I sat there, frozen, completely glued to my spot just blinking, unable to believe what I was seeing right in front of me.
"Sunmi?" I repeated, this time my voice as low as a whisper.
And she stopped. She wasn't walking anymore, and her smile dropped the moment she saw me, and that's exactly when I knew she was real.
"Sooya" she said, and by the look on her face, I could tell I wasn't the only one taken by surprise.
Maybe it's my imagination or my memory playing tricks on me, but even though I'm pretty sure our contest stare lasted only for a couple of seconds, to me it felt like an eternity of just looking into those eyes I hadn't seen in years. Sunmi was right there in the flesh, and I just didn't know what to say or how to feel - the only thing I could hear after tuning out the rest of the world was the loud beating of my own heart, and the chills that ran down my spine, all like a stupid cliché.
Just what are the odds? I see my therapist one day and he warns me about Rosé, and then the next day I'm standing in Rosé's house, wearing Rosé's pajamas, with Rosé's mom sitting right next to me, but the person I'm staring at isn't Rosé.
"Crap" I heard a hiss followed by a loud thud.
Blinking, I looked to my right and there I saw the girl of the hour on the floor, after having clearly stumbled and fallen.
"Really, Chaeng-ah?" Sunmi chuckled lightly.
Wait a damn minute... 'Chaeng'?
Looking down, I saw Rosé still wincing in pain while rubbing her butt; that was, of course, until she realized whose voice that was and now she was looking at her wide-eyed.
"Sunmi!" she gasped, turning to look at me and then back at her. "Wha- what are you doing here? You weren't supposed to get here until this afternoon."
"I- I guess I forgot" she answered, clearly unsure of what else to say.
"Well come on in, sweetie. You must be so tired" Rosé's mom, who seemed unaware of the tension in the room, urged her with a big smile plastered on her face.
Looking back into my eyes, I noticed Sunmi's hesitation and she took a step back, aiming for the door.
"I think now is not a good time" she hurriedly said. "Maybe I should come back later."
"Wait!" I let out loudly before she could leave. "Stay... please."
I honestly couldn't tell you where the strength to say those words came from, but I'm pretty sure my voice was just as shaky as the rest of my body. I couldn't even swallow my own saliva properly.
"Jisoo" I heard Rosé's soft voice behind me. "Are you okay?"
I could feel her warm presence standing close to me, and the softness of her skin when her hand grabbed mine, but for some reason her voice felt distant. It's like I was disconnected from reality and struggling to go back to the present moment.
Maybe I'm rambling and none of this makes sense, but I think this is what my doctors call dissociation, and apparently I do that a lot. Or at least that's what they've told me.
"Jisoo" Rosé's voice was firmer this time, more determined, yet I couldn't move.
I was frozen in time, glued to my spot, feeling like a hovering entity just floating around outside my own body. I could feel the cold beads of sweat trickling down my forehead and the way my throat was getting so constricted that I could barely breathe. There was a tingly sensation in my hands all the way to my fingertips, and a sense of emptiness and dread in the pit of my stomach.
Crap, I was about to have a panic attack.
"Water" it came out like a barely audible squeak.
"Huh?" it was Rosé and she was standing right in front of me now, looking directly into my eyes.
"Water" I tried again. "I need... water."
Before I could say anything else, my legs gave out and I collapsed, yet my mind was still racing and I was awake.
"Jisoo!" I don't know if that was Rosé or Sunmi or maybe both.
In a matter of seconds, they had both rushed to hold me and were now helping me to the nearest couch. If I'm being honest, I don't even remember when I got up from my chair in the first place, and now here I was lying on the couch, facing up and trying to catch my own breath.
"What happened?!" maybe that was Jimin? I'm not so sure.
"She collapsed" I think that was Mrs. Park.
"I'll get the medicine. We have some in the cabinet" that was Rosé, I'm sure of it.
"No" I croaked out, my hand reaching to grab her just in time.
Worried eyes locked with mine as I pleaded for water once again, and this time she nodded but didn't move.
"Chim, get some iced water" she commanded.
"I'll call Chaerin" I could hear Mrs. Park's voice walking away.
I focused my eyes on the hand that was holding Rosé's and our entwined fingers. There was a sense of comfort that came from her touch and I couldn't explain why, but it helped a lot.
Once Jimin was back with a glass of iced water, both siblings helped me sit up and drink it before I started hyperventilating. Once I was done, my eyes darted all around the room until they landed on Sunmi, who was standing awkwardly in a corner, just staring intently at me.
"Sun -"
"I called Chaerin. She's on her way here to pick you up" Mrs. Park's voice cut me off as she came into the living room. "I'm really sorry about this, Jisoo. I completely forgot it was today."
"I can come back later -" Sunmi tried, but she cut her off once again.
"Nonsense" Mrs. Park said, waving her off. "You can take Rosie's room."
