I would like to thank moonkissedgirl for making this cover for the Hawkeye Arc of The Third Maximoff!
NO ONE'S POV:
(Kate, Clint, & Y/N are in an alley.)
Clint: Come on!
(Y/N): Was not expecting a girl.
Kate: You're...You're Hawkeye! And you're Wolverine!
(Y/N): Hey...
Clint: And who the hell are you?
Kate: [gasping] I'm Kate Bishop.
Clint: You're a kid. My God. How did you get this suit?
Kate: [gasping] I...
(Y/N): Catch your breath.
(Sirens wail in the background.)
Clint: [sighs] Lookit. We gotta get you out of here. Okay? It's not safe for you to be in this. Do you live near here?
Kate: Yeah. I live just...
Clint: Okay.
(He hands her a bag.)
Clint: Here, take this.
Kate: Yeah. Okay.
Clint: Are you okay?
Kate: I'm really fine. I...
(Y/N): You really don't sound fine.
Clint: Come with us. Let's go.
Kate: I saw a dead body.
(Clint & Y/N lead Kate out of the alley.)
Clint: This way.
Kate: It was a first.
(Y/N): You'll get used to it.
Clint: Don't listen to him. We'll talk about it when we get there.
(Cut to the trio walking down a sidewalk.)
Clint: Where'd you learn to fight like that?
Kate: I, uh, started taking martial arts when I was five.
(Y/N): So young.
Kate: Gotta start somewhere, right?
Clint: Wow. So, like, a year ago?
(Clint watches a person walk by them as Y/N sniffs the air.)
Kate: Are...Are you assessing threats? Is that what you're doing?
Clint: Something like that.
Kate: And are sniffing the air? For gunpowder and/or explosives?
(Y/N): That's exactly what I'm doing.
Kate: That's how you two operate? You're just constantly looking for things that are suspicious or weird while he's sniffing for the same things?
Clint: Uh-huh.
(Y/N): Pretty much.
Kate: Look, just so you know, I'm not some total noob, right? Um...I was a little overwhelmed, but I held my own with those douchebags. We're right here.
(They stop in front of a pizza place.)
Kate: Um, some people have called me the world's greatest archer.
Clint: Yeah? Are you one of those people?
Kate: [stutters] Well, one of them is. Yes.
(Y/N): Looks like you've got some competition, Clint.
Clint: That's wonderful. Yeah. Open the door, please.
(Cut to the trio in her apartment.)
Kate: [sighs]
Clint: Some guard dog you got there.
(Y/N): Hey. He lost his eye protecting you, didn't he?
Kate: I actually don't how he lost his eye. And he's, uh, not my dog.
(Y/N): Oh.
Clint: Nice place for a kid.
Kate: Yeah, I inherited it.
Clint: What are you, 18?
Kate: I'm 22.
Clint: Yeah, same thing.
(Y/N): Give or take four years.
Clint: So, wanna get that vest off, so we can get going?
Kate: Yeah. Yeah, I'll...I'll be right there.
(She heads upstairs.)
Kate: [whispering] Totally cool. Just stay cool. The Hawkeye in my place. And he brought the Wolverine with him.
(Y/N stares at the dog.)
(Y/N): You need an eyepatch, bub.
Clint: Where'd you get the suit?
Kate: Black Market auction.
(Y/N): Makes sense.
Clint: And you bought it?
Kate: No. Not exactly.
Clint: Uh-huh.
(Y/N & Clint look at her trophies.)
Clint: So, what all did you do in this suit?
Kate: I beat some bad guys up. Saved the dog. Some light B and E.
(Y/N): So, nothing too bad.
Clint: [softly] Jesus. A 22-year-old vigilante. Shouldn't you be in school?
(Y/N): You know, Wanda and I were about her age when we made our debut.
Clint: Yeah. Don't remind me.
Kate: [scoffs] Funny you should ask. So, uh, now that I've answered all your questions, I have so many for you. Both of you. Uh, starting with...
(She hands Clint the Ronin suit & holds up her bow.)
Kate: Can you sign this?
Clint: We're not done yet.
Kate: But when you are, can you sign my bow? You're kind of my favorite Avenger.
