THE BARBECUE WAS now in full swing. Mom, Adam, and the engaged couple were sitting on the patio chairs talking about wedding details, Alex and Hailey were hitting it off, and Brenton, Holden, and I were scarfing down our second rounds of burgers as we spied on the two teenagers. I was focusing so intently I almost didn't notice when a new figure entered the backyard.
"I hope I'm not too late," my boyfriend said, holding up a bottle of wine as a peace offering. Mom and I went to greet him at the same time, me with a kiss, and her by graciously accepting the bottle.
"Where's your shadow?" I asked him.
He shoved his hands inside his pockets. "After our movie date, I decided it was better she didn't come. You were right, we only see each other for a limited time and it's not fair to you if I bring her."
I smiled and got on my tiptoes to kiss him, but that was halted when his phone rang. Judging by the guilty look on his face, I knew who was calling. "It's probably about the lab," he justified. "Can I take it?"
I forced a smile on my face. Although I was annoyed, he did come without her and I was happy about that. "Sure."
I returned back to Brenton and Holden, and I finished eating my food as we watched Alex and Hailey. It was equally cute as it was awkward to see Alex falling head over heels for her. He grinned dorkily as she spoke, and he stared at her with dreamy eyes. I was so used to seeing the way my twin treated girls like disposable objects, so it was a nice change to see Alex lovestruck.
"Looks like he's getting that first kiss sooner than later," Brenton mused aloud.
Holden spat his drink right back into his cup. "That's not happening on my watch."
He was about to stand up, but I put my hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stay put. "They're just kids. Besides, Alex is nothing like Brent," I offered.
"Oh, thank God."
Brenton gawked at him. "The hell's that supposed to mean?"
I locked eyes with James ahead who appeared to have finished his call, and he didn't look too pleased to see me sitting next to Holden. I rolled my eyes and left the idiot boys behind to go join my boyfriend. I walked up to him and interlaced my fingers in his. "Don't worry, I'm all yours."
"That guy's a leech," James grumbled. "I can't come here without seeing him."
I gave him a flat look. "If you keep being jealous you won't get to swim in the pool with me while everyone else is asleep."
He didn't seem too intrigued by that. "Swim in the pool with you?"
I leaned in and pressed my lips against his ear. "Naked."
I tried to suppress my laugh when his cheeks reddened. "Oh."
"Come on, let's get you something to eat." I pulled his arm towards the food table, but James wouldn't move. He was looking at his phone, and of course, it was ringing again.
"I have to take this," he said without sparing me a glance.
Fed up with his constant phone calls to Leila, I stomped off to the food table myself. I was angrily making myself a third plate when I felt a presence next to me.
"What'd you think of the steak? I think they were a bit too dry, but it doesn't look like anyone noticed."
"Who cares?" I grumbled as I added some fries to my plate.
Niko frowned. "What's wrong?"
I set my plate down and turned to look at him. "I thought James would finally prioritize spending time with me but he keeps going to Leila's aid like a lovesick puppy," I huffed, no longer having an appetite. "Is it too much to ask for us to have one day together without Leila?"
James suddenly appeared at the food table, his face void of emotion.
"Let me guess, Leila needs you to drop everything and come tend to her needs?" I scoffed.
"My mom had a heart attack."
~*~
By the time we arrived at the hospital, Leila was already in the waiting area. James didn't say a word the entire drive and I was beginning to think he was in shock. Brenton, Holden, and the kids were at home, while the rest of us came with James. Mom and Niko went up to the nurses and started asking questions, while I stayed with James.
"I need to see her," my boyfriend spoke for the first time since dropping the news on us.
A doctor stepped into the waiting room and looked at us all. "Are you here for Helena Hastings?"
"Where is she?" James demanded.
"I'm afraid no one can see her yet," the doctor said.
"Where is she?" James repeated.
"It's okay, you'll see her soon," I told him reassuringly, squeezing his hand comfortingly.
