A/N: This one shots a bit different as it takes place from first person character POV. Not what I'm used to but I think I did well. :3
I wanted to do a bit of a character study/perspective scenario involving a certain missing member of the Doe family.
Also, the brackets with italics are for more inner thoughts/opinions. It's still part of the POV but it's more separate trains of thought.
Hope you all enjoy! ^-^
-KittCat.
What was time worth anymore?
How many days has it been since I've been hauled up in here, forced to go through the same motions day in and day out?
I don't know anymore...
Actually...I don't know a lot of things anymore.
Maybe I used to.
I felt like maybe I was smart; that I had wisdom to share with the world.
I felt like I was powerful. I mean, I must've been if these people are willing to keep me here.
But I'm not either of those things anymore. (Or maybe I still am deep down.)
Whatever knowledge I've obtained, whatever power I held, I don't have it any longer.
Because the world turned against me.
It let me fall and crash with no warning, it let me burn up in flames I couldn't see.
The world locked me away all because I wanted a life of my own, a life that others had not designed for me.
Damn it, there are so many things I want to change, to turn back time to give me another chance and fix what had gone wrong.
But...I suppose that despite the hell I'm living in, there are things I wouldn't want to change, even if I were to end up here again. (Actually no, I wouldn't change a thing.)
.
.
.
Those I used to call friends, whose faces I can only recall in lucid detail, they used to bow to me, they treated me with respect only because I stood above them in terms of ranking and power.
They used to praise me as if I was some otherworldly creature, as if I was meant to rule over them.
But I didn't. I didn't want that nor did I want to be praised.
I just wanted to be me. I wanted to be treated as an equal. I wanted to have someone see me as their equal.
I wanted someone to love me beyond what I could offer in this world where only strength mattered.
But despite my wishes, I was forced to put on a mask and play the part.
Act like a proper young lady, represent the family, keep everyone below me in line, all that fun jazz. (Heh, dunno why I'm thinking about jazz, I always hated playing it in school. Could never get the beats right. Not to mention most instruments just weren't for me.)
Everyone treated me like an object out of reach, like a prize that was far too great to hold.
It p*ssed me off to no end.
I was the same as them. I was still human; I breathed and bled and cried like they all did.
So then why? Why wasn't I allowed to make mistakes? Why wasn't I allowed to do the things I liked? Who was I trying to please by acting like a mechanical doll with a smile painted on?
Did any of this even matter?
I thought maybe my brother, Jason, would understand. He had mentioned before that he would get tired of being treated like a saint. I could see the discomfort on his features whenever someone bowed or cowered before him in the halls, when people avoided him even though he just wanted to talk. (I was the same way but Jason had more grace when handling it than I did.)
But despite his weariness, he pushed on. He still upheld our family name, he still acted the part and played the role society had deemed for him even at such a young age. (I felt so guilty. Despite being twins, he tried to take on more responsibility to give me some amount of freedom.)
But I didn't want that.
I didn't want society to determine who I should be without bothering to ask what I wanted, what we wanted.
The problem was, I didn't know anyone who wanted the same things I did: to be loved without strings attached, to want the freedom to be myself.
Jason did to an extent, but he was too engrossed with duty and obligation to our family to realize it.
I didn't want to be anything more than just myself; a plain ol' Jane. (Yeah, I know it's a horrible joke, get over it.)
But...that's when I met him.
He...he wasn't really anything like what I had imagined. He's not ugly but he wasn't your typical run-of-the-mill pretty boy.
He was only a couple inches taller than me, inky locks patted down with gel, and a tiredness to his face that shouldn't have belonged to someone still so young.
But damn he was breathtaking in a way I didn't know possible.
It wasn't the 'oh my he's gorgeous, I'm going to faint' kind of breathtaking. I had seen plenty of that and I wasn't interested (thank you very much Talin, you f*cking prick.)
