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Dedicated to alohomora_mione for her comments every chapter. Best commenters get dedications! :D
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Soundtrack:
Breathe Again by Sara Bareilles – When Ava, Will and Candice talk about the wedding
My Immortal by Evanescence – when Chance and Candice talk
Angel of Mercy by OneRepublic - When Will and Candice talk
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“Are you serious?” Ava cried, looking horrified. “Candice, there is no competition when it comes to tulle or taffeta!”
I held my hands up in surrender, but couldn’t help smiling in amusement. “Right. Sorry. Of course. Silly me.”
Ava looked like something from a movie right now. It had been two days since the restaurant, and Ava had really kicked into wedding planning gear. The previous day she’d disappeared for three hours, and when she came back she had a thick binder full of wedding information and pictures, and a few bridal magazines dutifully tucked under her arm. She’d definitely taken her wedding planning phase to a whole new level.
Will was due to arrive any minute now, and whilst we waited for his arrival, we were discussing the wedding dress and the pros and cons of certain materials.
“Now, I’m thinking a dress in either baby blue or pink, and it should be sleek and sophisticated—corseted, maybe—ooh, and strapless, you definitely have the shoulders for it!—perhaps it should be silk or satin on the bodice and then roll out into a tulle skirt, hiding a pair of nude stilettoes.”
Just then a brief knock sounded at the door and Will wandered in, jerking the attention of Chance and Jamie, who had previously been completely disinterested by the dress debate. They’d decided to instead watch a baseball game on TV as a way to escape the world of bridal trains and veils. I couldn’t really blame them.
“What have I missed?” Will asked, shutting the door behind him and peeking over Ava’s shoulder to stare at the thick binder and its contents. It was currently stuck on a picture of a brunette woman in a million-dollar white dress with a sweetheart neckline. His eyes widened. “Fascinating stuff, I see.”
“We’re just discussing what your blushing bride will be wearing when she’s marrying herself off to you,” Ava responded. “But, carrying on with tradition, you are not allowed even the slightest inkling of what she’ll be wearing on the day. So, no peeking!”
He held up his hands and chuckled. “I solemnly swear.”
Ava, with a look of bracing determination on her face, flipped through the binder, riffling past wedding cake places, jewelry sellers, wedding ring styles and three-tiered monstrosities with icing until she reached the place she was after. “Now, I’ve narrowed it down to three possible locations. The others seemed nice, but looked like a nightmare. You know, rotting trellises, simple menus and the like.”
As she chattered on about the first place and its gazebo, to the second place with its waterfall and the third place with its ‘menu to die for’, Will and I traded a knowing look and tried to hold back our chuckles. At least we could sleep safely at night knowing our own personal wedding planner had everything covered—and she said she’d do it for free, as long as she earned the coveted place of maid of honor.
“So, I’m thinking,” Ava said again, pulling our attention away from each other and back to her. “Sunset ceremony, one maid of honor—me, of course—two bridesmaids, all walk down a red carpet surrounded by loved ones on both sides. The flowers should be lilies—orange ones, to match the sky—and the menu should consist of scotch fillets, salmon and expensive cheese. Champagne and beer at the bar as well, of course. And for dessert possibly something flambéed, because it combines my three favorite things: chocolate, alcohol, and setting things on fire.”
“Well, I can cook the dinner,” Will offered.
“And I can cook the dessert and the cake,” I said, trying not to seem mildly worried by Ava’s joking admission.
Ava looked like we’d just announced we were planning to have our wedding in a trailer park with ol’ Bob and Betty as our bridal party. “No way. I wouldn’t dream of it. This is your night, guys. And you will not spend your wedding night slaving away for everyone else.”
Though I knew she’d probably take over the job as bridezilla for me, I was still grateful for Ava helping us out. It meant saving money on an actual wedding planner, and although Will was still privy to the Winchester platinum card, I still wanted to cut down on pricing wherever we could.
“So have you guys thought about vows?” Ava asked, penciling something down on the notepad.
We exchanged glances, and I shook my head. “No, Ave. Not yet.”
“Well, I’m thinking a declaration of love under the sunset. How you met, how it was love at first sight, how you knew when you saw each other that you were destined to be together…”
Before I could respond to her statement, Chance abruptly stood up and stormed out, slamming the door behind him hard enough to shake the whole apartment. Jamie was staring in wild eyes at his direction, but said nothing about it.
