"Do you simply take pity on me and say you love me?" Venti asked.
"N-no that's—"
"Do you not love me? You always said you do but you simply meant it for someone else don't you?" Venti added.
"Venti, wait—"
"I don't like it...no one likes it Y/n...if you don't love me. We can...take a break from our relationship first. After the break, you give me an answer. If you don't love me, we can break up. If you do... let's discuss that if you ever said yes," Venti sobbed.
"Fine. One month, how about that? We meet under the tree at Windrise," You suggested.
"Fine one month. I want your answer by then," Venti said as he disappeared right after that.
"What do I do next?" You mumbled to yourself.
"Maybe I have kept some report written journals somewhere in that library of mine. I need to ask them for the locations,"
You teleported back to your home. You found your servants and asked them to take out journals all about love. You flipped through the books like crazy. You were burning the midnight oil every day. Sleep did not matter to you anymore. The question stands for yourself. Do you truly love Venti?
"Venti, could you...I forgot we took a break..." Your voice faded slowly realizing your situation.
I don't understand, I could always handle this loneliness. Why can't I do it now?
"Y/n-sama, we found written journals more related to your situation. Please take a look at them," Chen Xiang suggested as she passed you some reports.
You thanked her and read the title of the first book and skimmed through the pages. This is unrelated. You picked up another one. You skimmed through it again and had a little hope it was related but inside that thick book, there isn't. You called for Shi Hui.
"Shi Hui, do you have the slightest idea. Why can't I be loyal to him?"
"Y/n-sama...I'm sorry. I don't have an answer for that," Shi Hui apologised.
"It's fine," you sighed. "I need to walk around in the city. All these books are giving me a headache."
"Would you like me to—"
"No need. I'm going to go by myself," You interrupted her.
You walked into the city as your mortal self. You looked at how lively the city is. They were families together holding hands eating street food. They all have the brightest smile. You finally found a less populated bench. It honestly hurts to see families. You wished you were never born into a rich family.
"You seem sad. Young lady," An old granny sat beside you.
She had a wide smile, wrinkles all over her face. She had blue eyes and her silvery grey hair shined under the sunlight.
"What's wrong? Maybe this little old granny can help," The old lady asked.
"So my friend and I went on a break. Well, we were a couple before the break happened," You explained.
"Why did both of you go on a break?"
"I wasn't really committed to the relationship as he is..."
"Oh? Why weren't you committed?..."
You shook your head. You also did not know why you were not committed. You sighed and thought this was the end of the conversation. You were never good with them in the beginning.
"Since this is a dead knot. I want to ask how's your family doing?"
"I don't know. I ran away," You leaned to the back of the bench. "They wouldn't care anyway."
"Why do you think so?"
"My mother...she left my family leaving with my dad and me. We have a lot of money. We're very wealthy if you can tell. And me being the only child. I have to get good grades in school 90% and above. I have to be good and disciplined to inherit all that wealth. If I don't listen. My dad would lock me up in a dark room filled with dust. The worst one was he would burn my plants. I've tried getting his attention. I never got to impress him. He always yelled and screamed at me,"
"What about your school life?" The old lady asked.
"It's alright. I was able to get 90% and above for all my test and exams. There's actually a funny story I had in junior high. I had a crush on this guy because he simply helped me with a lot of things. I thought we were friends at some point but in the end, I was mocked and used. I was mocked for liking him only because he helped me with so many things. I was used for my money. Typical scenario don't you think?" You chuckled.
There was a moment of silence before the old lady continued. You were surprised. You never have told anyone about this. You were just rambling about what's on your mind.
"I want to ask again why weren't you so committed?" The old lady asked again. "You can even give it to me in figurative language. Ho-ho, I don't mind."
You felt you could give some sort of answer.
"It feels like an invisible barrier. It feels reachable at first. Then, I can't reach anymore. Like there's an extra layer I guess,"
"Young lady. Would you like me to be more direct?" The old lady suddenly asked.
You nodded in response.
"Child... you're running away," She looked at you in the eye. "To be more precise, You're running away from fear."
"Please continue. I want to know what you mean," you requested
"Your mother abandoned you. Your father never gave any attention to you. You liked a boy because he helped you. It's all coming to me that you want attention. But, When someone finally gave you attention. You don't believe them and turn to other people. It happened once to you and you won't let it happen the second time. Which results in you being scared of getting that attention you always wanted. Then being unwanted suddenly thrown away,"
(Basically, I abandon you before you abandon me)
"How did you...?"
"I was like that when I was younger. I was quite rich too," The old lady smiled. "We broke up but I found someone better. What did your friend say about the break?"
"He said he wanted an answer of if I love him or not. He's willing to wait," you told her.
"What a nice young man. I say take this last chance and cherish it," The old lady stood up. "My last piece of advice: Communication is key for any kind of relationship."
The old lady starts to walk off slowly. You thought up about something and immediately asked, "Why do I keep liking other people other than my friend!?"
The lady stopped in her tracks.
