A/N: This is it! This chapter and then one little epilogue and we'll be moving onto the next chapter in Aj's adventure and story! If you're interested there is a playlist on Spotify I created. The soundtrack of this book, if you will. Just look up 'Not That Lucky' and you'll see it! It has the same cover as the image above! Thanks!
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"Right now, she's just living her best life. She's focused on herself. She's falling in love with who she is. She's excited about where she's headed, and she's excited about what's next. She has so many goals, so many dreams, so much ambition, and she's constantly finding new passions. She's learning to be spontaneous. She's learning to take risks. And she's constantly stepping outside of her comfort zone. You see—right now, she's just chasing the things that make her happy. She's chasing the things that feed her soul. And to be honest with you—she could care less about what anybody else thinks. Because right now, her life is filled with so much peace. So much light. So much growth. So much faith. And so much hope. And right now, she's just living her best life—and there's absolutely nothing, or no one, that can get in the way of that." –R.S.
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When it came to awkward tension, on a scale of one to ten, the room Clint was standing in was, without a doubt, a 74. It was a 'saying good-bye to someone only to find out that they were going in the same direction as you' kind of moment. A 'I was stalking my crush on Instagram and accidentally liked a photo of theirs from three years ago at 2 in the morning and they saw it' kind of moment. A 'oh god, the movie I'm watching with my parents just started playing a sex scene' kind of moment. Essentially, nobody was having a good time.
Except him.
Clint was pretty cool with these awkward moments.
It came with the territory of being an absolute disaster.
Also, his adopted child wasn't dying anymore so honestly, he was over the moon.
"What gift says, 'I'm so glad your exploded spleen didn't kill you'? Flowers or a card?" Clint asked Natasha quietly.
She shot him a glare, "Can you focus on the task at hand?"
"They seem to have a handle on it." Clint motioned to the others. All eyes shot to him at his words. Vision stood to his left, mildly confused, while Natasha and Sam stood on his right in various stages of on edge and irritated. Across from him, Steve stood, arms crossed tightly, and on guard. He was probably so stiff because his homicidal best friend was sitting about twelve feet away on their living room couch, eyes glued to the hands he had clasped in front of him, "Also, why did we step away from Barnes? He has super hearing too, doesn't he? Us whispering on the other side of the room can't be very secretive."
Sam scoffed, "How are you in such a good mood?"
"How? Look, Aj is alive. She's been out of surgery for 6 hours now and is resting comfortably in a medically induced coma to heal." Those words alone seemed to settle the room to a degree. "Eugene fucking Morgan is dead and gone, fuck that guy again in case someone didn't hear me the first 17 times I said it. And—" Clint held one hand up and behind it he very obviously motioned toward the quiet man on the couch, "Bucky Barnes hasn't snapped and murdered us yet, so... we are winning, guys."
"Clint." Steve sighed, probably not particularly liking his last bullet point. Another beat of awkward silence passed between them, and Clint could understand why. Bucky Barnes was a danger and risk. He was a wanted man. If the government ever found out the Avengers were housing him the government would lose their collective minds and they'd be in a world of trouble, and blah, blah, blah. Again though, his main points still stood strong.
Aj was alive.
Nothing was going to sour his mood.
Steve was the first to break the silence. He shook his head, "Look, you know what I'm asking. Your opinion is important to me and... this is our home. I want to know exactly how you feel on the matter of Bucky staying here because I know there are risks."
"I'm cool with it, in case that wasn't already abundantly clear." Clint held one hand up to vote. "It's simple. Bucky saved Aj. Hell, I owe the guy a damn parade. He can move into my apartment if he wants."
"No, he can't." Natasha chimed, shutting down the idea of their third roommate, then added, "No offense to the man sitting on the couch most definitely listening, but how sure are we that he isn't going to relapse?"
Steve held one hand out, "He won't—"
"You don't know that for sure, Steve." Sam argued.
"He's clear headed right now."
"Right now." Vision hummed. "I know I am not as well versed as the others on this matter, but your words insinuate that his condition could change at any moment."
Steve continued to argue back and forth with them, but Clint leaned back a bit to see new faces had entered the scene. Pietro must have sped in with his sister because he was now placing her onto her feet in front of Bucky who stared up at them skeptically.
'My sister... make sure it is safe.' Clint read the boy's lips. He only got half the sentence because of the way Pietro's face was turned. Bucky nodded once at the statement and Wanda stepped forward with eyes glowing red.
"Hey, the children are breaking curfew." Clint said calmly.
Heads snapped in that direction before the entire group hurried over. Steve, panicked and worried, tried to reach Bucky, but the quick kid slid into his path in a blink. Pietro shook his head once, "She means no harm."
"What is she doing?" Natasha questioned.
"This is our home now too." Pietro said with a light glare, apparently upset at being sent to his room earlier, "I need to know it's safe for us. For my sister."
Steve opened his mouth to speak, but Wanda suddenly let out a sharp cry of pain before she crumpled down to her knees. Clint's eyes widened as concern washed over him. It was all short lived though because Wanda didn't pay any of them any attention. She continued to stare up at Bucky, features twisted in anguish, while the man looked back at her in confused worry.
Wanda began to speak rapidly, her head shaking as she spoke with her hands, but it was all in Sokovian. Pietro called out to her in their language, but she snapped an answer at him before continuing to ramble. Wanda stood quickly, gave Bucky one last soft look, before hurrying out of the room then disappearing down the hall into her dorm, still mumbling to herself in another language.
Pietro disappeared in a whirl of wind, leaving them in a state of confusion, but was back in under 5 seconds. He gave them a soft smile and thumbs up, "We are okay with him staying. Wanda approves."
"What did she say—" Clint began to ask, but Pietro disappeared again. He grumbled under his breath in annoyance.
"What..." Bucky slowly stood up, still tense, "Who was she?"
Steve stepped closer, "Buck, you okay?"
Natasha crossed her arms and nodded toward him, "What did they say to you?"
"Just...Just asked to look at me." Bucky answered, but his voice was quiet and rough. Clint hummed in thought to himself. Wanda took a look into his head. The teenager took a look in the man's head and whatever she saw sent her to her knees. His first guess would've been fear, but Clint had recognized the agonizing look in Wanda's eyes. Sorrow. Grief. Wanda didn't run from the room because she was scared of Bucky. She ran because she was overcome with emotion.
Vision nodded, "I trust both the Captain's and Wanda's intuition."
"Not mine?" Clint turned to look at him.
"It isn't personal. I've seen you leave a metal spoon in the microwave while cooking." Vision replied in a tone that was informational rather than mocking. Clint crossed his arms sheepishly and just stuck his tongue out.
Natasha spoke up from beside him, "How clear headed are you right now? How much do you remember from before being the Asset?"
Bucky hesitated. His hands opened and closed nervously as his eyes darted to Steve who nodded in encouragement. It was almost funny to see such a large man look so timid. Bucky slouched over, curled in on himself, to make himself seem smaller. Clint wasn't even sure if he was doing it intentionally. Bucky swallowed then gave them a stiff nod, "My ma's name was Winnifred Barnes. I had a sister named Rebecca. I was drafted into the 107th. Steve was always there. Always." At the words, the corner of Bucky's lips curled up in amusement, and he dragged his eyes to stare at his friend. "I remember you used to wear newspapers in your shoes."
