"We're sympathetic to your situation Miss Kapley but unfortunately there isn't anything we can do. The neglect to your studies has impacted your grades and you've fallen short of the expectations of your scholarship." The chancellor tells me, sitting in her chair behind the large oak desk that separates me from her and my academic file.
"Is there no way I could apply for some kind of special exemption?" I ask meekly, looking down at my hands while picking at my chipped polished nails.
"We're happy to give you a consideration exemption for the exams you missed given you can supply all the paperwork." She answers, placing my file to the side and adjusting the large glasses on her long nose.
"But your scholarship has been revoked. And you will have to retake some courses for the internals you missed." She concludes sympathetically.
"When could I re-sit the exams?" I ask looking up from my lap.
"Next semester. You will have to reapply to retake your majoring classes though since you've missed two months. I must remind you payment for courses are due once you've completed your enrolment in them." She turns her attention to a stack of papers and pamphlets.
How am I meant to find ten thousand dollars for my classes in three months? I still have the last of my grandmothers medical bills to pay. The realisation of losing not only my scholarship but my university education is now weighing down on me. My eyes prick with the disappointment and I look to the side, pretending to look over her various framed certificates adorning the wall and blink back my tears.
I've cried so much this last week that my eyes now burn at the feeling of extra moisture.
"We have some incredible programs available here you may want to utilise. We have a great grief counselling you may find useful." The chancellor speaks again, sliding her stack of self help and healing notes over her desk to me.
Don't get me wrong, it is nice of her. But the amount of flyers people have handed me since my grandmothers death is taking its toll. There's only so many times a girl can read about the benefits of being outdoors, surrounding yourself with loved ones and, "accepting what is," before you start to grow frustrated.
The thing is, being outdoors doesn't have much to offer me apart from glorious views of concrete. I don't have any loved ones left to surround myself with. And as for accepting what is, well I think my complete break down this week from realising I was now completely alone in life has been my way of accepting, "what is."
"Thank you." I accept the collection of support brochures, recognising one of them as the same one the doctors gave me in the hospital after they told me my grandmother had passed away.
"I look forward to seeing you next semester, Miss Kapley." She begins to dismiss me and I stand from my chair.
"For what it's worth, Lilianna, I'm very sorry for your loss." Her tone is sincere.
I'm still unsure how to react to people saying this to me. I give her a tight nod in gratitude for her words before leaving the large office.
Walking across campus I try not to let it dawn on me that this will be the last time I'm here as an enrolled student. But I can't pretend like I didn't see this being the outcome. I knew choosing to look after my grandmother these last two months and abandoning my studies would result in me falling behind and possibly losing my scholarship. But I'd never regret that decision.
My grandmother Mera was my rock. She was the kindest person I've ever known and did literally anything for me. I couldn't leave her side as soon as she got sick, deciding to nurse her at home myself till things progressed too much for my experience. She moved into the hospital then, and still I never left her side till she passed one night in her sleep.
Mera raised me after my parents died. I don't remember my parents much, only what they looked like but I'm sure that's only from photos not my actual memory of them. But my grandmother would always tell me how in love they were and how much they loved me.
My parents were murdered when I was six. My grandmother would never go into detail when I'd ask about it, still finding it too difficult to talk about the death of her only daughter and son in law. I learnt to stop questioning her about it as I got older, realising how upset it made her. She explained the basics to me though, for my own closure I guess, that it was a robbery gone wrong. They had tried to fight back against an intruder but were killed.
I use to be sad about it, especially when I was younger. I wanted a mum and dad like all the other kids had, but I had my grandmother Mera at least. But now...well, now I have no one.
I dump the depressing leaflets full of unhelpful cringe slogans into the trash and walk to my shitty car parked in the campus car park.
As soon as I'm safe in the confines of my little white '91 Ford Fiesta I scream out in frustration. Gripping the steering wheel and thrashing about in pure vexation of my situation.
Ten grand in a couple months is a fucking joke. I'd never be able to make that even if I take up a full time position at work. Shit, work!
"Shit." I dig my key into the ignition and crank my old car to life. I don't have long till my shift starts but I should have enough time to get there if traffic isn't hectic.
As if today couldn't be any more shitty, traffic is indeed hectic and I begin to run late.
