Dana closed her eyes and forced herself to sleep. It's their first game tomorrow. She needs to have a goodnight's rest.
Yet the memories of what happened earlier keeps flashing back. Even when she's awake and much more when she closes her eyes.
She looked at Jem's social media accounts as she saw a few picture of them, happy in McGonalds.
She closed her eyes and let down her phone.
She could still hear Jem's words earlier.
==========
"What's wrong beb?" Dana asked Jem whom she followed near the pool.
"Wala Dana..." Jem replied almost immediately.
"Come one beb, tell me." Dana said as she poke Jem's shoulder, she knows Jem always love this gesture but to her surprise, Jem just smiled and shrugged it off.
"Wala." Jem answered swiftly.
Dana forced a smile and replied, "Okay." While raising both of her hand as a sign of surrender.
"I..." Jem paused as she looked at Dana, "I want..."
"Want?" Dana asked.
Jem took a deep breath before saying, "I want to go home. Thanks for the invite."
Dana was quite shocked that she wasn't able to stop Jem from leaving. When she was able to regain composure, she went after her.
"Jem, wait." Dana called out.
Jem stopped walking and faced Dana.
"Wait?" Jem asked, clearly agitated. "Pinapahintay mo ako Dana Leanne Brual?" Jem asked again.
Dana was taken aback by Jem's reaction with the word.
"Hindi mo ba alam kung gaano ako katagal nag hintay sayo Dana?" Jem growled at her, "Putang ina Dana, nag mukha akong tanga ng ilang beses kakahintay sayo. Sa gate namin, sa cafeteria, sa soccer field. Putang ina pati nga sa waiting shed, inabutan na ako ng lintek na ulan kakahintay sa iyo. Putang inang wait yan. Ayaw ko na mag hintay Dana."
Dana felt Jem's pent up emotion pierced her heart, she tried to explain her situation.
"Alam mo naman na may practice ako diba? Na hindi ko hawak oras ko." Dana explained.
"I know Dana, pero wag mo akong paasahin, pag hintayin, pag mukhaing tanga!" Jem replied.
Dana wants to de-escalate the situation before it erupts into a full blown shouting contest.
"Pag usapan natin to Jem, ayusin natin to." Dana pleaded.
Jem just looked at her plainly before asking, "Ayusin? Bakit? Ano ba tayo? Ano ba kita?" Jem asked the same question Dana asked her previously before leaving.
The shocked Dana watched helplessly as Jem leave.
======
Jem could barely get a wink of sleep.
Her thoughts, her emotions were mixed.
So many, too many things happened in one day.
She paused remembering how the day started.
How Brei helped her coped up with Dana's absence, and how Brei kissed her earlier today.
On how she kissed back.
On how she felt something she never felt from Dana.
Yet she can also remember how Dana looked when she let her emotions get the best of her and blurted things she shouldn't have said.
And on how Brei...
Jem closed her eyes, she can still remember everything.
======
"Shit." Jem cursed as she slumped down on a corner, "Fuck Fuck Fuck." she keeps on muttering.
"Didn't go well for you as well?" a familiar voice breaks Jem's pondering.
Jem looked up to the owner and smiled, "I..." Jem paused as she tries to find the words to describe what happened, "I hurt her by telling the truth. You?"
Brei sat down beside her and looked up at the night sky, "Wala namang label yung sa amin. I guess she's just as frustrated as anyone of us."
"Was it cheating?" Jem asked Brei.
"Cheating yun if may label, pero pag wala..." Brei's voice faded as she can't seem to finish it.
"Pag wala eh di hindi?" Jem answered with a question.
"Hindi ko din alam Jem." Brei answered as she looked at Jem's eyes, "Pero ang alam ko, totoo tong nararamdaman ko para sa iyo."
"Kasing totoo din ba yan tulad nung naramdaman mo kay Lara?"
"Masmalala, masmalalim, masma..."Brei paused as she held Jem's hand, "Mas nakakatakot, mas nakakalula, masnakaka lunod."
Jem let a sour smile, "I feel the same Brei, pero minsan natatakot ako na baka rebound lang natin ang isa't-isa."
"If this is rebound then bakit natin piniling iwan sila?" Brei asked another hard question.
"I don't know Brei, I don't know." Jem replied as she lower her head between her two hands, "Ang alam ko eh masaya akong kasama ka."
"Ako din Jem..."
=====
"Buti nalang wala tayong laro ngayon Dana, pero please lang, ayusin mo, nyo ang personal problems nyo." Gabb told Dana as she pat her shoulder, "If kailangan mo ng kausap andito lang ako, kami." She added.
"Nyo?" Dana asked with a puzzled face.
"Oo, nyo, kayo ni Layar." Gabb answered as she walks away.
Dana locked gaze with Lara and she instantly knows what's up.
Dana let out a sour smile and shook her head.
Lara threw the ball that she was holding and Dana caught it.
"Masakit pala pag ikaw na yung iniwan." Dana greeted lara as she starts to dribble the ball.
"Mas masakit kasi alam mong hindi mo na pahalagahan." Lara answered as they starts to play a one on one match.
"Kakausapin mo ba si Jemimah?" Lara asked.
"At kakausapin mo din ba si Aubrey?" Dana asked back as she stops to play and they just stared at each other
=====
"Ang aga mo ah." Jem greeted Dana as she sat in front of her in a coffee shop.
"Maagang natapos yung practice para makapag pahinga kami para bukas." Dana explained, "Nag order narin ako ng Macchiato."
And as if on cue, the barista handed it over to Jem.
"Ah, thanks but can I have a warm cup of Spanish Latte please?" Jem asked the Barista which gave her a nod.
"Spanish Latte?" Dana asked, "Ayaw mo na ng Macchiato?"
"Marami na akong bagong gusto." Jem replied with a small smile.
Dana blinked a few times after hearing these words and fell silent.
She looked at Jem, took a deep breath and asked.
"Where did we go wrong Jem?"
"I don't know Dana, you tell me." Jem answered with out batting an eye.
"Akala ko ok tayo, na smooth lang." Dana told Jem.
"No Dana, alam kong hindi mo ako priority pero that doesn't give you the right na tratuhin mo akong parang ganito." Jem replied.
"I know nasaktan kita Mimah, pero pwede naman nating pag usapan diba?" Dana answered back.
"Paano natin pag uusapan eh hindi kita makita and Dana, we don't hurt the same." Jem looked at Dana from head to toe, "If you think na mababaw na sakit lang yung binigay mo sa akin then no. It's not."
"What can I do to make it up to you? Para maging ok tayo?" Dana asked again, almost pleading, "itigil ko ang pagiging varsity? Kaya kong gawin yon para sa iyo."
"Would it feel right to be with me but you'll lose yourself? No Dana, we'll get burned slowly." Jem replied.
"Then unfair naman Mimah na nag cheat ka because.."
"Hindi yun cheating. Wala tayong label. Never naging tayo. At Never magiging tayo." Jem replied as she stood up and looked at the Barista, "Make it to go please." Jem instructed as she pull out a money and head over the counter.
Leaving Dana alone.
Dana felt more than alone.