(Y/N): Ha! You've got a fan.
Kate: Sorry, I don't have anything for you to sign, (Y/N).
(Y/N): Don't sweat it.
Kate: You're my third favorite Avenger.
(Y/N): Third? Who's ahead of me?
Clint: Are you okay? By the way?
Kate: I'm good. Oh, yeah, no, I'm fine. You should see the other guys.
Clint: I did. Tracksuit Mafia.
(Y/N): Seriously?
Kate: That's their name? That's a little on the nose.
(Y/N): Not very intimidating either.
Kate: Do you think they're the ones that killed my mom's fiance's uncle?
Clint: Your mom's fiance's uncle?
Kate: Armand III.
Clint: Ah.
Kate: Of at least seven.
(Y/N): Wow.
Clint: I...I do not know.
Kate: Hmm.
Clint: But what we need to know is if anybody saw your face?
Kate: No. Kept the mask on like a pro.
(Y/N): At least you've got that down.
Clint: Okay, 'cause the person that wore this suit made a lot of enemies. All right? And the Tracksuits are just one of them.
Kate: That doesn't sound good.
Clint: You told nobody about this suit?
Kate: No.
(Y/N): Are you sure?
Kate: Absolutely.
Clint: There's no way you're connected to this suit?
Kate: Right.
Clint: I need you to be sure.
Kate: I am.
Clint: Certain?
Kate: Yes.
Clint: The Tracksuits must have followed you from the auction to where we found you. Did you stop anywhere before that?
Kate: I just dropped off the dog.
(A voice is heard shouting outside.)
Ivan: Hey, Kate Bishop!
Kate: And my name's on the buzzer.
(Y/N): [sighs]
Clint: Oh, no. Get down.
(Two molotovs' are thrown into Kate's apartment. Clint runs up to a window, smashes it, catches the third molotov thrown, & throws back at the Tracksuits. Kate fires an arrow at the fourth molotov which explodes onto the Tracksuit's van.)
Kate: Told ya.
Clint: Yeah.
(Y/N): Very impressive.
(The fire begins to spread.)
Clint: I gotta get that suit.
(Kate fires an arrow into a fire extinguisher in the hopes of putting out the fire but it just floats around & lands in the middle of the Tracksuits.)
Clint: You have a fire escape?
Kate: My home! All my stuff!
(Y/N): You can just buy new stuff.
Clint: Just grab the dog and go.
(They run up stairs.)
Kate: Wait. What about the suit?
Clint: Leave it. We'll come back for it.
(Cut to the trio walking into a subway.)
Kate: So where are we going?
Clint: Getting further away from those people trying to kill you.
Kate: Right. And after that?
Clint: We'll need some supplies.
Kate: Hell yeah. Avenger supplies?
(Y/N): [chuckles]
(Cut to the trio in a convenience store as festive music plays.)
Kate: [sighs] Not gonna lie to you, Hawkeye. This is a bit of a letdown.
Clint: Sorry to disappoint you. Wanna grab some of that rubbing alcohol over there? Lower shelf.
(Y/N): I got it.
Kate: No, Wolverine. Please, let me.
(She grabs the rubbing alcohol.)
Kate: So what's the plan now? Let me guess. We're going to your safe house? Is it in Avengers Tower?
Clint: No. Tony sold that. A few years ago.
(Y/N): To...?
Kate: That is so sad on so many levels.
(Y/N): I know, right?
(They stand in line.)
Clint: Look, we gotta find a place to stash you. Safe. So, I can recover the suit and clean your mess.
Kate: Stash me? I'm not a bag of money.
(Y/N): Be a lot cooler if you were.
Clint: No, you're not. A bag of money'd be useful to us.
Kate: I actually do know a place about 10 blocks away. Would a bag of money know a place?
(Cut to the trio in an apartment building.)
Clint: It's not a fortress but it'll do, right?
Kate: It's my aunt's place. She's in Florida for the winter.
(Y/N): Thank you, Kate's aunt.
(They walk in.)
Clint: Are there cats in here?
