THE BIRTHDAY
55
RAQUEL
I love you...
It is so easy to say, yet so difficult to express through actions.
Why?
Because we tend to be selfish by nature, some more than others, we want what is best for us, what benefits us, we have been taught to put ourselves before others, that if we do not love ourselves we can't love someone else. And in that respect it can become true, how much you love yourself can be reflected in your ability to love others. However, there are times when we have to put aside what we feel for the welfare of the other person, and that to me is true love.
I know what Ares needs, what he really wants for his future, and I am supporting him one hundred percent, although I can't deny that I am terrified of the idea of separating, of losing him. Just imagining it makes my chest tighten and my stomach feel funny, but I love him, and because I love him is that I have to put aside what I feel for him for his happiness.
How fucked up love is.
I stare at the letter in my hands. I have been successfully accepted to the University of North Carolina on a partial scholarship to study psychology.
I'm very happy, I can't deny it, this is what I've always wanted and there shouldn't be anything to overshadow it. The only problem is that I want to share my happiness with Ares, and I know he will be happy for me, but I also know that this only makes it more real that we will go our separate ways when this school year is over.
It's a bittersweet feeling, but I guess that's life.
"That's not the reaction I expected," Dani comments, stretching out on my bed. "They accepted you, you idiot!"
I smile.
"I don't know, I still can't believe it."
She sits down, snatching the letter from my hand, and reads it.
"And with a partial scholarship? This is a miracle, because you don't have any talent." I give her a murderous look.
"I told you that winning interstate chess tournaments would do some good."
Dani sighs.
"I still don't know how you're so good at chess, your IQ is...," I raise an eyebrow. "It's apparently good enough to get a scholarship, YEY!"
I put the letter on the nightstand and get up, as the sun streaming through the window falls on Rocky, who is asleep on his back with his paws in the air and his tongue out. He is definitely my doggy reincarnation.
Dani glances at it, concerned.
"Is he all right? He looks like he's dead."
"He's fine, he has weird sleeping poses."
Dani bursts out laughing.
"Just like his owner."
Dani spent the night with me because today is...
"Happy birthday to you!," my mother comes in with a tray of breakfast, smiling broadly at us. "Go back to bed, Raquel, or else breakfast in bed becomes meaningless."
I smile back.
"Yes, ma'am."
I return to Dani's side, who is still sitting with her black hair all over the sides of her face and her makeup dripping. Last night we drank a little at our pre-birthday sleepover, which ended in both of us crying over the Hidalgos; me, because I got the acceptance letter and would be moving away from Ares, and her, because I don't know what the fuck is wrong between her and Apolo; she loves him, then she doesn't, she wants get over him, but she can't.
I think we've all had that indecisive friend who has no fucking idea what she wants with a guy.
Mom puts the tray on my lap, there is enough food for Dani and me and a small muffin that has a lit candle on it. I blow out the candle and they clap their hands like seals that have just eaten.
I can't help the smile that spreads over my face, Mom leans over and gives me a kiss on the forehead.
"Happy birthday, beautiful."
"Thank you, Mom."
I start eating and offer a piece of pancake to Dani, who grimaces, and gives mom an apologetic look.
"No offense, but I really don't have appetite."
Mom scoffs.
"Too much to drink last night?"
Dani looks surprised.
"How did you know?"
Mom sighs.
"Daughter, this room smells like a mixture of beer and vodka with a touch of wine."
Dani's eyes widen.
"How exactly did you know what we drank?"
Mom just shrugs, and I roll my eyes, answering her.
"Who do you think bought the alcohol, silly?"
Mom heads for the door.
"Eat and get up, your aunts and cousins are about to arrive and we have a lot to prepare for tonight's party."
The birthday party...
Although we are not very close with the family, my mom's sisters always come on my birthdays and bring my cousins. I get along with some of them, but there are others I can't stand.
"Ah," I shriek as my mother leaves the room. "I hope my Aunt Carmen's daughters don't come, they're unbearable."
Dani nods.
"Yes, they always write me on Instagram, asking me what they need for some auditions for mom's modeling agency, they are very annoying."
"Come on, we have to get ready."
Dani lies back down, pulling the sheet over her head.
"I don't want to."
"Come on, Morticia," I take the sheet off.
"Morticia?"
"Look in a mirror and you will understand."
"Very funny."
She gets up and reluctantly walks with me to the bathroom.
You haven't passed the boundaries of trust in a friendship until you've been brushing your teeth in the sink while your best friend pees right there in the same bathroom.
"And... you invited him?" I knew this question would come sooner or later.
"Of course, he's my friend," I answer after rinsing my mouth.
"I know, I just wanted to..."
"Psychologically prepare yourself to see him?"
"No, just..." She doesn't finish her sentence and I turn to her, who is still sitting on the toilet.
"We've had this conversation a thousand times and I don't understand what's going on in your head. If you like him so much, why aren't you with him?"
She runs her hand over her face.
"It's complicated."
