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"She wore her troubled past like wings—she had been through hell, and though no one could see her demons, they could see the face that conquered them." –Atticus
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I woke up warm. Like too warm. Like, holy shit did Tony crank the heat up to 112 or something? I was literally sweating. I could feel it pooling on the back of my neck. With an annoyed grumble I lifted my head up off my pillow, hair plastered to my cheek, only to realize I was not in my apartment right now. Thor and Jane were in my usual bed, I needed to remember to wash those sheets thoroughly, and I was on Steve's floor. Actually, more accurately, I was on Steve.
Last night, we must have fallen asleep on the couch while watching the Office and now in the early morning light my body was pressed between the couch cushions and Steve's giant body. The only reason why he hadn't fallen off was probably because half of me was on top of his chest. Even then some of him wasn't even on the couch. Steve couldn't be comfortable right now. I used my hand to pull the hair from my face and blinked the blurriness from my eyes.
Steve looked soft. There was always something in his eyes, a warmth and kindness, but he also looked stressed. It was harder to catch when he was laughing or talking, but every once in a while, he'd get a faraway look in his eyes. A tenseness that never truly left him. Right now, though? He looked completely at ease. Steve's blond hair was a morning mess and the sharp outline of his profile contrasted his partly parted, soft lips. I almost wished I was good at art like him so I could catch this moment on paper. It looked like the kind of moment that needed to be preserved in graphite or ink.
I let out a soft hum and used my right hand to lightly tap on his chest. I didn't want to wake him, but I really needed to pee, and his heavy legs were definitely on top of my left one. I let out another soft hum and whispered, "Hey, uh, Steve?" His eyebrow twitched. "Steve?"
His eyes finally blinked open a few times, adjusting to the light and his bearings like I had, and finally settled on me. Realization slowly dawned on him and then it sharply turned to shock. Steve mumbled a curse and went to sit up, but it threw off the very delicate balance we had. In an attempt to correct himself, I went sliding to the floor with a yelp, but just as quick as he had accidentally thrown me off, he caught me again. We both hit the floor, him on top of me, but he kept one arm around my back so I didn't hit the floor hard.
Now I was staring at Steve again, but this time I was looking up at him as he stared down at me with wide blue eyes. He opened his mouth, probably to apologize, but I just laughed. Steve's worry turned to amusement as he chuckled once, "Morning."
"Good morning, Captain Rogers." I replied with a grin. "Sorry for the rude awakening."
"I think I'm at fault for that."
We stayed like that for another beat until I tilted my head a bit, "Uh, Steve? Can I...? You know?"
"Shit, yeah." Steve said and quickly got to his feet. He pulled me up just as quickly. "Sorry."
"No, I just really gotta pee." I clapped him on the shoulder once before hurrying past him. The clock Steve had on his bedroom wall said it was just a little past 7 in the morning. Once in the bathroom, I went through a truncated version of my morning routine using the same spare toothbrush I did last night. My hair was a wavy mess since I fell asleep with it braided. When I stepped out, Steve was moving around in his closet. I leaned against the bathroom doorway, "Sorry for waking you up so early."
Steve chuckled and came out of wearing sweats and a tight white shirt. I really didn't think the guy owned anything that wasn't form fitting and honestly it was a blessing to the world. He shook his head, "I slept in. Usually I'm up at 6 for a run. I got three texts from Sam asking where I am."
"Well, then I'm sorry for keeping you up so late. Plus, sleeping on the couch couldn't have been comfortable."
"I think you'd be surprised." Steve hummed and added as an afterthought, "Any night without a nightmare is my best night."
I crossed my arms and my ankles, keeping my eyes to the ground, "You have nightmares too?" With a quick shake of my head, I scoffed, "That's a dumb question. Sorry."
Steve crossed the room, "You're really in a 'sorry' mood this morning." I looked up and opened my mouth but forced myself to stop when I realized I was just about to apologize again. Instead, I just gave him a tight-lipped smile that he smirked at. The smirk didn't each his eyes though, "Do you have nightmares?"
"I think it's a requirement to live in this tower." I replied. He didn't reply to my joke and just gave me a knowing look. I shrugged, "They haven't been so bad lately. When I do have them, I just go down to the gym."
It wasn't a lie. Lately the nightmares were few and far between. Every once in a while, I'd have a night where I was plagued by Russian mobsters or a faceless opponent in a random ring or even Boss. The ones with Boss were the worst. Still, they were starting to fade, and I was grateful for that.
"I'm always just right downstairs if you need me. You know that, right?" Steve replied.
