"So are you going to move in with him?" Andrea asked.
She, mom, and I were out at lunch and I just finished telling her about the key.
"I don't know. Doesn't this seem kind of fast. What about my house? I own the thing." I replied.
"I don't think I'd call it fast. You two have been dating for six months." Mom said.
"As far as your house goes, you could always rent it out, or he could move in with you." Andrea tossed out.
"I'll think on it, but I can't move him into my house." I replied.
"Why not?" Mom asked.
"Because that was my home with the guys. It just feels wrong." I stated.
"You let Dylan move in. What's the difference?" Andrea questioned.
"Because that was Dylan. It's just different." I said.
"It's different alright." Andrea grumbled.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I snapped.
"It means that even after all these years and everything he's done, you're still in love with him." Andrea grit out.
"Bullshit. I loved Trey and Liam with my whole heart. They were it for me, so excuse me for not wanting to move someone else into our home." I spit back.
"That's not what I meant. Obviously you loved them. I'm pretty sure those were the only two people capable of breaking you away from him, but now they're gone and you have locked yourself into this ridiculous limbo of mourning them and being stuck on him." Andrea declared, "I don't know what happened between you two at New Year's, but he left you. Once again he did not pick you Arden. Why can't you see that you deserve better than him?"
"I don't want him!" I declared on a sob, "I don't want anything to do with him. I know he didn't pick me. He never does. He can't even pick me as a friend much less anything else. He just takes and takes, and then he on to the next one. I'm not blind, but what if the problem is me not him? What if Jeff leaves too? I can't lose anyone else dammit."
I couldn't quit crying then. Mom moved closer and wrapped her arms around me to try and console me.
"Sweetheart, you can't keeping doing this to yourself. The problem isn't you. You deserve to be happy. You have to know that Trey and Liam wouldn't have left if they had a choice. Your dad leaving wasn't your fault either. He was a selfish ass who could think about anyone other than himself. I don't know why Dylan does the things that he does, but I do know that it's not right. It's also not your fault. I know that you love him, but you have to let him go. Really let him go. You can't leave him any room in your heart or he's just going to keep doing this to you. Move in with Jeff. Don't move in with him. We don't care baby. We just want you to be happy. We want you to find someone that you love and who loves you back." Mom said as she wiped away my tears.
"We're in our thirties Ards. I want to see you find someone to grow old with. I want you to have what I have with Matt." Andrea pleaded quietly.
"I don't know how." I sobbed, "I had it. I had two amazing guys, and I don't know how to come back from this. I don't know how to let go of Dylan. I don't know anything anymore."
"Why don't you take a leave of absence at work? You could spend the next six months traveling. Start all the way over." Mom said.
"I can't dump everything on Matt." I replied.
"I'll step in. My gallery practically runs itself. Just because I choose not to run the business doesn't mean I can't. I think your mom's idea is a good one." Andrea replied.
I did just that. Jeff and I decided to take a break rather than do the long distance thing. And one week later I boarded a plane headed to Europe by myself. I visited everywhere: England, Ireland, Scotland, France, Italy, India, China, and Australia. I saw amazing art, beautiful landscapes, meditated with Buddhist monks, and learned to surf on the waves of Bondi Beach. I lost twenty pounds. Hiked mountains. I ate the best food in the world. I got a tattoo. I learned to speak Italian. Sort of. I cut my hair and added rainbow highlights. I put an extra half dozen piercings in my ears. I got a tan. Six months turned into a year. I finally came home just in time for the next Christmas.
"Arden!" Someone screamed as I exited the airport.
Turning in a circle, I finally spotted Matt's tall frame and next to him stood a very pregnant Andrea, and my mother.
"Holy shit Ards! I didn't even recognize you." Matt said as he tugged on a rainbow stand of my hair.
"I'm not the only one looking different these days." I said as I placed a hand on Andrea's protruding belly.
"I wanted to tell you in person. Though I was starting to doubt that you would ever come back." She said as she wrapped me in a bone crushing hug.
"Yeah. Sorry. I missed y'all, but it was hard coming home." I replied before turning and hugging my mom.
"How are you feeling?" Mom asked.
