Diplomacy has never been Jung Jinsol's strong-suit.
She's been used to being given what she wants, as her parents spoil her and Chaewon in exchange for never being home. The most contact she gets from them sometimes is a notification that money has been deposited onto her debit card. Besides that, she's been used to having debates swayed in her favor or favors done for her due to her innocent, sweet church-girl persona. Now that isn't to say that Jinsol's faith is fabricated, but she knows how to play her cards under the guise of being sweet and gullible. This has been the case if she wants someone in her class to do something for her, or to convince one of the nuns to have more time on a project. Usually some fake tears or pleading gets things in her favor.
When it comes to actual arguments though, that's a little harder. She's always had anger problems, ever since she was a little girl. She's had many arguments and screaming matches with her mother over the smallest thing. But, other than those times, she's been able to distract herself with religion and use it as a tool to calm her down before anything gets too intense. Just a quick grip of the cross on her necklace and a few bible verses repeated in her head and she's good to go.
That wasn't the case in her outburst, or many outbursts, with Kim Jungeun.
Yes, she knows she's wrong when they happen. As soon as she feels herself start to yell and her body starts to shake, she instantly feels regret. But she doesn't know why it happens, why only in the last few months that her anger has gotten more unprecedented. Jungeun isn't even a combative person herself. Sure, she talked back to Jinsol in their last dispute. But even so, she explained herself calmly after that, she never screamed at Jinsol like Jinsol did to her. But, Jinsol supposes, that there's something in Jungeun that inspires such passion within her. The need to have herself seen and heard, even if it isn't displayed in the healthiest way. She needs to mend that.
And what a perfect time to do so, with Kim Jungeun awkwardly sitting on her couch.
The younger girl was ushered in just a moment ago, Jinsol welcoming her with a tone a little less enthusiastic than it was at the bible study.
"Would you like anything to drink?" Despite her nerves, Jinsol still has to be a good host. Jungeun fidgets, hands displaying some nervousness while her face shows a neutral calm.
"Just water, please." Jungeun's sime is small, though sweet as ever. Polite and charming. Jinsol smiles softly to Jungeun as she goes to pour her a glass of water. Soon after, Jinsol joins her in the living room as she hands the girl her glass, Jungeun uttering a soft 'thank you' in response. Jungeun really seems to favor the loveseat as Jinsol sits on the couch across from her. They both drink in silence for a moment, eyes staying on each other's bodies though flitting up to meet the other's some time or another. Jungeun, of course, is the first to break the silence.
"So..." Jungeun begins, catching Jinsol's attention. She wants to shrink under the blonde's sharp gaze, but she doesn't. Now's not the time for nerves or hesitation. She makes eye contact with Jinsol, softening at how soft and tender those hazel eyes look. So we're both scared for no reason. Great. Jungeun inhales and exhales quickly, before continuing, "We should be honest with each other," she pauses for emphasis as she sees a flicker of panic on the older girl's face. As quickly as it came, it goes. Jungeun continues. "Should I go first, or should you?"
Jinsol looks deep in thought, chewing her lip as she looks to the side for a brief moment.
That shouldn't look so cute, Jungeun thinks. She snaps out of her lovesick stupor when Jinsol begins to speak slower and calmer than Jungeun has ever heard her do as the blonde girl looks back to Jungeun.
"I'll go," Jinsol starts. Jungeun notices that her hand drums on her thigh anxiously, not flying up to her cross necklace. Jinsol also sucks in a breath, exhaling shakily before she steadies herself. "I have a hard time expressing my emotions."
Jungeun's eyebrows shoot up. She wasn't expecting brutal honesty right off the bat. Jinsol carries on, trying to ignore how her heart pangs at Jungeun's expression. How is that surprising to her?
Jinsol remembers Jungeun's point of honesty. She remembers sitting on this very couch days ago, hitting her sister after crying to her about how she wants to get close to Jungeun. She needs to use her words before all else this time.
"I don't mean to get angry. It happens and I don't know how to control it." She stares past Jungeun, to a random spot on the wall as she continues. "I'm sorry-" Eye contact, Jinsol. She locks eyes with the younger girl then, wanting to tear up as she sees nothing but patience and sympathy in those soft cinnamon eyes. Jinsol quickly reminds herself that though she will be honest with Jungeun, she doesn't need to tell all just yet as they're still not close friends. "I'm sorry for blowing up on you." Jungeun's expression becomes worried as Jinsol's voice begins to tremble. The older girl refuses to let Jungeun see her cry. Not now, not ever. Deep breaths steady her once again. Jinsol chooses her next words carefully. "Besides Chaewon, God is the most important person in my life. My faith is the most important thing in my life. It's the only constant, too. I know deep down that no one has to believe what I do, but since it's so close to me, it makes me... frustrated when it's challenged. So I freak out. It isn't reasonable, I know. I need to work on it." Jinsol closes her eyes for a moment, reminding Jungeun as the ocean once more as she inhales and exhales slowly and smoothly, just as a wave slowly crashing to shore. Jinsol's eyes pierce Jungeun in a way that makes her heart race out of something that isn't fear or annoyance. But Jungeun doesn't know what it is. "We just became acquainted so I won't say much more than that, but I did owe you an explanation at least. So, I'm sorry."