I grinned at him, "And I'm always right upstairs if you need me."
Steve chuckled and we both left his room, "You gonna go back up to your place?"
"Nope." I replied as we both moved to the elevator. My dress was still hanging in Steve's closet and I was in my spandex shorts and his shirt. "I'll let Thor come get me when he's done with the place. His place."
I hit the button for the penthouse and Steve leaned against the back of the elevator. When the doors opened, I glanced back at him as he hit the button for the training floor, "Have fun running your 37 miles or whatever it is you do in the morning."
"You're always welcome to run with me."
"I like you, Rogers, but I don't like you that much." I countered.
"Yet." Steve replied right before the doors shut.
There were people moving around in the kitchen, voices I didn't recognize, but I ignored it and hurried up the stairs where I could hear Tony in his lab. My fuzzy socks weren't ideal for the smooth floor, but if I busted my ass at least it'd brighten Tony's day.
"Hey, Tony." I chirped and slid over to him. He had on a pair of light blue pajama pants and a band shirt. I'd call it his sleep clothes, but I've seen him in this exact outfit at 1 PM on a work day before.
He glanced over his shoulder with a smirk, "Morning, sunshine. What're you doing up so early?"
"I'm always up at this time. What are you doing up so early??"
"Pepper woke up to get some stuff done and it woke me up."
"Poor thing." I cooed and he rolled his eyes at me. I glanced around his lab, "Have you seen my Stark Pad? I was hoping it was up here and not in my—Thor's apartment."
"Your apartment." Tony corrected and turned to lean against the counter, "You've officially stayed more nights there than him, I think that means it's yours." Tony motioned to my outfit, "Is that why you're still in your pajamas? You didn't want to—wait, wait, is that Steve's shirt?"
I glanced down at my shirt, as if it had suddenly changed, and nodded once, "Yeah. Why?"
Tony pressed his lips together into a smile that looked more like a grimace. Before I could question him, he leaned toward me putting his face right in mine. I pulled back with confused eyes, but he just scoffed, "You smell like him!"
"I did use his shampoo and body wash last night." I replied slowly. "And then of course there was the long, slow, passionate love making we did this morning."
"Aj 'Sunshine' Bradshaw!"
"That is not part of my name." I shook my head and tried not to laugh at Tony's face of complete and absolute betrayal. "And I am very obviously joking, you psychopath. Although, technically speaking, I did wake up on top of him and then he was on top of me."
Tony made a loud guffaw noise that I wasn't entirely sure a human was possible of making. He clutched his chest with one hand, "I have a heart condition, Aj. Can you cut out the jokes? You're going to give me a fucking stroke."
"Stroke is definitely a brain thing, not a heart thing."
"An early death is still an early death!"
I raised an eyebrow at the odd expression he wore on his face. Tony looked both betrayed and confused. Two emotions I hadn't really seen on him before and two emotions he had no reason to be wearing. There was something going on in that genius' brain, but God knows I'd never be able to figure it out. His look faded into a smug smile and that was even scarier. Tony cleared his throat once and pushed off the counter to move around the lab. I casually played with the with the metal around my wrists.
"Do me a favor", Tony finally called out to me and I focused back on him. He was looking down at his phone while he spoke to me, "Describe your perfect date."
I grinned, "Aw, are we finally gonna go on our third date?"
"No, I—Third?" Tony snapped his gaze up from his phone, "What happened to date number two?"
"Russia." I shrugged.
He dropped his arm, phone resting at his side, with a look of disbelief, "Russia!? You count Russia as my second date with you??"
"Yeah." I replied as nonchalantly as I could muster. "Still not the worst date I've had."
Tony stared at me for a brief second before point to me, "We'll unpack that later, and I'm calling you a therapist. A real one, not just Sam." I smirked in reply, in hopes to move past this part of the conversation. Tony rolled his eyes again before shaking his head and moving back to his phone, "I'm thinking of setting you up on a blind date. Name your preference. Any specifics you want me to look for?"
"No." I said with wide eyes. He was going to what??
"Oh, so free reign then? I like that. I work better with no restrictions—"
"No, no. I meant, just no." I stepped toward him. "I want you to do no such thing."
Tony had the gall to look offended, "What? You don't trust me?"
"Absolutely, I do not...but this is more than my complete lack of faith in you. I don't date, Tony."
"You don't date."
"I don't date."
"You don't date??"
I narrowed my eyes at him, "Is there an echo in here or...?"
"Why??" Tony scoffed.