"No, it's not, Dani. I see it very simply: you like each other very much and you are happy together. Why can't you be together?"
She runs her hands over her face.
"I'm scared, Raquel."
That takes me by surprise.
"Scared?"
"What I feel for him scares me so much; I've never felt so vulnerable."
Oh, my God, Dani is the fucking female version of Ares.
"Are you serious, Dani?" I cross my arms over my chest. "Are you listening to yourself? Scared? Fuck fear, you're never going to live life to the fullest if you live in fear of getting hurt."
"I'm not like you," she admits, licking her lower lip. "You are so strong, you rise up when something bad happens and you always smile as if life hasn't hit you so many times. I'm not like that, Raquel, I'm a weak person behind this image of strength I try to show and you know it. I don't get up easily; I find it hard to smile at life when something bad happens to me, that's the kind of person I am."
"Aren't you strong? Who beat Rafa in second grade when he called me a retard? Who managed to move on when their father abandoned them? Who was there for their mom when she turned to alcohol, taking care of her, making sure she didn't drown in one of her binges and then went to every Alcoholics Anonymous meeting? Who stood by their mother and helped her build a prestigious modeling agency?" I shake my head, "Don't give me that shit about you not being strong, you're one of the strongest people I know. It's okay to be afraid, it's normal, but don't let fear control your life."
She smiles at me.
"I'd hug you, but..." She points to her pants over her ankles.
"Imaginary hug," I say, slapping her forehead and leaving the bathroom. "Come on, Morti, we have work to do."
She grunts and then I hear her flush the toilet.
"Stop calling me that."
"Look in the mirror."
When she does, I laugh as I hear her give a squeal.
"By the nails of Christ and the flip-flops of Moses!"
I have a feeling tonight is going to be interesting.
#
"Then I said, 'Of course not, silly, you're too ugly to go out with me,' and he was kind of shocked, so I just gave him a dirty look and left. The whole school talked about it for months."
Dani and I shared a look, listening to Cecilia, my least favorite cousin, and I think with her little speech about rejecting a boy you can imagine why. I used to like her before my uncle did a good business and started making good money, which made her, her sister Camila and my aunt Carmen become unbearably arrogant and now they think they are better than all of us, since they are the only wealthy ones in our family. My uncle is the only one who is still the same as always.
The party preparations are ready, mom has decorated the backyard with Christmas lights and balloon lights, which match the spring floral dress I'm wearing.
Everything looks much nicer than I expected.
Cecilia is about to continue talking when I see Joshua walk in.
"Yoshi!," I walk away from my chatty cousin and walk towards my best friend.
He gives me one of his big smiles.
"Rochi, happy birthday," he hugs me tightly and when we separate he gives me a small gift box.
"Thank you," I turn to greet Anna, the girl he's been dating for the past month, and who he met in the therapy group.
"Hello, welcome to the madhouse."
Anna giggles.
"Joshua said you would say that as a welcome."
I shake my head.
"He knows me too well."
Joshua glances behind me at the group of my cousins.
"Oh, I see they all came."
Sigh.
"Yes, this will be interesting."
The place fills up quickly and, truth be told, it's not that hard for that to happen with the size of the backyard; a few friends from high school, some neighbors and my aunts and cousins are enough to fill it.
I glance at my phone, there's no message from Ares, but I'm not worried. I saw him last night a few minutes before Dani arrives for the sleepover and he told me that he would let me have the day off to share with my family and that after the party I would be his. He told me that he would come to the party with Apolo. I went and gave an invitation to Artemis and Claudia as a courtesy, but I don't think they will come. Mom still doesn't accept it one hundred percent, but I think she has realized that, even if she doesn't accept it, I won't be separated from him.
I'm about to answer a question one of my cousins asked me when stares wander and focus behind me toward the entrance, so I slowly turn around.
You know those slow motion moments in movies?
That's what I'm experiencing right now and I'm sure I'm not the only one, the whole party seems to have come to a standstill. The Hidalgo brothers walk towards us, Artemis is wearing a black suit without a tie and the first buttons of the shirt he is wearing inside are unbuttoned, his hair is combed back perfectly, and has that slight beard adorning his manly face.
Apolo smiles broadly, his pretty face lighting up, his damp hair caressing his ears and forehead, he is wearing a dark blue shirt with jeans.
And Ares...
Ares comes in the middle of them, walking as if the world belongs to him, like the fucking Greek god he is, rolling the sleeves of his black shirt up to his elbows, revealing a beautiful black watch, then running his fingers through his messy hair. That dazzling face gives us a crooked smile, and his blue eyes sparkle, taking my breath away.
Virgin of Abdominals...
"Holy Mother of God." I hear Cecilia exclaim behind me.
My aunt's mouth is literally hanging open.
"Where did those guys come from?"
Everyone watches them in absolute silence as they approach me. Artemis is the first to speak politely, waving his hand to everyone.
"Good evening."
Ares gives me a mischievous smile, and leans into me, giving me a short kiss.
"Happy birthday, witch."