Steve's tense shoulders relaxed as he let his crossed arms fall to his side. He was seeing his best friend. Sure, Steve had been staring at his best friend for the past few hours, but it seemed to Clint that this was the first moment that he was seeing Bucky Barnes. The kid he used to run down the streets of Brooklyn with. The entire group seemed to relax a degree at the statement.
"That's adorable." Sam spoke up and crossed his own arms, looking to Steve, "But just like that? He gives us a cute story about your scrawny ass back in the day, and we're supposed to be cool? As if he didn't rip the steering wheel outta my car while I was driving—" Sam pointed at Bucky with a raised eyebrow, "—don't think I forgot about that. You owe me a new car, man."
Bucky took everyone by shock when he furrowed his eyebrows at Sam and spoke in a rough but level voice, "You're the guy that pretends to be a bird or something right?"
Sam's jaw fell open while Steve lowered his head and hid a laugh in a cough. Clint grinned in amusement as he watched the Falcon go through all 7 stages of grief at once. He snickered in excitement and immediately leaned to Natasha. The red head, always three steps ahead of him, turned around to face only him and mouthed, 'No. You can't adopt him.'
"So, what apartment is he getting?" Clint clapped his hands, trying to move this stagnant conversation along, "Because I personally think the open apartment beside Sam's would be ideal."
Sam shot him a glare that Clint beamed at. Natasha shook her head, "If he's going to stay here, I think he should stay with Steve. Having someone he knows close will help him, and it'll make me feel better to know that if he does relapse another super soldier is right there to reign him in."
"That's fair." Steve agreed quickly.
"You can have the larger apartment on the fifth floor. Clint and I will move back onto the fourth floor."
Clint's head snapped away from mocking Sam to look at his girlfriend, "I'm sorry. Did I just hear you hand off our apartment?"
"Weren't you the one that said he should move in with us?" Natasha raised an eyebrow at him. "Now if you boys will excuse me, I have a hospital to visit."
Clint gave Bucky one last look before jogging after Natasha. She slowed enough to allow him to match her pace. When they got out of the building he glanced at Natasha. He nodded, "You know what Wanda said don't you?"
"I'm not fluent in Sokovian." Natasha replied.
"You know enough." Clint argued. "Plus, I know Bucky's cute newspaper story isn't what sold you. It was Wanda looking into his head. Whatever she said about it made you consider it. What did she say?"
Natasha slowed to a stop, her gaze distant, then she replied, "Wanda was... apologizing. Then she was praying. She switched to Hebrew which I didn't understand, but... she was desperate. Clint, I think she was praying for Barnes."
Clint hummed curiously. Maybe he should've been more concerned about the new living situation, but something told him things were going to be okay. Call it a gut feeling. Something about all of this just felt right to him, and Clint wasn't going to start second guessing himself now.
___________
When I opened my eyes, I could see Tony. I was confused, my brain was fuzzy, but a slow smile spread across my features. It was like I was swimming in a fog, but if Tony was here then I was okay. If Tony was here, then I was safe.
He sat in a chair slumped over. Tony's hair was a mess and his usual clean goatee was unkempt. His mouth ajar as he snored, but whatever rest he was getting didn't seem to help the dark bags he had under his eyes. Tony had on long pajama pants and a shirt I knew belonged to Clint. The hole in the shoulder and cartoon penguin gave it away.
I took a slow breath. It was warm. I was warm. The coldness that I had felt at my core was gone. When I shifted in place, pain lanced through my body, and I stiffened in response. A hiss slipping from my lips. The pain was awakening. I felt the fog fading.
"Aj?"
I glanced back over to see Tony sitting up now with wide eyes. For a moment, we just sat there staring at one another. I could see the exhaustion on his features. The kind of exhaustion he wore when he stayed in his lab for over 72 hours. It went beyond just bags or worry lines. This was the kind of exhaustion you could see echoing throughout his warm brown eyes. Tony gave me a once over, panicked, but I smirked at him, "God, you look like shit."
It took a moment, but once he registered the words the man let out a loud bark of laughter and it made the warmth spread to my chest. I missed that sound. Tony laughed again, more in relief than amusement, and he leaned forward in his seat to press his forehead against his clasped hands. Only a few seconds passed before he sat back up with a watery smile. He shifted the chair closer and shook his head, his voice hoarse, "You're one to talk, sunshine."
I shifted again and grunted at the pain. Tony scolded me, telling me to stay still, and reached out to tightly hold my left hand. I took notice that my gauntlets and the two braided bracelets were gone. My gaze lifted to look around the very familiar room and surprise washed over me as I recognized where I was, "Is this the same hospital room I was in after Russia?"
"Yeah, it is." Tony nodded. "Make sure they punch your frequent flyer card. One more stay, and I think you get a free x-ray."
I chuckled then moaned at the motion, "God, that hurts." I used my right hand to pull my blanket down and then began to tug my gown up. Tony told me I should stop, but it was too late. My eyes landed on the gnarly wound at my center. The long incision ran along my midline between my sternum and bellybutton. It was about 5 inches long and sutured up. To the left of it was the hole where the bullet tore through me also sutured up. Both wounds were clean and pale in color. No red irritation or any other signs that this happened recently, "Tony—"
"The bullet hit your spleen. Tore it to shreds. It's why there was so much blood. You were so unstable that they had to go with the large incision rather than the smaller ones they use on the regular. It was an emergency splenectomy." Tony recited the facts robotically. "They sucked up all the internal bleeding, scooped out the chunks of your spleen, and then fished out the bullet since there was no exit wound. Luckily, your spleen was the only organ physically damaged in the trauma." Tony paused and when he began to speak again his voice was tight. "Surgery took three and a half hours." I glanced away from the wounds to see pain written all over his features. "You died once in the basement, then two more times mid-surgery."
"How long have I been out?" I asked softly.
"Three days." He replied and my eyes widened. Tony let out a chuckle, but it was one of pain, "Probably should be longer, but luckily you're a freakishly good healer. That's probably the only reason you're alive. Again."
I tried to remember what I could. The last thing that came to me with ease was seeing Bucky's face inches from mine pleading, but I had been seeing a lot of things. It was hard to separate what was real and what was just a drug induced hallucination. At that thought, I glanced down at the crook of my left elbow. Tony used the hand that wasn't desperately clutching to mine to rub his hand over the blank space.
"The track marks are gone now. The amount of cocaine they found in your system was...alarming." Tony said slowly. "Like, overdose levels."
"Yeah." I replied, "I promise I'm not a drug addict."
Tony snorted, "No kidding, Aj. I think one of us at the Tower would've noticed if you were a crack head."
I wanted to laugh, but my brain was forcing me to try and remember being under its influence. Cocaine had wiped that slate clean. My head had dumped every memory of the fights. I couldn't even remember how many I had been in. It was a blur of blood, fists, and pain. I vaguely remembered fighting Kyle towards the end, but every fight before it was missing from my mind. There was a weird mix of hate and love for it. It was nice not being able to remember the fights. I had been so concerned about losing myself in it, falling in love with the fight again, but my drugged up brain couldn't even remember it. I also hated it though. For the same reason I hated pain medication. Losing any sense of time or self made me uncomfortable. Plus, I couldn't say I turned away from the ring of my own volition. The drugs made that choice for me. For all I knew now, I had another relapse waiting for me down the line.
