Kiss My Sass [Books 1 & 2]

By Puppy1899

209K 15.6K 5.5K

Featured in YARomance's 'Love-Hate' reading list as of 01/24/2022 Featured in TeenFiction's 'Funny Bones' rea... More

[book 1] chapter one: an introduction of sorts
[book 1] chapter two: new neighbour
[book 1] chapter three: my neighbour steals my chocolate milk
[book 1] chapter four: drunken dani
[book 1] chapter five: i commit a felony
[book 1] chapter six: i commit another felony
[book 1] chapter seven: the car ride of death
[book 1] chapter eight: study buddy from hell
[book 1] chapter nine: my twin gets in a fight
[book 1] chapter ten: i bunk with a psychopath
[book 1] chapter eleven: test time
[book 1] chapter twelve: semi-finals
[book 1] chapter thirteen: my window gets smashed
[book 1] chapter fourteen: confessions & revelations
[book 1] chapter fifteen: i'm officially an idiot
[book 1] chapter sixteen: kisses & awkward situations
[book 1] chapter seventeen: the cold shoulder
[book 1] chapter eighteen: so it begins
[book 1] chapter nineteen: the real james hastings
[book 1] chapter twenty: blast from the past
[book 1] chapter twenty-one: i unload my baggage
[book 1] chapter twenty-two: the search for my father
[book 1] chapter twenty-three: the ugly truth
[book 1] chapter twenty-four: the untold story of cade
[book 1] chapter twenty-five: field trip to penbrooke
[book 1] chapter twenty-six: niko's dirty little secret
[book 1] chapter twenty-seven: the birds & the bees
[book 1] chapter twenty-eight: ignorance is bliss
[book 1] chapter twenty-nine: i'm dating a liar
[book 1] chapter thirty: the other new neighbour
[book 1] chapter thirty-one: my mom ruins my relationship
[book 1] chapter thirty-two: finals
[book 1] chapter thirty-three: i commit my third felony
[book 1] chapter thirty-four: stitches & broken hearts
[book 1] chapter thirty-five: breakups & makeups
[book 1] chapter thirty-six: election day
SEQUEL?!
[book 2] chapter one: welcome back
[book 2] chapter two: i become a convicted felon
[book 2] chapter three: ain't no party like a parker party
[book 2] chapter four: oh, niko
[book 2] chapter five: the end of the summer solstice
[book 2] chapter six: nothing rarer than a blissful dani
[book 2] chapter seven: we meet the future mrs. parker
[book 2] chapter eight: i get a mashed potato facial
[book 2] chapter nine: late-night rendezvous
[book 2] chapter ten: off to penbrooke
[book 2] chapter eleven: the curious case of leila
[book 2] chapter twelve: we meet the future mrs. parker...again
[book 2] chapter thirteen: dani parker, city councillor
[book 2] chapter fourteen: i make a fool of myself
[book 2] chapter fifteen: ring the bell, it's time for wedding planning hell
[book 2] chapter sixteen: nothing like some sisterly advice
[book 2] chapter seventeen: the boneheaded boys have a brawl
[book 2] chapter eighteen: dinner disaster
[book 2] chapter nineteen: just desserts
[book 2] chapter twenty: secrets
[book 2] chapter twenty-one: blackout
[book 2] chapter twenty-two: truth or dare
[book 2] chapter twenty-three: the aftermath
[book 2] chapter twenty-four: alex becomes a smitten kitten
[book 2] chapter twenty-five: literal heartache
[book 2] chapter twenty-six: sleepover with holden
[book 2] chapter twenty-seven: pre-rehearsal dinner mayhem
[book 2] chapter twenty-eight: the rehearsal dinner
[book 2] chapter twenty-nine: betrayal
[book 2] chapter thirty: nothing but the truth
[book 2] chapter thirty-one: the sting of a friendship breakup
[book 2] chapter thirty-three: alex and i share a secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-four: i become the most hated parker
[book 2] chapter thirty-five: my tires get slashed
[book 2] chapter thirty-six: when opportunity knocks
[book 2] chapter thirty-seven: i rescue two drunkards
[book 2] chapter thirty-eight: brenton's dirty little secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-nine: holden gives relationship advice
[book 2] chapter forty: no ship like friendship
[book 2] chapter forty-one: our favourite narc pays a visit
[book 2] chapter forty-two: the bachelor(ette) party
[book 2] chapter forty-three: mistakes and regrets
[book 2] chapter forty-four: old habits
[book 2] chapter forty-five: a new proposition
[book 2]: chapter forty-six: x marks the spot