Jinsol's honest confession twists Jungeun's heart up into knots. Her head is swimming, thoughts coming through at a rapid-fire rate. So that's why she- She knows that- above all, one thought stands out.
Jung Jinsol is human.
Of course she always has been. But the fake smiles and masking her emotions under faux cheerfulness were never appealing to Jungeun. Jungeun was a fool to believe that they were there for no reason, to paint Jinsol as a mean-spirited person hiding behind religion as an excuse. While people do that, she now knows it's not the case with Jinsol. Jinsol didn't reveal all, but just enough for Jungeun to understand. Her empty house correlates with Jinsol's favorite people being God and her sister. Jinsol doesn't need to speak more on that if she doesn't want to.
Now, Jungeun speaks.
"Jinsol..." She begins softly, trailing off as she's unsure how to continue. What do you say to a girl that you're attracted to who you kind of disliked but realized that there's more than meets the eye to? Jinsol bared herself to Jungeun, and that's not something Jungeun will easily forget. "Thank you." Jungeun only says two words, gentle in delivery. That's enough to send Jinsol into a spiral. The rest of Jungeun's speech becomes white noise in Jinsol's brain as she goes down.
Thank you? Jinsol thinks incredulously. What're you thanking me for? For being a complete disaster with mommy and daddy issues who takes it out on everyone she loves? For blowing up on you even though you didn't deserve it at all? Why did you agree to come here, you'd be so much better-
Time slows.
Jungeun's hand is suddenly on Jinsol's thigh.
Jungeun saw Jinsol's tears before Jinsol felt them fall. She saw Jinsol's body begin to tremble, heard sobs escape from it far before Jinsol realized what was going on.
"Jinsol-" Jungeun's tone is urgent. I need her to calm down, I need her to hear me, I need her to be okay- Jungeun halts the worries in her head to tend to Jinsol's own. Before she can continue, she hears Jinsol's voice.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry-" Jinsol vomits out between sobs, inconsolable. She's hyperventilating, trembling under Jungeun's touch. The sight breaks Jungeun's heart. Jungeun knows it's best to not bother her for a moment, to let her get this out. She sits there for a few moments, hand still on Jinsol's leg. Once Jinsol's breathing slows, Jungeun speaks.
"Jinsol," Jungeun begins again, hand now on Jinsol's back, rubbing up and down soothingly. That seems to calm the older girl down more, as Jinsol's breathing returns to its normal pace. "You're okay," Jungeun's tone is delicate as she gingerly speaks to the older girl "Thank you for sharing with me. It must've been hard to say some of those things, I know." Jinsol's eyes finally meet Jungeun's once again, now red and puffy from crying. "I know we have our differences, and I'm sorry to make you feel bad about yours in any way. I never want to harm you." She continues to gently rub up and down Jinsol's back, enjoying it just as much as the older girl is. "Thank you for apologizing. I forgive you."
Before Jinsol can cry again, Jungeun does something that surprises the both of them.
Jungeun pulls Jinsol in for a hug.
Jungeun almost regrets it at first as she feels Jinsol tense. But then, Jinsol melts in Jungeun's arms. She can't be too surprised as she feels tears wet her shoulder, but she lets it happen. The two sit in silence for a few minutes, finding comfort in the other's embrace.
A few minutes later, the silence is broken after the two split up from their embrace. Jinsol speaks first, surprising Jungeun. Her eyes are passionate once more as they lock eyes, Jinsol chuckling softly.
"You're an angel, Kim Jungeun." Jungeun freezes at the compliment. Is it because of her religion or... Jungeun's cheeks can't help but turn pink. Jinsol smiles softly at her, radiating warmth. "Thanks for being there for me."
"It's no problem," Jungeun replies, a bit flustered. She swallows any gay panic with some ground rules. "Okay, from now on we'll respect each other and be proper friends. Like friends who hang out and have fun and stuff. Deal?"
Butterflies find their way into Jinsol's stomach. She actually wants to be friends after that? to hang out? With me? The undoubtedly charming grin that the undoubtedly handsome Kim Jungeun is giving her is proof enough, the younger girl's words are real. Jinsol's hand instinctively rushes up to her cross, but she drops it immediately. She returns Jungeun's grin with a brilliant smile.
"Deal."
