In the morning, I was the first to awake. I showered, brushed my teeth, and changed into a green onesie with a very long, adjustable, springy tail. I made my way down to the living room to check on our sweet little bird friend. She immediately came to the front of her cage to greet me.
"Hi," I said in a joyful baby voice as I opened the cage door. "Hi, Sweetheart. Did you sleep well?"
She chirped "yes."
"Good. Sméagol so happy to hears that." As I reached out to her, she jumped onto my arm, and ran up to my shoulder. I giggled. "That tickles."
She laughed, too.
"Come, why don't we goes outside to sit in the beautiful morning sun?"
She chirped happily as I made my way outside, carrying the sweet little angel bird on my shoulder, and giggling as my tail bounced up and down behind me. I sat on the porch swing, and she climbed down to the top of my zipper again. I stroked her gently as she nuzzled up against me. "Awww, you're a sweet little baby birdy, aren't you?"
She cooed softly.
I continued stroking her as I suddenly began to feel very sad once again. I remembered the conversation I had with Máiréad last night, and what it made me realize about Gollum. I didn't knows what to think, or how to even explains what I was feeling.
After a few moments of deep thought, I heard footsteps approaching. I looked up to see Aaliyah tiptoeing towards me, carrying a plastic bag. She sat next to me on the swing. "Hey, Sméagol," she greeted, sifting through her bag, and taking out some yarn and needles.
"Hello," I said somberly. "What's it doing?"
"I'm crocheting a blanket."
"Oh, like Máiréad's sweater blanketses?"
Aaliyah grinned. "Yep. I'm making her another one, because she loves them so much."
"Awwww, so sweet you are. Sméagol wish he could makes blanketses."
"Well, I can teach you if you want."
"Oh, yes, please do."
"Okay, so here's what you do." And, she showed me how to crochet.
I watched as she made the blanket, and listened as she gave step-by-step instructionses. Then, she hurried back inside to fetch some yarn and crocheting tollses for me. She repeated her instructions to me as I slowly began, and once again, I picked up on it very quickly.
"Wow, you're doing great, Sméagol."
I smiled graciously. "Thank you, Aaliyah."
Our little bird friend perched on top of my zipper, watching us make our blankets. She chirped happily.
I giggled. "You likes it, Precious?"
She chirped "yes."
"You want Sméagol to makes you a warm, fuzzy sweater blanket?"
She chirped "yes" very excitedly.
I giggled. "Awww, okay. Well, this won't take much longer, Sweetie."
Aaliyah looked over at me, and she noticed the sadness in my eyes. "Sméagol, are you okay?"
"I am, yes."
"Because, you seem kinda down about something."
"Well..." I sighed as I tried to find the words to explain what was bothering me so much. "I don't knows how to explains it, but... talking to Máiréad last night... I realized something I never knew... about Gollum."
"What is it?"
"I don't knows. I think I understands... why he was so obsessed with the Ring and... and why he tried so hard to pits me against nice hobbitses."
"Why do you think he did?"
"Because... he had no faith in unconditional love."
"Because he never received it," Aaliyah added. "Nobody ever showed him what love is."
I nodded. "Yes, very true, and so, the Ring was his only friend."
"It was all he had, or at least, that's what he believed. Nobody ever gave him reason to believe otherwise. Everyone judged him without even getting to know him. People just decided that he was evil, and everyone was so hostile to him."
"Yes, exactly. Sméagol agrees."
"You know what else I think it was?"
"What, Precious?"
"Because of how badly you were treated... by your family, by the orcs and elves in Mordor, Faramir's rangers. Then, when you started to bond with Frodo, it made him feel all sorts of ways. He was jealous, because he wanted that bond with someone. He was scared, because he was afraid of you getting hurt again. Then, after Faramir's rangers beat you up, he was convinced that Frodo set you up for that. He didn't know the whole story. He just saw it as yet another betrayal towards him and towards you."
"Wait a moment. Are you saying... Gollum cared about Sméagol?"
"I think that he was jealous of the bond Sam and Frodo had, because he wanted that bond with someone. He was jealous of the bond you were forming with Frodo, because—"
"He wanted that bond with me."