No, it was the 'how can such an amazing person like you exist?' kind of breathtaking. It was a beauty that didn't just exist in looks but in someone's heart. To me, that made him more appealing than any other guy attempting to gain my favor.
It had been my junior year of high school when we just bumped into each other on the streets. He had no uniform from any of the private schools so I assumed he attended locally (and I was right.)
Even though we were complete strangers, he still helped me up and helped me gather my things that had spread out on the sidewalk.
"I'm sorry about that! I should've watched where I was going. I hope I didn't hurt you, did I?" (For Pete's sake, one should not look that attractive in sunlight! This isn't a cheesy romance novel dammit!)
I had shaken my head, still a bit lost for words. "I-um..." (I still can't believe I was stuttering but hey, when you're young and infatuated, you tend to act a little out of the ordinary.)
I eventually managed to clear my throat finally and look him in the eyes. It was like staring into liquid mercury.
"I'm fine, you didn't hurt me at all."
He had sighed in relief, hand to his chest. "Ah, that's a relief."
To me, it was strange. Why would he be worried about hurting others? He didn't cower or stutter out apologies like a low tier would. But he wasn't demanding that I apologize for running into him like most elites and high tiers.
Maybe he was a mid tier and he just didn't recognize who I was?
I didn't get the chance to ask him as he had looked at his watch, eyes going wide at the time. "Shoot! I'm gonna be late!"
With a wave and a goodbye, I was left standing there in awe as I watched him jog around a corner.(Yeah...needless to say that was just the start.)
.
.
.
After an incident involving some bullies, I had soon discovered both his name and that he was a cripple.
While the lack of an ability was baffling to me, it didn't really change my view of him (much to the shock of my brother when I told him about William.)
I know it should have. Normally I think it would have. But after seeing his kindness, not to mention the dedication of greeting me every time we crossed paths since our first meeting, it did little to sway my opinion of him.
Because even though he was powerless, he didn't act like he was scared of me. He didn't cower before me despite the fact he saw how much I could scare others just by flashing my powers.
It was refreshing to actually be treated normally for once.
And thus, a friendship began.
Our story was a strange yet beautiful one.
As time went on, we grew closer.
It stupidly reminded me of Julio and Romiette; two people of different backgrounds sneaking away, meeting after school when no one would watch to avoid the judgment of the world. Only without the falling in love and eloping after only one day before our eventual deaths parts. (Seriously Speareshake, what the hell?)
We had run into each other frequently as he would walk with me through the park.
Though, that was because we both had started taking the same route to run into each other more often, to spend more time together.
It had become such a habit that I had even started carrying a first aid kit on me for the days where he couldn't stop by the infirmary or get patched up.
There were times Jason came with me, curious as to who this cripple was that had started changing me for the better.
Though just like me, he and William hit it off immediately, charmed by the ravenette's warm personality. (Jason later told me he wanted all of us to meet up more often which was a great sign.)
Eventually though, I forget who, one of us had asked the other out for boba tea, to which we agreed and expressed our like of the drink. (Finally, someone in this world with taste!)
Our meetings grew more frequent and our little get togethers eventually became dates the more we talked and got to know each other.
William was the first to officially ask me out and of course, I had said yes.
If my memory serves me right, our first date was in the park. It was a walk around before we would go by a local bakery for pastries and whatnot. (I found William has a sweet tooth for cake especially and they make the best triple chocolate.)
William had brought a camera with him, though I couldn't understand why he'd want to take photos of us.
It wasn't until later that I had found that he had taken several of us, including some simple moments when we were walking through.
I don't know if this was the exact moment I really started falling for him, but it was definitely one of them.
.
.
.
Years later was when things got choppy.
Not between me and William, but with my family.
William and I had been going strong for years now, though having to keep away from the public eye given my families reputation and his own as a cripple.
My parents discovered my relationship with him and of course, Jason tried to cover for me to no avail.
