Jeremy obnoxiously hums along to the song playing on the radio in the background of the liquor store, while I try drown him out and take my time sweeping the floors.
Today has been slow, but so have all of the days. The club has been boring without Seven. Of course there have been interesting customers to hassle me every now and then to break up my shifts. It's nothing I can't handle yet a part of me waits for Seven to jump in to intervene somehow. But he never does, because he isn't there.
When he told me he would be away for a week I had assumed he'd be back at the club the following week but he never showed. At first I was worried, maybe something bad had happened while he was out working for his uncle. But after talking with Kitty last night she reminded me it's standard practice for Seven to disappear for weeks at a time. When I suggested something might be wrong she assured me everyone would know if something had happened to Seven. I took comfort in that and in the fact that Kitty seems to have an understanding of my interest in Seven. She doesn't question it, or ask me about it. She just knows something is going on between us and I suppose she's had that inclination since she caught him touching himself to my underwear.
It's been thirteen days since I last saw Seven at that night club. Thirteen days and twelve restless nights dreaming of his lips against mine. Of a parallel universe where I didn't go back to the hotel with Mesha that night and instead went home with Seven.
"You tryna sweep the tiles off the floor, Lil?" Jeremy disturbs my thoughts, bringing me back from my fantasies and to the liquor store.
I look up to Jeremy, confused by his words.
"You've been sweeping that same spot for five minutes. Something on your mind?" Jeremy asks, leaning against the refrigerators.
"Uh n-no was just daydreaming." I shake my head and let out a breathed laugh. Embarrassed to be caught zoning out.
"Listen Lil, I know it's been a rough couple of months for ya," Jeremy begins and adjusts his cap in discomfort for the deep and meaningful conversation I think he's trying to initiate.
"What with your grandma and uni so I just wanted to say that if you ever need to talk to someone, I'm always here. I don't know how much help I can be but I've got good ears on me so don't hesitate to use 'em." Jeremy says and I smile gratefully at him. I know Jeremy isn't the soft type so hearing him say this is a lot for both me and him.
"Thanks Jer. I think I'm okay though. Well I'm definitely getting there anyway." I shrug.
"I'm sure you are kiddo, but I just thought I'd put it out there for you." Jeremy looks sideways, clearly feeling awkward for the kind words he feels obligated to tell me but I couldn't be more thankful for them.
"It means a lot, so thanks Jeremy." I blink at the extra moisture building in the corner of my eyes.
"Yeah yeah well you better get back to work. I don't pay you to daydream and sweep one spot all afternoon." He waves off the mushy moment and goes right back to the Jeremy I know and I laugh before going and putting the broom away.
When I get to my shift at Club Venus it's expectantly packed for another Friday night. I get changed into my outfit for the night. A red velvet two piece that I brought while out with Mesha last weekend. She helped me pick out a range of outfits after I finally told her I'd been promoted to work as a server. I was adamant on only getting ones that still covered me, but I suppose they still left little to the imagination.
Penny always waves at me from the stage while she dances, and my new nickname Cashmere has seemed to catch on with everyone I work with, even with Kitty. She no longer calls me Lips - thank god.
My shift goes pretty well, and I'm not bothered by too many clients. One guy kept getting a little handsy but after Kitty smacked him lightly on the back of the head with her black serving tray he stopped. Someone suggests at some point we stay a little later after our shift to have a few drinks. I usually dip on the after work drinks but tonight I decide to stay. I won't drink because I have to drive home but I feel like I should be making more of an effort to get along with the other girls I work with. They're all relatively nice, but for some reason still Destiny gives off a weird vibe to me.
She still seems to like to imply to the other girls that she's getting paid more than the other dancers simply because she's Seven's favourite. I haven't bothered to correct her or tell any of the others the truth and that Seven told me himself that wasn't the case at all. I knew I wouldn't be able to call her out on it without the others asking more about the situation and to be honest I didn't want to bring any more association to me and Seven. They'd all witnessed his uncharacteristic outburst at clients over me and that was enough speculation itself. Kitty knowing what she knows is enough, the others don't need to be brought into this.
I'm sitting at the bar with Penny, drinking a water while she has a beer. Kitty has already left and the other girls are standing over to the side in a small group as Destiny takes the lead in most of their conversations.
