i feel sad again
so so sad
so sad
not even a friend
could get in
i long for hope
a coin for the well
i dream of a wish
an escape from this hell
i'm sad and i can't cry
and it's like i'm reliving last year
like a ghost
except now there's no one
and i miss me the most
i want to be held
and i want to be wanted
i want to feel okay
and not to feel haunted
i miss the illusion
the numbness
the delusion
i miss the silence
i miss myself
the me without you
who could be without you
now there's nothing without you
and i'm so fucking blue
everything is blue
except when it's red
but it's worse when it's red
i can't control the red
blue is a painful empty
the moon on a starless night
blue feels the empathy
and longs for a shorter night
red feels everything
so much everything
it wants to explode
red just stares at me
drags the night
by hooking the moon
feet dig in the dirt
trying my best to slow
red pushes me further
until i can't feel it anymore
i live my life
in shades of purple and blue
but only
only when i'm with you
and when you're gone
and the sky turns red
you turned your back while we're in bed
you slept quietly
no matter how much i bled
the sheets are red
my skin is red
all this pain
and no tears shed
and all i want
is to feel okay
i want to be happy
without feeling ashamed
i want to feel calm
like i did once before
but a want is a want
and want
is what a wish is for