"Chaeng?" Sunmi was looking at Rosé now, as if asking for approval. "Would that be okay with you?"
She nodded.
"I can take you."
But I didn't let her. Pulling slightly on her hand, she halted and turned back around to look at me surprised.
"Jisoo?"
"You can stay here with her, Ro" Jimin said as he walked to Sunmi's side. "I can take Mimi noona to your room."
Mimi? Just what the fuck is going on here?
"You're here" I said, my voice finally back to normal.
"Sooya, I -"
"What are you doing here?" I interrupted.
I had so many things to ask her.
"Jisoo" Rosé's soft voice spoke right next to me, as she pulled on our entwined hands. "Don't force yourself. You should take the pills and -"
"I don't want them" I said harshly, cutting her off.
"Jisoo, don't be rude" this time it was Sunmi's authoritative tone, and she was looking at me with a pointed look.
"Bite me" I fought back.
"Rosie is right, Jisoo" Mrs. Park spoke in a gentle voice. "You should take the pills."
"I don't want any of those nasty pills!" I growled as I kicked the coffee table in front of me, effectively sending the pills flying away all over the floor.
"Jisoo!" Sunmi was mad, I could tell by the way she was now glaring at me.
Damn it, not this again.
I could hear the movement and the faint voices around me, but they kept getting quieter and quieter and I realized I was starting to tune out the world like I did whenever I'd go into full rage. I couldn't control it and I hated the fact, but what I hated the most was the reckless way I was acting in Rosé's house, and had it not been for my own uncontrollable fury, I would've been embarrassed and apologizing to her mom by now.
Taking a deep breath and trying my hardest to stop the shakiness of my clenched fists, I looked down at one of the pills on the floor and immediately recognized it by its shape and color and I almost laughed at the irony. Bending down, I picked it up and swallowed it all in a quick movement.
By the time I looked to my right, Rosé was already looking at me.
"Please" I was looking at her, but my voice was directed at everyone in the room. "Can we have some privacy... please?"
I could tell they were unsure, but Mrs. Park nodded, nonetheless.
"Of course" she said, a faint smile gracing her lips. "We'll leave you two alone."
Once I was sure they were all gone, I plopped back down on the couch and let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding.
Rosé, on the other hand, just stood there awkwardly watching me.
"Are you going to sit down or not?" I spoke without even bothering to look her way as I was pinching the bridge of my nose.
I felt the couch shifting with her weight and I heaved a sigh of relief. We stayed like that in complete silence for a couple of minutes as I gathered my thoughts and let the medicine work its magic on my nerves.
"Park Chaeyoung..." I trailed off out loud, thinking.
"Huh?"
I turned my head to the side to face her.
"So you're the girl in our living room" I said. "Park Chaeyoung."
She frowned, clearly confused, and I chuckled.
"There's a picture of you in our living room from when you were around five years old" I explained, looking directly into her eyes. "I guess I never thought much about it until now. It's you, isn't it? You're Sunmi's cousin, Chaeyoung."
She bit her lip seemingly uncomfortable, but still nodded.
"So you knew?" I asked. "All this time you knew, and you never bothered to tell me? You've been lying to me?"
I didn't mean for it to come out as accusatorily as it did, but I couldn't deny that I was hurt.
"Aunt Chaerin asked me not to say" she confessed and I could tell she felt guilty. "I'm really sorry, Jisoo, I never meant for any of this to happen."
I frowned, still looking at her.
"You lied to me" was all I could say.
I don't know why it hurt so much. It shouldn't, but it did.
"I was just trying to protect you."
"We're -" I caught myself before I said anything stupid. "We're friends. It's not your job to look after me."
She frowned. I guess she didn't like that answer.
"But I do because I care."
I was stunned. Unable to find the right words, I just cleared my throat and adverted my gaze because really, what could I possibly have to say to that? And there was that damn pounding of my heart nagging at me.
Can't a girl catch a damn break?
"Does anyone else know?" I asked after a moment. "Jennie and Lisa?"
She shook her head.
"I didn't tell Lisa because I didn't want to put her in a position where she would have to lie to you, and aunt Chaerin agreed" she replied, calmly. "And you know I can't say anything to Jennie without risking her telling Hanbin and he can never keep his mouth shut, so no."
That last part made me crack up.
"I guess you're right" I said, sinking further into the couch.
There was a strange sense of comfort that came from being alone with Rosé, but there was also a part of me that felt anxious and somewhat nervous, just like the night before...
And speaking of which, we're not going to talk about what happened (or almost happened, rather).
"So you know what happened back then? The accident?"
She hesitated for a moment before answering.
"Yeah" she mumbled. "But I don't know all the details. Only what happened afterwards."
"And to think that I'd come to meet the girl in our living room all these years later and I couldn't even recognize you."
"Actually, that's not true" she suddenly said, looking directly at me. "We did meet before... at the hospital."
"What?"