Kate: Just cat hair. [sniffles]
(Y/N): [sneezes]
Clint: Here. I need you to clean your wounds. Use this. Use soap, this and disinfect it. All right. I'm going back to your apartment to get that suit. (Y/N), stay here and babysit her.
(Y/N): Why do I have to babysit her?
Kate: Uh, I don't need a babysitter.
Clint: Because from what Nat tells me, you're really good at it.
(Y/N): Wha--ugh. I was a bodyguard.
Clint: For who again?
(Y/N): Doesn't matter.
Clint: Now that's settled. Once I get my suit, we'll get back to our kids.
(He walks towards the door.)
Kate: Oh, yes, Clint, you may enter my apartment. Don't you need my keys?
Clint: Nope. I'm good. Stay here. Lock the door.
(He leaves Kate & Y/N, who takes a seat on the couch.)
Kate: So you were a bodyguard, huh?
(Y/N): Correct.
Kate: Man. That's so cool. And of course you were good at it. I mean, with your claws, adamantium skeleton, and healing factor.
(Y/N): Are you trying to flatter me in the hopes of me liking you?
Kate: Oh, that's-
(Y/N): Because it's working.
(As this is happening, Clint returns to Kate's burned apartment & to his surprise he doesn't find his Ronin suit. Outside of her apartment he looks at a logo on a firetruck which reads, "NYC Larpers". Cut to Clint walking back into Kate's aunt's place.)
(Y/N): Welcome back.
Kate: Hey.
Clint: Hey.
Kate: I gotta go. Love you.
Clint: Since when did everybody start saying, "I love you," to everybody all the time?
Kate: That was my mom. Since when did your heart shrink three sizes?
Clint: When a little girl in a ninja costume stole my Christmas.
(Y/N): Ouch.
(Kate walks over to Clint with a frozen cheese pizza held against her cut.)
Clint: What?
Kate: Multitasking.
Clint: Hmm.
Kate: Reducing swelling. Thawing out Pizza Dog's breakfast.
(Y/N): I suppose frozen pizza is better than nothing.
Clint: Is that the, uh, dog's name?
Kate: He doesn't have a name. It's more of a title of nobility. Like Earl of Sandwich.
Clint: How's your wound?
Kate: Uh, all right. It still hurts a little bit.
(She places the frozen down.)
Clint: Oh, shit.
Kate: What?
Clint: Did you clean it?
Kate: Yeah.
Clint: You did it all wrong. (Y/N), why didn't you clean it for her?
(Y/N): It looked like she had it under control.
Clint: Let me fix it. Okay?
(He cleans her wound.)
Kate: So, how's my place?
Clint: Crispy.
(Y/N): That's accurate.
Kate: Did you get the suit?
Clint: No.
Kate: But you have a lead.
Clint: What makes you say that?
(Y/N): He has a lead.
Clint: What's this?
Kate: Oh, I started to describe, um, what I could remember of the Tracksuits' faces.
Clint: I guess you're not an art major.
(Y/N): That bad, huh?
Kate: Okay. Um, I would offer to buy you a hotel, uh, 'cause from certain angles, I know this all looks like my fault. Um, but my mom cancelled my credit cards due to the whole clock tower.
Clint: That's not necessary. I'm gonna be another minute, kid.
(Y/N): I'm already set up in a hotel.
Kate: Okay. Thank you for...I'll, um, see you two tomorrow, I guess.
(She walks away from the duo. Y/N exits the apartment & makes his way back to his hotel. Clint goes to NYC Larpers' Instagram page where he watches a video of someone wearing the Ronin suit.)
The Peninsula
(Clint is saying goodbye to his kids.)
Clint: When you land, your mom is gonna be waiting there, okay?
Cooper: Is this about the ninja?
Clint: No, it's not about the ninja.
Cooper: Then why is (Y/N) here?
Clint: How'd you know that (Y/N) is here?
(Cooper points towards the Peninsula's entrance, Clint & Lila turn to see Y/N standing there.)
(Y/N): Morning.
Clint: [sighs] Most importantly, remember these words, "Don't lose Nate." Okay?
(They briefly look for Nate but Clint finds him. Everyone's in the car except for Lila.)
Clint: Huh? What's with this face?
