sorry for the wait, but its been quite an eventful week.
here's the whole Dan story finally.
I tried to explain it the best I could, after rewriting it a few times, this is what i came up with. enjoy x
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Harry’s POV
“Dan was… he w-was…” Louis stuttered, as if fighting some kind of internal battle with himself about whether or not he should tell me.
And I really wanted to know.
I wanted to be able to understand him and help him, but for some reason he thought I would leave because of it.
He couldn’t be more wrong. No matter what happened, I would always be there for him. I’ve only known him a few months, but already couldn’t imagine my life without him.
He sniffled against my shoulder and took some deep breaths, calming down as I stroked his back, trying to make him feel better.
Whatever happened must have been quite traumatic if this was the what happened whenever he thought about it.
Eventually, he looked up and me and wiped his eyes.
“I want to be brave.” He said. “You make me want to be strong…”
I nodded and kissed his forehead, making him close his eyes briefly and take another breath.
“Okay.” He said shakily. “Let me s-start from the beginning.”
I nodded again and let him nestle back into my side, getting comfortable as he began the story.
“I grew up at home with mom, dad and my sisters. It was all fine, until I came out.” He admitted, looking down nervously.
“I don’t think it ever settled well with her that I was gay. I’ve known I liked boys ever since high school, but she didn’t like that. I used to date them anyway, I wasn’t closeted.” He told me and took a breath.
“Whenever I brought anyone home to meet my family, my mom would- she would-” He gulped. “She would treat them so badly. She said horrible things to them, made them scared of me.” His voice dropped to a whisper. “And they’d tell me it wasn’t worth it. That I wasn’t worth them putting up with my horrific family, so they’d leave me.”
He closed his eyes and took a breath.
“And word got around school that my mother was basically verbally abusing them, so I’d stop bringing them home. And all the boys at school stayed away from me because they were scared of her. Scared that if we started dating, she would come after them.”
I kept my hand on his back, stroking up and down to calm him down, I could feel him getting more and more tense.
When I met her, she didn’t seem like that at all. She was perfectly lovely, but then again, that could have all been for show. And according to Louis’ state right now, I tended to believe him.
“She said the most horrible things… To her own son as well…” He whispered, closing his eyes. He took a few breaths and I squeezed him tighter when I felt him start to shake.
“It’s okay, you’re fine.” I whispered back and he nodded.
“Y-Yeah. Um, so I didn’t have any friends back in high school, everyone stayed away from me. Until I started college. I met Niall, Liam and Zayn at UCLA. Ni, Liam and I were all doing acting and Zayn was more into art and music, but we all became friends. It was so nice, no one knew my mom and no one avoided me because of her.” He smiled briefly so I smiled back, proud of him.
“Then, I met someone.” The smile quickly faded as tears swelled in his eyes. “Dan.” He whispered.
I knew this was going to be hard for him, so I held him closer to me as he continued.
“My friends had all gone home over summer, but because I lived in LA, I stayed and I met Dan. We fell in love over the summer break, so none of my friends even knew he existed… They never knew…”
He sniffled and I felt myself getting emotional.
“I thought, since it had been a while since I’d brought anyone home, that my mom might have changed. That she would be different. So I decided to let him come over one night and meet everyone. I should never have done that. I don’t know why I thought it would be any different, it was just the same. She faked being nice, being over the top and sarcastic and dropping sly comments here and there. Until I left the room, and I overheard her telling him to get out and never come back. She was calling him names and I-I... I got so mad!”
He was shaking as he recounted the story, trying so hard not to break down again, I could tell.
“I thought he was going to leave me, like they all did. He went upstairs and started to gather all his things and I-I started panicking. I begged him to stay, I cried and pleaded with him. Then, he turned around and hugged me and whispered. “You’re coming too.” I remember the look in his eyes, he was so hopeful… He said that he was going to take me away from her. We were going to go somewhere where we could be happy together.”
He trailed off as he looked down at his lap. “We were going to be happy together. S-Shit I’m crying again.” He wiped his eyes and sniffled, taking a few moments to gather himself again.
“So we packed up my things, and went out to my car, and I took off. We had no idea where we were going, but we were getting away and that was all that mattered.”
“We were driving down a road and it was dark. We were singing along to the radio and then… then he wasn’t. T-There was a crash. A drunk driver on the wrong side of the road. I was driving, and then all of a sudden, there were bright lights and sirens and we were trapped in the wrecked car. I called out! I called out to him! But he never answered.” He was crying again and getting worked up as he spoke faster and faster.
