"Don't ask if I'm happy, you know that I'm not
But, at best, I can say I'm not sad
'Cause hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have
Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me to have"
~Hope is a dangerous thing for a woman like me, Lana Del Rey
Alena's POV
My phone has been repeatedly buzzing on the table for the past one hour. And of course I know who is calling which makes it easier for me to not respond to it.
Today has been a busy day for me. Okay correction, I have made the day busy for me. Well I did it half voluntarily and also because I love what I do.
But I have been waiting for tonight for a month now.
Then you might be wondering why am I wasting my time closed up in a metal room with chemicals, tools and mechanical stuff. Well you know sometimes you have to do something but you do absolutely different thing.
I come out of my little monologue when my door bursts open and as expected a furious Angana enters.
"What the hell are you still doing here? We are supposed to be at home cooking for dinner 'together'." She yells at me quoting the word 'together' with her fingers in the air.
I roll my eyes and reply, "you very well know about me and cooking. We aren't the best of friends." I turn back to the circuit wires in front of me and keep working.
I can feel that Angana is coming towards me but I could bother less. Suddenly my goggles are ripped from my face and the tools in my hand are thrown on the table in a matter of seconds.
I turn to look at my angry sister smugly looking at me after doing all this.
"Why would you do that?" I ask while gathering my stuff. She folds her hands over her chest and keeps glaring at me.
She walks closer to me and starts pushing me towards the door. "Heyyy, let me take my phone and bag at least."
"I will get those for you, now start walking we are already going to be late for cooking," She snarls. This girl I swear.
I huff and walk out of my lab. This girl is gonna kill me someday. She is so stubborn I swear to god. I am the bigger sibling here but she is the one going around ordering me stuff.
I go down to the parking lot and lean on my white Porsche waiting for my angry bird sister to arrive with my phone and bag.
The thing about my sister is that she can be all dangerous, sassy, stubborn, bad girl, 'I am a bitch' attitude but she has a heart like a puppy. She has kept a tough exterior for the world but inside she is a puff of cotton ball, I know it all.
I am just two years older than her so we are kind of like best friends. We know each others' everyday lives and interesting events happening with us. Well mostly she is the one with interesting events and I just listen and it's fun. She tells me about people she meets and daring things she does. I like listening to those things. While the interesting events that I tell her about myself are all about what new gadget I have made that day.
I know right, boring. I am boring.
But nevertheless she listens to me because those things are important for me.
My work is important for me. Or so I think.
I am cut off by my thoughts when my sister shoves my bag and phone in my hand and says, "don't wander around and come straight to home or else I will hunt you down."
"Yeah of course you will," I scoff, rolling my eyes. "Do we need any groceries for dinner?" I ask.
"Lucky for you, I already brought them when you were busy ignoring my phone calls." She responds in her sassy tone.
"Yeah, yeah. Bye." I say, turning around and getting into my car.
She turns around and starts walking towards her car, waving her hand at me and shouts at me, "byeeeeee didiiiiii." (Didi is an Indian word for older sister. Pronounced as 'thee-thee' like in the Shakespeare novels)
I turn on the engine and start driving. It's almost eight now. Night time in Seattle is always crowded. No wonder how much traffic is waiting for me.
The sky is the darkest shade of blue and wind is flowing little more, making my black-black hair fly in every direction and get stuck on my face. With one hand on the steering wheel, I use the other one to remove my hair stuck on my face.
Weather is really amazing. Maybe I should take a long drive. But again my dracula sister will kill me even if I am two minutes late.
Street shops are all illuminated by lights with lots of people surrounding them. People here, people there, literally people everywhere.
Today is Friday night, I should have already guessed that today is going to be a hustle bustle in the city.
Our house is just 20 minutes away from the headquarters yet it took me 40 minutes to reach. I walk into the house, closing the front door behind me and go directly to the kitchen. I see the grocery bag kept on the counter top and Angana putting on her apron. Apron with design of small-small knives printed on it.
"I am gonna go get out of these sweaty clothes from work," I say sheepishly as an excuse to get out of here.
"No, you can't sweat, you stay in a full proof air conditioned room the whole day where you don't have to do any physical work," she snaps at me.
"Well my sweat glands are all over the place so at least let me change my clothes," I argue back. I need clean clothes.
"Fine, but be back in two minutes. We are already late. Dad could be home any moment." She glares at me. Two minutes? She can't be serious.