"When we heard about what happened, we took the first flight to South Korea and went to check on aunt Chaerin" she explained. "We weren't allowed to see Sunmi cause she was moved to the burn unit, and they had you in the ICU while you were in a coma, so only aunt Chaerin and uncle Jiyong were allowed inside your room. We stayed here for a month... just enough to make sure you woke up."
I sucked in a breath; I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
"That day that I went into your room to check up on you, you saw me and immediately freaked out" she continued, sounding a little dejected. "You started screaming and crying and tossing around in your bed so much that the nurses had to rush in and sedate you. That was the first time we met, but I'm not surprised you can't remember any of it."
"That's because you look so much like Sunmi" I said, now everything making sense. "That's also why we have your picture in our living room. They used to say Sunmi had a little cousin overseas who looked just like her growing up."
Rosé giggled.
"I've heard that a lot" she confessed. "I guess you also see it."
I nodded.
"That day at school, right after we had that big argument in the garden over why you were crying... that day you lied straight to my face."
Rosé blushed and she looked down, covering her face with her hair.
"I heard you speaking on the phone after class and you said her name, but when I confronted you about it you denied it and made me feel like I was crazy."
"I'm really sorry, Jisoo" she said, her lip quivering. "I should've been more careful that day, but her call caught me off guard and I didn't know you were around."
"You could've told me, though."
She simply shook her head.
"It wasn't my place to tell you. I don't have the right to talk about it" she said, her voice frail and vulnerable. "I figured if one day you wanted to share it with me, then you'd do it without me having to ask."
I looked at her - really looked at her and realized she was as honest as they came. I never realized just how genuine she presented herself when it was just the two of us, and it made me feel proud in some way. Like we had this little secret between us.
"Then I guess today's the day we both hear what happened" I said while getting up and offering my hand to her. "Come on."
-
What a fucking awkward situation.
Okay so, picture this: Rosé and I sitting next to each other at the table in complete silence as her mother makes tea and serves us some cookies, while Sunmi is just sitting there, right across from us, staring at the mug in front of her like it's the most interesting thing in the world; meanwhile, Rosé's siblings already left to their own endeavors, and we're now in dead silence, except for the whistling of the kettle in the background, just waiting for Chaerin to arrive.
Now that's what I call a shit show.
And just as you probably already guessed it, when Chaerin walked in, it took some bargaining and a lot of arguing to convince her that I was now okay (as okay as I could be in that situation, anyway), and that I actually wanted to stay.
"Please, I want to hear it" I begged.
I hate begging.
"I don't know, Soo" she seemed troubled, her eyes darting between mine and her daughter's. "Are you sure? You're already overstimulated, it might be too much to handle right now."
Before I could even argue, Mrs. Park jumped in trying to convince me to just go and sleep for the rest of the day, claiming that I was already ill and this whole situation was probably too overwhelming for me. And like, I get the concern and their intentions, but I was losing my patience now.
"Okay, everyone, stop!" I yelled out, my breathing even, but my eyes glaring at them. "I'm okay. Yes, I'm a little sick, but that has nothing to do with Sunmi and the accident, and I'm alright."
Turning to my side, I locked eyes with Sunmi before looking straight at Chaerin.
"I promise I won't freak out" I spoke clearly and sternly. "Please, let me hear it."
Reluctantly as she was, she gave in to my request and nodded.
"Shall we move to the living room?" Mrs. Park suddenly suggested. "We should all at least make ourselves comfortable to have this conversation."
We all agreed. And once we were all settled down in the living room, I broke the silence with a question that had been haunting me for years.
"What happened back then?"
"Jisoo, you know what happened -"
"Not everything" I interrupted. "I want to know all of it. Every detail from the moments leading up to the accident, to the aftermath and my recovery. And don't leave anything out this time."
Sunmi, who had been awfully quiet up until that point, let out a loud sigh and spoke.
"Aren't you going to sit next to Chaeyoung?"
I looked to my right and noticed Rosé sitting between her mom and Chaerin on the big couch. I was sitting on a reclining chair, and Sunmi was on the ottoman opposite me.
"Why would I?" I asked confused.
"Oh" she said, seemingly embarrassed. "I just thought you two were... never mind."
I could feel a blush creeping to my face at the implications of those words, but I chose to ignore it.
"I heard you got married last spring" I let out, trying to sound as casual as possible. "How is Mino doing?"
"He's okay" she said simply. "How is Chungha?"
I laughed, dryly. I wasn't surprised she'd ask about her, but I wasn't expecting it either.
"Same old" I shrugged. "Are we done with the small talk?"
She squirmed in her seat, visibly uncomfortable.
"I suppose" she pursed her lips for a moment. "Shall I start with the story?"
"Please do."
-
A/N: I was going to do a very long chapter but I'm sleepy so I'll leave y'all hanging for a bit longer...
are you guys ready to hear what happened?👀