Aaliyah nodded, and at that very moment of realization, I began sobbing heavily. She wrapped her arms around me, and the bird climbed up to my shoulder, nuzzling against my neck in an attempt to comfort me.
"All this time... I thought he hated me," I wept. "I thought he only wanted to torments me. I never thought he cared for me... and I fights him every time. I wasn't there for him. I never tried to helps him. He did helps us. He saved us. We survived because of him, and all I did was fights him. I told him I hates him. I hurts him. I hurts poor Gollum... and now... he's gone."
My sobbing escalated as Aaliyah held me tightly.
"It's okay," she whispered. "It's okay, Sméagol."
"I never hated him, never, but I never told him I cared for him. I never said thank you! I never said I'm sorry... and I am! I'm so sorry!"
"He knows, Sméagol. He knows you care about him. He knows you never meant to hurt him."
"But... Sméagol does not understand. How does it know? He's gone."
"No. No, he's not gone."
"But, when we dies, he wasn't there."
"Because he was still in the Ring's grasp. You died quicker than the Ring was destroyed, which is why he wasn't there anymore when you awoke in the afterlife. He was trapped within its grasp. He had to make a choice really quickly to either let go, or completely vanish from existence, not even to be a spirit in the afterlife. He chose to let go."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why did he chooses to lets go?"
"Because he realized the Ring didn't matter to him as much as he thought it did. He realized that it wasn't stopping the unbearable pain he was feeling... and that it actually caused it instead. He also realized that the Ring didn't matter to you... which made him realize what mattered more to him."
I thought for a moment. "Me?"
Aaliyah nodded. "Yep. He let go for you."
I was absolutely speechless. "What... made him change his mind?"
"His heart. His love for you overpowered his love for the Ring, and he decided he wasn't going to go under with it. If he was going to die with the Ring, he wanted to be in the afterlife, so he could watch over you."
"But, why did he not gets a second chance?"
"After I brought you here, while you were still asleep, I went back to talk to him. I offered him a second chance. He refused. He said he'd caused you enough pain, and you deserved to be free of him." She rested her head on top of mine. "Sméagol... he wanted you to be happy, even if it meant you being alive and him being dead. He said he regrets everything. He regrets the way he treated you, and he never meant to hurt you. He knows you never meant to hurt him. He understands why you resented him so much."
I began sobbing once again. "Sméagol misses Gollum. Sméagol misses him so much."
"I know, Sweetie." Aaliyah caressed my head. "I know you do. He misses you, too."
"Does he knows I loves him?"
"He does," Aaliyah sniffled, "and he loves you, too. But, you'll never be without him. He's watching over you, and he'll always be alive in your heart."
"I wish I could talks to him again."
"Well, I take a lot of trips to the afterlife, so I can deliver messages to and from him for you whenever you want me to."
"You can do that for Sméagol?"
"Yeah." She grinned. "Being an angel comes with a lot of perks."
I smiled, relieved. "Thank you."
"You're welcome, Sméagol."
Then, I suddenly remembered our sweet little bird friend was still on my shoulder. So caught up in my conversation I was that I didn't realize she was crying. "Awwwww, come here, you." I picked up the poor little angel, and held her against my chest, right above my zipper. "What's the matter, Sweetie? Did my crying upset you?" I stroked her lovingly. "Awwwww, Sméagol so sorry. Sméagol so sorry, Baby. Did not means to upset you, no."
She nuzzled up under my neck, and I could feel her tears falling onto my skin, which broke my heart.
"Awwwww, you poor thing!"
Aaliyah smiled warmly. "Awww, she's a very empathetic bird. She could feel your pain."
"Awwwwwwwww!" I cried. "Such a sweet little angel you are! Yes, very sweet indeed, Precious!" I kissed the top of her head, and she immediately perked up. I giggled. "Awwww, are you Sméagol's little baby?" I said in my baby voice. "I think you are. Yes, you are my baby, and I wuvs you so much. I do."
She chirped "I love you, too."
"Awwwwwwww!" Aaliyah and I both cried.
I giggled as her feathers tickled my neck. She giggled in response to my laughter. So much fun I was having playing with her that I did not realizes that Máiréad was standing close by, watching with the most adorable grin on her face.