june 26th 12pm
tw: anxiety, panic attacks, emetophobia, vomit.
(a/n, before i start writing i wanted to let yall know about emetophobia, it's an odd thing to write about , since it's not very common. but it's not talked about enough. i have emetophobia and anxiety myself which makes it hard to cope with normal everyday tasks, so i'm just spreading some awareness by portraying it in my oc! happy reading<3)
i woke up to the irritating sound of my ring tone.
buzz.
buzz.
buzz.
i tried to ignore it but it somehow, kept getting louder, and even more annoying.
"ughhhhh" i groaned as i reached onto my bedside table to grab my phone.
*neighbour▪️▫️ is calling...*
"fucking ranboo. i swear to god if this isnt important" i muttered, before pressing the accept button.
"what" i said in a moody tone, my morning voice audible.
"oh- i um- did i wake you up?" ranboo was unsure in his words, as if he was expecting me to be up and streaming or something.
"what do you think" i grumbled, turning in my bed. "what did you call me for?"
"i- um i just called you to see if you wanted to come over and stream with me? i'm building minecraft lego"
"you woke me up, to ask if i wanted to build lego's with you?" i asked , dragging myself onto the floor.
"um-yeah-?" he replied to me, still sounding unsure.
"okay yeah whatever i'll be over in a minute" i sighed, ending the call.
"i swear to god." i moaned, slowly standing up.
(a/n don't take that out of context plz)
i didn't really bother changing into something really pretty, just a pair of loose jeans and a sweater.
i looked at my hair in my hand mirror. it was rough.
like it was matted. i hadn't brushed my hair for like 2 days, i just left it in a ponytail. not one of my brightest ideas.
i made my way downstairs and called to my mom
"i'm going to ranboos house, i'll see you later"
time skip like 5 minutes , bought to you by michael
"hey athena!" he called to me from his table in his room. "i'm already live!!"
"oh neat! you got some cool lego sets at least!" i said , taking my seat next to him.
"hi chat. please ignore my voice i woke up like 10 minutes ago" i grumbled, giving ranboo a death stare as i said it.
"DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT ITS SCARY" he shuffled his chair back from mine, laughing a little.
"don't wake me up to build lego's then" i replied, grabbing a box. "oh my god. THERES A BLAZE SPAWNER ? FUCKING HELL THANKS FOR WAKING ME UP"
ranboo grinned at my comment and grabbed his own box.
"whoever finishes theirs last, has to wear the cat ears" he said , tearing his box open.
"WAIT NO!" i ripped open my box in response, pouring out the pieces of lego's.
time skip by 30 minutes, bought to you by tubbos nuke obsession
"ranboo it's been thirty minutes, and you've barely done anything" i giggled at him, looking down on my assembled blaze spawner lego's.
"MINE WAS HARDER THAN YOURS!" he defended himself, fumbling with lego's in his hand.
everything was all going fine until i heard a noise coming from the room next door to his. and it kept repeating. i sat, tuning ranboo out to try and identify the noise.
"ranboo what's that noise?" i asked, my heart beating faster.
"i think my sister is throwing up? she mentioned she felt unwell this morning." he spoke whilst building his lego's.
and then the noise came again, but louder and more clear
"you're sister is sick?" i breathed, emphasising the word 'sick' .
"is everything okay?" he asked me, placing his lego's down to look at me.
"yeah" i gulped. "yeah everything is fine." i lied to him , trying to trick my mind into thinking the noise isn't someone throwing up.
come on athena. it's fine. it's just sick. nothing out of the ordinary.
what if i catch something? what if i get ill?
my hands started to shake slightly and tears pricked my eyes. i quickly blinked them back and tried to focus on my breathing
one breath in, hold, exhale.
okay, it's getting better. renee has stopped throwing up and my breathing is slowing. good. good. cool.
well it was good. until renee walked in ranboos room.
"ran, can you toss me the paracetamol please?" renee asked politely .
i held my breath in my throat and shuffled back in my seat.
"catch!" he said , tossing a box of tablets to his sister.
"thanks"she caught the box and walked out of the room, leaving the door open.
i'm guessing ranboo saw the fear in my face because he gave me a concerned look as if to say 'are you sure you're alright'
i didn't even react. my whole body went despondent as i tried to focus on not having a panic attack. did it work? no.
ranboo tapped me on the shoulder and i quickly shook him off.
i feel sick. i'm ill. i've caught it. what if i throw up?
i got up silently and walked out of frame. i think ranboo was worried. like genuinely worried for me.
"okay chat!" he said , not taking his eyes off me. "i'm gonna end it here. bye. bye-bye." he said , clicking his mouse for the end live button.
"athena?" he asked me , standing up out of his chair.
"give me a sec." i said bluntly , taking a seat on the floor next to his bed. my breathing became more and more irregular and my legs began to quiver.
"are you- you're having a panic attack." he spoke to himself , making his way from behind the table over to me.
tears pooled in my eyes as i tried to regulate my breathing.
ranboo pov
i looked over at athenas shaking body, pondering on how to react.
"are you- you're having a panic attack." i said, my voice becoming quieter as i finished my sentence.
what do i do in this situation? do i try and calm her down or would it be best if i stayed silent?
why did this happen? was it me?
wait.
wait , she seemed to start acting different after she heard renee throw up. was it because she vomited?
i decided to put some calming music on my speaker and turn it up a bit , in case renee happened to be sick again.
i took a seat next to athena and crossed my legs, hoping that the music would help calm her down.
time skip 5 mins
athena pov
the music helped drown out anything else i could hear around the house, and my breathing started to slow.
I managed to take one long deep, shaky breath in, hold it, and exhale it.
"sorry i didn't expect that to happen" i gasped , trying to fill my lungs with as much air as possible.
he placed a gentle hand on my back.
"it's okay if you don't want to answer , but was there a trigger?" he asked me in a caring voice , rubbing my back slightly.
"i um" i breathed out and in again. "i have a phobia of sickness" i sighed
"and with that phobia comes anxiety" i gasped again. "and with anxiety comes these friendly things" i tried to muster up a fake laugh.
"it's over now, you're okay, shes not going to be sick again" he continued with his soft voice. "do you want another famous ranboo hug?"
"please" i sighed , standing up with ranboo.
he intertwined his arms around me gently , but still holding me tight.
i reciprocated the hug and wrapped my arms around his stomach.
his hugs were almost like a comfort blanket. like, whenever he had his arms around me, i felt safe. comfortable. my breathing fully evened out and i breathed slowly into his hoodie.
(a/n this reminds me of teotfw quote that alyssa said 'i feel comfortable with him, sort of safe.')
we both stood there for a minute or so, no words spoken. he rubbed my back slowly and rested his head on top of mine.
comfort. comfort is what i felt . for the first time in years.
is that possible? having a panic attack, but also knowing that you have someone there who is trying their hardest for you?trying all they can to make you feel safe?
it feels impossible.
1464 words
RANTHENA MOMENTS LIKE THESE HAVE ME SOBBING. I CANNOT
i enjoyed writing this chapter for some reason! i hope you guys enjoyed reading it. go eat, drink, take care of yourselves. i luv you <3