"Hey, talk to me." Tony said softly.
"She made me." I said, staring at his hand covering my bare arm. Tony squeezed my elbow softly and I lifted my gaze to meet his. "Said it was the only way to make it a fair fight. After every round, she'd inject more. I can't remember the fights so I don't—I don't know how many times..."
Tony slid his hand down my arm to wrap around my hand like his other still was. His hands cupped mine, and he drew it up to his forehead while hanging his head in shame. The man's shoulders rose and fell with every strangled breath that escaped him.
"Tony." I whispered, but he shook his head once not even looking up. Tony looked like a man at prayer. He looked like he was silently begging some higher being for forgiveness. For a crime he didn't commit. A crime. I felt my body stiffen as a very specific memory settled in the front of my mind. The knife sticking out of Boss' chest. His lifeless eyes staring at me but unseeing. "I killed him." I had done a lot of terrible, terrible things in my life, but up until now murder never made the list. "Oh my God, I killed him."
Tony's head snapped away from my hands, his grip tightening around me, and fire in his eyes, "Don't you dare. Don't even go there." He spoke firmly leaving no room for arguments. "The bastard was trying to kill you, Aj. This was self-defense. You did nothing wrong. He was a dead man the moment he pulled that trigger. If you hadn't done it then I would've. Or Bucky. Whichever one of us got to him first."
My eyes widened, "B—Bucky?"
"I know you saw him." Tony shook his head. "The two of you had a Romeo and Juliet moment for crying out loud."
I blinked in surprise. I remembered seeing Bucky staring down at me, cupping my face, and consoling me. I could remember the way his hand felt stroking my face as he begged me to stay. His stormy, sad eyes never leaving mine. He couldn't have been real though. That's what my thought process had assumed at least. I shook my head, "I thought he was just another hallucination."
"Another? How many did you—" Tony shook his head, "Never mind. Cocaine and blood loss will do that to you, I guess. Yes. Bucky Barnes was there." There was a tense moment where Tony just clenched and unclenched his jaw a few times, his hands tightening around mine involuntarily. He finally whispered, "I wanted to kill him, Aj. God, did I want to kill him."
"Tony..."
He chuckled without humor, sadness in his eyes, "He came to the Compound's front door. Showed up out of the blue looking...looking like hell. Greasy hair, pale skin, clothes he must have found in a dumpster... and all of that was nothing compared to the look in his eyes. I've never seen someone so...broken." Tony was leaning his elbows on the bed, my hand still in his, but I didn't mind. If it were up to me I'd never let him go. "I was going to kill him. I was going to shoot him dead but— but then the guy..." Tony scoffed. "I asked him to give me a reason why I shouldn't, and he told me that I should." He shook his head once. "I—I couldn't do it. I couldn't pull the trigger."
"It's because you're a good man." I smiled and tried not to think about Bucky telling Tony to kill him. It hurt too much.
"Not that good." Tony's dark eyes looked hollow with guilt. "I hurt you."
I shook my head quickly, "Tony, no."
"The moment I said it I—" Tony's voice broke as he turned his gaze from me to the bed, "This entire past month, I wanted to go see you. To apologize. Beg for forgiveness, but... I couldn't do that either. I was scared. I've fucked up so many relationships, I've hurt so many people, and I..." Tony's eyes snapped back to me, they were rimmed with red, "And then Bucky shows up at my door, tells me he thinks you're in danger, and we go—we go and... When I got to you there was—God, there was so much blood, Aj. It was all I could see and—and all I could think about was that the very last thing I said to you was that—"
Tony couldn't finish his sentence. He just hung his head in agony. Tony choked on the words, suffocated in guilt, and it killed me. I should've come to him sooner. This entire month he stewed over this, tortured himself, and that was on me. That was my fault. I should've known he'd do this to himself. Crucify himself just like I was trying to do to myself. I squeezed his hand tightly.
"I knew you didn't mean it." I said, and Tony's head snapped up to look at me. I gave him a firm smile and shook my head, "A part of me wanted to take it to heart, there's this small piece of me that always wants to believe the worst, but... I knew you didn't mean it. The day you said it— hell, minutes after... I knew it. There was no doubt in my mind of that." I shrugged and ignored the ache. "I wanted to come and see you too, so bad, but I thought you needed time. After what I told you, after what I did—"
Tony shook his head, eyebrows furrowed, "You did the right thing. You told me the truth. You didn't keep it from me." He said firmly, pain in his voice. "Thank you, Aj. Thank you."
"I'm still sorry." I whispered. My eyes stung with unshed tears. "If it felt like I was picking Bucky over you, I swear I wasn't. I really wasn't. Bucky is my friend, and I care about him so much, but you—you—"
Tony chuckled and nodded his head once, "Yeah. You're my family too, sunshine."
I pulled on his hand, so he came forward, then threw my arms around his shoulders. My abdomen screamed and ached, but I wasn't going to let go. Not anytime soon. Tony tightened his arms around me. He tilted his head once, to kiss the side of my head, then squeezed me again. Finally, he pulled back and scolded me again not to move so much. I just laughed at his words.
He smirked, "You know, I've always wanted an annoying little sister. It's kind of neat."
I laughed again, "If we're going by mental maturity then I'm the responsible, big sister and you're the annoying, baby brother."
"Responsible, big sister, my ass." Tony scoffed. His eyes suddenly widened in amusement, "Speaking of me being the best big brother ever—" I scoffed this time. Tony reached over to grab something off the small dresser by the bed and brought a splotchy, brown banana into view. "Last time we were here your potassium was low. Figured we could get a jump on that."
I laughed but it was immediately replaced with a groan of pain at the movement, "That looks awful. How long has it been there?"
"I brought that in day one." Tony replied with a grin. "I've been waiting over 72 hours to make that joke."
"It aged about as well as that banana did." I snorted. Tony tossed the banana back onto the dresser and returned his hands to mine. There was a moment of quiet before I spoke again, nervously, "Where...Where is Bucky?"
Tony stiffened, "He, uh, he's okay. He's safe. Right now, we're hiding him at the Compound, keeping him out of General Ross' eyes."
"Ross? Like Betty Ross?"
"Yeah, it's her dad." Tony answered. "Real dickhead. He's been put in charge of the manhunt after your Bucky Barnes. He's also the asshole that's been pushing superpowered restrictions any chance he gets."
I scrunched my nose up in annoyance, "Ew. What a tool." I paused in thought. "Wait, so if Bruce ever gets married to Betty does that mean we have to meet him at the wedding?"
Tony laughed, "Ross hates every single Avenger personally, but his hatred for Bruce Banner is monumental. There's no peaceful wedding where we're all in attendance."
"That'd be an interesting wedding at least." I mumbled. After a beat, I squeezed his hand once, "Are you okay? With Bucky being at the Compound?"
Tony twisted his lips, and I gave him a moment to think it over. I knew this had to be hard for him. Hearing Bucky was at the Compound at all was shocking. Finally, Tony gave me a tight nod, "I'm angry still. That can't be helped. But..." He sighed once. "He killed my mom—" Tony cut himself off sharply then restarted. "The Winter Soldier killed my parents, but... Bucky Barnes risked everything to save you." Tony smiled at me. "Without him, I wouldn't have even known you were in DC. I can't...I can't seem to hate the guy anymore. Not after that."
