⚠️⚠️⚠️ This chapter contains mentions of eating disorder habits. If you are sensitive to such topics, please be take precaution.
The Monday I had been dreading was unfortunately here. My first day of school. It didn't help my overthinking self when I found out school had already been going on for 2 weeks, and I was just now going. How fucking embarrassing. Definitely want to cry.
Finally, after 15 minutes of staring at the ceiling debating if I should just not go, I got up. My new room was pretty small, but nothing I wasn't used to. The first thing I do when I wake up...go to the mirror. I'd developed this routine a while back. A little after the bullying, checking everything they'd critique about me.
And after a while, I think I started agreeing. Then came the calorie counting. Then the extreme fasting. It made me ecstatic when I made it at least 20 hours without eating.
I was in an unhealthy phase in my life. I still am. Those thoughts are always there, I still turn down food at times, but I like to think I'm better than I was.
Anyhow, I'm standing in front of my mirror. I pull up my shirt and turn to the side. This is when I determine if I'm hungry. Again, not healthy, but it comes with the package.
I never told anyone about what I was doing. Still haven't. I'm not the extremely skinny or super short girl everyone adores. When I was accepting of that, no one liked it. So now I do things like looking in a mirror to determine whether or not I'll eat.
Once I pull away from my thoughts, I go to the bathroom. It's hair washing day, so I take an extra long time in todays shower. Once I'm done, I brush my teeth and throw my hair into a t-shirt.
Times like these, running through a hallway to get back to my bedroom with only a towel, make me wish I had my own bathroom. It's like a race to get back to my room with no one seeing.
Now in my room, it's time to pick an outfit. This is definitely nerve wracking, what I wear could make people hate me, and I've had enough of that to last a lifetime.
I decide on a beige baby tee with light washed straight leg jeans. Something simple that won't draw attention, yet is approachable. I take the t-shirt out of my hair and brush out my wet hair.
I put in some leave in conditioner, then use a Denman brush to do a little brush and twist thing. And the final step... flipping my hair over, grabbing gel, "prayer hands", and scrunching my hair.
That is my routine to getting my natural curls to come out. If I just leave my hair, the curls get quite frizzy, so this is what I do. I put on some black converse to finish the look.
I've never been one to wear heavy makeup. Trust me, I tried that route and I think it's best if I stay pretty natural. Just mascara and lipgloss will do. I go back to the mirror for a final look.
"Don't tell anyone your problems. Stay focused. Graduate. You can do this Dahlia." I whisper to myself before walking to the kitchen. The smell of bacon is immediately present, it's my brothers' favorite.
"Dahlia!" Jake yells. He's the youngest, but very energetic for a 10 year old. I love him though, he definitely resembles me in my love for academics.
"Dude be quiet I'm eating." Emerson glares at Jake. Now Emerson is the middle child. He loves sports a whole lot, and that meant watching various videos to train himself. No we didn't have access to actual team sports, but that didn't stop him. Jake rolled his eyes at Emerson's comment. "You two need to stop arguing, it gives me a headache." I say putting my hand on my forehead.
"You're telling me. How I'm supposed to deal with them at 7 in the morning is beyond me." My mom adds. Andrea Martinez. The strongest woman I know who also happens to be my mother. Yes I do help her out a lot, but 3 kids alone? Hell I'd be crying a lot more than I do already.
"Good morning my lovely mother. Did you need help with anything?" I ask. "No sweetie I'm okay. The bus should be here at 7:30 to get the boys so I'm heading out to work." She places a small kiss on my cheek and pulls me into a hug. "You're gonna be alright. Don't stress too much Ms.Overthinker." She laughs.
I pull away and roll my eyes. "Nothing can stop me from worrying, it's habit. But thank you very much. Good luck at work!" With that, my mom waves goodbye to the boys and leaves.
"Alright boys, the bus will be here in 7 minutes. Make sure you brush your teeth and get your bags. I wish you much luck." I winked. "Yeah okay mom." Emerson snarked. The elementary and middle school were right next to each other, so Jake and Emerson would be riding together.
This took off a lot of pressure. After a couple minutes the bus arrived, and that left me alone. I stared at the food my mom made before leaving. Was I hungry? Yes. Did I want to risk it? I wasn't sure. It was terrifying.
The way I felt so full of everything, yet empty at the same time. I had 10 minutes before my bus came. Hesitantly, I grabbed a small piece of bacon. Maybe this was enough.
I grabbed by backpack and sat down waiting. The last few minutes of silence before school. I grabbed my earbuds and put on the best artist to exist. Taylor Swift. Hopefully this would calm me down.
Not long after that, I heard the bus engine close by. Shit. I'm so scared words cannot describe it.
Too late now I guess.
Logan and I drive to school together. The bell rings at 8:30, so we usually start our drive at 8 to be there 20 minutes before class starts. Not to actually go to class, but to just catch up with everyone.
Logan has been my best friend since 6th grade. He's dating the very charming Aaliyah Campbell. She's smart just like Logan, and man were they in love.
"Aaliyah wants us to meet her in the union. Something about student council." he says. Ah yes, did I mention she was president of student council? That meant many talks about being a people person and other smart stuff I forget.
"Fine with me." I respond pulling into the parking lot. Logan and I get out of the car and make our way to the entrance of the school. As soon as you walk into Southview, there's a huge space called the union. Everyone hangs out here before class. Ya know because who wants to go to class before you have to?
