Chapter Thirty Seven.
I didn’t ever want to leave Las Vegas but here we all were, at the airport waiting to get boarded onto our flight. This week has been one of the best ones of my life despite what happened to me with the whole pill in my drink thing. It was embarrassing if I can be honest but thankfully no one really brought it up and just pretended as if it didn’t happen. I’d like to keep it that way.
“Casey what seat do you have?” I asked.
“Thirty one A. Which one do you have?”
“We’re in the row behind you I think. Justin has a bunch of movies that he bought for us to watch. He’s so cute.”
Immediately looking away from me, she just nodded her head slightly and focused her attention back on Scott, which was weird. I mean I know I talk about Justin a lot but I never thought it was to the point where someone would get annoyed with me but it’s not like I really care. The only person that floated throughout my brain was Justin and it’s just so rare for me to fall for someone or honestly give my all to someone. He’s that person and I couldn’t have chosen anyone better.
“Reina.” Mark said, interrupting my thoughts. “We’re boarding.”
“Oh. Okay. Where’s Justin?”
“I’m here baby.”
Then his arms came around my waist from behind and I smiled like a little kid as he kissed my cheek and walked us over to get on the flight.
“Aren’t you hot? It’s like eighty degrees in here.”
Tugging on the hem of his sweatshirt, he cleared his throat and sent me one of his grins that almost made my heart skip a beat it seemed like.
“Nope. I’m freezing.”
“Yeah. Tell that to the sweat on your forehead.”
He brought his hand up to wipe away the dampness, fixing his backpack over to one shoulder instead of two.
“I wasn’t thinking when I got dressed this morning. I don’t know.”
“And it was our last morning in Las Vegas and I woke up to find you in the shower already. You didn’t want to do anything, hm?”
“You and your damn questions.” He chuckled, tugging me towards our seat. “I just didn’t want to wake you up.”
“I know but-“
“Reina. I promise I’ll make up for it okay?”
Sitting down onto the blue leather seat, I buckled myself in and began to shuffle through my backpack to find everything I needed. He did the same and put our carry-ons over head, sinking down next to me and buckling his seatbelt as well. He seemed to be in a weird mood but instead of questioning him, I put my headphones in and looked out of the window until he immediately tapped my shoulder.
“What?” I asked, taking my headphones out.
“The movies. I got them for us to watch.”
“You still want to?”
As soon as I said that he rolled his eyes and placed the laptop between us before he wrapped his arm around my waist and kissed my cheek again. I don’t know how he does that but he always makes me feel so wanted and just so beautiful. It’s something I will never ever get tired of.
---------
Closing the door to his room behind us, we both let out a loud sigh as we set our suitcases down onto the floor. We got back to Canada later than expected and it was leaning towards midnight, the both of us tired beyond belief.
“You sleepin’ here tonight?” He asked.
“You want me to?”
“No.” He joked, rolling his eyes at me for the second time today. “Of course I do.”
That made me smile and instead of finding some pajamas I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his neck. We haven’t had sex in two days and I’m not saying that I need it all the time, because I don’t, but I wanted to thank him for such an amazing weekend that he gave me and for taking such good care of me. No other man has done that before.
Pressing my lips to his, he immediately gave in and moved his hands down to my lower back as I walked him over to the wall so his back could be pressed against it. His tongue went into my mouth and we started going faster, my fingers running through his hair as he picked me up so my legs could be wrapped tightly around his waist.
“God baby I love you.” He moaned as I began the process of a hickey on his neck. “I love you so much.”
I kissed him again to shut him up and he carried me over to the bed before I rolled on top of him and straddled his thighs, stripping myself of my tank top so I was only in my bra. There was nothing better than watching him analyze me in lust because he just didn’t know what to do with himself and I thought that was the sexiest thing ever. Nothing turned me on more than him being vulnerable.
My lips were literally attacking his and I couldn’t even think straight from the amount of kisses I was leaving everywhere I saw fit. Taking the hemline of his sweatshirt, I began to pull it over his head until he jerked back, leaving me out of breath and completely confused.
“Wait.” He said, breathing heavily like me. “Stop.”
“Stop? Why?”
“B-because we have class in the morning Reina and we’re going to be up all night if we do this. We always are.”
“But that hasn’t stopped us before Justin. What’s going on with you lately?”
“Nothing. I’m just tired, okay?”
“Yeah.” I scoffed. “Sure.”
Grabbing the tank top off of the floor, I slid it on over my head again and unzipped my suitcase to find some sweatpants of some sort. It wasn’t that I was mad exactly; I was just frustrated beyond belief. Whenever I get turned on it’s hard for me to get calmed down and he knew that just as well as I did so that’s why he was smiling at me.