-
The two spent an hour talking about anything and everything after that. Jungeun has slowly chipped through Jinsol's armor. Like Sooyoung indicated before, Jinsol is a nerd. She likes watching sci-fi flicks and admitted rather adorably that she dressed up as Neo from The Matrix one year for halloween. She mentioned having a plethora of stuffed animals, though she isn't ready to introduce Jungeun to them yet. Jungeun understands, those are her children after all. Jungeun also learned that Jinsol likes to swim too, just not as much as Jungeun. Jinsol blushed and agreed to Jungeun's proposition of swimming together sometime. Soon after that, Jungeun was called home by her mom, since the woman wanted to see her daughter at least once during the day before starting her night shift. Jinsol nodded rather solemnly at that, Jungeun noticed. After another tender hug, Jinsol walked Jungeun out.
Minutes later, Jinsol finds herself grinning at her phone screen as she lies in bed, cuddling Tank, her hammerhead shark plushie.
Kim Jungeun: thanks for tonight. See ya tomorrow and sleep well, Jinsol :]
-
Jungeun finds herself sitting in a nearby park with Haseul, Jiwoo and Sooyoung. The trio picked up food from Sandy's and invited her to a late night smoke session. Well, late night being 9 pm. It's a school night, after all.
"So, what happened with you, pal?" Sooyoung asks after she takes a hit, passing the blunt to Jiwoo who's cuddled up to her side as they sit on a picnic blanket. God, I wish that were me. "You were radio silent for hours." Top detective Ha Sooyoung on the case, it seems.
"I was at Jinsol's." This startles the other three girls.
"How'd it go? Did you propose???" Jiwoo almost drops the blunt, giving her girlfriend- wait, are they there yet? Anyways, Sooyoung almost kills her. Jungeun almost has a heart attack at Jiwoo's words. Haseul quietly takes the blunt out of Jiwoo's hand.
"No, idiot!" Jungeun nearly screams at her best friend out of embarrassment. Sooyoung and Jiwoo laugh at her outburst. Haseul smiles only when Jungeun looks to her for sympathy. Jungeun huffs. "We talked things out," the others listen intently as her tone grows serious. "It went really well, actually. She told me some things about herself and we understand each other better." Jungeun smiles, remembering how chatty they were after the heavier conversation. "It was genuine and just really nice." Sooyoung nods at her words, looking like a proud mom. Jiwoo is just giggling to herself, but she's probably in support, too. Haseul-
"So, did she admit that she's gay?" Haseul's sudden cold tone causes a slight shift in the atmosphere. Jungeun recognizes that edge from the last time Jinsol was referenced between the two of them. Jungeun looks nervous. They didn't talk about that topic... but maybe they will in time? Is Jinsol even gay? Does she support it? It could be possible since she's kinder than she first appears but still it's not confirmed-
"No, but-" Sooyoung stops Jungeun with a hand, then looking at Haseul.
"Relax, bro," Sooyoung drawls as she snatches the blunt from Haseul's hand and shoves a fry into the girl's mouth. Jiwoo giggles maniacally at Haseul's muffled cries of protest. "She hasn't even admitted that shit to us, she won't say anything to Jungeun yet. Let her take her time," Sooyoung pauses to stick her tongue out at Haseul, who glares at her as she eats the fry. Sooyoung turns her gaze back to Jungeun. "It's good that she opened up to you though," Jungeun wonders how Sooyoung is still maternal and eloquent while she's stoned. Practice, she guesses. "Our Jinsolie has a lot more to her than she lets on. She's a good person." Sooyoung finishes wistfully, taking a hit before passing it to Jungeun.
Jungeun, sweet, innocent Jungeun who isn't paying attention, tries to smoke it from the wrong side and nearly burns her lips off.
Jiwoo's laugh probably wakes up the whole neighborhood as she rolls over onto the blanket, clutching her stomach. Sooyoung is clowning her left and right, and Haseul, who isn't enjoying this as nearly as the other two, chuckles just a bit.
Jungeun feels like she's gonna burst into flames. Sure she's embarrassed, but she's grateful to have a nice group of friends now. Maybe Jinsol will join them next time. And not smoke, of course.
-
After 10 pm, Jungeun finds herself at home, in bed. After a lesson from Sooyoung, she properly smoked the blunt and is now pleasantly high as she watches whatever's on tv. Cooking shows are her preference, can't go wrong with them. However, her eyes are feeling as heavy as ever. Right as she shuts them, her phone goes off. Groggily, she checks who it is.
Jo Haseul: [image attached]
Jo Haseul: sleep tight, cutie.
Jungeun now feels restless as she looks at the picture before her. It's Haseul in a tank top, blowing a kiss at her. God, she doesn't even try to hide how gorgeous she is, it's nuts! Jungeun's face then heats up. Wait, cutie? Surely that was just a platonic term, she probably calls Sooyoung that. And most definitely Jiwoo. She's the cutest person Jungeun knows. Well, besides Jinsol. Speaking of Jinsol, Jungeun can't wait to see her again, even if it's just tomorrow morning at school. She responds with a quick 'you too!' with a sunglasses/fire emoji combo, then promptly falls asleep, the dazzling smile of Jung Jinsol on her mind.