The room was cold when I finally awoke after a long and glorious sleep. I buried my head beneath my cocoon of quilts. I hated being cold and I almost always felt cold. But this cold seemed to pierce straight through to my bones. I was used to a cast iron radiator keeping me warm and comfortable at all times, not checking to see if a fire was going or not. This was going to be quite a change for me, but I was resilient enough that I could learn to make do without. I was just going to have to get creative with layering clothing.
Yes, for now, I was still intending to stay. Now that my mind was much clearer from a restful sleep and a good cry, I knew Lottie would tell me to stay and not come back for her own sake. That was if there even was a way to go back. She would tell me to take the adventure life was presenting me. Especially after everything with Stephen. She knew. Besides, I was entirely too curious to leave, even if I was able to.
I could hear the door open and heard the footsteps of someone drawing closer. I poked my head out from the safety of my quilts to see who could be entering a strange woman's room unannounced. I was relieved to see that it was only Mistress Fitzgibbons. Although, I had been wondering if Jamie would somehow make an appearance. Not that such a thing would have been appropriate, in this time or my own.
"Come now, ye must get up, lass," Mrs Fitz said. "We need to get ye fed and dressed." I had left my garments on the floor, but they were no longer there. Instead, there were blue garments on the back of a chair. She must have noticed the confused expression on my face because she said, "I'm having yers mended. Right, dreadful state they're in, but after what Jamie told me I understand. I found someone about yer size. I think the blue will bring out the colour of yer eyes wi' that golden hair of yers."
If I was warm enough, I would have blushed. I shivered so terribly that my teeth began chattering.
"Come warm yerself by the fire m'dear," Mrs Fitz said. "It's not roaring quite yet, but it's warmer than over there."
Accepting her advice, I wrapped the blanket around myself, like I had when I was a child pretending I had a cape and the Queen of England. My bare feet padded across the floor as I made my way to the stool still placed in front of the fireplace. Mrs. Fitz was right. It was warmer. She then handed me a cup of hot brother which I eagerly accepted.
Once I had my fill of broth, it was time to dress for whatever lay ahead. Thankfully, Mrs Fitz stayed to help me dress otherwise I wasn't sure I could have managed all the pieces on my own. While I had attempted dressing up a few times for re-enactments of things, this fashion was still a bit different than I was used to. I likely would have worn something wrong were it not for Mrs Fitz.
After seeing the state of my shift, I was glad Mrs Fitz had thought to bring another. This one had a thin edge of lace around the bottom. She then tied a ribbon with two pouches about me. Then came a petticoat of fine cotton. I likely wouldn't be getting the petticoat I had back, seeing as I had ripped it to make bandages. Then came two overskirts in shades of blue as well as a blue bodice. A pair of wool stockings, for which I was eternally grateful, and a pair of slippers completed the ensemble.
"The blue suits ye, lass; I thought it would. Goes well wi' that golden hair of yours and brings out your eyes. The leddies aren't gonna be able to keep their eyes from ye, lass."
That made me blush.
"A wee bit o'ribbon ought to finish it off nicely." She turned out a rather large packet, which looked to be almost the size of a gunny sack, and fished out a handful of ribbons and some jewellery.
Thankfully I knew that women in these times wore their pockets tied about their waists beneath their skirts, which had slits to reach them. Having large pockets was certainly going to be a welcome change from my clothes which sometimes didn't have them. Even as I was sitting there, so she could do my hair, I couldn't help but shove my hands in my large pockets.
Mrs Fitz had decided to tie my tresses back with blush-coloured ribbons. She then asked me to stand and twirl so that she could get one last look at me. Mrs Fitz beamed with satisfaction. "Weel now, that's verra gude. Verra gude indeed. Ye've time for a wee bite and then I must take you to himself."
"Himself?" I asked. I wasn't familiar with anyone calling someone himself unless the person had already been alluded to.
"Why, the MacKenzie to be sure. Whoever else?"
Whoever else indeed! This MacKenzie was likely the leader. If I recalled correctly from that book Lottie had me read, he was called the clan chieftain. I wasn't sure I had met this clan chieftain. I just hoped it wasn't Dougal. He seemed very apprehensive and wary of me. Then again, I didn't like him much better.