"I'm proud of you." I said softly.
He shook his head, "By no means does me saying I don't hate him equal 'we're bestest friends'. But, I will admit that the guy needs some serious help. HYDRA put that guy's brain in a damn blender. We wouldn't be the Avengers if we turned him away, yeah?"
"I'm still proud of you."
Tony rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. Do you want your 'Thanks for not croaking on me' gift now or later?"
He didn't give me a chance to choose and reached back to dig into the pocket of the coat that hung on the back of his chair. I narrowed my eyes at him, "If you pull out another rotting banana I swear to God—"
"Surprise." Tony chirped and tossed a set of keys into my lap. My eyes widened as I just stared down at it like it was a ticking bomb. The thick black plastic cover that covered the flip around key had the word 'Jeep' on it in bold, silver letters. It was attached to a key ring where a souvenir Iron Man mask hung like a charm. My eyes snapped up to him as my right hand slowly picked it up. Tony shook his head, "Before you complain, it's already bought and sitting in the garage. I figure, the next time I'm a giant asshole you can just drive away from me with the Jeep instead of having to call someone to come pick you up. A dramatic exit isn't really the same when you have to wait for your ride to get to you."
"Or... I could just hit you with my new car when you're being an ass." I joked.
"Speaking of irresponsible driving", Tony scoffed, "Do you have a driver's license yet?"
"I have one—"
"A valid one?"
I gave him a sheepish smile, "No."
"Uh huh." Tony scooped the keys out of my hand with ease and I laughed. "Don't worry, sunshine, I'll teach you how to drive when we get back home."
I scoffed, "I know how to drive! I just legally can't right now."
"I'll buy of those lights that sit on the top of the car that says, 'Student Driver'." Tony nodded while I complained. "Pete's gonna turn 16 this year so he can join along in our class. Be your classmate."
"I've seen Parker in Driver's Ed, trust me when I say you do not wanna be the one in charge of teaching him how to drive." We both glanced over at the door where familiar faces stood. Mj had been the one who spoke, and she stood beside her mother and...her mother.
I leaned toward Tony, "Am I still hallucinating or is someone standing next to Amber?"
"Both twins are present." Tony confirmed.
Amber was dressed in a collared dress with perfectly curled hair and a bright smile. Mj stood in a t-shirt, flannel, and jeans in front of her mom. Lastly, Angela stood by Amber's side wearing a tank top, jeans, and jean jacket with it. Her face was still bruised and even from here I could see the darker splotches of skin around her neck where Boss had been choking her.
"We just wanted to check on you, Aj. The front desk told us you woke up." Amber came in and stood by the bed. "How do you feel?"
"Kind of like I got shot." I said, my eyes sliding over to Angela who stiffened.
Amber reached forward and surprised me with a hug, "Thank you so much. This family owes you everything."
I shook my head and rubbed her back, "No, you don't. This is just what friends do for one another."
Angela suddenly stepped forward, "Can I—Can I talk to Aj alone for a second?"
Tony set his hand on my shoulder. I glanced back at him and gave him a small nod. Tony kissed the top of my head, Mj hugged me, and then the three of them left the room. My eyes slid back to Angela who stood nervously by my bed. I didn't know what to say. Luckily, she spoke first.
"No one knew I had worked with Boss on this. They assumed I was a victim too." She said quietly. Angela tangled her fingers together and twisted them with her eyes downcast, "I don't know if I should say sorry or thank you."
I shrugged, "Both wouldn't hurt."
Angela chuckled and looked back up to meet my gaze, "I betrayed you. I hurt you. Then, you...you come back from the dead to save me? How did you even get back up after he shot you?"
"Good question. Apparently, my stubbornness knows no bounds."
"I didn't deserve to be saved. When you got up, you should've gone for help. To save yourself. I—I didn't deserve to be rescued." Angela shook her head. Eyes watering.
I gave her a small smile, "Maybe. Maybe not. Who am I to judge that kind of thing? All I can do is be myself. Saving my own skin and leaving you for dead isn't really my style."
Angela nodded and swallowed nervously, "Can you... Can you give me one more day with my sister and niece? Call the cops on me tomorrow? I know I don't deserve to ask, but..."
"I'm not going to tell the cops anything other than Eugene Morgan tried to kill us both. Which is technically the truth." I shrugged. Angela stiffened in shock and I rolled my eyes, "You sold me out. You betrayed me. I've done some real shitty stuff too, but... someone cared enough to give me a second chance. Hell, a third and fourth chance." I chuckled. "Don't make me regret it. Your family loves you so much. Mj looks up to you. Don't let them down, Hammerhead."
She let out a small laugh, tears dripping down her cheeks that she quickly swiped away, "My, uh, my name is Angela."
"Nice to meet you, Angela. Can I call you Angie?" I held my hand out to shake hers.
"Absolutely fucking not." Angela snorted. Instead of grabbing my hand, she reached into her jean jacket pocket and then dumped what she pulled out into my hand. My eyes widened at the five bullets. My mind went back to that moment where Boss yanked the gun back from Angela and pulled the trigger over and over and over to no avail. The gun had been empty and in the moment I had been in too much pain to think much of it. My eyes snapped back to hers and she shrugged. "Get better soon, Aj."
"Thanks." I said softly and brought the bullets closer to look at them. I rolled them around in my palm. Five bullets in my hand, unfired, and the sixth had made its home in my gut. I glanced up to see Angela was on her way out of the room. She stopped at the door, froze, and then slowly turned back around. I furrowed my brow, "What's up?"
Angela took one step forward, "You know why Boss was so obsessed with you, right?"
"No." I shook my head. "I figure, I was just unlucky enough to catch his eye."
"It's because you're better than the rest of us, Aj." Angela said and my eyes widened. "You always have been. That ring...It was filled with lost souls, scum, the worst of the worst. People who'd sell out their neighbor for one warm meal. It was cutthroat. It was—It was a black hole, void of any sort of virtue." Angela motioned to me. "When you came in, you were different. You were this...light. This fire. You stood out. That's why Boss targeted you the way he did. That's why he tried to ruin you. Just like all the rest of us, he saw you for what you truly are."
"A mentally unstable asshole with some questionable coping mechanisms?" I joked dryly.
Angela chuckled, "A good person."
She tapped the doorframe with her knuckles once, giving me one last nod, then turned and left. I sat in the bed, in the quiet and warmth, then looked down at my hand again where the bullets sat. A good person. That's all I ever wanted to be, wasn't it? It's what I strived for. As much as I wanted to cling to that title, I couldn't let go of the one Vincent had confirmed for me. I was a monster—or, I had the potential to be one. The two identities couldn't co-exist with one another in my head. But maybe... Maybe that's all a good person was.
A monster who chose to do the right thing again and again.
I could live with that.
My hands closed around the bullets as my lips twitched up into a small smile. I held my fist out over the side of the bed and, slowly, I let each bullet slip from my enclosed hand one at a time.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
It was over. Boss was gone.
___________
Aj had been moved from the hospital to the Compound's medbay for the rest of her recovery. It only made sense. She was doing well, physically. All that was left was letting her body rest and recover. Granted, for Aj that was always the hardest part. The woman was allergic to staying still or in one spot. It was why when Steve walked to the private medbay where she was supposed to be all he found was an empty bed.