“Boo, breathe.” I reminded him as he started sobbing. He did as I said and tried to stop crying, but it wasn’t working.
“I-I crashed the car because I swerved out of the way. A-And- And…” He trailed off as his voice dropped to a whisper again, so low that I could only just hear him. “And I killed him.”
“No you didn’t.” I told him. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I crashed the car, Harry!” He shouted, standing up as tears fell down his face. He was red with rage, angry only at himself as he started hyperventilating and crying again. “I killed him! I’m a danger to everyone I love. It was mom’s fault that we had to leave in the first place, but I was the one who killed him! It was me, Harry!”
“Shhh.” I stood up and gathered him in my arms. He fought me for a while, trying to escape, but I held him close until he gathered my shirt in his fists and just cried against my chest.
“H-He died upon impact.” Louis whispered. “I-I woke up in hospital, and they told me he was gone.”
“Oh Louis.” I cooed, holding him tighter. I moved us to the couch again so we were no longer standing in the middle of the room.
“T-Then,” he continued and I swear I thought it was over but apparently not. “Mom had the nerve.” He gritted his teeth. “To tell me that ‘it was all for the best.’ That the love of my life dying was for the best.”
He shook his head as fresh, angry tears rolled down his face.
“That was the last day I saw my family. I didn’t even bother going home to get my things because I didn’t want them. I wanted no reminder of that life.” He calmed down a little.
“No reminder of a murderer.”
“You’re not a murderer.” I told him, looking into his eyes. “Louis, nothing that happened was your fault.”
“H-He’s dead.” Louis whispered, closing his eyes. “And it was because of me. Everyone I ever loved, left. So I thought it must be me, if anyone ever loves me, then I would end up hurting them in some way. So I decided to become someone that no one could love. Because if someone loved me, they would get hurt o-or maybe even… like Dan.”
“When I went back to acting school after the summer, I was a completely different person. Ni, Liam and Zayn had no idea what happened to me, but they just accepted it and stuck by me. Though I have no idea why after the way I treated them. I only told Niall about what happened a few years ago, after he caught me in a panic attack one night. But everyone else distanced themselves from me too, because I was a terrible person, but I guess that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want to be the person that I was, I needed to leave it all behind.”
“I left boys behind too, because I didn’t want to fall in love or have anyone love me.” He admitted. “So I guess that’s one thing the media was right about. I slept around a lot with a lot of girls, until I had to be in a ‘relationship’ with El for the movie.”
“So that’s why you act the way you do?” I asked him carefully, not wanting to upset him further.
“I try to be mean, so that people don’t like me.” He looked away. “That way, I can never hurt anyone.”
“You push people away to protect them?” I asked.
He nodded and I sighed.
“I-I’m a monster.” He whispered, pushing himself away from me. “And I don’t want to hurt you. I-I’m so so sorry for the way I treated you, but I didn’t want you to get attached, because I’d end up hurting you in the end.”
“Lou, you’re not a monster.” I cooed, pulling him back to me. “And I’m not going to get hurt. Please don’t push me out of your life because you think it’s what’s best for me.”
I lifted his chin so he was looking at me with red, puffy eyes.
“Louis, you’re what’s best for me.” I told him. “I’m not leaving.”
And with that, he wrapped his arms around my neck and pressed his lips to mine, kissing me with so much passion, his eyes scrunched closed.
“Thank you.” He whispered against my mouth when he pulled back, leaving our foreheads resting together. “Thank you so so much, Harry.”
I pulled back and looked him in the eye.
“I’m your boyfriend.” I told him. “I’m going to protect you, and you’re going to protect me, because that’s how this works. We help each other. We’re in this together, Lou, and nothing is going to happen. We’re safe.”
Louis nodded and smiled at me a little, collapsing on to me in exhaustion.
“How did I get so lucky, Styles?” He asked with a sigh.
“I ask myself the same question everyday.” I answered, kissing his head as I held him.
We fell asleep like that, on the couch together, holding each other tight. And I meant what I said, every word of it. He was mine and I was his, we were so tangled up in each other it was a mess. But it was our mess and I knew I was never going to let him go.
He meant far too much to me.
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[unedited]
I hope that made sense for you, if not, i can explain all about Louis again if you want. just ask :)
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