Lila: You have a cut on your forehead, Dad. What's going on? Should we be worried?
Clint: No, no. It's nothing. Daddy's got this. It's no big deal. Okay? Come on.
Lila: [sighs] I really thought you were gonna be home for Christmas.
Clint: Hey, look at me. I'll be home for Christmas. (Y/N), too.
Lila: Nat's okay with you being here?
(Y/N): I wouldn't be here if she wasn't.
(Clint gets Lila into the car & it drives away.)
(Y/N): We'll be back in no time.
Clint: Hopefully. Maybe you should head back.
(Y/N): Clint.
Clint: I'm sure you miss your kids and Nat.
(Y/N): Believe me, I do. But honestly, if something were to happen to you and I wasn't here to prevent that, I'd never forgive myself.
Clint: Hm, I didn't think we were that close.
(Y/N): Well, also, Natasha would kill me if something happened to you.
Clint: [chuckles] That sounds like her.
(Y/N): Plus, Laura's dying to spend Christmas with you and your family.
Clint: That's sweet. Not Daken?
(Y/N): Him too. He's just...not as expressive as his sister.
(Cut to everyone in Kate's aunt's place watching a news report about Armand Ducane's death last night. Witnesses even say that they saw a mysterious figure fleeing the scene.)
Kate: But that's...
Clint: Yeah.
Pat Kiernan: The description matches the masked assailant from last night's auction robbery. These two events have officials wondering if indeed, the Ronin has returned to New York City, if he may be responsible for Armand Ducane's death, and what he may do next.
Kate: Oh, my God. Wait. Wait, they think I...They think I'm...the vigilante?
Clint: It's been less than 24 hours, you've been on the news twice. Impressive.
(Y/N): Takes something drastic for me to make the news.
Clint: Told you that suit was bad news.
Kate: Clint, (Y/N), I gotta go.
Clint: Uh, no, no, no. That is, uh, the last thing you need to do, actually. Let's not forget the Tracksuits guys trying to kill you twice yesterday.
(Y/N): Got to come up with a better name than that.
Clint: No, we don't. (Y/N) and I are going to find this suit, and until we do, you're gonna stay put. It's not safe.
(Y/N): Obviously.
Kate: Not showing up at work is not safe. My mom is already high strung. I'm surprised she hasn't called me already.
Clint: Just stay put, please.
Kate: Look, if I stay put, she's just gonna come and find me, anyway. She owns a security company. It's literally the safest place I can go.
Clint: Yeah, no. You're just not gonna listen to us, are you?
Kate: I want to, but no.
(Y/N): At least you're honest.
Clint: Go get changed. You look silly.
Kate: All right, I'll go see what else she has.
(Cut to the trio on their way to Kate's mom's security company.)
Kate: I'm gonna be late, thanks to you.
Clint: You're gonna be alive 'cause of us.
(Y/N): [yawns]
Kate: Oh. All right. Being gentlemen, both of you walking beside me. That's nice.
Clint: No, no, it's just so I can hear you.
(Y/N): It's easier this way. Better than following directly behind you.
Clint: And to be clear, not 'cause I want to...
(He points at his hearing aid.)
Clint: Just 'cause I need to.
Kate: Oh.
(Y/N): Yeah.
Kate: What happened?
(A quick montage is shown of everything Clint's been through throughout the years.)
Clint: Uh, too hard to tell.
(Y/N): No kidding.
(They're stopped by a kid saying "superhero." His mom asks him if he wants a picture so he runs to some people dressed as heroes.)
Kate: Hey, look, that one's you.
Clint: No. That's Katniss Everdeen. Let's go.
(Y/N): I'm surprised she's still relevant.
Kate: Your problem is branding.
Clint: No, our problem is you. And this ninja suit, and the people trying to kill you 'cause of it. It's a problem that we're going to solve today, so we can go home to our families.
(Y/N): Glad we have a gameplan.
Kate: No, it's branding. Your whole thing is that you're low-key. It's a very hard brand to sell.
Clint: Well, I'm not really trying to sell anything.
Kate: It should technically make you cooler, but with the scary stuff that's happened since the Avengers appeared, people don't want that cynical, cool thing anymore.