"FRIDAY?"
"Captain, Ms. Bradshaw is in her apartment right now. She popped the same stitch."
As crazy as it sounded, Aj being in the medically induced coma for three days after her surgery had done her a world of good. It gave her body a solid 72 hours to heal without having to deal with her own bad habits. Still, the actual bullet wound that had been stitched up was the last to heal. It had been doing well, but then Aj tore it open at the hospital once. Then she tore it again when she got to Compound. And now, apparently, she did it for a third time.
"Why didn't you notify anybody?" Steve questioned and hurried to the elevator.
"The blood loss is minor, and Ms. Bradshaw was expressively clear on the fact that she should be left alone. Her vocabulary is very colorful."
Steve rode up the elevator, but when the doors opened he froze. He had spent time sitting at her bedside at the hospital, the moments when Pepper pulled Tony away to take care of himself, but she had been unconscious then. This would be the first time he saw her awake. He wasn't proud to admit it, but he was avoiding the interaction.
Aj nearly died.
Actually, Aj did die.
Three fucking times.
Steve couldn't bring himself to even think on the anger he used to feel because it always led back to the fact that he had been so close to losing her forever. That put things in a new perspective. Everything did. Tony calling him a hypocrite for keeping his own secret. Bucky scolding him for being upset with Aj for just doing what he asked. Aj lying in a basement alone bleeding to death... It gave a man a lot to think on.
He stepped out of the elevator and made his way to her apartment door. The red door was completely open, and the inside was dark. Steve walked into the foyer, but before he could call out for her he spotted her across the living room. Aj was standing outside the sliding glass door on the balcony alone.
She wasn't the same to him. Steve could still feel the echoes of his sadness that stemmed from Aj not being honest with him. That existed because he expected one thing from her, but looking at it now... Maybe Steve had been pushing ideals on her that she didn't fit. He saw what he wanted to see. He saw what he had created in his head. She was more than that though. Aj was more.
The last four days spent with Bucky had been a Godsend. His best friend was hurt, broken, but he still existed. Bucky wasn't lost to HYDRA or the Winter Soldier. There were a lot of things that were different about him, which was expected, but at the end of the day, Bucky, at his core, was still the man that he could always trust to have his back. And anytime he admired it, Bucky would take the time to press on how much Aj had done for him.
Aj hadn't told him the truth, but she had saved his best friend.
She had done what she thought was right, and even though in the moment Steve didn't agree on whether or not it had been right, it was clear to see now. Aj had taken weight of the moment. Maybe she knew how much she was hurting him in the present, but she braced that fear and pushed onwards leading him to where they were now.
And, Steve was happy. God, he was happy. There was so much that needed to be repaired. He needed to fix what he had broken between him and Tony. Steve hated the way the genius would leave the room anytime he stepped in. He needed to clear the air between him and Aj. Steve could do it though. He knew he could. The hardest part of it all, making sure Bucky was alive, safe, and in the setting to heal, was done.
Taking in a sharp breath, he steeled himself and crossed the room. Steve purposely made his footsteps a bit louder so he didn't spook her. Still, Aj didn't turn around. She held onto the balcony rail, wearing the medbay dress code of a plain white shirt and sweatpants, and her gaze was up at the sky.
Tony had designed Aj's room on the side of the campus away from the bulk of the outdoor lights that way at night she'd be able to see the stars. He knew this because he had suggested it to the genius. Steve stood at the doorframe and tried to find the words to say.
"Do you wanna look at the stars with me?" Aj asked quietly. Her voice was so soft that Steve was partly convinced that he had made it up and was just hearing what he wanted to hear. Swallowing the lump in his throat, he gave her an acknowledgement and walked slowly to stand beside her.
Steve set his hands on the railing, like her, and cleared his throat, "I—I heard you popped your stitch again."
"Yeah. I did."
He opened his mouth, paused awkwardly, then chickened out and continued to talk about her wound, "We should take you back to the—"
"I don't like being in there at night." Aj didn't take her eyes off the sky and Steve couldn't loosen the white knuckle grip he had on the railing. "I've been having bad nightmares and when I wake up in a hospital bed I—"
Aj didn't finish her thought, but she didn't have to. Steve finally forced himself to look at her. She still had purplish yellow shadows under her eyes, remnants from her broken nose, but that was the only injury left on her features. The dim light from the crescent moon should've made it hard to see, but his serum enhanced eyes had no problem adjusting to the lack of light. It was why he could, so clearly, see the silent tears falling down her face, the redness of her nose and cheeks.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
She hesitated, her head lowering slightly to stare straight ahead at the horizon, "When it happened... I hallucinated. All of you were there. One at a time, at least." Steve didn't reply. He did know. Aj had recounted all of this to Tony who helped her with the police and SHIELD record. Steve hadn't known the exact hallucinations she had though. "Sometimes when I fall asleep, I dream that I'm back in that basement... I'm bleeding and bleeding and my brain tricks me into thinking that the rescue was just another hallucination." There was a tense silence and Steve watched as her nose scrunched up and her lower lip quivered. Aj's voice broke, "Steve, I'm scared I'm still there."
"Hey, you're not. You're safe, Aj. I swear it." Steve tried to reassure her. He wanted to reach out to her. Pull her into his arms, but he wasn't sure he should. If she would want him to. "What can I do? How can I prove it to you?"
Aj finally turned to look at him and her gaze meeting his nearly knocked his knees out from under him. God, he missed her. God, he hated everything she had gone through. They should've been there for her. He should've been there for her.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Steve. I'm sorry." Aj shook her head. He opened his mouth to cut her off, tell her to stop apologizing, but she pressed on, "Can I touch you? I don't deserve to ask—to— but I...I need the warmth. I have to feel the warmth."
Steve didn't need more than that. He didn't need clarification or confirmation. He reached out to peel her hand off the railing and hold in his. Steve slowly brought it up to his mouth and pressed his lips against the back of her hand. He didn't look away from her the entire time which is why he was able to see the exact moment she tipped over the edge.
Aj began to sob, her entire body shaking, and Steve quickly pulled her into his arms. She threw her arms tightly around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder, and he was sure that if it weren't for his own arms wrapped tightly around her, Aj would've collapsed to the ground. Steve felt her hot, wet tears against his collarbone, soaking into his shirt, and he buried one hand into the back of her hair to hold her as close as he possibly could.
So much was different, his exact relationship with Aj included, but one thing that hadn't changed was the love he felt for the woman in his arms.
___________
Clint hadn't been kidding when he said Tony kept my apartment all done up. The furniture had come in and been arranged, all my clothes and knick knacks from the Tower had been brought over, and he had even pulled the pictures I had hung up off the wall and pinned them all over my fridge.
It was such a small act, but it mean so much.
I crossed my arms, burying myself even further into the sweater I had stolen from Thor ages ago, and stepped out of the elevator when it stopped on the communal floor. For the most part, I felt good. I still wasn't allowed to do anything beyond just walking on my own, but all things considered I didn't have room to complain. At least I was fucking alive.
"Ah!" I jumped in surprise at the unfamiliar voice while walking to the kitchen and turned just in time to see a blur of white and green pull me into a hug. It was a boy. Taller than me and lean. The body of a runner. "It is so good to see you, Aj. I am glad you are alive."