[book 2] chapter thirty-two: my boyfriend meets my dad

256 34 9
By Puppy1899

I OPENED MY mouth and James put a forkful of fruit salad in it. I munched on the mixture of berries, oranges, and kiwis, closing my eyes in content. James finished work early today so we were hanging out on my living room couch while I filled him in on what he had missed recently.

"So you two aren't speaking anymore?" he confirmed after I had finished telling him about the situation with Holden.

I shook my head. "No."

"Because he's still in love with you?"

"Yes."

"And that's why we can't get burgers from the café?"

"Exactly."

"Wow."

I took the fruit bowl out of his hands and set it down, glancing up at him in concern. "Are you mad?"

"No." His stomach grumbled. "Just hungry."

I scoffed. "Come on, there are tons of other food options than the café."

"Yeah, but none as good," he moped.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You should be thrilled Holden's out of my life."

James grinned, exposing his dimple. "Believe me, I am. I'm just trying to play the considerate boyfriend role."

I playfully shoved him. "You're annoying."

He put his arm around me and pulled me into him.

"By the way," I started. "Brent doesn't know so let's keep it that way."

He furrowed his eyebrows as he looked down at me. "Why does it matter? I'm not killing Holden, why would he?"

Did he remember nothing of my brother's temper? "Need I remind you that your face just finished healing?"

"Okay, shutting up now," he said under his breath. James' phone suddenly rang, and I reached across the couch to see who it was. Upon seeing Leila's name pop up on his screen, I declined the call for him. "I wasn't going to answer that anyway," he testified.

"Good." I snuggled into his chest, throwing my arm over his torso. I missed moments like these where James and I could be together with nothing but peace and...

The front door —which I had totally forgotten to lock— swung open and Amber barged in. 

"Sure, come in," James grumbled, annoyed that someone was interrupting our rare alone time.

"Where is he?" she seethed.

"Who?" I asked.

"Brenton," she snarled.

"Oh, we're saying his first name now?" James mused aloud. I had told him before how the two of them refused to address each other by name.

Amber stared daggers at him. "I don't care that you're my best friend's boyfriend, I will kill you."

Seeing the blanched look on James' face from Amber's hysterical threat made me laugh. "Amber, what's going on?"

Before she could answer, the staircase creaked as someone was coming down. For my twin's sake, I hoped it was Alex. "I'm going out," Brenton said without looking up from his phone. Upon seeing Amber, he made the swiftest turn in the opposite direction. "By out, I mean in. See ya."

"Don't you dare," Amber warned him.

I got up from my seat on the couch and walked towards them. "What is going on?" I demanded, both confused and dying with curiosity.

Amber jabbed her index finger in Brenton's chest. "Why are you telling guys not to date me?"

He snorted. "Don't blame me for being the one sucker to fall for you. Any guy with taste would not be interested in you."

"He does realize he insulted himself, right?" James commented from the couch.

"I think Alex is in the kitchen, why don't you ask him to make you a snack?"

He shook his head from my suggestion. "It's fine, I'm not... Never mind, I'm starving," he said when he saw my dirty look. "Alex, buddy, you still in the kitchen?" James hopped over the couch and went to the kitchen before he could face my wrath. Having your boyfriend fear you was a great feeling.

"Wait," Brenton suddenly said. "I didn't tell anyone they couldn't date you."

"You didn't?" Amber and I said at the same time.