The quick moment of déjà vu passed quickly. Natasha had asked the same thing, and though I wasn't super sure why the two of them wanted to get me a date, I shrugged at him like I was sure I shrugged at her. It wasn't something I thought about a lot. It was a conversation topic that sat in the corner of my brain with the other 'unmentionables' behind a tightly locked door. Sometimes in life, the easiest way to survive was to just not think about it. Maybe that wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism, but it had done me well. It was the only thing that really kept me standing.
"Some people date, some people don't. I'm in the latter category." I lifted my hand to absentmindedly chew on my thumb nail, but Tony was quick to swat my hand away from my lips. I rolled my eyes at him, "It's just low on my totem pole of priorities. I need to get my head screwed on right before I subject some other poor soul to it."
Tony crossed his arms with a small nod, "I get that. It's smart, and you're right, but..."
"But?"
"You do need time to heal, I'm not denying that, you are a little fucked up."
I gave him a tight-lipped smile, trying to bite back a laugh. If anyone in this tower could compete with me for the title of 'Most Self-Loathing' it would be Tony, "Thank you."
"I know that you're also the kind to hide behind that as an excuse for the rest of your life." Tony smirked at me. He wasn't wrong. I knew that. Still, this was a 'brain corner' topic and I didn't plan on pulling that string anymore. My entire head would unravel. Tony stepped toward me and clapped a hand on my shoulder, "Wanna help me with the Iron Legion?"
"You mean stand next to you and marvel at your genius while not touching anything?"
"Exactly."
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Natasha smiled warmly at Clint who hung off her, one arm wrapped around her shoulders, while he played on his phone in the other. They were riding the elevator up to the penthouse for breakfast. JARVIS had told them food was upstairs and that's all it really took to get Clint moving. He leaned his phone toward her again.
"See? So cute. Stark is insane." Clint scoffed. It was a picture of Aj and Steve passed out on Steve's couch. Clint had gone down to his apartment to wake Aj up and ask her something, God knew what since it had been only 6:30 in the morning, but instead of coming back with an answer he came back with the picture. "I'm gonna make this the wallpaper on every electronic device Tony uses."
Natasha hummed, "You know having that picture on your phone is really creepy, right?"
"I'm her father—"
"Now it's even creepier."
The elevator doors opened, and Clint stuck his tongue out at her before pushing out of the elevator first. Natasha bit back a smile at his antics. Years and years had passed, countless missions and tasks, yet this dummy still knew exactly how to entertain her. She followed after him, wearing a pair of black yoga pants and a shirt that hung off one shoulder, and was greeted by the dining table being filled with various breakfast foods. Thor and Jane were sitting near the end by Bruce and Betty. Both women were talking and, based off their excited hand movements while they spoke, it had to be something science related. Aj sat beside Thor but it looked like she was talking to Pepper, who was beside her, and both Sam and Steve who sat across from her.
Clint clapped his hands loudly, drawing attention to himself, "Damn this looks good. Did you set this up, Aj?"
"I am capable of serving breakfast in my own damn Tower." Tony answered, walking out of the kitchen with two mugs of coffee. Clint walked forward to grab one, but Tony used his foot to kick the man back before sitting beside Pepper and handing her a cup.
Clint hummed, pouting, "So Pepper set it up then?"
The smile on Pepper's face was all the answer anyone needed. Tony rolled his eyes, "Shut the fuck up and eat the food, Barton."
Clint snickered at Tony's expense before lightly pressing his hand to the small of Natasha's back. He gave her a wink and turned to the kitchen to get coffee. Natasha sat down in the seat beside Steve, knowing full and well that Clint would want to sit by Tony who was at the head of the table.
A pleasant hum of content and calm buzzed around the table. Avenger meals were fairly common, but it was always nice when loved ones they didn't always see often got to join. Natasha let her eyes trace down the table, absorbing the love around her, and her eyes lingered on Aj who was laughing at something Pepper said at Tony's expense. If you had told her two months ago that Aj would not only fit in at extended Avengers breakfast but would be flourishing? Natasha wouldn't have believed it.
"—as one who has gotten to know young Aj well, seeing her naked and such, I think—"
"Whoa, whoa, your royal highness." Aj cut in, motioning to Thor who was at the other head of the table, "You tell that story so inaccurately."
Thor, who was well versed in how it worked around here, was ever ready to tease her. It was mock or be mocked at Avengers tower. He held one hand up with a nod, "My apologies, I will work on that. She also saw me nake—"
"No!"
There was a round of laughter and Aj tried to pull the conversation back to her original point before Thor cut in. Natasha glanced to her left where Clint was grinning and arguing with Tony. He had his phone out so Natasha could easily guess what the argument was centered on. With a smirk of her own she leaned toward Steve, "Heard you had quite the morning."
