"Sarah Gordon?"
Mrs Breiden calls, pulling me out of my mind.
"Here..."
"Where is Mr Dalton today?"
Why would I know that?
"I have no clue..."
"Aren't you guys friends?"
"Yeah, well, unfortunately they forgot the free tracking device that was to come with my friendship subscription..."
Some of the guys in class start to laugh, which is unusual because my comments always get little to no reaction. I don't want to bother finding out who it was that laughed so I just continued looking out the window.
"Sorry I'm late Mrs Breiden."
An out of breath voice lets out suddenly before she can respond.
"Nice of you to finally join us Mr Dalton, take your seat please."
I hear a couple of rushed footsteps approach me and I feel the empty seat beside me being occupied.
"Morning Sarah"
I remain silent and continue observing the outside world.
"Are you seriously still not talking to me?"
It's been four days since the karaoke thing. I've been doing my best to avoid interacting with Jeanna and/or Audrey. Erica too.
"Come on! I've apologized like a million times. What will it take for you to forgive me?"
The bell rings, saving me from having to listen to Dalton continue pleading. I pick my bags up and wear them over my shoulder then patiently wait for the classroom to clear out.
"Look, it was an in the moment thing. I didn't mean to. I promise. But..."
I get up and walk away before he can finish his explanation. As expected, he follows me out of the classroom and to our lockers. I continue to ignore him and head to class once I have everything I need, but he still follows me. I don't know if he realized we have chemistry together but we walk into class and sit at the back desk as usual.
"You know we have to talk to each other for chemistry, right?"
I sigh and plop our experiment worksheet onto the table.
"Yes Dalton, I know."
"Finally! Oh how I've missed that ice cold tone."
He celebrates. I roll my eyes and start to go through our worksheet while double checking all my measurement recordings and calculations.
"Morning class! Sorry but I will not be able to teach you guys anything today. The principal just called for a staff meeting to discuss the overall midterm performances. Just read ahead about polymers."
Mr Budd announces from the door before disappearing into the hallway.
"Are you seriously about to read?"
Dalton asks after he sees me take out my text book.
"He asked us to read, didn't he?"
"You and I both know this class is too noisy for anyone to concentrate."
He has a good point. The second Mr Budd's footsteps were out of ear shot, voices from different students began to overlap each other. Not an ideal study area.
"You're right, I'm going to the library. And don't follow me."
I conclude as I pick up my bags and jump up from my seat. I march to the door and leave Dalton seated alone. I am pissed at him, yes, but the main reason I'm avoiding him is because I don't want to be a Jeanna and Audrey target. I honestly can't deal with their bs at the same time.
___
I enter the library and sit at a quiet, isolated table, take out my chemistry books and start to read on polymers.
"Sarah?"
I look up prepared to mutate and use telekinesis and fling Dalton out of the library, but my eyes are met by a different, more infuriating annoyance.
"What do you want, Alverez?"
I heave as I look back down at my book. He sits down on the opposite side of the table, and I can't help but wonder what in his empty head gave him the idea that I was okay with that.
"I want to talk..."
Ugh...
"Look, I couldn't care less about whatever's going on between you and Erica. But please don't involve me by using me as a way to make her jealous. It's a jerk move."
"No! That's not it. Not really anyway. Please just hear me out."
"Look, after the garbage you pulled during that karaoke thing, Jeanna and Audrey have been on my case and are using every slight opportunity to bother me. If you remember, I hate being bothered. Do me a favour and just go back to pretending i don't exist."
"I... I wasn't pretending you don't exist..."
Is he serious? Can't he just leave?
I pick up my books and bag then slowly rise to my feet.
"Look, I'm not going to waste anymore time reminding you. Don't get me wrong, I was relieved when you stopped talking to me. I was tired of your apologies. So just leave me alone, Kay? I'm never allowing you back into my life, not even as a classmate. As far as i'm concerned, you don't exist."
I walk out of the library with my head held high. I hear Desmond call for me but I keep walking. However, there's still a part of me that wants to speak with him, laugh with him and just have fun with him, like we used to. Frankly, i can't wait for that side of me to shrivel up and die.
___
I walk past my locker and notice a white paper sticking out of it. I reverse back and pull it out reluctantly. It's probably just an insult but I'm too curious to let it go. I unfold the paper and the words written on it make my heart skip a beat.
It wasn't entirely Dez's fault. He was set up. I know what happened that night....
What does that even mean? Not Dez's fault? Set up? How? Why? What?!
How can someone be set up to cheat? Cheating is a choice! You can't force someone to cheat! Even if he was ' set up' he is ultimately the one who chose to cheat, right? I want to say Dez is the one who wrote this but it's not even remotely close to his handwriting. So who could it be and why are they telling me now? It's been almost eight months since that incident. I guess I just have to continue reading.