"No, but I did tell a few guys I'd castrate them with my old, chipped lacrosse stick if they did." He paused. "I'm talking splinter central."

I wasn't sure what had me more surprised: Brenton using a big word or his disgustingly vivid threat.

Amber stomped angrily. "You're infuriating!"

Brenton shot her a bored look. "And you're trespassing. Get the hell off my property."

My best friend looked at me for support. "Dani, do something."

I let out a sigh, really not wanting to be in the middle of this petty fight. "Brenton, why would you tell people that?"

"Why are you pointing fingers at me?" he demanded, his jaw clenched from anger. "I wouldn't have said a word if it weren't for her."

Okay, now I was beyond confused. I turned to Amber for some support and clarification. "I thought you said..."

"That's not the point," she interrupted.

"What are you talking about?" Brenton questioned.

"I thought you," I pointed at Brenton, "dumped her." I pointed at Amber. 

My twin's eyebrows rose in surprise. "So that's the story, huh? Paint me as the bad guy, how convenient?"

"Amber, what is he talking about?" I demanded. Someone needed to start telling the truth.

"Of course you're saying all this bullshit now that you're in the hot seat," she said with a shake of her head.

Brenton took a step towards her. "You know what's pretty damn funny?"

I had a feeling this wouldn't be the least bit comical.

"No guys were interested in you before me. The only reason any guy would even consider being with you is to experience Brent Parker's sloppy ass seconds."

Amber raised her hand and slapped him across the face. I gasped, and so did James and Alex, who were watching from the entrance of the kitchen. Amber's face was red, her eyes watery, but she stormed out before anyone could say or do anything.

"Amber, wait!" I turned to run after her and make sure she was alright.

Brenton, however, did not approve. "I swear if you do that you can consider yourself dead to me."

I froze, unsure of what to do. I looked over at Alex who shook his head, so I decided to stay put. When Brenton saw I wasn't leaving, he marched upstairs which was followed by the sound of his bedroom door slamming a couple of seconds later.

There was a long silence as we all processed what had just happened.

Suddenly, a timer in the kitchen went off. "I think our pancakes are ready!" Alex told James before scampering into the kitchen.

I had so many thoughts whirring through my head, but the first one to come out was, "Pancakes?"

James innocently shrugged his shoulders. "Alex said they're universal." He paused. "What the hell was that shit show?"

I rubbed my temples. "Don't even get me started."

He came up behind me as he placed his hands on my shoulders and gently massaged them. I seriously loved this boy. "Sometimes I wonder what keeps you so occupied, but after seeing that let's just say I'm not complaining about my calculus proofs again."

I leaned my back into his chest and he wrapped his arms around my waist. "I can't wait for these idiots to be back at Birch Mount."

"Hey," he said as a thought popped into his head. "Do you plan on seeing your," he lowered his voice, "Dad anytime soon?"

"Yeah, probably. Why?"

"Can I come with you?"

I turned around to look at him, taken aback by his request. "You want to meet him?" What boy willingly wanted to meet his girlfriend's dad?

He nodded, smiling at me. "He's important to you and you're important to me."

I stood on my tiptoes and pressed my lips against his. "I'd love that."

He scratched the back of his neck. "He's not going to grill me or anything, will he?"

I shook my head. "You have absolutely nothing to worry about."

~*~

Clearly, I was wrong.

James had spent the last half-hour being interrogated by my dad. How this man created an endless list of questions on such short notice, I did not know.

"It's getting pretty late," I said. "Maybe we should get started with dinner."

"What are your plans after you finish school?" my dad asked James, ignoring my suggestion.

He swallowed nervously. "Well, I'll be applying to medical school to become a doctor."

"Did you know the average medical school acceptance rate is less than seven percent?" my dad said.

I rolled my eyes. "Stop trying to destroy my boyfriend's confidence, Dad."

He chuckled. "I'm just trying to paint a vivid picture! It's important to have backup options."

James, surprisingly, nodded. "I agree. If med school doesn't work out then I'm going to go into molecular biology or immunology."