Will looked down, and his jaw clenched as he stared at the tabletop. I wondered what was going on there.
Ava looked up at us with wide forest-green eyes, and nibbled contemplatively on her lower lip. “Something I said?”
I stood up and grabbed my green cardigan off of the bench, smiling at them all. “I’ll go talk to him. I’ll be back in a sec.”
I opened the door and stepped into the corridor, before walking towards the elevator. The ride down seemed like the longest journey, and I spent that time pacing the confined space and crossing and uncrossing my arms over my chest. In the whirlwind of organizing, I’d forgotten that I was organizing the whole thing in front of him. Considering our history, that probably wasn’t easy.
Once the doors had opened, I walked through the lobby with my head down and emerged into the frigid mid-morning air, hoping he hadn’t run off somewhere.
I found him in the alley beside the apartment block, his hands braced behind his head as he leaned against the bricks and squeezed his eyes shut.
“You know, I’ve done this before,” I told him, staying a fair distance away and shoving my hands into my jeans pocket. “I remember one time Will and I got into an argument, and when it got too much I ran out. This is exactly where I went. Great minds think alike, huh?”
“You know, Candice, I’m not really in the mood to discuss the pros and cons of filigreed invitations right now.”
I looked down, feeling shameful. “I deserve that.”
He sighed and stared up at the sky, which was gray and stormy. “I’m sorry. I don’t mean it like that. I just…” He swallowed and considered. “You have no idea how hard this is for me, do you?”
“Chance, why did you come here?” I asked, throwing my hands up in the air. It wasn’t just hard for him. I was dealing with my own fair share of hurt feelings as well. “What did you expect?”
“I told you why I came! I came to make sure you were happy.”
“Don’t you think I know by now when you’re not being honest with me?” I replied quietly.
He tore his eyes away. “It doesn’t matter.”
He started to walk off, and I felt anger rise within me. “No, you don’t get to do that, Chance. Don’t walk away from me.”
“Why?” he replied, chuckling humorlessly. “You did it to me once before, remember?”
“Because we need to talk this out,” I said, my voice shaking with the need to cry tears of pure frustration. “Tell me why you came to England. Why you walked back into my life when I’d finally healed. For once in your life, Chance, tell me the truth!”
“I came here to make you fall in love with me again, okay?” he yelled. “I came here to do what I couldn’t do in America—I came here to convince you to be with me. It’s been eighteen months, and I still love you. And I don’t know if I’ll ever stop.”
I had no idea what to say, and any words I could’ve uttered stuck in my throat at his words and the raw emotion in them.
“Are you happy now?” he asked, his voice on the verge of breaking. “Does the truth make everything better?”
“Chance, I didn’t know…” I whispered, shaking my head.
“Of course you didn’t. Why would I tell you that I came here like some kind of pathetic loser to win back the girl of his dreams?” He scoffed. “I guess that was pretty stupid, though, right? Coming here to be with you? Especially since you’ve more than moved on.”
“Chance, I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” I whispered. “And then I met Will, and he made me feel like how I felt with you. And he didn’t lie to me.”
He put his head back and squeezed his eyes shut. “I didn’t lie to you.”
“You didn’t tell me the truth either, did you?” I replied.
He was silent, and I put my head down, wondering how a relationship that had once felt so amazing had been reduced to this. I’d given everything I had to Chance, and I wondered how everything had changed like this.
“Can I be honest with you?” Chance asked finally.
I stepped forward. “Honesty? That would be refreshing.”
He sighed. “I was afraid to tell you because I didn’t want you to look at me different. I didn’t want you to look at me and see the man who could’ve been a father. I didn’t want to be defined by a mistake I made when I was nineteen. Not because I didn’t trust you.”
“That’s the thing, Chance, you didn’t trust me,” I replied. “If you trusted me, you would’ve known that I would’ve accepted you from the start. But you couldn’t trust me with one of the most important things in your life. And I don’t expect this to change that.” I turned around to leave.
“Candice…” he started.
I turned around. “What?”
“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” he whispered. “And I am happy for you. You deserve the best, and you seem convinced that person is Will. I just wanted you to be happy.”
