I looked into the mirror, desperately trying to convince myself that this was the new me. Some people say 'get under someone to get over someone', but no I decided to go attack the hair. My once beautiful long curly hair was now shoulder length. And I underestimated how much hair I had when I begun to do this. A normal person would of gone to the hairdresser, let them cut it professionally. But no I decided on a Monday night that I would do it myself. After getting halfway through and realising how uneven it was, I called Jess.
"What the actual fuck have you done?" She gasped dramatically as I opened the door to let her in.
"I don't know!" I cried
"Oh baby, go sit down in the kitchen and let me fix this mess!" she shunned me toward the kitchen, making me sit down on a stool with a towel wrapped around my shoulders whilst she gathered everything she needed.
"What was your thought process behind this?" she questioned, judgement filling her tone.
"I wanted a change" I sighed.
"Well if you want a change. Go try new clothes, don't cut your fucking hair"
"Well I know that now!" I barked back.
"Right well I'm gonna have to try fix this now then" she muttered to herself. She would pick up a strand of hair tutting to herself at my horrendous effort.
After what felt like an hour, with endless lectures from Jess and a bottle of wine later, she was finally done. My once waist length hair was now just below my shoulder. It was certainly different. But in a good way I thought.
"Can I go now, or are you going to have another meltdown and dye it this time?" Jess raised her brow.
"I'll be fine" I assured her, rolling my eyes at her comment. I pressed a quick peck to her cheek before she stepped into the typical humid New York summer night.
At about 11pm I flicked through the nighttime channels, bored out of my brain. Another large glass of wine in my hand. My phone buzzed beside me with an incoming factime call. I looked down at the name and answered. "Hello dear how are you?" Scott asked.
"Stop your making me sound old!" I groaned.
"Oh my god! I just noticed the hair" He gasped, "Give me a twirl" He commanded.
I set my phone down on the table beside my sofa and gave a proper reveal of my new hair.
"Love it!" he clapped.
"What can I do for you Mr.Evans?" I quizzed suspiciously, knowing that he only facetimed me when he wanted something.
"I have a small little thing that I may of forgot to mention" he smiled.
"Go on" I replied, raising my eyebrow.
"Well I may of given the impression to Chris that you may of wanted to speak to him" he scunched his face up, flinching at my awaiting response.
"What?" I blinked.
"And he's in New York filming for like a week and is on his way over. Bye, Love you!" he rushed and then hung up before I could even fit a word in.
I sat there, jaw slack, completely gobsmacked at what was even occurring right now. Before I had much more time to process the door buzzed. I walked over to the intercom, holding down the button. "Hi, who is it?" I questioned, almost knowing what the response was going to be. My legs felt as if they were about to buckle. I wasn't sure if I ever wanted to speak to him again, let alone this second. I felt as if I was about to keel over with all this anxiety building up, until I heard those three simple words.
"Hey, it's Chris" his voice sexy as ever, he sounded good, I bet he looked good. Before I could give my brain time to respond my finger pressed the button allowing him into the apartment building. My apartment building. I was going to see him in a matter of minutes. Reality finally kicked in and I sprinted to the bathroom. Putting on the tiniest bit of mascara and lip gloss in a desperate attempt to look good. That's always been the competition between ex's, who looks better, who is winning at life. I just needed to make it seem like these past two months hadn't been a total shit show. Like I hadn't been crying myself to sleep most nights and that I actually felt okay.
A knock at the door made my heart stop. "Shit" I muttered to myself as I stubbed my toe on the sofa.
This was it I thought to myself. I took a deep breath and opened the door.
He looked good. He looked really good. His beard was a bit shorter, as was his hair. His skin was glowing, his smile. Oh fuck his smile. He looked genuinely happy. "Hi" he grinned.
"Hi" I replied, attempting to muster a half-assed smile. He awkwardly lifted his arms as if he was going in for a hug. I flinched slightly at the skin contact. But I quickly relaxed into him. His amazing musk filling my nose, giving me the feeling of comfort and love. This was Chris. The man I love, loved.