The knock on Jimin's door made his body tense up. He walked to the door and when he opened up Yoongi was there.
There was a hint of shock on Jimin's face. In all honesty he didn't think Yoongi would be back today. He assumed Chan would be guarding him after their previous confrontation.
"I'm here to take you downstairs to eat breakfast."
Jimin nodded once and walked by. Yoongi wasn't used to being treated this way, but he knew he deserved it. For hurting Jimin and breaking his heart.
They kept quiet in the elevator. The scent of Taehyung lingered through the air making Yoongi extremely upset. He knew Jimin had showered, but he was wearing the same pair of clothes from the previous night.
This was a slap to the face and it wounded Yoongi's ego. He knew that Jimin had no other choice but to sleep with Taehyung. It's not like he could decline the offer. But he had always been so thoughtful to not wear clothes that smelled like him.
Over these last few months, he had avoided hearing and seeing the things Taehyung did to him. Now that he was back as his guard he couldn't spare the torture.
As soon as the door opened, Yoongi rushed out. He felt like he couldn't breathe in there. His mind was playing cruel jokes on him, painting awful images in his mind.
Jimin quickly followed behind and glanced at him from the corner or his eyes. Yoongi had a blank look on his face and it seemed like he was walking faster to not be close to him.
This hurt his feelings a bit and he finally gave up trying to keep up. By the time they arrived at the dining room, Jimin was already fed up.
His arms were crossed over his chest and a frown forming his lips. The familiar red tint on the tips of his ears was spreading over his face. His mood was all over the place, but once he looked down at his breakfast place he felt himself deflate.
Three banana strawberry pancakes were stacked, scrambled eggs, a side dish of fruits and a large cup of orange juice.
The usual.
This flooded him with so many emotions that he felt his eyes tear up. He stubbornly bit his lip until he tasted the blood. Why did he do this? Why did he make it seem like he cared? Like he remembered everything he did for him?
"Eat." He instructed.
Jimin turned his face away and swallowed down the knot of emotions that had built up within him. "Why did you change my breakfast? I don't want to eat this." He said through his gritted teeth.
"I apologize. I didn't know you didn't eat this anymore, but are you really going to let this go to waste? I'll let you order your own from now on."
Seconds later, after stabilizing his emotions Jimin turned around to face him. His eyes had blinked down the tears and the knot was long gone and replaced with anger.
"Don't change it anymore." He stated while taking a seat.
The silence was now very awkward. Jimin felt like he was chewing too loudly, but he refused to look up at Yoongi who was by the door waiting.
The food was sweet. Too sweet to the point it was nauseating. Jimin couldn't tell if it was because he hadn't had this in a while or because the simple gesture made him feel butterflies.
Lately, he wasn't used to butterflies. It felt like they were trying to fly with holes in their wings. It hurt. Every little nice thing Yoongi did hurt because it motivated these butterflies to keep trying and in the end they'd fall again.
He shook his head and pushed his half eaten plate away. The disgust was spreading all over his body. Being so vulnerable made him physically sick. His mouth was starting to overproduce saliva causing a horrible queasiness.
"Done?"
"Yeah." He grunted, airing his face with his hands.
His face was red and the air produced by his hands was somehow comforting. Yoongi approached him slowly and looked down at him.
Jimin suddenly felt intimidated. It wasn't until he finally looked up that he realized that Yoongi was staring awfully hard at his chest.
He glanced down, noticing the purple mark Taehyung had left on him. Yoongi's face was blank and his eyes were darker than usual.
So it hurt.
At least that's the impression Jimin got and as resentful as he was he wanted to keep pushing him. He cleared his throat and unbuttoned one more button. His intimidation was long gone. It was replaced with a bittersweet sensation that wanted to break Yoongi's heart.
"What's the matter, dog? Haven't been fed in months?" His voice had an icy tone to it.
Yoongi snapped out of it and looked directly into his eyes. He had to keep reminding himself that this wasn't Jimin talking. This was anger and resentment that had built up over the last three months.
Jimin stood up and leaned closer to his face. Taehyung's cologne hit Yoongi's nose like straight acid. He had to hold his breath to not smell it. It was truly excruciating.
"Do you want to be fed again? Do you want to sneak into my room and fuck me while Taehyung is gone for business? Don't worry you'll disappear for three more months and by that time my contract will be almost over! You wouldn't have to deal with my mood changes or my mental breakdowns. Chan can just be there to deal with me like he did for three months while you were doing who knows what"
His face was now bright red and his breathing uneven. This was a trigger for him and Yoongi could tell. He opened his mouth to speak, but before he could Jimin started rambling again.
"Do you want me to undo another button? Is this good enough for you? Do you want me again now? Am I sexy enough now? Huh?" His voice got louder and as he continued unbuttoning his shirt Yoongi grabbed his arms to stop him.
"Let me go! I order you to let me go! I can unbutton my shirt if I want to! I can do whatever I want! Let me go!"
"Jimin, this isn't like you. Please quiet down." Yoongi whispered.
"So the others don't hear me? Are you trying to quiet me down again?" He screamed with tears in his eyes.
The anger he felt within was so overpowering. The fury spread through his thin veins like hot syrup pushing through. It hurt, it stung, and he wasn't sure if it was due to the strain of his body from fighting back or if it was his overflowing emotions.
How did Yoongi look so calm? How was he able to function when Jimin felt like he was dying? Every time he looked at him he got this rage that didn't let his mind ease. He wanted him to suffer and be just as miserable as he was.
So why was he pushing him away when all he ever wanted was his body to start with? Or was it that he didn't want that either?
This filled Jimin's soul with more voids that would never be filled. His body was the only thing he had to offer. Being sensual and sleeping with others was the only thing he was good at. And yet, Yoongi stood here and rejected him for that.
"Do you think you're too good or something? That you're better than me? You're fucked up like me you know? You've done far worse things than I have." He grunted still trying to pull away from his grip.
Yoongi wasn't holding him tight, but his grip was firm. It was his own writhing that was causing the burning sensation around his wrists.
Having Yoongi hold him like this—or any other way—made him weak to the knees. He didn't like to feel his heart flutter at his touch. It was hope and hope was a cruel motherfucker.
He couldn't allow himself to hold onto the love he felt for Yoongi because it was pointless. It was nauseating and hurtful.
"I'm not saying I'm better than you. I'm far worse."
"Then why don't you want me stupid dog? Are you done with that sick game of yours because you've already had my body? Was this all a competition for having what Taehyung has?"
Yoongi let go of his wrists and sighed sadly. It was horrific to know that Jimin thought so little of himself. His self esteem was destroyed and it was all his fault. For hurting him when he said he wouldn't.
"No. This was never a game. Jimin, why can't you see that not all men want you just for your body? There's more to you than that. You have a beautiful mind."
Both of them could hear the footsteps approaching. Jimin was the first to break eye contact. He walked to the window and looked outside trying to calm his agitated heart.
He heard Chan's voice and then Yoongi's. They were mumbling something. Did Chan hear something? Now that he thought about it, it was quite reckless to show off that way.
Jimin quickly buttoned up his shirt and practiced breathing techniques in hopes to slow down his heart rate. It didn't work at all.
His mind was a jumbled mess full of confusion. The dripping faucet in the back of his mind was back. Only this time it was sadistic because it was lying to him. It was unhealthy and it grew stronger as the seconds went by.
Yoongi still cares. Yoongi still cares. Yoongi still cares.
What a detrimental lie.