"Thank you...person I do not know." I replied and let my hand pat his back in a friendly manner.
The boy pulled back with a wide, charming grin. He couldn't be older than 18 and though his roots were dark the bulk of his hair was a bright white. He had on a green t-shirt and black joggers. The kid set his hands on my arms, "We have not met. My name is Pietro."
"Oh!" I said in recognition. "You're the Sokovian kid. From the Ultron ordeal. Fast runner?"
Pietro nodded, "Yes, yes, and yes." As if to prove it, he disappeared, my hair blew back in a rush of wind, and then he was in front of me again with a flower. "For you."
"Well, aren't you precious?" I cooed and took the yellow daisy from him. "How did you know my name?"
"Ah, my sister saw into your head." Pietro shrugged nonchalantly.
I blinked in shock, "Your sister saw what?"
"Yeah, that's this one's fault."
We both glanced over to see Clint wandering into the space from the hall that would lead back to Tony's lab and the private medical bay. Beside him was a young woman. She was pretty with long brown hair that had accents of maroon throughout it. The teen wore a white spaghetti strap top, jeans, and large, loose gray cardigan over it all.
"Old man—" Pietro was suddenly across the room, but the moment he became visible Clint spun and managed to catch him in a headlock. "—hey!"
"Who's old and slow now, you little shit?" Clint laughed and began to give him a noogie.
The girl, Wanda if I remembered correctly, swept across the room to stand in front of me with a hesitant smile. She shifted in place slightly, her hands clasped together in front of her. She spoke in a thick Sokovian accent, "Hi, I am Wanda. I told Pietro about you. I didn't mean to...to look into your head. Clint says it's... invasive."
"Look into my head?" I raised an eyebrow.
Wanda's eyes flashed red briefly and she shrugged, "My...powers. I'm still practicing what I see."
"What did you see?" I asked curiously. Poor kid took a look into my head? God, she might need therapy just from being in my vicinity.
Wanda crossed her arms sheepishly, "Your fear was loud. I didn't mean to see it, and I didn't touch it, I swear. I pulled back as soon as I realized—"
"Hey, hey." I reached out and set a comforting hand on her shoulder. Wanda's eyes flashed red again and I gave her a smile, "I'm not upset. I can't imagine how hard it is to deal with what you have on your hands. I won't even pretend to know. It's okay."
Wanda seemed to slump in relief. She glanced over at Clint and Pietro who were still wrestling around, Clint had somehow ended up on the ground with Pietro digging his knee between his shoulder blades, and then took a step closer to me, "I saw your nightmares. The ones where you think you're waking up in the basement alone." I felt my shoulders stiffen and my breath catch in my throat. Those had been playing on the regular in my head. "I think I can fix that. Make it so you always know you're here."
My eyes widened, but Clint was the one to speak up, "Wait, hey, I don't think that's a good idea."
Wanda frowned and took a step back, but I followed so she was still close to me. I shook my head, "No, please. I'd love for you to try. Anything to stop these nightmares."
"I don't think I can stop them, but... I can make it so you know it isn't real. That it's just a dream and you're safe."
Clint was suddenly standing beside us with Pietro a step behind him, "Look, seriously, Wanda you've been doing great in training, but this is someone's head—"
"My sister can do this." Pietro scoffed. "Easy."
Wanda didn't look quite as sure, and the argument was probably a factor to that. I reached out to cup her elbow, "Hey. It's okay. Give it a shot."
Clint shot me a skeptical look. I knew he was just worried, but after the death scare they were all jittery about anything involving me. Wanda took a deep breath and then held her hands up on either side of my head. Her eyes began to glow, not just a flash, and there was a matching glow dancing around her fingers. This went on for a few more seconds, and when she pulled back I didn't feel any different.
When I thought about the dreams though, the fear that had always sat in a corner of my mind waiting until nightfall when it was quiet to come out, I couldn't find it. Instead, a reassuring one sat in its place. I was home. No doubt lingered. I was home.
"Thank you." I said in shock.
Wanda's face broke out into a broad smile, "I don't sense it in you anymore, but if you have the bad dream again..."
"What's this about bad dreams?" Tony called out while wandering out from his lab. He pointed to Clint, "You were supposed to be right back."
Clint shrugged, "Got distracted."
The twins continued to answer questions I rattled off at them and I did the same for them anytime they had a question for me. Meanwhile, Tony and Clint bustled around the kitchen. A few moments later, I felt someone come to a stop by my side and turned to look at them. My eyes widened at his red and silver features and the glowing yellow jewel on his forehead. Despite looking extremely alien, the guy wore a sweater vest and khakis.
"Wanda, we—" He began to speak in a very, very familiar voice. However, he must have felt my stare because he turned to face me with a smile and offered his hand to me in greeting, "Why hello. You must be Aj. My name is Vision, it's very nice to finally meet you."
I blinked at him twice then gasped, "Tony, what the fuck did you do to JARVIS!?"
___________
The Compound was loud and busy. A disaster and mess. Hectic and wild. Literally all words that Bucky tried his very hardest to avoid for the last half year. He thought those words would be dangerous for him. More so, he thought he'd be dangerous to those words. Nothing good could come from it.
"If you don't give me the fucking remote—"
" What're you gonna do to me, Barton!? I have a bullet hole in my spleen."
" You don't have a spleen anymore, kid, now give me the damn—"
" No!"
Yet, despite the yelling and wrestling and flying projectiles, and God knows what else, he couldn't find it in himself to regret coming here. To regret staying here.
Sure, Bucky was still worried. He'd always be worried. Bucky was absolutely terrified for the night when the Soldier would wake from the nightmare rather than him. One comfort he took from his location though was that he was surrounded by people who could slow him down. There was no civilian next door that he could accidentally harm. The Avengers were prepared for him. It had only been six days here, but Tony Stark had already set up a program to watch him. He had no idea how it worked at all, but according to the genius if he started to lapse into an episode people would be warned. That helped ease his mind.
" Old man, you're going to hurt yourself with that kind of effort."
" How are you on her side? I've known you longer!"
" I'm very loveable, Clint."
" Yes. She is very loveable."
" I'm gonna beat the shit outta both of you, come here!"
Another thing that eased his mind, surprisingly, was having Steve and Aj around. As terrified as he was about being in the vicinity to harm them, having them around helped stave off the darkness. Steve would share memories with him, bring back slivers of who he used to be, convince him that he was away from HYDRA and safe. Then, Aj would keep him in the present. Grounded. It was an odd system, but he was content with it.
"I'll be right back." Steve clapped him on the shoulder and Bucky tried not to stiffen. He didn't like leaving the main upstairs apartment. New spaces put him too on edge and he wasn't ready to map out the rest of the Compound. Still, Steve did anything he could to pull Bucky out at least once a day.
Bucky shot Steve a glare as his friend backpedaled away from him with a smug smirk. He turned back around just in time to see Clint Barton trip over the sectional in the living room and land on his face. Aj and Pietro, who were standing by the TV, laughed loudly at him without bothering to check if the archer was still alive.
"Hey, Bucky!" Aj chirped and he held back the smile that threatened to spread across his features. Her loose hair was a mess around her shoulders from running around the living room, and her blue eyes glowed in happiness. She stared at him from across the room, "You wanna watch a movie with us? Clint's officially not picking."