I don't know why, but Jeanna spiked Dez's alcohol with Viagra. I saw her do it. I didn't know whether to say anything or how to go about it. I'd rather keep my identity a secret because I'm currently invisible to Jeanna, which is the only reason I was able to witness her do what she did. I don't think Dez is the bad guy here but rather a victim. I'm not telling you this to make you get back together with Dez or anything, but I feel like you can be the one to stop Jeanna. She's been going too far lately and I'm too scared to stand up to her.
I silently and quickly tear up the letter into the tiniest shreds and throw it into the nearest bin.
____
Not Dez's fault? Viagra? Why would Jeanna do that?! I get that she is awful, but she had no way of knowing I'd be there. Did she want to seduce Dez? It's possible. She has always thought she is the only one who deserves him. But, why was she so eager to show me to the room where Dez and Erica were? Did she spike both their drinks and plan for them to hook up then show me a pic or something? No, if she wanted to make me jealous, she would've made out with Dez herself and have one of her minions take a pic of them then send it to me.
The door bell chime scares me out of my deep thoughts. I pull my torso up off my bed and sit up straight but pause when I hear Ace go to open the door.
"YOU!"
I hear him exclaim before a loud thud forces my stops my heart for a second. I rush downstairs following the sound of serious commotion.
"what the heck is going on!"
I demand once I reach the front door. My eyes are met by an unexpected sight; Ace holding Dez up against the wall by his collar.
"Sarah!"
Dez exclaims.
What the heck is he doing here?
"Stay away from her!"
Ace roars while pressing his knuckles into Dez's neck, choking him slightly.
"Not until I talk to her... ple...ease"
Dez struggles to say while desperately gasping for air. I can practically see Ace's bloodlust.
"Let him go Ace."
I command calmly.
He hesitates for a moment, probably to debate whether not killing Dez is worth it, but slowly let's go.
"What do you want, Alverez?"
Dez turns to me, allowing me to see the desperation and urgency in his eyes.
"I know I hurt you, and I have no right to ask you for anything. But please, I need you to hear what I have to say."
He pleads.
Ace shakes his head to disapprove but there's still a part of me that wants to hear Dez out. And after what I've learnt from the letter, I need to know the truth.
I grab Dez's arm and drag him behind me towards the stairs.
"what the heck are you doing sis?"
Ace demands.
"I'm going to hear him out. But this is between him and me, you're not involved."
I deadpan before disappearing up the stairs with Dez stumbling behind me.
We enter my room and I shut the door behind us before plopping down on my bed.
"I'm all ears..."
I signal for him to speak. He sits on the chair at my desk, takes a deep breath then starts to speak.
"That night... at Jeanna's party... I was drugged. I'm not saying that excuses what I did or anything, but the reason I'm bringing it up is because you need to know why I was drugged and who planned the whole thing."
Finally! Answers.
"Well, I actually already received an anonymous letter telling me Jeanna spiked your drink, so I already know who did it. All I need to know is why."
"Well, it's true that Jeanna spiked the drink but it wasn't her idea... Erica asked her to do it. I saw their messages and I even have screen shots. Erica bought the Viagra and asked Jeanna to spike my drink. I don't know why Jeanna agreed but she did. As for why Erica asked her to do it, I also have no clue. But, in the process of my investigation, I found out about the groups created to insult you... and... Erica is part of each one using a different account. Maybe she has been trying to hurt you all this time or something, I don't know. What I do know for sure is that Erica is not on your side."
Is all this true? My childhood best friend hates me? Why else would she be part of those groups? Am I really that horrible? I mean, I'm no angel but i... I mean, I'm not horrible... right?
"I can't believe they've been doing that to you. And Erica has been a part of it! They're all just trying to bring you down because their insecurities make them feel inferior."
I look directly at Dez as I ask my next question so I can read his expression.
"So, you don't think I deserve it?"
He frowns and tilts his head a little before answering.
"Of course I don't. Why would I ever think you deserve that?"
"Mmm... I don't know. Lots of people seem to think I do so..."
I fall back onto my bed with my hands behind my head. I guess it really is starting to get to me these days. Good grief. I'm becoming too soft for my own good.
"Why didn't you tell me about the bullying?"
I can tell that he is asking out of genuine concern but I honestly don't know what to tell him. I didn't think it was significant enough to be brought up. Plus it's not like he could've done anything to stop them.
"I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean, is it really bullying if I don't care? They just look like pathetic teen girls desperate for attention and validation."