Mrs. Fitz was ready with bannocks and parritch. I was tempted not to eat, but maybe I wouldn't feel quite so nervous with a bit more than broth in my stomach. Besides, I could always feign ill and vomit if I needed a hasty exit. Although, that was a last resort should things not go well. Like I had been with Jamie so far, I was going to be as honest as I could. But I must be careful not to reveal that I had come from 200 years in the future. They might think I'm a witch and that was the last thing I needed, especially in this time, since it meant almost certain death.
Himself, also known as the laird of Leoch, received me in a room at the top of a flight of stone steps. I remembered climbing these very stairs a few days ago and they definitely weren't in as good of condition as they were now. It was such a contrast from the Leoch in my head to see rich tapestries and paintings hung about the tower room whose walls were crumbling the last time I had seen them. Part of me wished Lottie could see Leoch like this. She would have loved it.
"Word around Leoch is right. Ye are a wee thing," a deep pleasant voice spoke from behind me.
I held my tongue, knowing that it would be of no use to argue with the man about my stature. Especially considering he was a man who controlled what happened to me - whether I would be a welcome guest or considered an English spy. Keeping my composure I turned and faced the laird of Leoch with a soft, yet forced, smile on my face before I bowed my head toward him as a sign of respect. I had no idea if that's what I was supposed to be doing or not, but I'd rather play things on the safe side.
I tried my hardest to keep my eyes focused on his face and not glance downward at his legs, but given the state of his severely bowed and stumpy legs, it was quite difficult. I did not doubt that his condition was quite painful and quite likely why he hadn't been travelling with the group of men I had joined. He was likely accustomed to people staring at his legs, so I tried my best not to let my eyes wander too much.
"I welcome ye, mistress," he said with a slight bow. "My name is Colum ban Campbell MacKenzie, laird of this castle. I understand from my brother that he, er, encountered ye some distance from here."
I eyed him slightly, spotting what I hoped was a familial resemblance. Twas the eyes that gave it away. Although, despite being chieftain, they didn't seem quite so menacing as the man I assumed to be his brother. "Dougal, I presume?"
"Aye."
I exhaled a bit of air, thankful that I had guessed correctly.
"As far as what he told you, that statement is correct," I responded, absently reaching for my necklace with my right hand. "I came upon him after what I believe was a raid by your men. Although, his acquaintance wasn't the first I had of that party of men. Jamie rescued me from Captain Randall when I believe he was supposed to be stealing a cow."
Again, a hint of a smile threatened to play across Colum's face, but he managed to keep his face almost emotionless. But his eyes told me that he had heard that bit of my story already and was amused by it. Perhaps if I kept things light and non-confrontational, I could prove myself - not that I quite understood what it was I had to prove. Although, I couldn't help but muse that women always seemed to have to prove themselves to a man, even in my time.
Not sure how to respond to the man who was still watching me rather intently, I offered him a soft smile. Colum then gestured toward a chair in the room. I bowed my head slightly in thanks before I sat down. If he already intended to throw me out, he likely would have done so. I hoped this was a sign that things were going well.
"I've sent for some refreshment, Mistress. . . Tallmadge, was it?"
I gave a small nod of my head. Even when Stephen was alive I had never gotten used to being Mrs. Arbuckle. In my head, I was always a Tallmadge - likely because I had grown up from a young age to be proud to bear the name. I was proud to be descended from the man who had risked his life to secure liberty and freedom for a fledgling country. But here, that certainly wouldn't earn me any points. Seeing as the man wasn't even born yet nor had the revolution begun. It was strange to not be able to share that part of myself.
"I understand that my brother and his men found ye in. . . er, some apparent distress."
"I'm sure I looked quite distressed when I met your brother and his men," I agreed slowly. "But it was Jamie who happened to stumble upon me first. Had he not been there, I fear Captain Randall would certainly have taken advantage of me. I thank the Lord for his impeccable timing."
Speaking of the Lord, I chided myself for not having yet gone to the Lord in prayer since my arrival. I was going to have to have a long talk with Him soon. I twisted the cross around my neck and closed my eyes for a moment, briefly apologizing to Him before I looked at Colum.
Colum seemed even more interested after the mention of Captain Randall. But he also seemed to be staring at me even more intently. Clearly that name was familiar to him. It made me wonder what sort of place Jamie had here at Leoch. He knew the men and most of them respected him.