"Do you really like them?" She asked. "Take this as homework and find out yourself. I can't be telling you everything. Everything lies in your heart."
You waved goodbye to the old lady. You took a deep breath in. You are surely not touching books once you get back home. All you need is a pen and paper. You walked back home feeling a slight bit better about yourself. At the very least you are clear about yourself.
"Shi Hui, Chen Xiang. Come to my study room. Bring pen and paper. A3 size," you commanded once you entered your house.
Your servants immediately stopped what they were doing and grabbed the items into your study room.
"Please give the next order," Cheng Xiang asked.
"Please analyse with me! I want to know why I like people so easily!" You replied as you clasped your hands.
"Let's start with the basics first. Do you know anything about yourself?" Shi Hui asked.
"Shut up and move over. I know how to deal with this," Chen Xiang pushed over Shi Hui. "We have various factors why you can't be loyal to that irresponsible god. How you're brought up, family, friends and what's going on in your mind. Y/n-sama, we will start with how you are brought up, though we know how you were brought up please tell us,"
"I'm not from this world. I'm actually 19 this year..." You told them.
"Please continue on how you're brought up then,"
You explained to them what you told the old granny. You were punished if you did not listen to your dad's orders. You will be locked up in that filthy room and the worst is that he will burn all your plants. Your mother wasn't there at all. She left early. You later told them your Junior high story. You also told them the talk you had with the grandma earlier.
"So, our dear master is scared of being abandoned," Chen Xiang wrote down on the paper. "Let's start analysing your love life. Who did you love and what did they do that made you fall in love with them?"
You wrote down on the paper: Noelle. What attracted you? 'When I needed something she was able to provide it to me. She's super friendly and nice.'
You wrote the second name: Bai Zhu. 'He gave me head pats and called me cute though it was played off as a joke.'
"Y/n-sama...you really are neglected as a child huh..." Chen Xiang gave you a puzzled look.
"What the granny said was true. You're pretty much letting your fear control you. So I say if you felt that stupid god of freedom is going to abandon you. He won't. I would smack his ass before I allow it," Shi Hui clenched her fist.
"From what I have read. People around your age gets infatuated from time to time. So I recommend you to bond with that stupid god so I say return home first and bond with him," Chen Xiang advised.
"So I'm just infatuated with both of them? Wait! What's infatuation?" You asked out of curiosity.
"Y/n-sama, you said you score 90 and above in tests and exams. Are you that stupid to not know that word?" Chen Xiang asked.
"It means to be interested or admire this person for a short period of time," Shi Hui sipped her hot tea.
"Where did you—"
"Shush! Don't question me," Shi Hui interrupted Chen Xiang.
"I really mess up! Ah! Okay, so what's the next step?" You asked.
"I think we got you sorted out. Maybe give him a blue spider Lily. He would like it," Chen Xiang suggested.
"Green musical spider lilies would be nice to give him. I will get the spellbook if you would like it," Shi Hui recommended.
"I can do that!?" You asked with a gleam in your eyes.
"You're the only one who can create blue spider lilies and you can make variations of it because you're the god of flowers," Shi Hui replied.
"Give me the spellbook," you stuck your hand out.
"Chen Xiang will get it. I will bring you to the place where you can practice growing those flowers. It's only grown on specific kinds of soil," Shi Hui stood up.
"Hey! Why do I do all the work!?" Chen Xiang yelled.
Shi Hui rolled her eyes. You followed her to a room. A room filled with soil that could've been someone's bedroom.
"Hold your hand like this," Shi Hui demonstrated.
You held both your hands in a cup formation. All your fingertips touching.
"Then, you slit your finger. It requires a little blood of yours," Shi Hui handed you a knife.
"You channel your powers with the blood. It will bloom easily,"
You slit the tip of your finger. You channel your elemental energy. No results.
"It's okay! You have three weeks to practice!"
"Holy mother of god! Where the fuck am I?" A girl dropped beside you.
She wore your school uniform. You somewhat remembered her face. It's the popular girl in your class. She's known for how cool and chill she is. Chen Xiang walked in and gave you your spellbook and exited the room.
"It's class president!" She immediately yelled.
"H-hello Hirose-san," you greeted awkwardly.
"How dare you disrespect the archon!" Shi Hui yelled.
"She doesn't know! It's fine!" You calmed her down.
"I've always admired you! You're so cool! You have such great strength! Please be my friend!" Akemi pleaded. "You can address me as Akemi!"
"Akemi...how did you get here?" You asked.
"Oh, I died from a car crash. But it's all fine now! I'm— what are you doing?"
"The blue spider Lily has godly medical properties. As such it can even revive someone," Shi Hui read out from the book to you. Your eyes gone wide from hearing that.
"You still have your phone?" You asked.
"Yeah! But it's about to die. My life is gone if this thing is dead," Akemi cooed.
"I need to practice something first. I will get back to you later at night," you told her as you turned back to the soil.
"You can do it this time Y/n-sama!" Shi Hui cheered
You concentrated a little and you saw a tiny little sprout. You were enthusiastic at first but the growing stopped there. Shi Hui praised you for the little progress you have made. There's at least something rather than nothing. Akemi asked what's this all about. You explained it to her during dinner time.