Steve, who was mid sip on his own coffee, choked and quickly set his mug down and turned to lightly glare at her, "Really, Nat?"
"Clint got a cute picture of the two of you." Natasha smirked. "Want me to have him send it to you?"
His face briefly turned a light shade of red and he glanced over at Aj who was still arguing with the other side of the table, "He...already did."
Natasha's smile grew and she tilted her head, "Did you already make it your wallpaper, or do you need help with that?"
Steve chuckled with a nod, "Funny, Romanoff, funny."
Breakfast continued on and even after everyone was done eating they stayed at the table talking for even longer. It wasn't often that all of them were not busy or together, and it seemed like everyone was planning to make the most of it.
"Ms. Romanoff", JARVIS spoke up suddenly, "You asked me to let you know when it was 10:30."
"Thank you, JARVIS." Natasha replied. Pepper, Jane, and Betty all rose from the table saying a quick goodbye to guy they were sitting by. Aj glanced around curiously but stayed in her seat with her knees pulled up to her chest casually. "Meet in the lobby?"
The other women chimed out their agreements and Natasha turned to look at Aj. She met her gaze and raised an eyebrow. Aj pointed to herself, "Huh?"
"It's girl's day. Come on, let's get you ready."
Aj's confusion turned into a grin and she jumped out of her chair to hurry over to the red head. Her fuzzy socks caused her to slip once, but when Tony laughed about it she flicked him on the ear and kept moving. Natasha looped her arm through Aj's and pulled her to the elevator.
It didn't take her long to help Aj get and ready and it took her less time to get dressed and ready herself. She suggested a pair of jeans, a purple sweater, and some boots. Natasha would've suggested the peacoat too, but she knew Aj was going to wear the jacket James Barnes gave her anyways. The young woman always told Natasha that she didn't need to help her out like this or buy her new clothes, but Natasha didn't mind it. She actually preferred it.
Everyone in the world had a different love language. This included the Avengers and for them sometimes it was even more complicated and difficult to show it than your average person on the street. It was the trauma. For Natasha though, this was how she did it. She wasn't like Clint who showed his care through cuddling up or hanging off anyone who stood still long enough. It wasn't Natasha's style, but picking styles was. She couldn't explain why it was, but something about picking out a jacket for Steve or a new suit for Tony or an outfit for Aj and then seeing them wear it warmed her heart. It was just one of the ways she showed she cared.
"So, Girl's Day?" Aj asked as they rode the elevator all the way down.
Natasha nodded, "It's a tradition. Anytime we're all in town and have time off we try to hang out on the town without the idiots."
They walked out into the lobby where the others were waiting, and Natasha was surprised to see that Darcy had made it into town and was now standing between Jane and Pepper. The brunette turned in time to see her and Aj and threw her hands up with a victory cry, "Girl's Day!"
"Nice to see you again, Darcy." Natasha greeted with a small smile. She tilted her head beside her, "This is Aj."
"Hi, nice to—"
"You're Aj? The girl Thor saw naked??" Darcy pointed to her.
Aj threw her hands up while the others laugh, "How?? Was it on the nine'o'clock news?"
Darcy grinned and stepped forward to pull Aj into a surprise hug that she returned after a moment of shock. Darcy pulled back, "The name's Darcy. It's nice to meet you, I've heard good things." She lightly elbowed Aj in the ribs, her grin turning to a smirk, "And Thor's washboard abs right??"
Aj furrowed her eyebrows with a chuckle, "I do not know how to answer that question in front of Thor's girlfriend?"
"It's okay. Darcy talks about Thor's chest all the times." Jane rolled her eyes in good nature.
"That isn't even an exaggeration." Betty added with a small smile of her own.
Pepper nodded, "You know how Tony talks about Tony? That level."
"He's the god of thunder and he has a body carved by the gods of gorgeous men. How can I not talk about that??" Darcy scoffed.
Natasha chuckled and began to herd everyone out of the building. Maria Hill was meeting them at the spa in twenty minutes and if they didn't leave now they'd be late to their appointment for the day.
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Maria Hill was a weirdo. Maybe I shouldn't say that about Natasha and Clint's longtime friend, but if the shoe fit or whatever. The dark-haired woman seemed fun and it was easy to talk and get along with her, just like every woman on this 'girl's day', but Maria Hill would not stop staring at her with those cold blue eyes. The only emotion the icy look held was curiosity or wariness, I couldn't see any ill intent, but getting stared at by an Agent of SHIELD was still nerve wracking.