Dez chuckles
"Wow, you really are the coolest."
He mumbles
"I know... It isn't easy though."
I agree while pulling myself back into a sitting position.
"What Ace is going to do to you once you leave this room, Now that's bullying. Or, more likely, criminal assault."
I let out.
"I came here prepared to deal with your dad, mom and Ace. So I feel like I got lucky."
"Fair enough. Dad would break you and Mom would probably kill you. Luckily they're out."
There's a long awkward silence before I ask a question that, I hate to admit, has been bothering me.
"Why did you start dating Erica?"
He doesn't even seem surprised by the question. A sad smile forms on his face and he looks down at the floor.
"Me and Erica aren't actually dating... It was a rumor at first, I only recently found out she started it herself. I was supposed to clear it up because I didn't want you to think I just started dating Erica after what happened, but then she begged me to pretend it was true. Of course i said no but, she said that one of the senior guys was harassing her and wouldn't take no for an answer, and he only backed off when he heard she was dating me."
That's Dez for you, kind to a fault.
"Okay. That makes sense I guess..."
"It would've made sense, except she lied. There was no senior guy harassing her. She made it all up just so I could date her...Not like we ever did anything couple like, except hold hands in school."
Erica did that? Really? She never seemed like the type to go to such lengths just to date someone. I have always seen her as the independent ' i don't need a man, but won't mind if i get one' type of girl.
"Wow... What are you going to do now? If she did all that she must actually like you."
"Doesn't matter. She manipulated me into dating her. I told her that I'm done today morning. And that..."
His sudden silence makes me uneasy
"And that, what?"
"That I am still in love with only you. Like I've always been..."
My ears must be failing me. Did he really just say that? As in, he really just said those words? In the same sentence? In that order? I scoff and raise my brow at him.
"You're joking, right? You have to be."
He watches me with his lips tucked into his mouth and an innocent gaze, which irritates me. I rise up from my bed impulsively as I yell.
"You can't just say that! After everything that's happened? I was finally moving on! It's not fair! You're not being fair. You can't just do that to me! I... You... It isn't..."
He slowly stands up and walks towards me. With each step he takes my heart beats faster and I get more confused and flustered. Why? Why now? Why is he looking more like the Dez I used to know and not the cheating jerk I have hated for the past six plus months. Why?!
"I'm sorry..."
He whispers with his hands placed on my shoulders. He looks taller than usual. Or maybe I had just forgotten how tall he is. My body moves forward on its own and my hands wrap around his waist. I bury my face in his chest mostly to hide in shame of how weak I'm acting.
"I really hate you, you know that?"
I quiver. I hate quivering, I tried my best not to but my throat betrayed me. Darn traitor.
"I deserve that."
His voice no longer sounds nauseating, it's comforting, like it used to be. Am I really going to allow myself to fall back in love with him so easily? Without putting up a fight? I really have gone soft.
He pushes me slightly back before cupping my chin with his index finger and thumb and tilting it up. As I watch him inch forward, each second feels like an eternity. Why am I not stopping him? No, the better question is, why don't I want to stop him? I shut my eyes the moment his lips land on mine and a single tear trickles down my face. It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off me. A huge, spikey, rough weight that was slowly killing me. But the moment is ruined when certain, unwanted, images pop into my brain
"I'm in love with you Sarah Beverly Gordon, and, one day, you'll love me too"
"Please don't scare me like that again. I've never seen anyone collapse like that before. You were shaking and unresponsive and i didn't know what to do so i carried you here"
"This is for you Sarah!"
Random memories of me and Zaccai replay vividly in my mind. I'm not dating him but I still feel guilty and so I pull away from Dez and take a few steps back.
"I... I'm sorry. I just..."
He starts.
"No need to apologize, I could've stopped you if I wanted to. But, I just... I can't do this. You and I have been over for a while now, we can't just pick up where we left off..."
"This is about Dalton, isn't it...?"
Am I that transparent?
"Well, I don't know yet. I'm not sure..."
"Do you have feelings for him?"
I should be rebuking the mere idea of something like that happening, but, why else would I feel guilty for kissing Dez? Is it because I have feelings for Zaccai? Or do I just feel bad that he has feelings for me? I hope I don't have feelings for him, because that will complicate things and I don't have the energy to deal with that.
"I don't know. Pretty sure I hated him yesterday..."
Or maybe that's just what I've been telling myself.
"Well, I'm not letting you go that easily. I will fight for you."
He did not just say that... Eww... Heavy second hand embarrassment
"Ugh... you sound like a gladiator. Never say that again."
"Seriously, I was trying to be all cool and chivalrous and romantic."
"Mmm... no, it's not working. Just... no..."