"Amazing. I, uh, am actually planning on going back. I came home to see everyone obviously, but I also came home to sell everything." I said sheepishly.
"Do what?" Andrea shrieked.
"How about we continue this conversion in the car?" Matt said looking around at everyone starting at us.
"Fine." Andrea replied before marching off towards their SUV.
Once we were all loaded up and headed home, mom turned to me, "Now what's this about you leaving again?"
"I'm going back to Australia. I'll be home at least through the birth of Andrea's baby, but then I'm going back. I will be back more often to visit though I promise. I need to sell my house while I'm here since I don't plan to come back here permanently. I'm also going to sign over my part of the gym, the art gallery, and my shares of the company. I can't help with any of it from so far away, so I feel like it should go to the people who are actually doing the work." I explained.
"What are you going to do for money? For work?" Matt asked.
"I have a lot of money. The guys each had half a million in life insurance that I've never even touched. My investments are turning out quite a large sum of money these days. I have more than enough money. Plus I plan to get a job over there. I'll be fine." I replied.
"You can't do this." Andrea said with tears glistening in her eyes, "You can't just leave us. What are we supposed to do without you?"
"I am going to miss you all. Hell I've been missing y'all, but I can't come back here. I am happy out there. I'm at peace. The problem wasn't that I needed to clear my head. The problem is that I can't keep a clear head here. Losing the guys broke me. That me is gone, and I can't get her back. However, I found a new me out there is the big, vast world. She is happy. She is whole. She loves life and people. She made friends. I love y'all so much, but I can't stay here." I said, pleading for them to understand.
"I hate to see you leaving, but I want you to be happy. If this is what it takes for you to be happy, then so be it. I'll support you no matter what baby girl." Mom said.
"Same here. I don't want you to leave, but I can understand why you need to." Matt said as he shot me a small smile through the rear view mirror.
"I... I... I just... I want you to be happy too. I really do, and I'll stand by your choice, buy I really wish you could have been happy here." Andrea said as she wiped away tears.
"Think of it this way: Now you'll have an excuse to come visit Australia. It's so beautiful there. I'm buying a condo on the beach." I replied.
"It's summer there during our winter is their summer right?" She asked with a sniffle.
"Yeah it is." I replied.
"We could spend Christmas over there every year." She said as a smile broke across her face.
"Sounds good to me." I said matching her smile.
The rest of the drive home was quiet. I spent the weeks leading up to Christmas handling my affairs. I signed my shares of Andrea's company over to Matt since he didn't actually own any of the company. I thought it was only right considering he ran the thing. Mom refused to take my part of the gym, so I signed it over to Trey's sister. It seemed only right considering she ran it. Andrea and Matt agreed with me and signed over their parts too. She had cried when we did it. I listed my house for sale the week of Christmas. Andrea gave birth to a healthy baby boy on New Year's Day. They name him Finneas Michael after Liam and Trey. They had opted to use the guys' middle names. That was the first time I had seen Dylan in two years. He had come by the hospital to see the baby. He passed me in the hallway and never even looked up. Apparently he hadn't recognized me. In his defense, I had changed my looks quite a lot. He looked like he had seen a ghost when I walked into the room twenty minutes later carrying Andrea take away from her favorite sushi place. She had said my name when I entered the room and he whipped his head my direction. His mouth went slack when he took in my appearance.
"Arden?" Dylan repeated though it sounded like a question when he said it.
"Long time no see Dylan." I replied as I sat the food down on the bedside table, "I'm going to head home guys. I need to straighten the house up. I have a potential buyer coming by tomorrow to take a look. I'm hoping to get an offer. I'd like to have the place sold before I leave, but that may not happen since I'm leaving in two weeks."
"Good luck babe. Thank you for the food. See you tomorrow?" Andrea asked.
"Definitely. You're going to see me every day until I leave. I have to stock up on baby loves." I replied with a smile, "You did good momma. Congratulations to both of you. It was good to see you again Dylan."
With that I headed out of the room. I could hear Matt telling Dylan to stay the hell away from me as the door closed. A sentiment that I whole heartedly agreed with, and he did. I didn't see him again for another week. I finally bumped into him in again in the grocery store. Literally.