He ripped his arm out of my grasp and shook his head profusely. "I need to see her now," he yelled, raising his voice in a way I had never heard before. "Where's my mom?" Tears streamed down his face as he looked at us all for answers.
"James, you need to calm down," I told him.
He shook his head. "No! I need..." His voice and body trembled. "I need... I..." His breathing got heavy and he started to pant.
My eyes widened. "What's wrong?"
He tugged at the collar of his shirt. "I... I can't... breathe..."
I took a step toward him, but he pushed me away and retreated. "I need... I-I need my m-my mom..."
Tears flowed freely as he breathed hysterically, turning into the complete opposite of the composed James I was used to. I tried to calm him down but it seemed like nothing I was doing was working. Leila finally stood up and pushed past me to go to James.
"He's just processing it," I said to her in hopes she would back off.
She looked at me like I was a moron. "He's having a panic attack." Leila turned to face James who had now become ballistic. She undid the top two buttons of his shirt and rubbed his arms to soothe him. "Hey, it's just me," she said in a soft voice. "Take a deep breath, J. In... Hold it... Out..." She kept repeating that for a few moments until James' breathing slowly returned back to normal. He warily sat on one of the plastic chairs in the waiting room and Leila crouched in front of him as she guided his breathing.
James became calmer and now his screaming was replaced by quiet crying. Leila sat beside him and rested his head on her lap as she ran her fingers through his hair. I didn't realize how tightly my hand was curled up into a fist until I felt something wet. I unclenched my fist to see my nails had cut through my skin and I had small nicks on my palm.
I knew I should have been relieved that someone could calm James down, but why did it have to be Leila of all people? That should have been me over there, taking care of him and being his girlfriend, not this imposter.
"You guys can go," Leila told us. "I'll call once I get any updates."
"I can stay," I offered.
"James needs his space."
I knew it gave the bitch immense joy to say that to me and shoo me away. Niko placed his arm around my shoulders and ushered me out.
"Don't make this worse," he whispered.
Although I didn't want to, I followed him out of the hospital, leaving Leila behind with James.
~*~
The entire day at work, the only thoughts whirring through my mind were of James and Helena... and Leila, of course. I knew I should have been solely focused on Helena's recovery, but every time I thought about her, Leila would pop into my mind like an unwelcomed guest. I couldn't concentrate on the tasks my mom had assigned me, so I whipped out my cell phone and called James.
"Hello?"
I blinked in surprise when I heard a feminine voice, confused for a moment until I recognized who the voice belonged to.
"Hello?" Leila repeated.
"Where's James?" I asked her, cutting straight to the chase.
"He's asleep. Can I take a message?"
"I'll call back later," I murmured and hung up. I hated that James was asleep and Leila had his phone, but I felt even more guilty that this was what I was focused on. All that mattered was whether or not Helena was alright.
I was contemplating leaving early to get a change of scenery and clear my head when I spotted Holden out in the hallway. He was walking practically in circles, looking around in confusion. I exited my office and went up to him to see what he needed.
"Why are you back?"
"Why are you snippy?" he retorted. I must have had a pretty crappy poker face because his face softened. "Hey, I'm just messing with you. Your mom was really picky on the day of the grand opening and told us to reschedule it." He shuddered in fear. "Mrs. P is a scary lady."
"Tell me something I don't know," I said under my breath.
"How's James' mom?"
I looked down and fidgeted with my thumbs. "I've no updates yet."
"Is that why you were crying?"
My fingers flew to my face and upon patting under my eyes, I realized I had been crying. "It's nothing," I dismissed.
"Dani, come on."
I shook my head. "No, it's dumb." I turned on my heel and walked back to my office, and unfortunately Holden decided to do the same. This boy did not understand social cues.
There was a mailman waiting outside of my office, a number of envelopes in his hand. "Are you Daniella Evangeline Parker?" he asked.
"Sadly."
"This is for you." He handed me a white envelope before moving on to the next office.
I peered down at the mail, my eyes widening when I saw it was from the university. I was so taken aback I dropped the letter, but before I could pick it up, Holden beat me to it.