"See! I told you that style would look so badass!" Darcy chirped from over my shoulder as I stared down at my recently painted nails. I loved Pepper and Betty and Jane, they were such amazing women, but they were also still a little intimidating to me. Darcy was loud and bright and in your face, and that was exactly my speed of person.
I smirked and wiggled my fingers, "I knew I would like the navy color, but I really didn't think I'd like the gold sparkles as much as I do."
This was the first time I had ever gotten my nails professionally done and I finally understood why women liked it so much. The woman had primped and pampered my poor rough hands before applying the super nail polish. It was called gel or some shit like that, but it felt better than normal nail polish. I had picked the dark navy blue for my fingers, but Darcy had told me, well more like demanded, that I get the glitter design overlaying it. Now my navy nails had flecks of subtle gold glitter that glimmered anytime I moved my fingers.
"I am never wrong." Darcy wrapped her arm around me. Both of us wore the thick, fluffy, white robes the spa had provided us. "Except that one time where the thing I thought was a dog turned out very much to not be a dog."
Without elaborating on that very vague tale, she pulled me back towards the private room Natasha had rented for us to leave our belongings in as we got pampered. Speaking of, the red head was standing in the room with Maria talking in low voices when we arrived. Both women were also in their robes and the moment we stepped in they turned to us with smiles. If Darcy had noticed their tense conversation like I had she didn't mention it.
"Look at her nails!" Darcy cheered and pulled her arm away from me to grab my hands and shove them forward. "Starry night sky, eh?"
"Cute." Maria smirked and showed off her own fingers which had been painted a light nude color.
Natasha took one of my hands to admire them, "Very nice." She smiled and showed me her own hands. They were painted a shade of dark maroon and had a similar glitter effect as mine but with silver rather than gold. "Looks like we're matching."
I beamed at her, "Aw! Too bad you didn't go with gold too."
"I thought about it, but if I went with gold Tony would never shut up about me stealing his color scheme." Natasha rolled her eyes and I laughed. She was 100% right.
Darcy glanced around, "Where is everyone else?"
"Massage time." Maria replied. "I think Jane is already in the room waiting for you, Darcy."
"Oooh. You get me a cute masseuse, Nat?" Darcy asked.
"Don't I always?" Natasha tilted her head with a smirk.
Darcy let out a cheer before pinching one of my cheeks and hurrying off to her massage room. They had told me were going to do massages, but I hadn't been entirely positive how I would react to that. Now that the time was here, I knew the answer. Badly. I was handling it badly.
"Our room is over here, Aj. Since Hill was late she's stuck alone."
Maria chuckled, "Hardly a punishment."
Natasha and I were sharing a massage room. I could feel a sheen of cold sweat on the back of my neck. I didn't even have a sports bra on under this. My hands tightened on the robe around myself. Maria gave me another curious glance that I ignored.
"Actually, uh, I'll take the 'by myself' room or whatever." I let out a laugh that I hoped didn't sound too awkward. "I'm sure you and Maria wanna catch up."
Maria's curiosity grew and Natasha raised an eyebrow at me. I gave her a tight-lipped grin and after a moment she nodded in agreement. There were a lot of things I liked about Natasha Romanoff, but the fact that she never pushed moments like this was definitely in the top five. The redhead let me know she'd be in the room next door if I needed her and we went our separate ways.
I took in a shaky breath before stepping into the room set aside for me. The lighting was dim, lit only by candles, and the air was warm and heavy. It should have a calming effect on anyone normal, but it only put me more on edge. It was too dark, I couldn't see at my best, and the air felt too thick for my liking. A woman walked through a door on the other side of the room and gave me a soft smile. At least it was a woman.
"Hello, my name is Shelby. I'll step out again so you can disrobe and lay down on the table—"
"Uh, no?" I interrupted her and her eyes widened slightly. "It's not you. My friends set this up and I loved getting my nails done and the facial and foot massage, but uh..."
Shelby gave me another warm and understanding smile, "You aren't a fan of massages, huh?"
I couldn't say that I wasn't a fan since I had technically never had one, but that was the gist of it. The idea of laying down naked, face down on a table, while a stranger touched me sounded like a new version of hell. Literally. If Satan were to handcraft my own personal corner of hell it would look a lot like this. Maybe more fire, but still.
"If you would like", Shelby motioned to the table, "You can lie here face up and I can light incense for you. You can just take a moment to rest and relax alone." I nodded once in surprise and she turned to a table against the wall, "Would you like Sandalwood, Japanese Rose, or Lavender?"