I had taken up a job with the authorities while William went to college to pursue his writing career. (Jason and I discovered how much he loved to write and we pushed him into giving it a shot. Needless to say he found his passion between pen and paper.)
However, our parents pushed for me to break up with him, saying how much I was risking by dating a cripple of all people.
Truly, I didn't care and neither should they.
I think I said some choice words to them about how much pressure they put on me and Jason to be what everyone else wanted us to be. I think I told them how despite being a cripple, William accepted me as myself and was the first person in a long time to do so.
And that truly, they didn't have a say in who I could be with. I had a great job, an apartment of my own, I hadn't done anything illegal and I was quickly making a name for myself without their help.
So what if I was with a cripple?
What if I was dating someone without an ability?
I had done more than enough throughout my life for their benefit over mine. I had done everything they asked of me and more, as did Jason.
But my relationship with William was the one thing I refused to make compromises on. (And I told them that if they wanted to keep me on their good side, they would have to accept that fact.)
I knew that neither of us could get married. The laws at the time forbid such a thing and even if it were legal, we both knew the consequences that would arise should someone find out about our relationship. But that didn't mean I still couldn't be with him.
It honestly felt like a victory when they finally agreed. They didn't agree with the idea of William mind you, but they agreed that they didn't have a say over my love life. That was all I could ask for and I left the house that day feeling like I had conquered a mountain.
.
.
.
When William got back from college we ended up moving in together.
It wasn't much, just a small apartment of sorts.
Though, we had talked about a house for later on.
I had risen rank to a well respected position in my division among the authorities. He had quickly began making a name for himself as an author, his first book doing quite well. (Though it also helped that me and Jason talked about the book to our coworkers. William doesn't need to know that part though.)
It had been Jason's idea for him to use a pen name, 'W.H.Doe.' That way people wouldn't recognize him and judge his book solely on his status.
Life was good.
I had everything I ever wanted and I even had someone to share it with.
But, I knew there was something missing from our life.
Something that I knew would be a large step between us.
But at the same time, a step I wanted to take if he wanted to as well.
.
.
.
We had talked about it, made sure we were both ready.
But oh boy was it still nerve wracking for it to actually be happening now.
William and I both sat on the edge of the tub, arms wrapped around me with a grin on his face as I smiled lazily into his shoulder.
We had just gotten the news.
Oh, this was happening. It's not a drill, this is actually happening.
We were actually going to have a baby, something that awhile ago, was only a thought between us.
Yet, here we were.
"Nervous?" He finally spoke.
I couldn't help but smile. "Yes. But at the same time, I'm not? If that makes sense?"
He chuckled, placing a kiss to the top of my head. "No, it makes sense. I feel the same way. But somehow, ready for this new change. I'm still freaking out, don't get me wrong."
I laughed as I just held onto him tighter.
Of course we were nervous about having a child. (Then again, who isn't? This is a baby we're talking about!)
While we were ready to have one, we still didn't know how it would work out.
Would they take on my ability? Or would they be like him and have none?
Quite the question but despite that, neither of us really cared.
Having an ability was an afterthought to us.
We didn't care if they would have my ability or none, who's eyes or hair they would have. We just wanted a child, a little one of our own that we could love and cherish just like we did with each other.
Obviously, we didn't want them to go through what William had to, with the fights and the anger and the years of working through the scars left behind.
But, we were ready and we would make sure that no matter the outcome, they could defend themselves and know that they were still worthy of being loved.
For months, we wondered what they would be like.
Would they take after William with his calm and warm personality? Or would they be more like me: headstrong and daring? (As Will loves to call me.)
But eventually, we finally got to see what our child was like.
Holding him for the first time was heart racing yet, the second he looked up ate, it managed to still any nerves and doubts I had.
He was the spitting image of William with his dark locks and nose. But his eyes...
It was like I was staring at a reflection of my own.