"Ugh that girl really thinks she's something, doesn't she." Penny cackles at Destiny bragging about how much money she made tonight. If I'm honest it's not actually that impressive considering she's made only a hundred dollars more than I have tonight and I'm just a server not a dancer and I keep all my clothes on. I won't tell her that though, it would just encourage her hostile behaviour towards me and I'd much rather not have a futile work environment.
"Has she always been this boastful?" I ask Penny. I like that Penny doesn't like Destiny either, Kitty doesn't seem to have much time for Destiny too.
"Mm, she was always full of herself. Definitely got worse once Seven took a liking to her." Penny says and my stomach drops at the mention of Seven and Destiny.
"Seven?" I try act surprised. I don't know what Penny knows about the situation. But Seven told me he's never slept with Destiny and that the lap dances he got from her never meant anything. I don't think he would have lied to me, but everyone here knows it's common knowledge that Destiny is Seven's favourite. I can't help how much that stings to even comprehend.
"Oh yeah. He's always requesting her company. Don't think anyone else has given Seven a dance other than Destiny. Of course she'd be the one out of anyone to find a way around the no touching rule." Penny rolls her eyes and takes a swig from her beer bottle.
"What do you mean?" I question Penny. My heartbeat picking up in worry. Why do I have a sick feeling churning in my gut right now...
"The rules are pretty clear, the men aren't allowed to touch us. But we're allowed to touch them." Penny begins.
"She got caught sucking him off once. And someone said they'd seen him drop her home a few times so I wouldn't be surprised if they're fucking." Penny chuckles but I don't find anything she's saying funny.
A lump is forming in my throat that I can't swallow down. Seven obviously lied to me about Destiny and I believed him so easily. He's been dropping her home too? Why did I just assume that was an exception he was making for me...it's not like Seven said I'm the only worker here he's pursuing. Maybe he isn't even pursuing me like I had thought. Jesus Christ why have I been so naive with this. I've assumed so much just because I've been into him.
I wonder how many other girls Seven is doing this with? Does he tell them all the same things he's told me? About missing his father? About wanting to be a father himself? Does he tell them he wants them so much but isn't able to act on it...does he say this till eventually the girl figures out the loophole in his rules, that we can touch him?
Oh my god has this whole thing just been his usual little game he plays with girls till he gets what he wants? I'm... oh my god I can't believe I was falling for it this whole time. I'm just Seven's latest conquest.
"So..." I stutter out.
"So he's seeing her?" I question Penny.
"Oh god no. Seven isn't the exclusive type from what I gather. To be honest I don't think the kids actually allowed to be monogamous. He gets what he wants from them and then that's it." Penny reveals.
"So he's done it a fair bit with the girls that work here?" I dare to ask.
"Yeah there's been a few." Penny admits and my heart and stomach sink simultaneously. How could I be so fucking stupid!
"You okay girl? Look like you're going to be sick." Penny looks at me, her hand coming up to press the back of it to my forehead, checking my temperature.
"Yeah, yeah I'm fine." I assure her. I don't feel fine though. I genuinely feel sick.
"You sure? You look awfully pale." Penny's motherly side is shining through and I shake my head at her.
"I'm fine. I think I just need to go home and rest." I lie and hop down off the bar stool. I need to get out of here. I need to leave before I cry or vomit. My heart is beating so fast and my stomach is churning so bad. I just need to leave. Now.
"I'll see you tomorrow night Miss Cashmere." Penny nods and I wave her off before leaving to go change.
As soon as I'm in the privacy of the changing room my breathing exhilarates and I begin to gasp for air. It keeps getting stuck in my throat and doesn't feel like it's reaching my lungs as I desperately try to breathe. My chest feels extremely tight and although I feel cold to touch my body feels as though it's on fire.
Oh my god, am I having a panic attack?
I concentrate on trying to breathe steadily through my nose and sit down on the bench in the middle of the room. Willing myself to calm down and just breathe.
After five minutes of strangled and forced breath I've calmed down again. What the fuck was that about?
I'm reacting as if I've found out Seven has been cheating on me and I haven't even kiss the guy. Calm down Lily, just calm down. My mind repeats the mantra over and over till I feel ready to stand back up and change.