I sat down on the table, "Um, Sandalwood?"
"Of course, ma'am." Shelby pulled a few sticks out from the table drawer, lit them, and then gave me one last smile before moving to the door, "I'll be back in one hour."
Then she was gone. Huh. I swung my legs onto the table and just laid down as the smell of Sandalwood filled the heavy air around me. This was kind of nice. Shelby knew what he was talking about. I guess I wasn't the only person who shows up for an unwanted massage. I rested my hands on my stomach, closed my eyes, and tried to empty my busy mind.
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Tony had always thought of his lab as his own personal getaway. A safe zone. The R&D labs were fun, but they weren't like his lab up in the penthouse that he shared these days with Bruce. His Malibu workshop had been the top tier place where he took comfort, but because of him that was at the bottom of the ocean still. Tony was very sure, convinced, that the only reason he hadn't murdered Hawkeye yet was because he didn't want to spill blood on his sacred lab floor. It would be like committing homicide in a church.
"What do you think they'll name their first kid?"
Tony turned to glare at the archer who was sitting crossed leg on top of one of his lab table tops, "Probably Clint after their long lost, murdered friend."
"That would be adorable." Clint smirked.
"You know what else would be adorable? My foot up your as—"
His statement was cut off when Sam pushed through the lab door. It wasn't often that the man spent time in this lab, and he took the chance to look around and hum in admiration. Sam bobbed his head up and down, "Very nice. Very 'Mad Scientist'-esque."
"Get Katniss before I slaughter the tribute." Tony pointed to Clint who was still smirking like a smug little asshole.
Clint snickered again, "Sam agrees with us."
"What do I agree with?" Sam crossed his arms curiously.
Clint waved for him to come over and pulled out his phone. Tony rolled his eyes and grumbled something under his breath while Sam peeked at the phone screen. It was a picture of Aj and Steve sleeping on the couch, they must have fallen asleep watching Netflix last night, but they were both peacefully curled around each other.
Sam chuckled, "Guess that explains why he was late to meet me for our run and chipper as hell." He raised an eyebrow at Clint. "The picture taking is a little creepy though, you know that right?"
"We are not arguing whether or not I'm creepy—"
"You are though." Sam and Tony cut in at the same time.
Clint continued as if he hadn't been insulted, "We are arguing about what Steve and Aj are gonna name their kids."
"No." Tony shook his head and stepped closer to the two of them, "We are arguing about the fact that Aj is not, and will not, be dating Steve Rogers. I'm going to find her someone else. Maybe a movie star."
Tony and Clint dove right back into their argument while Sam tried to piece apart the words that they were throwing over one another. Sam stepped forward and waved their words out of the air. Tony rolled his eyes again when Clint stuck his tongue out at him.
"I'm cranking the heat up in all the air ducts." Tony threatened.
"Wow, okay, rude."
Sam chuckled, "Hold up, hold up, I will settle this argument on behalf of me and BFF Natasha Romanoff."
"BFF?" Tony raised his eyebrow at him, "Really?"
"If you idiots pressure Aj into dating someone, you will regret it."
Clint smirked, "What're you gonna do, Wilson?"
"I am going to watch happily as Nat beats both your asses."
There was a beat of silence where they both let the threat roll around in their heads. It was entirely plausible. Clint began to pout, but Tony just nodded to himself in thought. He could work with this. After the conversation he had with Aj this morning, he knew that trying to wrestle her into a date would be more trouble than it was worth right now. There was no point in introducing stubborn Aj to anyone when she didn't want to meet them. Tony was a patient man. Well, sort of. Okay, not really, but he could wait when it came to this.
Clint snapped his fingers, his smirk had come back full force, "But you do agree with me, Wilson?"
"That Steve and Aj are going to have kids? No, I think—"
"Do you think they're cute??" Clint corrected.
Sam twisted his lips, "We all know Steve has a thing for strong, independent women. I think he needs someone as fun as Aj and I think Aj needs someone firm and loyal like Steve, but as her self proclaimed therapist—"
"Oh yeah." Tony recalled his earlier conversation. "She said one of those 'red flag' things again."
The Avengers, under the advice of Sam 'Aj's sort of therapist' Wilson, were keeping an ear and eye out for red flags. They were looking for traumas to arise. Aj was doing so well these days, but they were very aware that her past was littered without terrible, horrible things and those kinds of things usually picked the worst time to show their ugly faces. They didn't want Aj to stumble on her path of healing because an old memory or scar knocked her to the ground. So, that left the Avengers trying to catch onto those monsters before they could even try.