I never really liked my eyes all that much. Gold seemed so strange to me. But with this little bundle in my arms, staring up at me with those large, doe like eyes dusted with the color, it was hard not to fall in love with the golden shade.
He was so small, especially his hands as they grabbed onto my fingers. (Dammit I'm surprised I didn't have a heart attack from how damn cute he was.)
And when William held him for the first time, it truly was something magical.
I had rarely seen him cry. But when he held him in his arms, he had wiped his eyes before leaning in to peck my cheek, grinning ear to ear despite the tears. "Jane, he's perfect. He's absolutely perfect."
We were like that for awhile, admiring this little life we had brought forth before I finally asked the question.
"What do you think we should name him?"
We had talked about names. For some reason, most of them stared with a J. (Though that might've been because of Jason's input with wanting to continue the line of J names.)
But William looked between him and me before giving that warm smile I had grown to love so much. "How about John?"
I had looked at him in shock. "But... isn't that just the male version of my name?"
He had only smiled back at me, those grey eyes warm and caring, just like they were the day we met.
And that settled it: I loved this man with all my heart. (And how couldn't I? I really couldn't have asked for a better person in my life.)
Just as much as I now loved John.
.
.
.
But staring out the window now, as rain came down in curtains, I wanted to go back to those times.
I wanted to go back to the days I could hold my son in my arms as I sang him to sleep.
I wish I could go back to the nights where William and I would watch over John, admiring our son for all he was worth and making sure he knew how loved he was.
I missed the days where I had them both in my arms, where we all fell asleep curled up in a bundle on the couch during days like this where the rain would lull us to sleep.
But they were gone...
Those days were long gone...
How long had it been...?
How long has it been since I last saw them? Since I was last able to hold them? (Far too long...)
I couldn't help the tears that began running down my face. (F*ck I miss them...)
The two lights of my life had been out there, living their lives without me.
Part of my heart yearned for answers as to how they were doing, even if the truth would break it further in half.
Had Will moved on? Did he find someone else to love? Or was he still yearning for me, wondering what had become of me and where I've been all these years?
What about John? How has he grown up all these years without me? Did he inherit Williams lack of abilities? Or did he have my ability? If so, how has he handled growing it? It's not easy to train your abilities with no one to teach you.
And my brother...what about Jason? Had he figured out what happened? Had he kept to his word to look out for William and John? (I had made him promise that should anything happen to me, he'd look out for them. He had given me his word and I hope he's kept it.)
But the realization that even these simple questions would never be answered stung.
My family...
The people I was supposed to protect with my life were out there, possibly facing so much without me. It was already difficult enough when Jason and I were looking out for them, I can only imagine how the world would treat a cripple and our son.
I rolled my chair away from the window, staring at every person that passed me. (I wish I could make them all pay.)
These people...they stole me from my family...they handicapped me to keep me from escaping both ability was and physically.
The people who brought me here said it was exactly what I deserved.
That I had brought shame to my family for not only spending my life with a cripple but to then sully my bloodline by also having a child with him.
They left me to rot here...to waste away until there's nothing left of mine that these bastards can take.
How much longer are they going to use me for?
It's been years...! (Too many for me to remember...)
For years they've harvested my ability from me, putting me through test after test to see if their mad science projects would work out in their favor.
And the news...
Day in and day out I keep hearing of more superheroes dead, more young men and women trying to better this world having their lives cut short all because of my ability and what these people have done with it.
There are days where I stare at the TV and pray to any deity that will have me that John or Williams faces don't appear up there.
Prayer after prayer, I hope these people never lay a grimy, bloody hand on either of them.
I eventually got to the stairs, ones that I can no longer climb.
I stared ahead, ready to turn around when I felt it.
An ability...
For the first time in years, I felt an actual, physical ability just to my left.
Despite the haze clouding my mind, I took a peak up, taking note of a blue aura floating among the wall.
However, it quickly vanished as soon as it appeared.
Who...who was that person?
End.