Right when we walk in Aaliyah makes her way to us. Logan pulls her into a kiss leaving me alone. "Yes very cute, but can we not!" I smile. They both flip me off and I laugh. "So what was this student council thing you wanted to talk about?" Logan asks.
Aaliyah pulls out a paper from her bag. "I'm showing a new girl around today. I figured I'd also bring her with me to lunch so she'll sit with us. That alright?" she stated.
"Even if we had a problem with it, you'd bring her anyway." I remarked. Aaliyah rolled her eyes. "Fallon is late per the usual. Please tell her when she gets here, I have to go meet the new girl." We nod at her request and she goes off to the front office.
After a few minutes, Fallon comes running in out of breath. "Sorry! I know Aaliyah's gonna kill me but I'm here! What was the announcement?" she rambles. Logan and I laugh at her stressed state and explain the lunch situation. "Oh my god I love new people. This is exciting!"
Fallon Riley. The sweetheart of our group, and also the bubbliest. She's very innocent and loves to be around people. Definitely the opposite of Elijah who's also our friend.
The 5 minute bell rings, forcing Logan, Fallon, and I to wave our goodbyes. I have Spanish first period. Even though I've taken this language for 3 years, I still suck at it.
I make my way to Ms. Alcaraz's class. Right off the bat, I see the words "Writing Assessment" on the projector. Shit. Definitely did not study, definitely will fail. As I'm taking my seat, I notice Ms. Alacaraz get up and walk to the doorway.
My eyes follow her, and man am I happy they did. Standing tensed up at the doorway is a girl, a very pretty one might I add. She had thick curly hair and very dark brown eyes. I'm not one to be girl obsessed, but fuck was this girl gorgeous.
That sounds creepy, but there was something. Wow I'm just a cliche right now. I finally actually sit down and pull out my notes to hopefully get some spanish into my brain before this test.
For a good 10 seconds I'm focused, but that goes down the drain when the girl from the doorway is standing by my desk.
"Uh, I have to sit here." she mumbles. Thank the heavens for these 2 people desks. "Not a problem." I respond. She puts down her bag and sits down quickly. No response to my statement, she just crosses her arms on the desk and looks away.
"Hola clase. Today we're taking the writing assessment over the vocabulary we've been learning. It'll be taken on your computers and should give you your grade once you submit it. You have 5 minutes to look over your notes before we start."
Okay life was on my side today. Ms. Alacaraz made her way to the our desk starting to address the girl next to me. "I don't expect you to take the test Dahlia, completely up to you." she smiles.
Dahlia. That was her name. Well Dahlia shrugged at the choice she was given. "I'll take it, it's no problem." she responded. The teacher nodded and walked away. Man, if I was given the choice I'd say fuck the test. This girl was something.
"Pretty brave move taking the test." I smirked at her. She just rolled her eyes and looked away. Okay, does she already hate me? I've barely even talked to her and she's already rolling her eyes, that didn't normally happen.
My thoughts were interrupted by a certain teacher telling us to start our tests. Man I wish I hadn't wasted my 5 minutes. As soon as I opened the test, I internally cried. I'm not stupid, but Spanish was not my thing one bit.
I think I spent 8 minutes on two questions, and Dahlia had already finished. What the actual fuck. I peeked over to see her score, and low and behold it was a 100. She shut her computer and leaned on her elbow facing away from me.
For the next 45 minutes, I tried my best on this dumb assessment. I had to turn it in eventually, so finally I did. My score was a 72. You know what, I passed, that's what matters.
As if on cue, Ms. Alacaraz stated that all assessments were due and lesson was starting. C'mon, shouldn't that test have been enough? Whatever I guess. Dahlia brought out a notebook but searched through her bag for a couple more seconds. I heard her mumble a 'shit' and noticed her leg start bouncing very fast.
She turned over to me seemingly nervous. "Do you have a pencil I can borrow?" she whispered. Aw, she was nervous about asking for a pencil. That was extremely cute. Or not, ya know, cause I'm not weird.
"I should, give me a second." I responded and went to my bag. I pulled out a mechanical pencil, because those were the way to go. "Thank you." she said quickly, before facing away from me again.
All throughout the lesson, Dahlia was writing notes left and right, mumbling to herself what the answers were (yet not actually raising her hand to answer the question), and continuing to bounce her leg.
This girl was extremely good at Spanish, I couldn't deny it. The bell rung and immediately she got up out of her seat and walked out. I've made a note of her tendency to ignore everything. But unfortunately, it was time for Economics. My only excitement right now was for lunch, I just had to get through one more period.
━━━━━━━━━━
It was finally lunch time. Thank god for that, I needed some friend interaction. I walked over to the table where Logan, Fallon, and Elijah were sitting.
"Hey guys, what's up?"
"Nothing really. Just waiting for Aaliyah to show up." Logan responded. I nodded and took a seat. We rambled about how many assignments we had, and I made sure to go into detail about my Spanish test. Minus my newfound interest in a certain someone.
"Everyone, this is Dahlia." I heard Aaliyah say. My eyes shot up and were met with an uncomfortable looking Dahlia and a smiling Aaliyah.
"Dahlia, this is Fallon, Elijah, Logan, and Blake!"
Giving a small smirk, I turn back to the wrap I was eating.
Thank you life.
━━━━━━━━━━
Vote, Comment, and Share if you enjoyed the first chapter!