"What happened?" Sam questioned curiously and even Clint had let his teasing features morph into concern. There was a time for mocking and a time for worrying.
Tony shook his head, "She told me the 'I don't date' spiel, but before that she said she counted our second date as Russia and when I questioned it, she said 'it still wasn't her worst date'." He crossed his arms and thought back to the brief look of annoyance that crossed her features when she said it. It was like she was annoyed with herself for even bringing it up but tried to play it off as a joke. Tony could've been blowing this entirely out of proportion, but he wasn't risking anything. "She gave me no hints on what she meant, but I got a weird feeling from it."
Clint hummed and glanced to Sam, "I can ask Nat to dig."
"No." Sam shook his hand at them both. Tony knew the guy knew what he was talking about with this shit. He also knew that he definitely didn't have the knowledge in anything therapeutic. Tony's idea of therapy was a stiff glass of brandy. So, he would defer to Sam on this. "That's definitely not something we want to drag up. We gotta wait until she comes to us on that. Aj's done really good, we don't wanna push her faster than she's already going."
"You're the expert." Tony replied and glanced down at his phone where he had a text from Happy. "I got work to do, you guys know where the door is."
Clint clapped Tony on the shoulder after jumping from the counter with a small nod. Tony returned the nod and slapped him on the back as well before the archer picked the topic back up with Sam while they walked out. Tony quickly replied to Happy's unnecessarily panicked text.
"J." Tony called out and snapped his fingers in the space in front of him. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"
"Would you like me to activate 'Setting Sun' settings, sir?"
"Yeah, put it on training wheels. 50%." Tony replied as his screens began to blink on in front of him. 'Setting Sun' was a program he made some time ago, but he hadn't wanted to activate it just on a whim. This seemed fitting though. The final screen appeared and suddenly each of his holographic screens flashed a picture of Aj and Steve on the couch together. Tony rolled his eyes, "Barton!"
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If anyone in this world needed a massage it was Aj 'Tense Shoulders' Bradshaw. Natasha had known when she made the appointment though that it was a 50/50 shot of Aj actually going through with it. Admittedly, she had pushed a little. She wanted to see if Aj would take it on or bow out. Natasha wasn't surprised that she bowed out and she didn't fault her for it. It had been a big step to take for someone like Aj to let a stranger touch her in a professional but vulnerable setting. What did surprise Natasha was that Aj hadn't been up front about it. They had gotten far enough along that Aj wasn't worried about voicing her opinion. If she didn't like something or was uncomfortable she didn't spare their feelings anymore. She spoke up.
So, if you were to follow that logic then Aj should've just told her that she didn't want to be touched by someone. Why hadn't she? Natasha had a few theories.
She greeted Pepper and Betsy as she passed them, a romper on a hanger in one hand, and continued to seek out Aj in the medium sized store. Natasha spotted the dark-haired woman digging through a selection of warm scarves. Her eyes dragged over to her with a small smile.
"Hey, Nat."
"Find anything good?" Natasha asked.
"Meh." Aj shrugged then nodded to her, "Where'd Maria go?"
"Work." Natasha left the answer vague. Really the only Maria had even left work at all to join them was because she wanted to meet Aj in person. A fact that once Clint found out would have him pissed as hell. He had gone an extra mile to keep anything SHIELD related far, far away from Aj. "I'm sorry about the spa. I should've been more mindful about the massages."
Aj's eyes widened at her words and she quickly shook her head, "No, Nat, you have nothing to be sorry for. The spa was amazing. I'm just a weirdo."
"You are, but not for that reason." Natasha smiled and Aj chuckled with a shrug. The redhead lifted the hanger, "Take a look at this."
Aj's eyes took in the black romper. The front had a high neckline that tied around the neck in a bow leaving the arms bare. It also sloped down the sides, covering everything that needed covering, but leaving the entire back open. The lower half was also cut short ending about mid-thigh.
"It's super cute, Nat. You'd look amazing in it. I mean, you'd look amazing in a damn garbage bag so of course—" Aj admired and felt the material.
"For you, dumbass." She replied and pretended to ignore the way Aj's frame tensed. Natasha continued, "It's obviously a spring outfit, but it's on sale right now."
Aj's mind was working overtime for something to say. She could see the look of light panic in her usually warm eyes. Aj finally let out a light laugh and shook her head casually, "It's cute, Nat, but I don't know. Don't you think it's a little risqué? It shows a lot of skin and I don't know if that's quite my style."
"You've never been shy before. I've seen you walk around the tower in spandex shorts and your sports bras." Natasha chuckled.
"Yeah, but that's just around you guys."
