"To live without hope is to cease to live."
- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Earth's long ghostly fingers were gliding slowly over the blue-black and greyish book cover depicting town during world war two. The cover was smooth under his fingers, creating no fraction at all.
His eyes shot towards Mix who looked ethereal — his smile, so bright, there was no doubt in Earth's mind that it could light up the whole room. For Earth it definitely did. Mix's eyes were wide open, sparkles in them were reflecting from a big candle lightened up on the bedside table. And his dark messy hair that was falling right into his eyes were making him look even softer than Mix already was.
Earth was sure that if his heart could beat it would be beating dangerously fast. A wide, shocked but happy smile spread all over his face; this was another step towards Mix, towards his alive life...towards his alive life with Mix.
Even if it would turn out to be only this book and nothing else of Mix's that he could be able to touch it would be alright. It would be at least something and Earth would accept it with all the hope he carried in his bullet-broken heart.
"It works. You can touch it," Mix breathed out and let go of the book, watching as it stayed comfortably in Earth's hand.
Mix thought about it a lot. That whole thing they were trying with Earth needed time. Mix was aware of it. And he was also aware of the fact that it was his fault. If he would believe in ghosts as his grandmother did, he would be able to see Earth from the beginning and most likely by this time they would be able to touch; trace their fingers on each other skin, interwind their hands, hug, kiss...
Mix wanted it, he really did. But apparently, it still wasn't enough. So he thought about it; maybe they should start with something smaller, like trying if Earth can try touching something that belongs to Mix before they try something more. At that point, they had already spent a significant time together, alone, in the middle of nowhere. Day by day they knew each other more and more, they understood one another better, they felt more for one another. They did. Mix did.
That thought that seemed so far fetched, so outlandish, crazy even insane...was becoming the reality. Mix was falling in love with Earth. It took him some time to...not realize it but...to accept it. Mix never imagined that his dream of finding someone he could be connected forever with, someone who would be his other half, someone with whom he would grow together, explore life together, someone who would be there for him and he would be there for that person — that that someone would be already dead when they meet.
But yet here he was, so early in the morning that the sun hadn't even come up yet, snuggled on the bed feeling so much happiness he could scream, just because someone could touch something that belonged to him. As if that wasn't the most mundane thing ever. Every day people all around the world are coming into contact with things that belong to other people.
But what was happening between them wasn't an everyday situation and Earth wasn't just someone.
Mix was past the point questioning if all of it was real or not. He already knew, he believed that all of it was real. Earth was real. And Mix wanted all of it. From the deepest parts of his heart and soul, Mix wished for Earth's heart to start beating again, for his body to become solid and gain a healthy colour again. Mix wished for Earth to be genuinely happy again. To be alive again.
There were some days when Mix was disappointed that no matter how much he thought and felt that he wanted Earth to be alive, there seemed to be no progress. But then he observed Earth, Earth didn't seem to mind; as if it didn't matter as if that was how it was supposed to be.
Or maybe Earth knew something about the true love legend that Mix didn't. They needed to talk about it, but later. Mix was strangely really happy but also really tired to have another long conversation at that moment.
Earth was feeling the heaviness of the book in his hands, his hold on it, strengthening with each passing second, "I'm holding it!"
Mix nodded, "yes, yes you are." He took the pillow, put it in front of himself and lay his head on it, his eyes not leaving Earth's, "are you as happy as I am, right now?"
"Is your heart beating dangerously fast, right now?"
Mix pouted, "um, it does."
"Then yes," Earth took the book to both of his hands, "I am as happy as you are."
Mix furrowed his eyebrows, "but your heart isn't beating...right?"
"It isn't, but I like to imagine it is," Earth smiled.
"I hope you'll like the book if not there are others you can choose from. All are in this bag," Mix pointed at the bag next to the bed. "I think I should put them on the shelves — make it here more cozy."
"More cozy? Isn't this wooden cabin in the middle of the wast forest, during autumn cozy enough for you?"
"It is, but I'll never say no to even more coziness," Mix said, his eyelids too heavy.
Earth smiled, opening the book, "you should really sleep now. I'll be reading and not watching you sleep I promise."
Mix threw the duvet on himself, almost covering his whole head, "okay, but I...ehmm, you can throw at me occasional glances here and there, I won't mind." He mumbled, not sure if he hoped for Earth to hear it or not.
But Earth did hear it, "seems like someone can't decide what they want, hmm?"
Embarrassing...Mix decided to pretend that he was sleeping already, saying nothing, keeping his eyes closed.
After a minute or five; Mix wasn't sure — time flies differently when you try to sleep — he felt the familiar coldness on his cheek, but this time it was colder than usual. He fought the urge to open his eyes, waiting and waiting...and then he heard Earth's happy voice covered in the layer of sadness...
"Still can't touch what I want to touch the most. But it's okay. Sleep well my hope, I'll be here."
My hope.
My hope.
My hope.
Two words that lulled Mix into a delicate, gentle land of dreams.
To be continued...
P.S. What do you think, what needs to happen for them to actually be able to touch?👀