"Tell me more about how it was you came upon this Captain Randall."
So I did. Only, I didn't tell him about my first encounter with Captain Randall atop Craigh na Dun. That would be too hard to explain for I had no believable excuse for being there or how I came to be there. So, I started my story at my arrival at Mistress Campbell's home.
"I was paying a visit to Mistress Campbell when I thought a walk would be good. I'm rather fond of fresh air and walking." A curl came loose from the locks that had been pulled back into the ribbon. So, I tucked it behind my ear. "That was when I happened across the vile man. I believe Mistress Campbell has been having some trouble with him recently, so he knew where to find her and that led him straight to me."
He nodded his head for me to continue. I licked my lips, which suddenly seemed very dry before I softly cleared my throat.
"As I said, he attempted to accost me. No doubt with far more sinister ideas in mind. I somehow managed to break free from him and flee. It was while I was running that I happened across Jamie. I'll confess he startled me at first. I thought Randall had somehow caught up to me quicker than I had anticipated. I-I thought I was going to be assaulted or worse. But then, it was as if God himself intervened. That sounds silly, doesn't it?"
I paused for a moment, trying to understand my own thoughts. "It wasn't Randall. It was Jamie. Not that I knew his name at the time. I only knew what I could see - a giant man." I chuckled, continuing to twist my cross. "At that moment, I had to trust the giant man offering me safety or the cruel military man hunting me. I took a chance that the man trying to save me from my predicament was just that, a man trying to save me. Thankfully, he was. I don't know what I would have done without him. In a sense, he's my saviour."
I couldn't help but smile as I thought of Jamie. Seeing Colum look at me rather curiously, I felt my face blush. I looked down at the ground and momentarily shielded myself from his gaze with my long eyelashes. Both hands now fidgeted with my necklace. This was embarrassing. I hadn't acted like this since I was young and now here I was a widowed twenty-one-year-old woman, acting like a silly schoolgirl with a crush on a man I hardly knew, but for a few days. I hadn't even attached to Stephen this quickly and I ended up marrying him. What was more embarrassing was the man in front of me could likely already tell I had developed a fondness for Jamie. I only hoped it would work in my favour.
I was thankful Colum said nothing on the subject as he excused himself and gracefully left me to recover from my embarrassment alone. I took the brief respite from Colum to fan my flaming face and stretch my legs on the carpet on which my chair sat. While I looked at my surroundings, I didn't rifle through Colum's belongings. I had no reason to. Besides, I didn't want to give the man any reason to mistrust me. The last thing I needed was the English military and a clan of Scottish Highlanders after me.
I was already seated in my chair once again when Colum returned with a tray of refreshments. I was a bit curious why Colum brought the tray in and didn't have someone else do it for him. Perhaps he had noticed me glance at his legs a time or two and wanted to show me that he was still very capable despite them. But I had never doubted that he was capable. As a woman doctor, I knew that a person was worth more than what people saw on the outside.
The tray contained mugs of ale and fresh oatcakes spread with honey. Even though I didn't particularly enjoy the taste of alcohol, I eagerly accepted the mug of ale for two reasons. First, I was dreadfully thirsty. My mouth seemed to have dried while I was explaining my story to Colum. Second, it was likely far safer to drink than water. Knowing what all sorts of things were caused by unclean water, I'd have to be much more careful than I had been in my time. Boiling water was going to become a much more regular thing for me. Either that or drinking ale.
We ate our oatcakes in silence. It was surprisingly delicious. Although, it was a bit unnerving having Colum watch me while I ate. But I had grown up raised by a man, so I typically ate my fill rather than like a bird.
Colum apologized for his brief absence before he commiserated with me on my sad misfortune. "What about your family Mistress Tallmadge?"
I took a breath before telling him as much of the truth as I could. "I hail from the colonies. My mother died giving birth to me leaving me to be raised by my father. He did the best he could, but sometimes a child just needs their mother. He died before his time, leaving me alone to find my way in the world."
He nodded his head in understanding.
I bit my lip for a moment, thinking of how to carefully phrase the next part and yet keep it as close to the truth as possible. "I married my closest friend's brother. I do not wish to speak ill of the dead, but we were never quite in love as I had hoped to be. In the end, I married him to make my friend a true sister and he married me to come into his inheritance. I think we had both hoped to fall in love with the other, but it never happened."