I glance at the locker that Seven once had me pinned against. Where he undressed me and touched me. I squeeze my eyes closed and physically shake the memory from my mind, willing it away and to not play behind my eyes.
When I get outside the club I just feel sad. Sad and disappointed in myself for walking so blindly into Seven's little game. I feel pretty stupid, for falling for it and for letting myself get so worked up over it too. I guess I should be relieved I never kissed him, or did something like Destiny and let him use me for a blow job. Ugh I want to be sick again just thinking about those two.
One of the men waiting out back walks me to my shitty little white car. I thank him before hoping in and finally letting a silent tear spill over. I'm too stubborn to let myself properly cry over this situation. One tear is enough but every time my mind tortures me with the image of Destiny and Seven together a shaky gasp escapes me.
"Fuck sakes Lily. Get yourself together!" I hit my hands against the steering wheel before letting out an exasperated growl. I look into my rear view mirror to wipe away the single tear and fix up my appearance. When I'm adjusting the mirror back to the angle I need for driving a black sedan parked behind me catches my eye.
It takes me a moment to remember about the same modelled car that seems to be popping up a lot of the places I go lately. Surely it's not the same one...
I lock my doors for good measure and start my car. Glancing every now and then in the mirror as I drive out of the parking lot. When I reach the road, bright lights of a car behind me catch my attention. If it's the black sedan I swear to god I'm speeding right home.
I can't tell what car it is due to the darkness and the lights from it that cast a shadow over the vehicle. When I pull out on to the freeway I keep checking my mirrors, noticing those same lights following me. It's not till I'm closer in to a busier part of the city where the lights are brighter that I finally get a good look at the car following me. A black sedan.
My palms begin to sweat and I spend every other second glancing between my mirror and the road, watching the car follow me. Why would someone be following me? I don't understand. Is it a customer? I begin to panic and plan how I'm going to lose the car within the city traffic. I don't want them to follow to my house and see where I live.
I think about calling Mesha, maybe I can drive somewhere where she can meet me. But I know she's working right now so she probably wouldn't answer. I consider calling Jeremy, but then he'd ask too many questions about where I was and where they'd followed me from. Maybe I could drive to the liquor store and run inside? I check the clock, it's almost two in the morning so Jeremy would've already closed. Fuck. What the fuck am I meant to do?
There is someone else I could call right now but I really don't want to have to talk to him. Not after finding out about Destiny.
I turn down a couple random streets and watch as the black sedan follows down the same roads about fifty metre behind. I've got to get back on to the busy roads, maybe I can lose them in traffic. I pray I don't hit a red light on my way further into the city, they'd be able to catch right up to me then and the thought is terrifying. Why am I being followed? Who would want to follow me?!
The black sedan keeps its distance which is slightly comforting. I get the feeling they might not realise I'm aware they're following me. I speed up a little as I notice an amber light changing just ahead. My little car revs and manages to beat the red light, leaving the black sedan stopped at the lights.
"Oh my god." I breathe out. Pressing my foot harder on the accelerator, using this moment to gain a generous distance and hopefully lose them. I turn down a couple more random streets before making a turn into the direction of my neighbourhood. My eyes keep darting to the mirror, waiting for those same headlights to catch back up to me but they never come.
"Holy shit." I whisper in a relieved sigh when I haven't seen the sedan for at least ten minutes. My heart won't slow down though as the adrenaline continues to charge through me.
I pull up outside my house and scan the street thoroughly before unlocking my car doors and literally sprint to my front door. As soon as I'm inside I bolt the lock and let out a huge gush of relief. Jesus that was terrifying. I've never had something like that happen before, it doesn't even seem like much. The driver wasn't threatening and they kept their distance but they were definitely following me. It's the unknown of who they were and why they were following me that has me worked up.
I slap my hand to my forehead in a scolding when I realise I probably should have taken down the number plate of the car. At least then I could report it, or tell someone like Jeremy to look out for the car at the store in case they try go to my other work.
After I shower and reheat some pizza from the night before it's about three in the morning. I've calmed down a great deal about the black sedan and have tried to think logically about what actually happened. It is possible that the car wasn't actually following me and just happened to be taking the same route from the club. And sedans are super common so it might not even be the same one I've seen around before. My mind clings to this comforting coincidence theory for the sake of my tired body and I finally am able to fall asleep.
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