"Hurry up you morons the light is bloody green!" I honk at the slow car in front of me and eventually turn off onto the street the old liquor store I spend my afternoons slaving at resides.
"You're late." My boss and owner of the store, Jeremy, calls out as soon as I step through the doors.
"Am I? Or are your clocks just five minutes forward?" I cheekily reply rushing around to the back of the counter while collecting my blonde hair to tie up. Tucking the awkward lengthened strands from outgrown bangs behind my ears. Jeremy rolls his eyes at me and focuses back on the crossword in the paper he's trying to complete. I grab the green apron with the store logo printed over the front from underneath the counter and adjust it around me.
"How did today go? Wasn't it your big meeting with your principal?" He asks, wearing a matching green apron over his red flannel, not bothering to look up from the paper when he speaks.
"Chancellor." I correct him, slightly amused. "It went how I thought it would." I sigh.
"That sounds...unfavourable." Jeremy remarks, adjusting the old baseball cap he never takes off. I have a sneaky suspicion he's balding underneath and that's the reason for his hat obsession.
"Mmm." I tap my hands against the counter behind me nervously.
"Actually, I was wondering if I could maybe pick up some extra shifts?" I ask him and he looks up from the paper.
"Extra shifts? Which ones?" He questions.
"All of them." I fold my full lips into my mouth apprehensively waiting for his answer.
Jeremy sighs and puts the paper down to the counter giving me his full attention.
"You know as well as I do there isn't any extra shifts for you to pick up. You see how dead we are in here." Jeremy motions around the empty store.
"I'll do the grave yard. I don't care Jeremy I just really need the money." I don't want to beg, but I'm begging.
"Night shift is too dangerous for a girl like you on her own. I'm not letting you do it." He shakes his head in disagreement.
"Look Lil, I really wish I could help you out but there just isn't anymore work." Jeremy sighs regretfully.
"I'm sorry." He adds to soften the blow.
"No it's okay. Thanks anyways." I give him a small smile and turn back to face the counter and begin balancing the till. I had assumed as much. I earn just enough here to cover my living expenses; rent, food and a little extra spending if I'm smart about saving and bargain hunting. But there's no way I could pay for my studies with this job.
It was hard enough to even find this job to begin with. Literally everywhere I applied wanted so many years experience in positions I didn't even realise needed experience. Jeremy was the only one who agreed to let me learn on the job since I had zero customer service experience or till knowledge. But like I had promised him, I learnt fast and he was leaving me to run the store by my third day.
A lot of people have told me my face is wasted in a place like this. Even Jeremy. It's a nice complement but I never know what to say to things like that. My friend Tiffany tried to get me into modelling, it didn't last long though. I told the people to shove it after they told me I could make it if I lost a tiny bit of weight. As someone who got picked on in high school for being awkwardly tall and skinny, to be told I needed to be even skinner didn't sit right with me so I ditched it. I don't think I would have done very well anyway. Like I said, I was bullied a lot for my appearance growing up and being surrounded by a lot of obviously beautiful girls made me feel insecure and inadequate being there.
Jeremy eventually leaves to let me manage the store on my own. My shift goes pretty quick and I only drop one bottle while stocking the shelves so that's a bonus. I finish at ten at night, just as the store begins to get more busy and Jeremy returns to take over the late night shift.
It's close to eleven by the time I make it home to my flat. It's weird coming home to such a quiet place. The piles of boxes of my grandmothers possessions a reminder of just how alone I am now. I haven't been able to bring myself to look through any of it yet so in the corner they sit, collecting dust. I moved into this place a few days ago when my grandmothers house sold.
I had kind of hoped I'd get some savings off the house when it sold but the bank was fast to claim their share of the sale and the rest went to paying most of the medical bills and the real estate agent. But it did end up leaving me with enough to put a renting deposit down on this cosy one bed, one bath flat.
While I'm mid wallow on my bed feeling sorry for myself my phone buzzes next to me. It's a text from Tiffany, inviting me to a party this weekend with a bunch of other people we know from Uni. I sigh and drop my phone back to my bed, turning over to bury my face into the comforter. I'm in no mood to socialise but maybe getting absolutely inebriated with my friends is exactly what I need after this awful week.
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A/N:
There is a playlist on Spotify for this book, if you would like the link to it just message 🎶