I give a little grin and run upstairs to my room. I wash my face and get dressed in a light blue tank top with gray yoga pants and then brush my hair from the knots caused by the wind while driving.
One thing I love about myself is my hair. No matter what, they are my possession and I take care of them everyday.
Quickly I walk down the stairs taking two at a time without slipping and hitting my head and put on my apron asking, "so what are we making today?"
She starts washing vegetables and putting them on the cutting board. "I was thinking about pav bhaji(Indian dish- bread and cooked mixed vegetables), pasta salad and white wine."
"Yeah that sounds great. We should also make chicken strips and brownies. You know how much dad loves brownies." I add. I tie up my hair and start putting pasta and water in a vessel and later put them on induction to boil.
"Yeah, I know because brownies made by me are his favorite," she teases, cutting vegetables.
"Oh please, showoff. If I had time I would make better than you." I reply, somewhat offended.
"Well there's only one way we will find that out," she says and I already know where this is going. "You are gonna make tonight's brownies," she grins smugly at me and challenges me.
Here we go. I should have thought a thousand times before saying something like that. My mouth has no filter and now I am in greatest trouble of history.
But I don't let defeat show on my face. I put on a confident face and say, "challenge accepted."
Oh boy, what am I gonna do now?
No matter how intelligent I am, whenever cooking comes in front of me, I am a total zero.
I search through some brownie recipes on youtube and start taking out ingredients. I mix flour, baking powder, chocolate powder, eggs, vanilla flavouring, sugar, butter, water, milk and nuts together for a while and put them in a square pan and place them in the oven. I turn on the timer to let me know when they are done.
Well most of the steps are now done. All that is left is for it to bake and luckily I have no work in it.
In the meanwhile I prepare the pasta salad.
Suddenly my phone starts ringing from the countertop and I walk over to pick it up.
As soon as I see my best friend's name on it, I grin and accept the call. I sit on a chair near the counter and start talking and laughing.
We talk for a while. It is always great talking with him. Feels like at least someone understands me.
I don't even realize how long I have been on the phone until my nostrils hit a burning smell.
OH MY GOD. IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?
I hang up the phone abruptly and walk towards the oven. And guess what? Black fumes are emitting from the oven. I don't even know from how long the timer has been ringing.
I pull on oven mitts on my hand and carefully open the oven and take out the pan. Of course, the whole brownie is burnt. It doesn't even look a bit similar to brownie or edible. It looks more like burnt rock if it makes sense.
Fuck, I am doomed.
I sit down on the chair and take my head in my hands. After a minute I hear, "what the hell happened? I just left the kitchen for 2 minutes and you already caused a fire in it?" My sister shouts.
I look up at her with defeat and say, "my brownie got burnt because of my carelessness. I am sorry. Dad won't be able to eat brownies now."
Angana comes and sits beside me and holds my shoulders and says, "don't worry I knew something like that would happen so I already made a backup brownie myself."
"You did?" I ask, dumbfolded. She nods and I take a sigh of relief. "So you already knew I would mess it up?" I squint my eyes at her and ask.
"Well.... everything is ready now let's set up the plates and dishes on the dining table," she cheers me ignoring my question and stands up from her chair.
I give her a death glare then stand up myself and start taking cutlery and dishes to the table.
It's almost ten now, dad will be home any minute. Then we will have our monthly family dinner as planned.
We all are so busy that we don't get much time to spend together.
When one is free the other is busy and vice-versa. Usually one of us out of me and Angana comes home soon and cook the whole dinner and keep some in the fridge for the others to eat. Well Angana always cooks while I majority of the time order take outs.
So we have decided that every month at least one day we will have a family dinner together. That's why we are both so excited and want it to be perfect. Home cooked meal, chit chat and all that what a normal family does.
Time passes by Angana talking about her new mission while dad hasn't returned yet. I am starting to get a little worried.
It is almost 11:30pm when my phone starts ringing from my front pocket. I quickly take it out and see dad's name flashing on the screen.
Without letting it ring another time, I accept the call. Maybe it is an emergency and he needs our help or maybe worse, someone took him.
Oh my god.
"Dad, what happened? Are you alright? We have been waiting for you for a very long time now." I speak in a panicked voice.
"Umm yeah, I am fine. I wanted you girls to know that I can't make it tonight for dinner. You two have fun. I am really sorry, sweetheart but I have to be in a confidential meeting tonight. I am so sorry," He apologizes.