I licked my lips and my hand found its way to my necklace again. "Then my husband was in an accident that left him paralyzed from the waist down - he never walked again. He was too proud and stubborn to let most people see him when he got in a downright awful state. Sometimes he'd find a way to throw himself to the floor and I'd have to get a grown man into bed again. He'd soil himself and I would have to clean it. And then he got sick."
After pausing for a moment to think of the historical term for pneumonia, I continued. "He came down with winter fever and given his state, he-he couldn't fight off the illness. I've never told anyone this before, but there were times after his death I felt relieved it was all over. I still feel guilty about it to this day." I chuckled wryly to myself. "I'm not sure that is what you were looking for, but that's part of my story and I'll not be ashamed of it."
Colum once again nodded his head. "And how is it you came to be in the Scottish Highlands?"
"That would be Lottie, the sister I gained through marriage," I responded, shaking my head. In a way, Lottie was responsible for all of this. "She had family on this side of the pond and suggested we come." I took a breath, this was where I was going to have to choose my words very carefully. "She didn't make it through the voyage with me."
Again, those words were technically true. Although, it sounded like Lottie had died. But truthfully, I didn't know what happened to Lottie. What if she had ended up in a completely different time? I didn't even know for certain that she was back in our time. I found the thought of Lottie trying to make her way through some unknown time like me, quite disturbing and it made tears prick at my eyes.
"Upon my arrival, Mistress Campbell was good enough to take me in for a time. And I've told you the rest. Once again, I find myself quite alone with no family left in this world. I have ties to nothing and no one. While I can understand distrust for strangers, I hope to prove myself. Should you be willing to provide me with a safe place to stay in Leoch for a time, I would be truly grateful; but I will understand if you send me on my way." Both hands clung to my cross necklace, as I waited for his response.
"Mistress Tallmadge, as long as ye prove true, ye are a welcome guest at Leoch."
His offer was welcoming, but it also held a thinly veiled threat. Should my words prove not to be true, I would no longer be welcome at Leoch. But knowing that I had been as truthful as I could possibly be and that he had no way to disprove anything I had told him, I didn't read too much into the thin threat.
"Thank you." My voice sounded small.
"I also have a proposal for ye, but I'll give ye a few days to settle in before I make it."
I wasn't sure what to read into that. My confusion must have been evident because Colum chuckled. "Or perhaps I'll offer it now and let ye think on it. I've heard from several people how ye fixed up Jamie an' Rupert. Young Jamie spoke verra highly of ye." That made me blush. "Leoch is without someone of your skill and I'd like te provide someone like ye for my people."
My eyes widened in surprise. Was he making me a job offer? A medicine job offer? It was hard enough to find someone to take me on in my time and yet here this 18th-century man was offering me a job I had to fight for in my time. I blinked several times, waiting for him to pull the rug out from beneath me and tell me that he was joking.
"I'll give ye a few days te think it over. Until then, I will make sure the people of Leoch know ye are welcome among us."
I didn't even have time to thank him because he raised his hand in gracious dismissal and an attendant near the door came forward to escort me. I was in such a state of shock, that by the time I returned to my quarters, I hardly remembered the journey back.
Remembering the promise I had made Him, I walked over to my bed. Noticing there was no rug for me to kneel on, I grabbed a pillow from the bed and let it fall to the floor before I knelt on it. I then folded my hands, bowed my head, and closed my eyes. I then lay my heart out before the Lord.
"Lord, I don't always understand your plans - this one especially. But I know that you work all things out for our good. Help me to trust that you know what you're doing. Thank you for keeping me safe in this unknown place. . ."
I was so focused in prayer that I didn't hear the footsteps outside my door.
"Thank you for sending Jamie to save me when he did. Please keep him safe and help him not be quite so stubborn about that shoulder so that his wounds can heal. Help me find the path you wish me to tread and find contentment and peace there. You know the things on my heart even if they don't come to mind. Please help me be thankful where I ought to be thankful, forgive where I ought to forgive, repent where I ought to repent. . ."
I paused, my thoughts too jumbled for even me to process. Thankfully, the Lord knew me better than I knew me.
"And I close with the prayer You taught. Our Father, which art in heaven. Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread. And forgive us our trespasses as we forgive them that trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever. Amen." I made the sign of the cross over my head and heart when I thought I heard the faintest amen.
