Sid
I was becoming impatient as we were seated on the couch.Only when the screen lit up and I recognised the face of my mother, I relaxed.
I was so close.
So close.I wanted to win this for my mom.For the confidence in her voice as she proudly spoke about me. Then my eyes landed on the homely figure next to her who Shehnaz was excitedly waving at.I recognized her from the framed picture on Shehnaz's bedside.
I smiled softly at her excitement.
Her eyes were tearing up seeing her mother and she had a big smile on her face.
I took her hand in mine and held it in my lap.
I was bloody wrong.Shehnaz loved her parents.She just didn't like to show her affection as often as we did.Which was understandable because she did not grow up in the usual parental environment.She had been shoved into reality all by herself to survive alone from a young age.I had to acknowledge that.I squeezed her hand again firmly in an attempt not to let go of her literally and figuratively.
The finale was all about entertainment after that. The stage was full of celebrities and performances from the eliminated contestants.We had some time to ourself when they switched off our displays.
Immediately,Mahira and Rashmi would pull out their compacts and readjust their makeup. I fought the urge to go to the smoking room.I wanted to quit.Not for me but for Sana.
I knew smoking would decrease my lifespan but I didn't care before. I used to be an alcoholic as well when my career dipped so I knew it would take a toll on my health.So I was going to quit.I wanted to be with Shehnaz, see her everyday,touch her,talk to her...
I wanted to be her's and her to be mine. In an ideal world, I would have asked her out with the most romantic of gestures that she couldn't refuse but no. I won't take advantage of her innocence like that.
I could just take the heart replenishment treatment in the UK and I would have my health back to square one.Just to live to see Shehnaz.
While each person got eliminated, Shehnaz let out a deep breath as if she thought she had narrowly escaped.
But at the end, she had to leave when the top 3 were also filtered out. She hugged Asim first and then came towards me.I quickly grabbed her in an engulfing embrace,knocking the breath out of her.
"Don't forget what I said," I whispered into her ear.She heard me but she didn't react.I pressed a quick peck onto her cheek.That is,I meant her cheek but she also had the intention of the farewell kiss in mind and had turned towards me,making my lips brush against hers.
She froze and I quickly pulled away from her,turning red.
Asim broke out into a laugh while I mentally attempted to steady my thoughts and breathing.
It was a good thing that the cameras had given us the privacy we needed.
I brushed the hair away from her face,she looked lost. I cupped her face demanding her attention.Her lips automatically pouted from the pressure of my fingers.I had to resist the urge to taste it.
I caressed her cheek, "Wait for me with ma."
She still didn't reply and turned to Asim,giving him a side hug while he whispered something in her ear that suspiciously sounded like, "No more part of the one-sided lovers club eh?"
"Muh band kar," she reprimanded.
"What?" I demanded at the same time.What did he mean by lovers? What the fuck was Asim doing with her?
Asim only laughed louder and let her go.She waved a bye to us and I didn't like her indifference.I had a weird feeling about her behaviour but I couldn't quite put a finger to it.
The entrance closed behind her and Asim and I walked back to our seats.
"Stay away from her," I told him directly.
"Bro chill!" He said,giving my shoulder a friendly pat and my eyes lit up.
Asim immediately sensed that I thought of it as a taunt and he suppressed a smile, "Bro, dont worry there's nothing between Sana and me.I like her but only as a friend.You remember when three of us used to sit together in the first week? Something like that. I'm fond of her in the same way I was fond of you.Like a sibling."
He quickly clasped my hand in his and came towards me for a quick bear hug.I hesitated for a moment and then reciprocated.
"All the best brother."
"Right,same."
When we were instructed to cut the power of the house,we stood side by side and pulled down the lever in one go.
The place fell into pitch darkness.
The fairy lights and candles led us to the entrance and it slid open.
A journey was done with. It felt much more different than any other reality show I'd been in.
I felt like a different person as I stepped onstage.Immediately the crowd began to holler.The audience was holding up banners of my pictures, Asim's and Shehnaaz's.
Shehnaz.I looked for her in the crowd and noticed her at the far end.She gave me a hesitant smile.
Confetti was strewn all over the floor.I looked to the panel on the right and waved to my mother with a grin. She wasn't cheering.She looked poised and confident in the salwar I had gifted her last birthday.It was like she was unwaveringly sure of me.
As the host made his announcement of the winner, the crowd fell silent and a moment later my hand was lifted into the air. Amidst the uproar of the crowd, I was handed the trophy.It was surreal. I loved the feeling of competing and winning with a passion.