"It's okay dad. I understand," I reply with now tears brimming in my eyes anytime ready to fall.
"I need to go now. Sorry again. Love you." He says.
"Love you too." Then I hang up immediately.
Tears have been flowing non-stop from my eyes by now making my cheeks slimy. My mouth leaves pathetic sobs. My chest heaving a bit.
My sister sees me and comes towards me and asks, "what happened? Who was that?"
"Dad, he is not coming for di-di-dinner," I reply with stuttering words. I sound so pathetic.
Without saying or hearing any other words I run upstairs and lock myself in my room.
I don't remember how long I am locked inside, sitting on my bay window, staring at the night sky with my mum's shawl wrapped tightly around me.
Whenever I feel sad or like crying I wear this shawl. It was my moms, she always used to wear this. It gives me a superior power which calms me down and helps me think straight. I wrap it around me whenever I feel low.
While I stay in, my sister once knocks on my door and asks sympathetically, "hey, are you alright there?"
"Umm...yeah," I answer just above a whisper. I don't even know if she heard me. But after that no questions or anything came from her telling me that she is gone.
Dad said he would have dinner with us today. He had promised us. The three of us, together. Sitting across each other and talking nonsense. I wait for this day to come every month. And as always he cancelled his plan at the last moment.
I guess what they say is true.
Promises are meant to be broken.
I try so much not to let my tears take control over my body. But I fail, miserably. Tears are gushing out of my eyes nonstop like a river. Every time I think about it, I feel betrayed.
Ever since I lost my mom when I was a kid, I haven't been stable at all. I always busy myself with mechanical work so that I am not left alone with my thoughts unlike now. When I am alone like I am now, my emotions take over me and I think of everything wrong with my life.
I don't want my emotions to control me but I can't help it.
Maybe I am so engrossed in my work that I don't even notice if my sister is hurting. I know she is also broken like I am but she doesn't let it show outside. She has made an impenetrable wall around her, keeping her away from her emotions to take over her.
I am so sick of crying. I don't wanna cry anymore but my body says otherwise.
Thank god I am calmed down a bit or else I wouldn't have heard the knock on my door. I get up from my bay window and open the door, coming face to face with my father who has an apologetic and sorrowful look on his face.
I turn around and go back to sit. He comes and sits in front of me after shutting the door.
"I am really sorry darling, I didn't mean to cancel the dinner," He apologizes, holding my hand.
I don't say anything, just sobs leave my throat. I look like a whiny kid.
"I will make up to you soon. I promise," He sound tired.
"You promised last time too but you broke it." I say in between sobs.
He lets out a disappointed sigh and says, "I know. I haven't been a good father lately. I had promised your mother to take care of both of you. But I have been so busy with all the work that I don't give time to you girls."
"Dad, it's okay. Work is important, I understand," I murmur.
"But not more than my family." He shakes his head and pulls me towards him for a bear hug. I love these hugs. They make me feel secured.
I hug him back and whisper sadly, "Dad, I miss mom."
"I do too kiddo. I do too." He gives me a tight lipped smile.
After a minute or two he pulls away and wipes the tears down my cheeks with his thumbs and says smiling, "I heard you made pasta salad tonight."
"Yeah, I did," I nod.
"So what are we waiting for? Let's go and taste it." He say trying to cheer me up.
"Umm okay. There's something else you need to know," He raises his eyebrows at me, questioningly. "Well... I tried making brownies today but they got burnt," I continue scrunching my face up.
"It's okay sweetheart," he laughs, making me feel much better than the sobbing mess I was before. "And there is something you should know."
"What is it?" I ask curiously, running a hand over my face, wiping the moisture out of it.
"We will be having a new agent joining us here next week from London. He is great at combat, using gadgets and has pro spying skills."
"Okay?" I don't find anything new or interesting in this. New spies are always recruited every time of the year but dad doesn't go around telling me about them. So why now? There must be something important about the person that is coming probably.
"I was just letting you know. You guys were friends when you were kids. You might not remember him now," he says and then changes the topic, "Now let's go and eat dinner. It is past midnight."
I nod and start walking with dad down the stairs.
But all I keep thinking about is this guy with whom I was friends when we were kids?
*******
so i have posted the first three chapters of this book.
hope you guys like it.
don't forget to comment and vote.
i will be posting more soon :)