The Girl Who Read The Dating Manual

rule twenty-two: don't be a heartbreaker

Soundtrack:

MSK by Yellowcard – when Chance and Candi talk

When I Was Younger by Liz Lawrence – when Ava and Candi talk

The Mess I Made by Parachute - the end of the chapter

"What?" he whispered breathlessly. The wind was chilly and the grounds were silent. It was just him and I in that moment. It was funny how one sentence could pack such a deadly punch.

"This isn't how I wanted to tell you," I whispered, shaking my head. My throat felt like it had a wad of cotton stuck in it, and my eyes stung with the need to cry.

He looked down at my stomach, an unreadable look in his eyes. Instinctively, I felt my hand come to rest on the blue satin of my dress. I'd gained a little weight, but it wasn't noticeable yet. The morning sickness had kicked in, but no one had noticed my aversion to alcohol and bloated stomach yet.

"How?" he whispered, shaking his head. "It's not possible."

"I didn't think so, either," I whispered. "But it's true. I took the pregnancy test twice. I'm pregnant."

"How far?" he asked, and I could hear his voice breaking. It looked like his whole world was crashing down around him.

"Six weeks," I replied. "I only found out two weeks ago. Chance, I'm sorry."

He ran a hand through his hair and dragged his eyes over the surroundings. He opened his mouth and closed it, obviously unsure what to say to this admission.

"That's why we can't be together, Chance," I told him. "I'm having Will's baby, and I love him so much. This is my life now. And that can't change. Everything is finally falling into place for me after so long of having no idea what I was going to do. I'm going to be a mother and a great wife."

"Is that what you want?" he replied. "Will and his baby and England?"

I sighed, and finally nodded. "Yeah. I think so."

"Does Will know?"

I shook my head. "No. I was going to tell him at the wedding."

"What about Ava?"

"Not yet."

He leaned against the wall and slowly slid down, hitting the ground squarely. I sat down beside him, and he dropped his head into his hands. "No."

"I've been thinking about it a lot, and I get it now," I told him. "You and Zoëy and the baby. Why you couldn't tell me that she existed. I was so blinded by anger when I found out that you hid the truth from me that I never stopped to see your point of view. If I lost the baby now, I would never want to tell anyone. It'd break me."

"It did break me," Chance replied. "And it's the reason I lost you."

I looked up at the velvet expanse of sky and the smattering of stars that lightly dusted it like icing sugar.

"Chance?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry," I whispered, and I felt one tear slip out of my eye.

He chuckled. "Sorry for what? For getting pregnant? It's not your fault. Well... at least it isn't all your fault."

"No, not about that," I whispered, shaking my head. "I look back at myself back in America, and I realize now how proud I was of myself. I had too much pride. And there was something I never told you. I never said I was worry. I never said I was sorry that you lost the baby or Zoëy. I never apologized for acting the wrong way. I never should've broken up with you because of it. You were hurting, and I never helped you. I'm so sorry."