It was October 15th when Lizzie stood in the middle of Jo's Georgia home. One hand cradled her bump while the other held Lillian's hand her phone being held in place by her shoulder.
"I want her in Georgia and I want her there tonight," she spoke bitterly into the phone.
"I don't know if we can-"
"Like hell, you can't!" the bite in her words only becoming stronger "If it wasn't for my wife you wouldn't have a job. She deserves to be home so you figure out a way to get her to Georgia or I swear to God I will have your head. Am I clear?"
"Ye-yes Mrs. Olsen."
As soon she hung up the phone she sat on the couch overcome with grief and exhaustion. Lillian wrapped her arms around Lizzie pulling her close. Lillian kissed Lizzie's temple "Shh, shhh. I need you to breathe. It's not good for the babies."
"I-I can't breathe. How am I supposed to go on without her? Why her? She's what's good in this world."
"I don't know why bad things happen to us sometimes but I have to believe something good is going to come out of this. I don't know what that is. I really wish I did."
Jarnette, Morgan, and Chris were all on the private jet heading to Georgia to be with Elizabeth.
Lizzie sat up with a start. She looked around at the unfamiliar bedroom. Reality came crashing down on her. Tears instantly filled her eyes and she curled up into a small ball and just sobbed. The door opened and a gentle weight climbed into the bed behind her. She willed herself to believe it was Jo but the smell of cherries instead of that beautiful mix of lavender and oranges made it painfully obvious her wife wasn't there. All she could do was cry.
Morgan whispered "I'm going to hold you okay," Morgan gently wrapped her arm around Lizzie and her bump. "I felt a bump!" Morgan smiled,
This only made Lizzie sob more "She never-never got to feel them."
"Oh honey," Morgan whispered fresh tears streaming down her face
The two lay there for a while. Morgan was about the same size as Jo allowing Lizzie to rest. After a few hours Lizzie woke up to her babies playing soccer with her organs "Settle little ones," she cooed but that did nothing to calm her kids.
Morgan said, "Come on Mama let's get you up. Those babies are probably just hungry."
Lizzie felt a twang of pain in her heart Mama. She was never meant to carry that title. That was designated for a woman that was no longer there. Morgan helped Lizzie up and the two walked slowly into the kitchen where Chris stood over the stove. He turned around "Hey sleepyheads." he said gently "What would you like to eat?"
"Just toast for me." Lizzie choked out her voice hoarse from the hours of crying.
Chris nodded with a sad smile, "You go sit and I'll bring it over."
As Lizzie made her way into the living room her ears were filled with Jo, her jo's, sweet voice. She let out a gasp her hand going to her bump. Jarnette instantly turned off her phone looking at her daughter "What? What is it?!"
"Her-her voice."
"Oh, baby I'm sorry,"
"No," Lizzie paused "It got the twins to relax. Play it again."
"Are you sure?" Jarnette asked cautiously
Lizzie sat beside her Mom resting her head on her shoulder "Please, the babies won't settle,"
Jarnette nodded before clicking play on the video on her phone.
Jarnette took it the week after she learned Lizzie was pregnant. She was eating dinner with Lizzie and Jo. They had just finished and were seated in the living room. Jo was sitting at the piano with a large smile on her face. Lizzie was in the camera shot as well sitting sideways in the love seat looking at her wife a large smile plastered on her face as Jo sang and played comically and over dramatically
Having my babies
What a lovely way of saying
How much you love me.
Having my babies
What a lovely way of saying
What you're thinking of me.
I can see it your face is glowing
I can see it in your eyes.
I'm happy knowin' that you're having my babies.
You're the woman I love and I love what it's doin' to you.
Having my babies
You're a woman in love and I love
What's goin' through you.
The need inside you
I see it showin'
Oh
The seed inside you
Baby
Do you feel it growin'
Are you happy in knowin' that you're having my babies?" She smiled cheekily at Lizzie "Come on Baby finish it off!"
Lizzie rolled her eyes before her smile grew. She threw her hands up as she sang
"I'm a woman in love and I love
What it's doin' to me.
Having our babies.
I'm a woman in love and I love
What's goin' through me."
Jo dramatically played the rest of the song before standing up skipping to Lizzie kissing her "I love you,"
"I love you too,"
"I love you more,"
"I love you most."