“I am,” I told him.
He nodded. “I’m sorry I couldn’t be that person.”
I looked away and stared at the cold, wet bricks. “Me, too,” I whispered, before bowing my head and turning away. My heart beat fast in my chest and my throat felt thick as, once again, I walked away from him.
~ * ~
“You know, I’m trying to be that patient boyfriend, but I don’t think I have it in me,” Will said, breaking me from my thoughts that afternoon as I sat in the window seat of our apartment and watched the light reflect off of the diamond I wore on my finger.
I’d barely been able to focus or keep up with Ava that afternoon as she listed off possible wedding cake flavors, and eventually Jamie and Ava, sensing the awkwardness, had left on the pretense of ‘grabbing some food’, and had left me alone with Will.
Chance had never come back to the apartment.
I stayed silent and continued staring at the way the white diamond shone and refracted bolts of light everywhere. My mind was so caught up on my conversation with Chance that I didn’t notice when Will knelt beside me and grabbed my hand, clasping it firmly between his large, warm ones.
“Hey, talk to me,” Will whispered, brushing his lips against my knuckles.
“Do you ever wonder if things would be different if you’d chosen your heart and not your head?” I asked, turning away from the window and looking down into Will’s large blue eyes. “If your life would be different if you’d just changed one thing?”
“No,” Will said honestly. “Because if I had have done even a single thing differently, it could’ve meant never meeting you. And I don’t think I’d be willing to take that risk.”
I smiled slightly and bit my lip. “You’re so amazing. Have I ever mentioned that?”
He grinned and shrugged modestly. “Once or twice. But I never get tired of hearing it.”
I kissed him on the lips. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Will.”
“Candice, what happened between you and Chance today?” Will asked. “I’m trying to be patient and understanding here, but I’m finding it a little hard. Patience has never been a strong suit of mine.”
I sighed. Truth be told, I didn’t know what to tell him. What do you say when your ex-flame shows up in your life and makes such a heart-wrenching confession? What was I supposed to say? That my conversation with Will had me second-guessing every decision I’d made that brought me to England?
I’d never take back meeting Will—he made me the happiest I’d ever been before, and I was truly in love with him—but part of me wondered how different my life would be if I’d given Chance a fresh start.
Without noticing, I realized I’d been fiddling with my wedding ring, and Will looked down, his eyes flashing. “Candice? Did something happen between you and Chance today?”
I looked up at him and shook my head. “Not like you think.”
“Candice, if you’re thinking twice about us, I need to know,” Will told me, his voice low. I could tell he was trying to hide the panic he was feeling, but I’d always been able to read him too well.
“Will…”
“Candi, I love you,” Will told me. “You know I’d give my life for you. But if you don’t feel the same way…”
I cupped his jaw and stared into his eyes. “I do, Will. I love you so much.”
“Then what’s going on? Because I’m kind of freaking out over here.”
“I’m sorry,” I told him honestly, and I hated the somber, contemplative mood my conversation with Chance had put me in. “I just keep wondering what my life would be like if I’d changed things. I’d never have met you if I’d said yes to staying at that airport. If even one thing was different, I’d never have come to England. And we wouldn’t be here. Don’t you ever wonder how different your life would be?”
“Sometimes,” Will told me. “Sometimes I wonder what things would be like if I’d never stopped being that guy with a front ticket to the A-list nightclubs. But then I think about how happy I am now that I’m here with you, and I know that burning that leather jacket and tearing up that wild card was the best thing I ever did. I guess you just have to ask yourself, Candice, were the decisions you made worth you being here? Or do you think you would’ve been happier somewhere else?”
I stared into his eyes. I looked at his strong jaw and smooth skin and loving voice and sweet smile. And I knew that contemplating what my life would’ve been like with Chance was worthless. Because nothing could compare to this feeling of elation. How happy waking up and seeing his face in the morning made me. How wonderful I felt when I wore my engagement ring and knew I belonged with someone forever.
And no amount of contemplating and thinking could change how completely and utterly in love I was with the man in front of me.
“I think that you’re the most amazing thing that ever happened to me,” I admitted, curling my fingers into his soft hair. “And I think that there is no place on Earth that could make me happier than I am now.”
“Then I think that answers your question,” Will told me, and I smiled.
Because I knew he was right.