Clint lifted his head off the floor with a glare, "I have great taste in movies, thank you very much!"
Bucky chuckled and shook his head once. She stuck her lower lip out in a pout, that actually did tempt him, but the white haired teenager dragged her to the couch. Bucky leaned against the kitchen counter with his right arm and wrapped that same hand around the mug of coffee that sat in front of him.
He closed his eyes and sucked in a slow breath. The heat from the coffee in his hand was relaxing and the temperature of the Compound was always comfortable. Never too hot, never too cold. The air around him smelled fresh and clean, it swirled with the aroma from his drink, and there was no whiff of mold, weed, or anything else that seeped through the thin apartment walls he used to live in. Even the clean clothes he wore brought him security. The softness from the thick hoodie and sweatpants he wore felt heavy on his skin. The pressure felt nice.
In this moment of internal calm, he felt safe from himself.
The trio in the living room had settled to watch a movie, their argument dying down, and it left him the quiet to hear other sounds. Bucky could hear Steve around the corner talking to what sounded like Sam Wilson. Tony Stark had to have been in his lab because he heard the faint sound of unrecognizable music. Bucky focused back on the living room and after a moment he heard it. Aj's heartbeat.
Bucky hadn't told anyone, not even Steve, that he did this. That he sometimes would stop everything just to listen to her heartbeat. He recognized that it was weird as shit. He knew that. Still, after hearing it stop not even a full week ago, listening to it now brought him relief. Bucky knew she was safe, safe and alive, but sometimes he'd feel a nervous ball of energy with the memory of what had happened and the only thing that staved off the panic attack was hearing her strong heartbeat. It reassured him. Once upon a time he told Aj that his favorite track, on the record of his life, was the sound of her voice. Right next to that now, was the sound of her heart. Bucky could pick out the sound in a crowd of hundreds.
The sudden sound of a sucker being popped out of a mouth made him jump in place. His eyes flew open and landed on the red head who suddenly stood beside him. Natasha Romanof was maybe one of the few people on Earth who could sneak up on him. Maybe the only. She leaned on the kitchen counter beside him lazily. Her hair was half pulled back and she wore an oversized hoodie that covered her shorts entirely.
"You doing that weird thing where you listen to Aj's heart?" Natasha questioned in a bored tone, pointing her sucker at him. Bucky's eyes widened in surprise, heat flushing his cheeks, and her lip quirked up in the corner. "Yeah, I know. I know everything though so don't feel too bad about it."
Bucky stiffened awkwardly unsure of what to say. The only people he openly spoke to were Steve and Aj. Sometimes Tony, weirdly enough, but he hadn't branched out socially quite yet. He wasn't entirely sure he wanted to. There were risks with getting close to more people.
"I like your bracelet." She hummed, eyes glancing down to the blue and white braided item around his wrist. She stuck her own wrist out to reveal one of matching colors. Natasha smirked, "Looks like we're part of an elite club."
"I guess." Bucky cleared his throat.
"I've been meaning to thank you." Natasha said cheerly, "If it weren't for you, Aj wouldn't be here."
Bucky shook his head, "I, uh—"
"I owe you for that, but I don't trust you." She continued. Her friendly tone offsetting her words. Bucky stiffened a bit and turned so his body faced her a little more. He didn't blame the red head. Bucky didn't trust himself either. "You and Steve are important to one another. He never shuts up about you. And you obviously care for Aj a lot." She raised a single eyebrow at him, determination in her eyes. "I'm only going to say this to you once. If you harm anyone in this Compound, if you put any of them at risk—"
"Kill me." Bucky blurted. Natasha's eyes narrowed suspiciously. He shook his head sadly, "If I hurt someone. If I'm a threat to Steve or Aj or—or anyone... kill me."
Natasha hummed, "Good answer."
Bucky shook his head again, firmly this time, "I'm serious. Steve won't be able to do it, and others might hesitate. It's gotta be you."
"Don't worry. I will."
"Thank you." He replied. Another wave of relief hit him. Bucky needed a backup plan, a safeguard controlled by him. The others would try to save him, but if it got to the point where he was hurting people— if it got to the point where he was hurting Steve or Aj, then he didn't need to be saved. The Winter Soldier needed to die, and if that meant Bucky went down with him then so be it.
Natasha stuck the sucker back in her mouth, tucking it into her cheek, "Try not to let it come to that though."
Bucky watched as the ex-assassin sauntered into the living room and dropped down onto the couch beside Aj. The woman immediately smiled at the red head and wrapped her arm through hers so she could lean against her. Aj always had at least one hand on someone. Bucky assumed it was a comfort thing of her own. She was still trying to recover the mental and emotional aspects of what had happened to her. Aj was strong though. She'd heal, and Bucky would get to watch her flourish from up close.
___________
The office was cute. Modern styled with shades of pastel pink, blue, and green. Accents of gold sat all around in various objects on the desk and bookshelf. A window sat behind the desk that filled the entire room with so much light that it made the room look twice as big. I drummed my fingers on top of the envelope I had set on the desk. The chair was comfortable too. Nice taste.
"What are you doing at my desk?"
My eyes dragged over the books to where Beth stood at the door. Her hair was braided back, and she wore a black camisole, dark green oversized sweater that hung off her shoulder, and white jeans. She had surprise painted on her features, but it was overshadowed by a nervous energy that seemed to radiate off her. Beth wasn't really surprised I was here. I had been back at the Compound for a week now. She had to have known this was just a matter of time.
"Howdy, Beth." I replied. When I shifted in the seat, I watched her flinch. I sighed and motioned to the chair in front of the desk with my head, "Have a seat."
"You say from behind my desk." She reiterated but followed my instructions. Beth squirmed a bit before crossing her arms tightly over her chest, "Should I expect the Avengers to come in soon? Drag me out?"
I shook my head, "They don't know about anything that went down with us." Her eyes widened a bit. "What was your plan exactly? I was gone so you were just gonna slip right into the spot I left?" Beth frowned, her eyes darting away. I nodded once taking her silence as all the answer I needed. "You know, Beth, I've always pegged myself on being a good judge of character. Mostly."
"Doesn't seem that way now does it?" She scoffed, but her voice wavered.
I chuckled at the fact that she was keeping her chin raised high. Beth was scared, I could see the tremor in her legs, but she was trying so hard not to show it. I respected that. I shook my head, "Nah, I still reckon that my instinct is pretty spot on. I can count on one hand the amount of times I've misjudged a person, and I'm not adding you to that count anytime soon."
"Are you kidding?" Beth pressed.
I stood up and ignored the way she jumped in her seat as I walked around the desk. I leaned against the front of it, only a foot away from where she sat, and then pulled a photo out of my hoodie pocket to look at. It was worn around the edges. Beth's smiling face was at the center and she was surrounded by faces that looked similar to hers. I flipped it around to show her, "Look what I found on your desk."
Beth quickly leaned forward and snatched it out of my hand, "I don't keep that picture on my desk!"
"Okay, lemme rephrase, look at what I found while digging through every drawer in this office for the last twenty minutes." I replied. Beth might not have even heard me though. She sat in her seat, shoulders slumped, as she stared at the small photo in her trembling hands. This time when I spoke, I kept my voice soft, "I remember I asked you what you did for New Years, if you went to see family or something, but you gave me a bland answer. Changed the subject. I remember making a mental note that it was a sensitive topic."