"Never,"
"Never,"
The video stopped and Lizzie had tears flowing freely from her eyes. Chris walked in gently handing her the toast before kissing her head. Jarnette smiled up at Chris saying "Thank you,"
"Of course," he smiled
October 18th
Lizzie stood in her and Jo's former Georgia bedroom deciding which black dress to wear. She couldn't do it. She sat on the bed her head hung low. There was a gentle knock on the door before it opened. There in black stood Mary-Kate and Ashley.
She looked up with tear-filled eyes. Her sisters quietly and gently took their time to undress and dress Lizzie into her Black dress and sweater. Neither saying a thing just wiping Lizzie's tears as she cried, occasionally doting her head with a kiss.
Lizzie rode to the church in a blacked-out Cadillac. She wasn't ready. It was all a blur, the funeral, none of it felt real. Her ears were filled with words that seemed to be from another language,
"Condolences"
"Sorry for your loss,"
"She was amazing,"
"I am so sorry,"
"She will be missed,"
"It won't be the same without her,"
"Too early,"
"We made a donation to... in her honor"
But one sentence hurt her the worst "In loving memory of Josephine Lillian Hamilton Olsen,"
As if her wife's life, her extraordinary life, was reduced to nothing more than an ever-fading image in people's minds. People would walk through gazing on the small black box that housed her wife's ashes. Her most favorite person in the entire world was reduced to a five-pound box.
Once the funeral was done a very select few took the track up the hill on the Hamilton Family land to the cemetery that housed Jo's Mom and Grandfather. The place half of Jo's ashes would be scattered. Lizzie, Lillian, Jarnette, Mary-Kate, Ashley, Trent, Lily, Courtney, Jake, David, McKenzie, Blake, Chris, and Morgan all stood gazing upon the gorgeous Georgian sunset. Lizzie took a shakey breathe before she gently opened the urn in her hands. She dipped her hand inside cringing softly before pulling a handful out letting the wind take it from her hands carrying it off her heart seemingly going with it. Tears clouded her vision. Lillian dipped her hand in taking the second handful letting the wind take the last of her family away.
After the ashes were dispersed and the urn was closed everyone slowly began to walk back to the main house but all Lizzie could do was stand there. She stood there till all was left was her Mom and Dad. She turned collapsing into her Dad's arms before beating his chest "How could she do this? How the fuck could she die?!" He took it as she beat his chest with the side of her fist "I hate her. How could she?" with each passing word her fist became weaker and weaker before she said completely and utterly broken "Daddy what do I do?"
He held her tight keeping her upright as her knees got weak "Shh shh."
"I wasn't supposed to do it alone." She sobbed "I can't do this alone. Daddy, how do I do this without her? How do I raise our babies without her?"
He held his daughter close whispering into her ear "I don't know baby, I am so sorry. But I do know that you are strong."
"I-i'm not strong without her."
"Elizabeth you look at me." Jarnette said
Lizzie turned her head from where it was buried in her Dad's chest "You aren't without her." Jarnette came up placing her hand on Lizzie's bump "She is right there in you, in those two sweet babies," she moved her hand up pointing to Lizzie's heart "and she's always right here."
Lizzie's lip quivered as she nodded her head looking down at her bump tears flooding her eyes. Lizzie let out a gentle laugh "They're kicking." David and Jarnette both smiled resting their hands on Lizzie's bump.
Jarnette felt a gentle tap asking "Which one is that?"
Lizzie smiled gently placing her hand on her bump before guiding both her parent's hands to one particular spot on her bump,
"Thats Adaline,"
she moved to the lower curve of her bump
"Thats Bettan,"
Minutes passed and her parents began the descent down the hill as Lizzie looked out at the sunset one last time. She whispered, "I love you," she paused waiting on the call back I love you more, she took a shaky breath "...most..." again she paused but the never didn't come so with another crackled breath and heaving chest she whispered out. faint "...never" before making her way down the hill.
Somber energy settled in Georgia that night and its aftershock could be felt all over the world,
Josephine Lillian Hamilton Olsen was dead.
.
.
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.
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Song: (You're) Having My Baby - Paul Anka and Odia Coates
Not my words!!: "I don't know why bad things happen to us sometimes but I have to believe something good is going to come out of this. I don't know what that is. I really wish I did."
I took that quote from Soul surfer