"You know when you told me that you have been here. No wonder you were acting weird in school for the past few months," Akemi remarked. You tilt your head curious about how weird 'you' became. "Like you suddenly become so sociable. So bright and likeable. You were always so cold and reserved."
"Really? I could never imagine myself like that. I'm pretty sure there's a demon in my body," you remarked.
"I think so too. But my gosh you have a boyfriend and have relationship problems with him? Don't worry I got this!" She proudly said.
"I think it's fine. I got it figured out," you told her.
"Really!? I wanted to be a use of help," She pouted. "When are you both getting back together?"
"Three more weeks. I'm trying to make a flower. It's the flower on my forehead," you replied.
"Oh! That non-existent one!? So it's real!?" Akemi yelled shocked.
"Only I can make it. I am the floral god. So that's why I was squatting in front of the soil," you added shortly.
"It reminds me of the manga called 'Kimetsu no Yaiba' the antagonist needs the blue spider Lily to be able to walk in the sun,"
"That sounds interesting. I wish I could read it,"
"It's literally on our phones," Akemi stared at you.
"I only have a phone that calls and texts. It Nokia branded," you recalled an old memory.
"A Nokia phone? I got Android/Apple!" Akemi exclaimed.
"At least mine is indestructible. I heard it can be used as a murder weapon," You grinned.
"Haha... let's eat finish and head to bed. You got to get enough rest!" Akemi said pumped up.
"You can sleep in the guest room. I will sleep in that room. If you need anything, you ask my servants," you said as you washed your dishes.
Akemi nodded and walked off to the guest room. You lay in your bed, exhausted from today's activities. A week passed and you have been practising the growth of your plants daily. The sprout grew and grew until it bears a bud.
"Oh my gosh, there's a little bud! You're doing so well!" Akemi cheered.
"We're almost there..." You panted.
"How much blood have you lost?" Akemi asked.
"I don't know," you gazed at the 79 failed attempts from today. "But better start working. It shows a bud this time. I can make this for Venti in time."
"This flower only grows with your powers though... that's disappointing. It withers one or two days later if it doesn't receive your powers," Akemi remarked as she looked at the withering plants from the other side.
"The petals this time opened a little!" You yelled.
"You're amazing! You're getting the hang of it!" Akemi cheered.
C'mon... please work this time!
You channel your powers on the soil. A tiny little sprout emerged from the ground as you watch it grow. The bud slowly appeared and its petals spread open.
"I did it! Akemi look!" You exclaimed.
"Oh my god! Make one more!"
She screamed in excitement.
You did as she commanded. It worked. It finally worked. You have finally made the base.
"Shi Hui! Chen Xiang! Come look at the flower!" You yelled.
"I haven't seen this flower in ages..." Shi Hui said in awe.
"Same. Alright, I will get the second book!" Chen Xiang said and ran off.
"You must have lost lots of blood," Shi Hui remarked.
"That's fine! I think my body got used to it. I don't bleed... anymore..." You blacked out.
"Geez she should learn how to take care of themselves," Akemi shook her head in disappointment.
"Akemi, you look awfully identical to master's old dead friend," Shi Hui remarked.
"You have to point 'dead' out!? Gosh, you're so bland," Akemi bluntly said. "What's the friend's name?"
"Uke Akemi. Both your first name aligns. She's the goddess of food. She makes food. Both your personality matches pretty well. If I would like to state my opinion, you're her reincarnation," Shi Hui replied before she bowed and left with your body.
Me? Reincarnation of a food
God? Haha! No wonder I have such great taste and am a natural Born chef! No wonder I am the alpha of the friend group.
Akemi was cheering on the inside. She was delighted with the speculation. If the theory of her being the food god is true. How could she get her powers back?
"I must've lost too much blood to faint," you woke up.
"Please drink this soup I've made for you," Chen Xiang fed you.
"It's bitter..." You stuck your tongue out.
"Sorry, I could have added chicken to make it a little sweet," Chen Xiang apologized.
You asked for the bowl and chugged the whole thing down. You asked for the book immediately after that and studied the process. After two days, you finally left your bed and created more blue spider lilies to experiment with. With one week and five days left you knew you have to grasp the idea fast.
The time has finally come. You finally arrived at Mondstadt. You clutched your hand tightly, feeling the overwhelming sense of guilt you felt entering this place. You took a deep breath and sat on the bench, facing the cathedral. You reminisced the past moments you had with Venti. You got up from your seat and slowly walked towards Windrise. You recited what you wanted to say along the way. A full essay of an apology. You were a bit nervous. Venti always looked so carefree and delighted with you around. But his expressions slowly changed over time because of your action lately. It has gotten more gloomy.
She's not going to come. Why did you even think she will come Barbatos?
He sat on the top of the tree. He hid in the shades that the leaves provided for him. He observes you calling his name out repeatedly. He does not want to meet you. He is scared of your answer.