(Y/N): Then what do they want?
Kate: They want sincerity.
Clint: That right?
Kate: Not self-seriousness, but heart-on-your-sleeve sincerity.
Clint: I see.
(Y/N): Go on.
Kate: You, both of you actually, are very contained. Keep your cards close to your vest, which you wear over a suit of armor and, like, 16 other layers of self-protection. All of which, under, finally, is your heart. So, not exactly on your sleeve.
(Y/N): Been thinking about that for a while now, haven't you?
Kate: Does it seem that way?
Clint: Again, not really trying to sell anything.
Kate: But you do, anyway.
Clint: [sighs] Yeah, okay Kate. Um, what am I selling, then, huh? It's certainly not Halloween costumes or toys off the shelf.
Kate: Inspiration, Clint.
(They stop walking.)
Kate: The office is here. Shall we meet at the safehouse after work?
Clint: Uh...if all goes as planned today, Kate, this is gonna be the last time we see each other.
Kate: All you've taught me is how to lose a tail and almost certainly knew that. (Y/N) and I just started bonding.
(Y/N): Timing.
Clint: Right, maybe I taught you how to bandage a wound. How's that?
Kate: What about trick arrows?
Clint: There are no trick arrows, Kate.
(Y/N): Stop lying.
Clint: I am not lying. Here, put your phone number in here. For emergencies only. Hand her your phone.
(Y/N): Right.
(Kate puts her number into Clint & Y/N's phones.)
Clint: Just go inside. Stay safe. Emergencies only, or I'll block and delete you.
(Y/N): Feel free to call me. Though, I may be busy, kids and all.
Clint: Um, this is goodbye.
Kate: Okay.
Clint: Great. Merry Christmas.
(Y/N): Happy Holidays.
(They go their separate ways.)
Kate: Cool. Call you later.
Clint: No, please don't.
(Y/N): She's definitely going to call you.
(While Kate is at her mom's security company, we cut to Clint & Y/N on their way to the NYC Larpers.)
Clint: Know anything about larping?
(Y/N): Other than "Lightning Bolt!" I don't know anything about larping.
Clint: What the hell was that?
(Y/N): Just something from a really old video.
(They see a person wearing the Ronin suit.)
Clint: Ah, there you are.
(They try to enter but they're stopped.)
Missy: Uh, hey. There's no looky-loos.
Clint: Uh, we're not trying to cause any trouble here. We just want to talk to that ninja, right there. Stole that suit. So, we'd like to talk to him.
(Y/N): If you could step aside, that'd be greatly appreciated.
Missy: So, you can take that up with him when the LARP is over.
(They look at her confused.)
Missy: The Live Action Role Play. This, you know...This whole thing.
Clint: Wait, when is it over?
Missy: Midnight.
(Y/N): Larping takes that long?
Missy: Sometimes.
Clint: Yeah, that's not going to work. It's just gonna take a couple minutes...
(He tries to walk past her but she stops him.)
Missy: Look, I know who you two are, but most of those folks out there are firefighters and cops. And if you break the rules, it's gonna get real messy.
(Y/N): Messy works with me.
Clint: (Y/N), wait. [sighs] What are the rules?
(Cut to the front desk area of the LARP.)
Woman: Names?
Clint: Uh, yeah, no, thank you.
(Y/N): [groans]
Woman: Email?
Clint: That's classified.
(Y/N): Oh, I like that.
Woman: Title? Organization?
Clint: All right, yeah. Let me just sign it for the both of us and we'll get this show on the road.
(He takes the clipboard & signs it.)
Woman: So, your scroll details your character's mission.
(Clint takes the scroll.)
Woman: Beginners only get one free hit. If you get hit in the torso, it's fatal.
(Y/N): That's not going to work for me.
Woman: Well, it's gonna have to.
Clint: So violent.
Woman: Just watch what other people are doing. And have fun.
Clint: What do you do with this?
Missy: That's what you live by.
(Y/N): A piece of paper?
Clint: Okay. Thank you.
Woman: Wait, wait, wait, your armaments.
Missy: [clears throat] Helmet.
Clint: I mean, do we have to?