Every housemate came up onstage after that to wish me congratulations.
I ignored them and dived straight for my mother in the crowd.She laughed loudly as I lifted her easily off the seat with one arm.
"I told you, you will win this..."
"Hmmm," I agreed, folding her into a hug. "I missed you."
"Haa, I saw how you missed me.Who you were searching for in the crowd."
"I--Shehnaaz is like my baby."
"I see, what kind of baby?"
"Maa!" I exclaimed, pulling back.
She chuckled, "Accha theek hai. Where is she abhi?"
"She must be somewhere around here. Keep stalling her ma.I'll handle the media and come back to you both. Where's Neetu?"
"She was here...I'll find her.You go handle the interviews."
I pulled away and finally surrendered to the gang of housemates with an internal sigh. I was never going to see even one face after tonight ao I charmingly accepted their greetings.
The press conference was a drag but I tried to wade my way through it. It took me a good five minutes to convince the media to let me go.
I was tired but the night was still young. I had asked my manager to take care of so much that I had to go and review everything.
I stepped into the caravan,greeting my sisters and my mother.
And surprisingly a laughing Shehbaz. I had also met her parents outside and she wasn't with them either.
"Where's your sister?" I demanded after greeting him.He was sipping on some juice and my mother poured him another mug.
"Bas aunty. You should come to our khet.We get fresh cane juice over there.You wont want to come back to the city!"
My mother chuckled.
Only then they both looked up and acknowledged me.I noticed my manager with my phones and I grabbed one. Only then I remembered. How would I have her contact number? I met her in a show where technology was banned.
"Baaz,give me her number."
He took a sip of juice, "Um, my phone is with her and I don't remember the number exactly--"
I cursed, quickly asking her for her PA.
"She doesn't have one."
This girl is impossible.
I stepped out of my caravan and I had to charmingly wade through a crowd to go look for her.Had she left?
"Sir, sir," my manager was trying to keep up with my pace.
"What?"
"Um, I couldn't cancel MSK.There were a few complications."
"What complications?"
"They stipulated Miss Gill's consent to nullify the contract. And she uh..."
My eyes spat fire,"She didn't."
He decided not to deign it with a reply, instead fiddling with his phone and turned the display towards me.
"Should I still book a house in your residence for her because she has already booked a flat near--" I saw the quaint picture of a cream and brown apartment in his phone and I grabbed it.
I sifted down to the location.This was actually far from Andheri. At least more than an hour's time.And I was thinking of gifting her a flat and she hadn't given me the slightest hint that she had asked someone to already get her a house.
My irritation peaked to a hot temper.
I took a ragged breath, "Okay,go to the caravan.Tell ma I'll be coming back in a few minutes.
I had a final interview to be done with Fifahood. And I could head back.Shehnaz can go to hell.
I resumed my stride towards the office and froze seeing Shehnaaz in conversation with the host in the reception.
She didn't notice me.
She motioned for her manager. " Ask Baaz to bring the car to the exit in five minutes."
To the exit.
She was sneaking out without anyone knowing. Specifically me.
I marched up to her and the journalists stood up respectfully to greet me.I excused myself and tugged at her arm into the caravan.
She gasped as I pinned her against the wall.
"So this is what I am for you?Use and throw? This is what it was.Just your entertainment during the show,right?"
"Maine kab bola ye--"
"SHUT UP.JUST SHUT UP!"
"Sidharth?" She whispered looking intimidated at my angered face.I came forward and she flinched.It was the first time I saw her flinch at me and I hated it.
My intention was not to scare her.I leaned my head against the wall and steadied my breathing.
Then I recovered and looked at her blankly.
"You're trying to kick me out of your life aren't you? How cute. I will make it easier for you Shehnaz Kaur Gill.Farak nahi padta mujhe ab. Go do that stupid marriage show and marry some gadha."
"What are you saying? Sid--"
Her fingers had reached out for me and I stepped back instinctively.
"Don't. Don't touch me again."
I will melt.
Shehnaz choked back a sob and it irritated me.
"You want pity?"
She shook her head silently and I watched her compose herself but her eyes were still teary.She masked her expressions and looked down at the tiled floor.
I hated seeing her cry.It pained me.And what pained me more was that I was the reason for it once more.
I wanted to hug her.I wanted to kiss her.But I couldn't do either.
And she was pushing me away.
I nearly broke my resolve seeing her chubby cheeks redden.
My instincts told me to wrap her in my arms.
But I couldn't do that.
So I went for second best.
I punched the wall next to her making her jump in place.
And I stalked off without waiting for her reaction.