"Huh, why's Cortland sending you mail?" he wondered aloud as he stood up.
I snatched it out of his hands. "It's nothing."
"Dani," he said slowly, extending his hand.
"Don't touch me," I spat. All of the buildup of emotions from my situation with Cortland and my relationship troubles with James finally took its toll on me and I began to cry. The only thing I hated more than crying was other people seeing me cry. I barged into my office and threw the letter on my desk before turning my back to Holden and letting the tears fall.
I felt his presence behind me but he didn't say a word. When I heard the sound of paper crinkling I knew my secret was out but honestly, I was so drained from keeping it to myself, a part of me was relieved someone else knew. I heard Holden suck in a sharp breath and I turned around, ready to face the truth.
He put the letter down and looked at my blotchy and reddened face. "Come here."
Without a word I fell into his arms, somehow feeling better that I didn't have to carry this burden alone. "You can't tell anyone," I told him when I pulled away.
"My lips are sealed," he promised.
I wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. "What am I going to do? My life is over."
"Hey, don't say that, you'll figure something out," he said optimistically.
"Don't you think my mom's going to know I wasn't in school when I come back next summer without a degree?" I questioned, bewildered he could find a silver lining in this shitty situation.
Holden handed me a napkin from the tissue box on my desk. "You're not alone now. We'll figure this out together, okay?"
I blinked in surprise. "You'd do that for me?"
He nodded. "Yes, now stop crying. It's a scary look on you."
I laughed and threw my tissue at him.
~*~
Holden dropped me home afterward and I had spent the evening watching movies with my brothers. Alex had fallen asleep on the couch and I was laying beside him, using his unconsciousness as an excuse to make him my footstool, while Brenton was sitting on the carpet.
"Are you guys asleep?" Brenton asked without looking away from the TV.
"Yes, can we turn it off now?" I deadpanned.
He turned around to gawk at me. "Are you crazy? We can't stop watching Lord of the Rings halfway through the third! Come on, Dan, it's The Return of the King!"
Have I ever mentioned that my twin was the biggest geek alive?
"I don't care, you Hobbit."
"Wow, so funny," he sneered. "Alex is enjoying it, right, buddy?"
We were met with the sounds of our youngest brother's snores.
Brenton focused back on the movie while I took out my cell phone to check my notifications. It was on silent the entire time and I saw three missed called from James. I called him back and waited a few moments before he answered the phone.
"Is everything okay? Are you still at the hospital?" I asked.
"We're at my mom's house," he answered. "She's going to be fine."
"Oh my gosh, that's amazing! I'm so glad..." I paused. "We?"
"Yeah," he answered. "My mom, Leila, and me."
"Leila's there?" I tried to keep my voice cheery but was failing miserably.
There was a momentary pause. "Yeah, she was at the hospital when we were allowed to see Ma. I think we're going to spend the night so I can keep an eye on her."
"Oh."
"You're okay with that, right?" he confirmed.
Brenton had now paused the movie to eavesdrop on my phone call.
"If it's a problem I could drive Leila back to Penbrooke," James offered.
"Hah, and be the selfish girlfriend who makes him drive two hours and back after his mom's heart attack?" Brenton piped in.
I swiped the cushion under Alex's head and I chucked it at Brenton. "No, it's fine," I said into my phone.
"Are you sure?" James asked.
"Yeah," I lied.
"I don't have to worry about you getting jealous and kissing anyone else, right?" he joked.
"Ha ha, so hilarious," I said in a monotone.
James chuckled. "I wish you were here."
My lips curved into a frown. "Me too."
"James," Leila's faint voice echoed through the background. "Do you have any clothes I can wear?"
I heard him sigh. "I have to go. I'll call you in the morning, okay?"
"I love you," I told him."
"I love you, too." He hung up.
"You're turning red," Brenton remarked.
I folded my arms across my chest and slumped in my seat. "Shut up and press play, you Hobbit."