“You’re right.” I admitted, sending him a small smile back. “Just give me a couple minutes and I’ll be fine.”
“You can wear a pair of mine.” He responded as he watched me rummage through my clothes. “You always do anyways.”
“I know but I actually have a suitcase and I like my fuzzy pajama pants. I just need to find-“
And then I spotted the polka dotted fabric so I pulled them out in satisfaction and stripped myself of the jeans I had on, feeling his eyes never leave my body.
“You can uh, keep some things here. Like in a drawer or something.” He said warily. “If you want.”
“Really?” I asked. “You mean that?”
“Yeah. You sleep here almost every night Reina. Just keep some things here.”
I don’t think I’ve ever been so happy and I eagerly rummaged through my suitcase, letting out a little laugh as I put two pairs of underwear with his briefs and two sweatshirts of mine with his as well. He laughed a little too once he saw me put things into his dresser but I couldn’t help myself anymore, sliding into bed next to him and lying directly on top of him until he winced and moved away.
“Shoot. Sorry.” I whispered in confusion. “What did I do?”
“Nothing. I just moved my arm wrong.” He chuckled, pulling me back down on top of him. Then the sound of a piece of tape coming un-done happened and I glanced down at his arm where the sound came from, grabbing onto his hand before he could stop me.
“Reina.” He warned, his eyes growing wide. “Stop. Please.”
But I didn’t stop and I rolled his sleeve up, a huge white bandage that was going completely up his arm staring back at me. I didn’t even know what to do. All I could do was stare at him and wait for him to say something but he was… crying? Was he beginning to cry?
“What happened?” I asked. “What is this?”
He wasn’t saying anything. All I could see was his chest moving up and down in a rapid speed as his hands started to shake in mine. Nothing was making sense and when I moved to take the tape off he immediately shook his head no, the tears falling down his cheeks all at once. I’ve only seen him cry a couple of times but never like this. He looked petrified.
“Just let me see.” I soothed, wiping away the tears from his face. “Baby don’t cry.”
“W-When you s-see you’ll leave Reina.”
Then, everything hit me. The incident with his arm when he said the knife slipped. The reason he’s been in a sweatshirt for the past three days. The reason he got so weird the morning after the party. Only one thought was in my head but I’m praying to God it’s not true. I’m praying that I’m not about to see what I think I’m going to.
He knew I was piecing it together because his eyes were so vulnerable, his bottom lip trembling as he looked at my hands that were un-doing the tape and when the bandage came off, when the scars were deep and red going up his skin, I grasped onto his hand so tightly and just stared at them in silence as the tears began to flow freely onto my cheeks.
“I-I’m sorry.” He sobbed. “I-I should h-have told you.”
I didn’t even know what to say right now. I wasn’t mad at him. I was mad at the fact that something happened in his life to make him even want to do this. I’m not sure what the reason was, but I’m going to do whatever I can to help him and make him better. This is no way for someone to live. Not in the least bit.
“Y-You aren’t saying anything.” He cried some more, clutching onto my hand. “R-Reina baby I-I’m so sorry just p-please don’t leave. I’m fucking b-begging you.”
Picking up his arm with my hand, I began to gently run my fingertips over the scars and felt his whole body still as he watched me. They looked so sore. It looked like he was in so much pain and that killed me.
“I love you Justin.” I whispered, placing a gentle kiss to his scars. “So so much.”
He fell into my arms as soon as the words left my mouth and I pulled him so close to me I thought he’d suffocate. I wanted to hug him and make him so much better. I wanted to make him happy and take all of his pain away so he’d never do this to himself ever again.
“E-Even though I-“
“I love you.” I repeated. “I just want you to tell me why Justin. Who on earth made you do this to yourself?”
Giving him a couple of moments to catch his breath, I kept my arms tight around him as he wiped his runny nose with the back of his hand and let out another sigh, resting his head down onto my chest.
“I-It was after you ended things with me. I used to do this back in high school and then I kind of just stopped because I didn’t really feel the pain anymore and then the night of the party in Las Vegas I saw you with someone else and I jumped to conclusions that you were cheating and I just… lost it. I don’t know but-“ He stopped when I pulled away from him and started to sob, harder than I ever have in my life because here I’m thinking that some asshole said something rude to him but the person who made him put a blade to his skin was me. I made him cut himself because I’m a selfish fucking bitch who only cares about herself and not him.
“Reina don’t cry.” He said worriedly, this time wrapping his arms around me. “I’m fine now. I’m better.”
“HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?!” I exploded, standing up from the bed. “I fucking made you cut yourself Justin! How is that fine? I’m going to mess up probably so many damn times and what happens then? What happens if you take things too far and I put you over the edge? I don’t want to be the person that hurts you!”
“Reina you aren’t!” He cried, standing up from the bed as well. “I won’t ever do that again, okay? I promise.”
“Justin you need help!” I sobbed, crossing my arms over my chest. “I’m not saying that in a bad way but baby… this isn’t healthy. Look at your arm. This is not healthy Justin.”
“What isn’t?”
And then his eyes looked into mine and he knew what I was about to say because he started to sob again, his bottom lip trembling before he covered his mouth with his hand and shook his head in disbelief, sinking down onto the hardwood floor of his room.
“Justin…” I soothed, sinking down next to him. We both were sobbing but he needs to understand that I care about him way more than I care about me and if I were to stay, I would only be making him worse. He needs to get help and I mean that.
“Y-You just said you loved me!” He shouted as I jumped from the sudden outburst. “Now you’re going to just fucking leave me like I’m nothing!?”
“Justin…” I said calmly again, grabbing onto his hands. “Please listen to me. I’ve never been so in love with someone in my entire life but do you understand how selfish it would be of me to stay right now? I’m the reason for your relapse and until you-“
“You’re more than that Reina! Yeah, sure, I had a relapse, but that’s because you make me feel a way no one else has before. I relapsed because you have the power to control me with just a simple thing you do and that’s never happened to me. A girl has never had that effect on me but you changed all of that so leaving me isn’t going to do anything. Leaving me will only make it worse.”
“But staying isn’t going to help either Justin. I’m going to screw up in this relationship because I’m not perfect. There’s going to be more times like this and until you get help and until you know how to understand yourself I’m not going to feed into that. You mean so much to me and I just wish you understood that.”
“HOW CAN I UNDERSTAND THAT WHEN YOU’RE LEAVING!? I DON’T FUCKING NEED HELP REINA I’M FINE! I’M FUCKING FINE!”
Bringing my gaze down to his arm, I saw the scars stare back at me mixed with the veins that were beginning to come out from his anger and I just hugged my knees up to my chest, wanting more than anything for this to be some nightmare.
“Justin you aren’t fine! This!” And then I grabbed onto his arm and looked up at him. “Is NOT fine!”
“GET OUT!” He screamed, standing up from the floor.
I stared at him in shock for a couple of moments, his nostrils flaring and his eyes fuming with anger. I’ve never seen him like this in my entire life but I didn’t want to leave him. I didn’t want to leave him at a state like this. I don’t know what he’d do.
“Baby you need to relax. Please.”
“DON’T CALL ME THAT.” He sneered. “YOU KNOW DAMN WELL YOU DON’T WANT TO.”
“And how are you going to tell me what I want and what I don’t want? I’ve always wanted-“
“To be just friends.” He chuckled in anger, shaking his head in disbelief. “That’s all you’ve ever wanted.”
“Justin that is not-“
“You never wanted this. From the moment we first met all you’ve ever wanted was to fuck me without actually committing. When I told you how I felt you spoke the truth then. That’s probably the only time you’ve spoken the truth. Let’s face it Reina. You’ve never wanted things to change since the very beginning.”
“Justin if you’re going to sit here and tell me that I’m lying to you I’m not going to take it. I’m so in love with you it’s ridiculous and I’ve told you things that I’ve never told anyone before. At first I wanted to be just friends with you but you made me fall in love with you. I’m in love with you and this is the last thing I want to do but until you get help and until you better yourself this seems like the only choice.”
“Told me what? That your dad fucked you? That’s the only thing I know about your past and maybe that’s a lie too. Who knows?”
“You’re such an asshole.” I spat, standing up from the floor. “You know that wasn’t a lie.”
“Do I? Do I really know that?”
“God, who are you?!” I screamed. “You’re exactly how you were when we were-“
“Just friends?” He questioned. “Get used to it sweetheart. If you don’t wanna be my girl anymore then you’ll get treated just like the rest.”
The tears he had once cried weren’t even on his face anymore. They were replaced with that same cocky smile from when we first met and it’s like all of these months we’ve spent together and tried to open each other up went away in the blink of an eye and now his heart is replaced with stone again as I’m sobbing like a lunatic in front of him like one of those girls that gets too attached.
“Then I guess I’m just another number.” I muttered, opening up the door. “Add me to your fucking list.”
A/N:
Well.
Yeah.
I know you guys are upset but there's still one more chapter left before this story ends.
Before you ask... yes. There will be a sequel.
The sequel is honestly one of the books i'm most proud of. It's written I think the best out of all my stories and I hope you enjoy it as well. I worked really hard to make it the best for you guys!
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