I opened my eyes to find Jamie standing in the doorway, leaning against the stone wall with his head bowed slightly.
"Is it your shoulder?" I asked as I quickly stood from my place on the floor and threw the pillow back on the bed. I hoped he hadn't heard the part where I prayed about him. Then again, maybe I did. For his shoulder's sake, of course.
"Ach, no," Jamie said before he tugged his shirt with his good arm to reveal that my bandaging was still there.
I folded my arms across my chest and arched an eyebrow. "And the sling?" I asked.
He nodded his head.
"I'll trust you. This time." My last words were spoken in jest. "So what is it you're doing then? Spying on me?"
His eyes widened in horror. "No!" he gasped, appalled by the very idea. "I was told ye were meetin' with Colum, so I thought now would be the time to get my belongings I left since yer stayin' here now."
"Oh," I said rather lamely. I was a bit disappointed that he wasn't there to see me.
He stood there watching me, almost unsure of how to proceed.
"Well, go on then," I told him. "I won't stop you. They're your things and I likely have no use for them."
He nodded his head before he took a few steps toward me and then stopped. "Eh - Mistress Tallmadge, would ye mind takin' a few steps that way?" He pointed me in the direction he wished for me to go.
I did as he asked, but watched him intently.
Jamie then got down on his haunches before he started knocking on the floorboards. When he stopped, he looked up at me rather sheepishly. "I'd rather ye not say anything to Colum or Dougal about this."
I smiled at him before I turned around so that my back was to him. "If they ask, I didn't see a thing - which also happens to be the honest truth."
He chuckled.
I heard him pry up one of the floorboards. I had watched him knocking on them, so I was pretty sure I knew which one it was. After he had left, I would likely take a peek for myself. Not only to satiate my curiosity but because then I might find a safe place to store things - should I need it.
I heard some rustling before I heard the floorboard being put back in place. "Ye can look now, Mistress Tallmadge."
I turned around and looked at him. He was looking right at me and I blushed. "Please, call me Ruthie," I told him. "This way it might feel like I actually have a friend here. Besides, after my hysterics last night, I think you earned it." That last part was said in my self-deprecating humour.
"It was no trouble, Ruthie," he said. "Truly."
The way he said my name sent shivers up my spine. For a moment, neither of us said a word. We just looked at the other, as if soaking them in as we'd never seen anything like them in our lives. But it was Jamie who broke the spell first.
"How'd yer meetin' go with Colum?"
"Well, I think," I said, before adding a chuckle. I folded my arms across my chest. "Seeing as I'm not running for the hills, you're safe to presume that I'm considered a welcome guest at Leoch."
That made him smile.
"And he's even offered me a position, or something of the sort."
Jamie's eyes widened in surprise. "He did what? What position?"
"I - uh, I can't remember what Mrs. Fitz called it, but a healer of sorts. And I have you to thank for that. He said you spoke highly of me and what I did to help you. Not that you seem very fond of taking my advice."
That made Jamie blush and he cast his eyes down to the floor. After the few seconds it took to compose himself he asked, "Have ye accepted? The offer, that is?"
"I only just received it, Jamie," I said with a chuckle. "Colum's given me a few days to think on it and I'd like to pray on it and seek His guidance as well."
His excitement seemed to fall a bit.
I took a step closer to him and I motioned for him to come a bit closer. He did. "But since you shared a secret with me, I'll share one with you." I then motioned for him to bring his head a bit closer. He did. I then whispered in his ear, "I'm thinking of saying yes. But don't you dare breathe a word of this to a single soul yet"
"Yer secret is safe with me," Jamie said. The grin on his face was the biggest one I had seen yet. And there was a glint in his eyes that was hard to place. It was almost as if he had hope.
Then again, so did I - after what seemed like an eternity, I finally had a small glimmer of hope.
Author's Note: You can thank NaNoWriMo for a chapter so soon! (And misshiraeth98 - who does writing sprints with me so we both keep going.) For every 1,000 words I get written for NaNo, I'm going to donate $5 to To Write Love On Her Arms in memory of my brother, who committed suicide. While it might not be much, if my money can help save someone the pain my brother was in or the pain that I've gone through - then it will be worth it.
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