"Your dress last night showed your shoulders and nearly your entire right leg."
Aj was scrambling and Natasha felt a pang of guilt for discreetly pressing like this. Darcy suddenly bounced over, dragging Jane with her, and demanded for Aj to come look at boots with them. Relief flashed over her features as Darcy dragged her away. Natasha hummed to herself in thought as she mentally tucked away a new item to put on the list of red flags her and the other had been collecting.
This was interesting in the worst kind of way.
__________
Girl's Day had been a blast. It was technically my first Girl's Day ever. At least, it was the first I could remember. Unless you counted me and Hammer Head getting in that huge bar fight a few years ago as a Girl's Day. This had been better though. I had made new friends. Every time I did that it still caught me off guard.
"Hey, I'm gonna order the food. What kind of wings do you want?" Steve asked through the bathroom door.
His voice had startled me, and it took a minute to fully register his question, "Uh, can you get me teriyaki if they have it?"
"Sure." Steve replied back and I heard him walk away while talking on the phone.
Jane had felt bad about kicking me out of the room I had been sleeping in, but I reassured her that it was more than fine. She even tried to give it back to me, but I told her to enjoy her time with Thor and that I could just stay with Steve again. It really wasn't too big of deal. Especially since this time I had the time and forethought to pack a small bag of my own clothes and bathroom items.
It was why I was standing in front of Steve's bathroom mirror unpacking a few shower items. My eyes kept drifting up from my busy hands to my own face in the mirror. I tried to keep ignoring the nagging at the back of my head, but after accidentally knocking the can of my shaving cream into the sink I gave up and just stared at myself. I looked great. I looked healthy and strong and happy and it was because I was. I was.
The door that kept that dark corner of my brain separated from my everyday aspects cracked open and before I knew it, I was stripping out of my day clothes. I pulled my jeans off, socks, peeled off my sweater, and then just stared. My lightly tanned skin was a shade lighter since I wasn't spending much time outside due to the weather, but it was mark free. No new wounds, no dark bruises, just healthy skin.
I turned away from the mirror and reached back to unhook my pink bra. It fell to the floor and I just stood there for a shaky moment. It felt like a lot of time had passed, maybe hours, but since Steve wasn't banging on the door looking for me, I assumed it had actually only been seconds. After taking in a sharp breath, I turned my head and looked over my shoulder into the mirror. My eyes traced the ugly 'x' on my left shoulder. There was no hiding that one. Everyone had already seen it and it hardly even bothered me anymore. Then my eyes slowly traced down my back to the other ugly marks carved into my skin. It went across in a line where the bottom of my sports bra usually sat.
It was thirty-four lines in total.
It was easy to count because they were carved into tally marks.
Every time I did something that Boss really hated, losing him money or back talking, he'd carve a new line. The fact that over five years I only had 34 marks was kind of a miracle. The day to day stuff he'd just hit me for. A punch to the face, a kick to the gut, those kinds of marks were easily hidden by the ones I got from the ring and it all blurred together. These were the moments Boss wanted me to never forget.
He'd caress my face, whisper soft words about how pretty I was, and then carve his line in a place where it couldn't be seen by anyone by him. It was actually a small blessing that he put them in a place that was easily hidden. Out of sight, out of mind. I could ignore the scars if I didn't have to look at them every day.
There were a few times I thought I'd be found out. I thought for sure the hospital would've mentioned the scars to the Avengers, but they didn't. Then there was running into Thor yesterday half naked. In the panic of seeing him I hadn't even thought about the scars. It was easy for me to shove away and forget. Repression and all that shit. Still, my normal bras didn't cover the scars like a sports bra did. Luckily, I hadn't turned my back to Thor, and I had turned again when Steve came in. Then his coat covered them for me. Even today, getting out of that massage, felt like another bullet dodged. I knew they wanted to help, and I loved them for it, but the thought of them looking at me... The thought of seeing nothing but pity in their eyes at the poor, little tortured girl made me nauseous. That wasn't who I was. It wasn't who I wanted to be.
If I spent years refusing to mentally label myself a victim, then I sure as hell wasn't going to let them outwardly label me one.
Quickly, I grabbed my sleep clothes and began to get dressed. I slid the baggy shirt I usually slept in over my head, and as the shirt covered my scars, I let that door close again. Hell, I slammed the damn thing closed. Shoved a chair under the handle this time too for good measure. I splashed some cold water onto my face, twisted my messy hair into a bun out of my face, and let the good mood I had been in settle back in my chest. It wasn't time to dwell. It was time for Netflix and take-out food.