♫ the christmas waltz by she & him ♫
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The skies darkened. The halogen lamps of storefronts lit up in their variations of reds and greens that illuminated so profoundly through the falling snow.
It was officially Christmas Eve, and Greta stepped out of her nervousness with a chill to her bones that didn't just come from the natural cold outside.
She walked her way into the diner, welcomed by good-smelling food and Christmas music on the speakers. But as blissful as it all had become, she clung tightly to her jacket as she eyed the horizon of the diner, only to find him sitting there, all alone.
Her heart sank. Even now, soberer and emotionally cognitive than before, Greta felt stupidly drunk at the sight of him. That was a feeling she knew she needed to settle, no matter which way this night would go for them both.
"Hey..." She called out to him.
And turning, Malik looked back at her. And she at him. There was hesitation in her steps, but she almost didn't expect him to stand as well, making his way towards her.
Then, just as soon as they were close enough, she took his hand in hers. There was a warmth in the firmness of his callous touch, and it only made her want to hold his hand just as tenderly. Even if she knew that she probably shouldn't with the first question she dared to ask him.
"Your girlfriend?"
He shook his head at first, and she wasn't yet sure how to react to that. "She's outta town," He said at first. Only, his next act only made matters worse for the both of them, for he quickly, yet gently, brought his hand to her cheek.
And that made Greta close her eyes in nostalgia, all before clinging herself tightly to his upper body in a hug that was sure to eradicate all the air from his system. She soon granted him some mercy, though, and walked over to where their diner booth was.
Then, their waiter arrived. "Oh! Don't get a lotta couples like you in here," She said cheerfully. "what'll ya' have tonight?"
Greta and Malik's eyes quickly beamed at one another on the behest of that question, more so than the first statement given. But they hurried, not wanting to wait too long before talking again.
"Your bacon burgers don't look too bad," Greta stated.
"Yeah," Concurred Malik. "yeah, they look good."
"They come with fries too, right?"
And the waitress responded as she wrote down the orders. "Yes ma'am, they do! And would you like hot sauce with that meal sir?"
Malik tilted his head in bewilderment at first, only to be much more surprised as soon as Greta spoke up again. "Oh, he would love it. We've had a rough day!"
"Oh dear," Exaggerated the waitress. "I'm sorry to hear that. Is it family trouble?"
Greta snuck a glance to Malik. And immediately, Malik understood. "Y- yes. Her family is very old-fashioned."
"They are," Nodded Greta, who quickly held up her engagement hand. "He's my rock, y'know? Or more like, my Barack! But my poor parents didn't understand. They kicked me out."
"On Christmas Eve?!"
"Yes, Ma'am. On tonight of all nights!" Malik responded. "And now they'll never know that my little snow bunny here is carrying our own little miracle baby."
They witness the flurry of colors spring onto the waitress's face as she balanced joy with sympathy at the two occupants. "Bless your hearts! Well, you know, you two are doing a very brave thing here. So progressive. And since it's the spirit of giving, I'll throw in a little discount for the soon-to-be baby mama, how's that sound?"
"OH! You hear that my black Han Solo? There's still good to be had in these crazy times!"
Quickly, the waitress wandered off. And as soon as they gathered she was no longer in hearing range, a collective burst of snickers-turned-roaring laughs erupted from the two sitting across from one another until their bodies were dizzy with heat and exasperation. "The fuck I told you about that Obama shit?"
"I didn't believe you! Oh my God, is that what we were getting ourselves into? I swear, I think I just missed out!"
And with his chuckling, Malik sat back and agreed. "Yeah, guess we both did."
Greta caught that then. Her eyes loomed over his as she pondered on the very things that got them to this situation in the first place. "Is your girlfriend okay with you and me seeing each other?"
Again, he shook his head. "Actually, we sorta took a break."
"Really?"
"Yeah, we... I dunno, we just figured that we give ourselves some time to figure out what we want. Whether that's closure or..." But he stopped there, though, Greta didn't need any more context clues to figure out just what potential this visit could hold.
It made her think back on things again. She had to remember that after this, she'd go home alone again. That there would be no one to help her realize things any clearer than right now.
And right now, she was stumbling on the possibility that maybe she was making a mistake.
Here he was. Just like this morning. Just like at the theater. Just like all the other times, she needed someone. In truth, Greta realized that she needed him in this life.
It made her look down at the ring that she was so eager to use as a prop in their humorous lies. Taking a hold of it, she very easily slipped it from her ring finger, then stuffed it into her pocket. And as she focused back on him, she wondered another thing. "Did I lose you?"
He glanced down to the table's surface, believing he could almost find the answers edged into the mahogany. But instead, here merely shook his head. "I don't know. Half the time, it feels like we've been at this for years. And somehow, I always find myself right back here at this exact same spot."
"I- is that good?"
"Is it supposed to be?"
"For other people, maybe not...?" She presumed. "For other people that are more secure with things. That isn't as fucked up as you and me. Then, for me, there are times when I feel like we're all we've got, y'know? Like, no one's gonna understand us but us."
"So why'd you choose him over me?"
His voice never felt so deep and crackling before. It harmed Greta internally. Hearing him say it rather than herself thinking it, the very notion became a tough pill to swallow.
"I... I- i don't know. I was scared that things with us wouldn't work out, and that was on me. I see that now. And as much as I see that, I can't help but think about other possibilities where I might let things falter again."
"I wouldn't let you."
"It wouldn't be up to you."
"So what are you saying," He asked. "You were bound to cheat on me or something?"
"No! I wouldn't do that to you."
"But you did."
It didn't take much for her to feel the trickle of tears linger on the edge of her eyes. Reminded of the kiss she confessed to him about, self-loathing was all she had left in her system before she sat back against the seat cushions in defeat.
And then, she managed to finally say the one thing she's been so hesitant to say for weeks. "I don't love him. Not like I did all those times before, not like I did when it happened. Whenever I think of love, you're all that pops up. And I don't know if that's the pressure you don't need-"
"Don't say that," He told her. "I've never stopped loving you. No matter how hard you tried to make me regret it, that shit wasn't going away."
But she wiped her eyes and looked down. "I can't let you say that to me. I told you before, I don't belong to anybody. And that wasn't out of choice, that was simply because time after time again, it was proven. I can never just have someone for myself or let it be the other way around. And as good as it was when we were together, I knew better than to believe that there was no way that I could love you so much and not expect to lose you at the same time."
He reached for her hand. And with a light gesture of his head, he lured her from the other side of the booth to sit right there next to him. He kissed the top of her head, and she wrapped her fingers tightly to his sweater. "I'm sorry you fell in love with such a fucked up person."
And he spoke back. "I'm sorry you did too. But if you'll let me... If you let yourself, I want you to belong to me. Just like I've always belonged to you."
She motioned her head to see him a little bit clearer. Then, she raised her hand to his face, pressing her thumb to his forehead. With one slow stroke to the right, she landed her hand on his cheek. Then, Malik completed their familiar gesture with a kiss on her palm.
That ignited her to kiss him on the lips instead.
They kept it slow, so as not to make a scene in this diner. Thin lips caressed against thick ones in a foray of affection that could only be tamed for so long. But within his mouth, she smiled. "I love you."
And cupping her face, he responded with ease.
"I've always loved you."
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