"What's your point?" Beth snapped in a tight, pained voice. She still refused to look up.
"What happened to them?" I asked. Beth finally dragged her gaze up to meet mine, her entire body tense. She sniffled once, and I watched as her eyes began to water. I crossed my arms. "I think you're a really good kid, who did a really dumb thing. Well, tried to do a really dumb thing. That happens when you're hurt and desperate..." Another sniffle. "You make mistakes. I get that more than most."
A few tears slipped from her eyes, but she was quick to swipe them away. Beth tucked the photo into her purse then cleared her throat, "It's funny. Do you know how fast someone's entire world can change from one phone call?" Beth let out a disappointed laugh and shook her head. Silent tears dripped down her cheeks again and she didn't bother to swipe them away. "I was supposed to be with them, but I, uh... I didn't come home for Christmas break my senior year of undergrad. I wanted to go skiing with my friends."
"That's not your fault." I said firmly, and Beth shook her head at me. She lifted her hands to her face and held them there while she took steadying breaths. When Beth finally settled, when she moved her hands back to her lap, I nodded once, "You wanted a family. I get that, I do, but...you have to see where it went wrong? You see that it wouldn't have ended like you wanted...right?"
Beth shrugged sadly, "Playing pretend was fun. You can convince yourself of anything if you won't admit the truth to yourself..."
She was right. When you refused to accept that something had happened, when you shoved it in the locked closet at the back of your head, there was a lot you could convince yourself of. You could convince yourself that your plan would work. You could convince yourself that you were okay.
I had my suspicions when I first walked into her office but seeing how small Beth looked in the chair in front of me was more than the confirmation I needed. At the end of the day, she was a kid. Yeah, she was 23 years old, but she was fresh faced out of college still. Beth was new to the real world and her brain was drunk with grief.
"Beth, I'm gonna tell you something and it's important that you listen real close." I gave her a firm look. Beth's eyes were glued to me. "When you have to stand on someone else in order to find happiness... the happiness you find isn't the kind that lasts. You're just gonna end up more hollow and more disappointed than when you started."
Beth held my gaze a second longer before nodding. She shifted in her seat again, "Do I... Do I get arrested now?"
I let out a loud laugh and she startled at the sound. I shook my head, still chuckling, "For what? Being an ass? Listen, Beth, if we were arresting people who were dicks to me then prisons would be hella full." At my words, her shoulders wilted in relief. I reached back to grab the envelope I had brought with me then held it out to her. "You are super fired though. Except we're not gonna use that word. We're gonna say that you quit."
"And what is this?" Beth glanced at the envelope she took from me.
"Letter of recommendation." I replied. "A glowing one, I should say. Should get you work damn near anywhere. Not to sound dramatic, but I have a way with the written word."
Beth shook her head, "I—I don't understand."
"I'm not gonna ruin the rest of your life because you did a stupid thing, Beth." I said dryly and pushed off the desk with a grunt. The only time I felt pain was with sudden, jarring movements or if I stood for too long. I lazily pointed at her, "You will be out of here before lunch, and we will not be seeing one another ever again."
When I got to the doorway, Beth stood up to speak, "Do I... Do I get to say good-bye to the others?"
"No." I shook my head with a smirk. "I'm a nice person, Beth, but I'm not that nice. Have a good life, and for once... I don't mean that sarcastically." I left her office then paused to poke my head back in for one last moment, "Also, just a suggestion, maybe look into getting some therapy. Just—Just a thought."
Without hesitating again, I moved down the hall to get out of the PR department. It had grown since our days at the Tower. The Avengers had a full team of PR agents now where it used to be just me sitting on the couch playing with Instagram. With Beth gone, that left a position up at the very top. I could take it outright, but there were others who deserved it more. I had actually given a promotion to a woman named Inara Reynolds. Here's to hoping she didn't try to take over my life and steal my family like the last head of PR did.
"Why the hell are you coming down the stairs?" Tony yelled at me from the first floor of the lobby. I grinned at him and jogged down the rest of the steps with grunts of pain on each one. "You're just asking for more internal bleeding, Jesus Christ."
I chuckled, "One flight of stairs isn't gonna kill me."
"No, but falling face first down the stairs after you're overcome with pain and then shattering some other poor organ just might." Tony scolded, but I could hardly take him seriously while he wore his usual grin. He motioned back upstairs, "For real, what's up? I thought you'd be babysitting the bouncing baby psychopath."
I shot him a glare, "What did I say about that?"
"Not to call Barnes a psychopath, but in my defense, I was referring to the crazy ass HYDRA sleeper agent hiding somewhere in his frontal cortex." Tony replied.
Bucky had been doing well, but it had only been a little over a week for him. He said new surroundings, new people, tended to set off episodes and trigger worse nightmares. It was why he had locked himself in Steve's apartment and only left when the blond dragged him out. Him and Steve shared the large apartment on the fifth floor across from Tony and Pepper's space. Clint and Natasha didn't mind the medium sized apartments, and it only made sense since the soldiers from the 40's needed a two bed, two bath set-up.
"Bucky is, uh, he's with Steve." I said and tried to hurry away. Tony followed me easily and hummed in acknowledgement. The mention of Steve was all it took for a conversation topic change. For some reason, Tony was pissed with Steve, and I... Well, I hadn't really talked to Steve since he found me on my balcony.
It wasn't a lack of him trying though. It was more me avoiding him. Steve seemed like he was fine with our situation, but I wasn't. He shouldn't have forgiven me so soon. Me getting shot and nearly dying was the only reason he did. That kind of shock and panic pushes people into making rash decisions. My sins still needed to be atoned for and if Steve wasn't going to take charge on that front then I would have to.
"So?"
"Right." I nodded. "Beth just quit."
Tony's eyes widened, "She what? What happened? Is she alright?"
There was no need to sully her name and make the Avengers upset over something I had already dealt with. I shook my head, "She's fine. It's for the best." He narrowed his eyes at me. "You trust me?"
"Yeah, of course." Tony said.
"Then it's settled." I replied. "I gave her a fantastic recommendation letter. Amazing."
Tony snickered, "As great as I think you are, I don't think an LOR from one Aimee Jane Bradshaw is gonna go very far.
"That's why I signed it with your name."
"That'll do it."
We walked for a few moments before Tony stopped me. He glanced behind us and then forward again, recognizing our location, "Are you going to the training gym?"
"Yupp." I chirped. He shot me a dry look and I just chuckled, "Relax. I told Pietro and Wanda that I'd swing by and watch them train. Give them pointers. I figure while I do that, I can search the web for a new job since I am once again without a career." I snapped my fingers once with an idea. "Do you think the cafeteria here would hire me?"
Tony clapped his hands then quickly wrapped his arms around my shoulders with a grin that I knew meant only trouble, "God, I'm so glad you mentioned that. I have a new job for you."
"You...You what?"
"I have a new career for you. You know the drill. Keep up, sunshine."
"This is the third damn time, Stark. I swear if you make me president of something—"
"High school teacher. All the subjects."
"A fucking what?"
"Teacher! For the kiddos. They need to graduate and public school seems like a bad idea. Why? Do you think we should send the Maximoffs to school with Peter?"
"No, but—"
"Good! You should work on lesson plans right now because you start first thing on Monday."
"Tony!"