(Y/N): Fine. But I'm making some adjustments.
(Cut to the middle of Clint larping.)
Clint: Great. Where'd (Y/N) go?
(Some yelling is heard beside Clint prompting him to look to his side to see...)
(Y/N): [yelling]
Clint: (Y/N)?
(Y/N): Hey, Clint.
Clint: Looks like you're having fun.
(Y/N): I'm making the most of it.
Clint: Did you start the fire in front of you?
(Y/N): No...
Clint: Whatever.
(They make their way to the guy wearing the Ronin suit.)
Grills: Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm a Viking. I'm really a Viking.
Clint: I don't care.
(Y/N): Not the best Viking attire.
Grills: Wait a minute. Aren't you Hawkeye and Wolverine? Awesome suit.
(Y/N): Thanks.
Clint: Look. I'm not trying to cause a scene here, all right. Out of respect for whatever the hell this is, but I'm plumb of patience. You got three choices. I could take this pretend-sword and you pretend to die and I take that suit, or I'm gonna real punch you and you're gonna real fall down and I'm gonna take that suit, or I'm gonna have my friend here with his real claws cut you out of that suit.
(Y/N): Your choice, bub.
Grills: Just let me kill you. And I'll give you the suit.
Clint: No.
Grills: Come on, man. You're a superhero in real life. This is as close I'm ever gonna get to being one. Just work with me. Let me kill you.
Clint: And I fought Thanos.
(Y/N): So did I.
(Cut to Y/N & Clint after the trial by combat.)
(Y/N): He really kicked your ass.
Clint: That he did, (Y/N). That he did. Oh.
(Grills hands the suit to Clint.)
Grills: Noble Mayor of Westland. Thank you. I shall be regaling my countrymen with this tale for many years to come.
Clint: You can call me Clint.
(Y/N): (Y/N).
Grills: I...can call by your first names?
Clint: Yeah.
(Y/N): Don't make it weird.
(They hand their equipment to Grills.)
Clint: Can't have that showing up on my credit card.
Grills: Nah, they will charge you. No, but, seriously, thank you. I owe you one. This has been, like, the best day of my life.
Clint: I can't say the same.
(Y/N): It's definitely up there for me.
Grills: I mean, come on. You did have fun, right? I know (Y/N) did.
Clint: I'm glad I did it.
(They fist bump.)
Clint: Merry Christmas.
(Y/N & Clint walk away from Grills.)
Grills: You, too, Clint, (Y/N).
(Y/N): Have a good one.
Grills: Oh! I'm...I'm...I'm Grills.
Clint: Nice to meet you, Grills.
(Y/N): Pleasure.
(Cut to Y/N & Clint talking to their wives on the phone in a gym locker room.)
(Y/N): We missed our flight.
Natasha: Figured that's why you were calling.
(Y/N): I'm also calling to find out how Laura and Daken are doing.
Natasha: They're great. Getting along with Lila, Cooper, and Nate.
(Y/N): Adorable.
Natasha: It really is.
(Y/N): I wish I was there.
Natasha: Me too. How long do you think it'll take?
(Y/N): Hopefully one more day.
Natasha: Then you should be able to see their gingerbread houses.
(Y/N): I would be missing that. Send pictures.
Natasha: Already on the way.
(Y/N): Okay, I'll let you go. Gotta help Clint deal with some Tracksuit idiots.
Natasha: Sounds exciting. What's the play?
(Y/N): An old move of yours.
Natasha: Let me guess...Catch release?
(Y/N): Yes, ma'am.
Natasha: I love that move. I'll tell the kids you miss them, killer.
(She hangs up.)
(Y/N): [sighs]
Clint: Time to get ourselves caught.
(Y/N): Woo.
(Kate & Jack fence & after that, Kate puts together that Jack may have murdered Armand. All due to a butterscotch candy. Cut to Clint & Y/N waiting for the Tracksuits.)
Clint: Come on, guys. Let's just get this over with.
(Y/N): *pops his fingers*
(A van pulls up in front of them.)
Man 1: What's up, bro?
(Tracksuits get out of the van.)
Clint: Hello, boys. You found us.
(Y/N): Took you long enough.
