had told her.
I continued, “Uh well, we met when we were freshmen in high school, we were best friends before anything though, which is why everything kind of ended the way it did I guess. We knew everything about each other, we were pretty inseparable too, and then one day during the summer before our sophomore year she kissed me. That’s kind of when I realized I loved her more than a friend and we tried to make it work.”
Drew’s magnificent eyes never left me, as if she was scared to miss something. It was cute, the way she had that curious look in her eyes, and I realized talking to her about Ashley was easy, and it wasn’t painful like all the other times.
I smiled, “I loved that girl so much, everything about her… and everything was great in high school. We had our ups and downs but… nothing drastic. Then I got accepted to NYU and she didn’t, and the summer before I left everything started to change.”
The haunting memories flooded into my mind, the pain and the regret I had for holding onto her for so long when I should’ve just let her go. God I hated myself for letting her do what she did to me…
I continued, “She kept pushing me away, she kept saying I wasn’t doing enough for her… she made me feel like I was doing something wrong and I had no idea what. It was eating me up inside, I mean I thought there was genuinely something wrong with me because I couldn’t make her happy anymore, yet she wouldn’t tell me what I was doing so wrong. She just kept pushing me away, and eventually I had to leave for school. We kept in touch, we tried to make things work but I could feel something between us dying and I had no idea how to fix it, especially since I was in New York and she was in Philly.”
“It was winter break and I had decided to go stay the entire break with my parents so I could hopefully mend everything between me and Ashley. I should’ve known something was wrong when she was ignoring my texts and calls, I should’ve just let it be you know? But I had no idea what she was doing and I was dying to see her, so I went to her house.”
I could tell Drew was listening with every ounce of her being, and the more I talked about it the more emotional I became. Remembering that day was traumatizing, it was something I wouldn’t forget because it was honestly the first true heart break I had experienced.
I finished up, “When I drove up she was kissing this guy, he was leaving of course but after seeing that I just couldn’t comprehend the pain. All this time I thought we were trying to work things out, for months I was begging her to tell me what I could do to help… and she was fucking someone else behind my back.”
Drew’s mouth was actually hanging open slightly as her eyes stared at me, and she shook her head, “Did you… did you talk to her after…?”
I shook my head, “No, when she saw me sitting in her driveway she looked stunned, but I left before she could make it over to my car. I just couldn’t talk to her after that, I was a mess for months… I decided to come back to New York that very day too. I didn’t want to be in my hometown anymore, of course me and my sister went for Christmas but… I haven’t seen her since.”
Drew just seemed so shocked, as if she was surprised that’s how things had gone down between me and my ex. It was painful, oh God it had been horrible. I was destroyed, shit I was convinced I was still a little broken on the inside, but I figured it was because we never got real closure. I never got a reason, I never got answers as to why she had lied behind my back… I mean we were supposed to be best friends… and she had done something like that?
I just felt she didn’t deserve to see me anymore, but that only hurt me in the long run.
Hearing the car horns below us pulled me out of my trance, looking over the ledge at the lit up streets of New York. I knew Drew was taking it all in and I was giving her time to process and think of something to say. I honestly wouldn’t know what to say if I were her, so if she wanted to continue talking about it she would find a way.
Drew shook her head, “I can see how that can mess someone up.”
I nodded, wishing I could just go back and redo everything but of course that was impossible. For some reason I just felt better talking about it with Drew, so I continued to ramble, “Like why put me through that? Why not to just end it then and there? I thought I meant a little more than that to her but I guess I was wrong. The one person I actually believed loved me, the one person that so-say believed in me…. she was just fucking me over behind my back.”
Drew’s hand was on mine now, which I figured it was out of comfort but it was enough to make me forget about everything for a second. I looked up and she was shaking her head, “Bree, sometimes we make mistakes, and sometimes they’re not mistakes. Sometimes the things we do are accidental, and sometimes the things we do aren’t, and they’re quite intentional. You accidentally dated someone who was intentionally an asshole. You made a mistake, she didn’t, and that’s not your fault, so beating yourself up isn’t fair.”
I smiled, seeing something in Drew that was beautiful and delicate, someone who probably could relate to my story. She never really spoke too much, but when she did it was a mouthful, and I was genuinely shocked. Everything she had said was spot on and true.
Moving a little closer to her I asked, “But why? That’s the reason it still eats me up today. Why did she do it?”
Drew seemed to think a bit, and I knew she couldn’t really answer the question because only Ashley could really do it. No telling what she would say today but Drew was the next best thing in my opinion.
“I can’t really give you a reason as to why, but I can tell you it wasn’t your fault. Don’t ever think that it’s your fault when someone cheats, ever. Cheating is a choice, always has and always will be but they don’t see it that way. They blame you to try and alleviate the pain and guilt, but it will always be a choice they made, not you.”
I couldn’t help but feel extremely close to Drew, and hearing her accept and talk about my problems so willingly only made me like her even more. It was so hard to believe that there could be any hidden darkness within her, but I knew better. Everyone had a story, and everyone had their reasons as to why they were the person they are today. Drew was no different, and maybe since I had opened up to her it wouldn’t take her long to open up to me about her past.
I was just hoping opening up to her wouldn’t bite me in the ass because I still had the tiny demon of doubt on my shoulder, all thanks to Ashley.