I had no idea what he was saying, and by the looks of it, neither did my dad. "What are your intentions with my daughter?" he asked, changing the subject and causing me to groan.

James shifted in his seat under my father's watchful gaze. "I love your daughter... uh, sir."

"Enough to marry her?"

"Dad!" I cried, my face reddening from his question.

"Yes," James answered, making my dad's eyes widen. "But not while we're both in school," he quickly added.

"Good answers," my dad said. "You want a drink?"

James peered at me. "I can't tell if this is a trick question."

"He's driving so he will politely refuse," I answered. "Now stop stressing him out, Dad."

My dad burst into laughter. "I like you, James. I know I don't really have a say over Dani's decisions, but I approve of you."

"Thank God," James murmured, making my dad and I laugh.

After the rocky start, the rest of dinner went by swimmingly. My dad ordered Pakistani takeout which he tried to play off as his own homemade recipe, he and James got to know each other better over chicken karahi and nihari, and the evening was filled with lighthearted conversations and laughter. When it was time for us to head back home, I was in such an elated mood.

"Tonight couldn't have gone more perfect," I said to James. We were walking back to his car from my dad's apartment, hand-in-hand, as I swung our arms back and forth.

He chuckled. "No more caffeine for you after eight o'clock."

"Can I drive home?"

"Not without a licence," he answered.

I really needed to get on top of getting a new licence.

We reached his car when James patted his pockets repeatedly. "Shit, I think I dropped my keys." Using his phone's flashlight, he retraced his steps to find them.

"Want help?" I offered.

"Wait over there. I'll be just in a minute," he called over his shoulder, disappearing deeper into the parking lot.

I wrapped my arms around myself as I tried to keep warm. Although the days were scorching hot, the nights were beginning to get cooler and I had stupidly left my house without a sweater. My eyes glazed over the dimly lit parking lot, and a car up ahead caught my attention. Its headlights turned on to the maximum, nearly blinding me by its brightness. I shielded my eyes with my hands to block out the light, which stayed on for minutes. The engine revved, and it wasn't until my eyes adjusted to the light did I get a weird sense of familiarity from the car.

"James?" I called out in a wary voice.

"Give me a minute," his faint voice echoed back.

I saw a silhouette of a person emerge from the car and slowly move towards me, but it felt like my feet were drilled to the ground and I couldn't move. My breaths became rapid, my palms sweaty as I watched in horror as the figure neared me, the only sound in the night being the crunching of leaves and debris as the person approached me.

My eyes instinctively closed shut, and a hand grabbed my arm. I let out a bloodcurdling shriek, making the person scream in response.

"Are you always this jumpy at night?"

My eyes snapped open and I looked at James. "I'm fine. Let's just get out of here." He casted me a strange glance, but he didn't question it as he opened my car door. I sat inside and looked ahead, surprised to see the car's headlights were off. In fact, that parking spot was now empty.

Weird.

~*~

I had been feeling extremely jumpy over the past few days, only leaving my house if I had company present. So when Vanessa invited me for lunch to discuss the final wedding details, I asked James to drop me off.

"You realize Leila's probably going to be there, right?" he said as we drove to the restaurant. 

Vanessa invited me to an expensive Italian restaurant one town over. I searched the menu online yesterday and I was seriously hoping she'd be paying. The pop alone was eight dollars. Could you believe that? Eight bucks for a cup of coke!

"Don't remind me," I grumbled.

He pulled into the parking lot and stopped the car, turning to face me. "I could come if you want."

"I'm sure Leila would love that," I deadpanned, earning a stern look from him. "I'll be fine. Besides, you have plans anyway."

James had taken the afternoon off to spend it with Helena, and I'd feel like the worst girlfriend ever if he cancelled on her.

"Next time you're coming with me. I swear my mom's happier to see you than me."

I laughed at that. "Count me in." I pecked his lips before leaving his car and going inside the restaurant.

"Try not to kill Leila," James said through his open window. I pretended like I couldn't hear him and continued walking.

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