(Two more vans pull up.)
Enrique: Hey, Hawkeye, you have someplace to be? You gonna be a little late!
(He hits Clint in the gut with a bat.)
Clint: [grunts]
(Y/N): Is that really necessary?
Enrique: How could I forget? Wolverine!
(He breaks his bat across Y/N's face.)
(Y/N): [groans]
(Some tracksuits put bags over their heads & carry them over inside a van.)
Ivan: Easy, easy. She wants them alive.
Clint: Guys, I can see through the bag.
(Y/N): I have splinters in my eyes.
(Kate gets into a cab & is on her way to Clint & Y/N. She calls Clint back but he doesn't, one of the men holding them does. Resulting Kate to track his phone. Cut to Clint & Y/N in an abandoned warehouse. Clint's tied to a chair.)
Clint: It's a nice place you got here. Not creepy at all.
Thomas: Hey-
(Y/N): If I could interject?
Thomas: What?
(Y/N): Why the fuck am I hanging upside down?!
(The camera pans out to show Y/N is indeed hanging upside down with his hands tied behind his back.)
Clint: Why is he upside down?
Thomas: You're the Wolverine, bro. You're like, really dangerous.
(Y/N): [groans] That makes sense.
Thomas: It was getting very hard to find place. Now, all the warehouses are being converted into lofts, so how can I find something better?
Enrique: Come on, bro.
Thomas: But he's criticizing.
Clint: Uh, look, guys, I'm not who you think I am. Okay?
Ivan: So, you are not Hawkeye?
Clint: Well, I...I guess I am who you think I am.
(Y/N): I can feel blood rushing to my head.
Clint: Uh, I'm not the guy you're looking for.
Ivan: Kate Bishop.
Clint: Not Kate Bishop.
Ivan: Kate Bishop is guy, bro.
Clint: Kate Bishop not guy.
(Y/N): Get your eyes checked, bub.
Ivan: Kate Bishop is guy in costume.
Clint: Wow. Hmm. Can I speak to your manager? This is like talking to furniture.
(Y/N): This is going nowhere.
Clint: We came here *clears throat* to talk to your boss. Is that possible? I'm trying to be civil here.
Thomas: Civil? We kidnapped you, rozumiesz? You are our hostages now, rozumiesz to?
Clint: Well...[grunts]
*SKINT*
(Y/N pops his claws, cuts his restraints, & lands on his feet.)
(Y/N): That's better.
(Clint frees himself from his restraints.)
Clint: If you like.
(The tracksuits aim their guns at them.)
(Y/N): You guys must know that your bullets aren't going to work on me, right?
Clint: Is that him? I really would like to speak to your boss. It's why we came.
Thomas: Hey. Look at me, okay? Because I'm interrogating you right now.
Ivan: Bro.
Thomas: We are now interrogating you, so look at us.
Clint: You're the shift manager?
(Y/N): He doesn't get paid enough for this.
(Ruffling is heard above.)
Thomas: Where is Kate Bishop?
(Y/N): Kate who?
Clint: I've never met her. I have no idea.
Thomas: Come on! Where is Kate Bishop?
Clint: Who are you talking about?
(Kate falls & lands in front of Clint & Y/N.)
Kate: [grunts, groans]
Ivan: Bro, I found her.
Kate: [groans]
(She seats up.)
Kate: Oh, my God.
(She turns around to see guns pointed at her.)
Kate: Oh, wow. Didn't realize we were supposed to bring guns. [chuckles nervously]
(Cut to Kate & Clint being taped to mechanical rides while the camera pans slowly upwards to show that Y/N being hung upside down again. This time, with his arms spread out.)
(Y/N): Fuck me.
Clint: There you go.
Thomas: Don't worry, you will not fell off.
Clint: You got it.
Thomas: It's strong. [laughs]
Clint: Thank you.
(He looks at Kate.)
Clint: Look what you did.
Kate: I was just trying to help.
Clint: Don't talk.
(Y/N): I hate this...so much.
Thomas: Uh-oh. You're in trouble now, bro.
(Ominous music plays as we cut to the person in charge.)
Ivan: We have all three. We have...
(Ivan leaves.)