This is the first chapter marking what I'm calling part 2 of my WD fic :)
PART 2 - 'Rust and Broken Things'
Kat knelt on the curb near Daryl while he fiddled with his bike. It worked just fine, but he had noticed the occasional slip while he was out on his run. That and he always seemed to manage to find something to tweak with. Luke was standing back watching as Kat held a piece of chalk in her hand and drew squares with numbers from 1 through to 8 on the ground.
"Alright, there you go." She said, sitting back and examining her hopscotch masterpiece before Luke moved to the starting position with a small hackie sack in his hands to begin playing as Kat moved to sit down nearby Daryl.
"Feel free to help." Daryl said, his head buried in the bike.
"Hmm. I prefer to watch." Daryl stuck his head out around his bike with a glare as she grinned back just as Rick came out of the house, walking down the steps after having been speaking with Morgan.
"So, was he okay with it?" Daryl asked as Rick came up to them. They had talked about keeping Morgan seperate for a little while. In the closed off room Deanna had wanted Rick in the day before. It was just a precaution and it was only at night. During the day or at meals he could be out so long as he was with someone. That someone preferable being one of their group.
"It's pretty much his idea. He gets it."
"Its a bed and a bath, it's still a cage, you know." Daryl said back.
"He gets it." Rick repeated. "He told me what happened out there with the trucks."
"Did he tell you about those guys he met?" Daryl asked, standing up. Morgan had encounter a group with the same W carved on their forehead that they had seen on the walker out by their meeting spot. "With the Ws?"
"Like that walker we saw, yeah. We need more watch points and I'm gonna tell Deanna we don't need to go looking for people anymore." Rick said as Daryl gave him a curious look. "Feel different about it?"
"Yeah, I do." Daryl nodded as Rick turned to face Kat. She only shrugged. More people was not something she wanted to surround herself with.
"People out there... they can take care of themselves. Just like us. I'm gonna get him out. shouldn't leave him in there any longer than we have to." Rick said, turning back to fetch Morgan.
"Why the change of heart?" Kat asked once Rick was gone.
"You said it, didn't you?" He replied. "Can't do anything without people anymore."
Kat smiled. "Jesus Daryl, that was ages ago." She said.
"You were right. You're still right. Now more than ever. We make allies or we leave them out there to become enemies."
"Kat!" Luke's voice called as he did his last jump and turned with a grin to face her, entirely oblivious to the conversation happening near him. "You're turn."
"Oh, no. I never said-"
"Please."
"Yeah, go on." Daryl smirked, lightly nudging her in the side.
"You're next." She warned him.
"No, I'm busy." He stated. "You're just watching." He said cheekily before turning back to the bike and Kat sighed.
Being beaten by an eight year old in a game for children can only be justified by saying it's designed for children and therefore they're naturally at an advantage. Luke was highly amused by it as was Daryl so the only solution was to leave the two of them behind and go for a walk.
The town was depressingly empty. She was surprised when she didn't find it comforting. Alexandria always had people in it. Someone walking a dog, kids on the curb, neighbours talking on the street. Kat stood in the middle of the street, looking around at the emptiness.
"Hey." Maggie's voice had her jumping near a foot in the air before she spun in surprise. "What you doing?"
"Oh, just... standing." She said. "It's quiet out here."
"Yeah well, it's early and everyone had a bit of a late night I guess. Can we talk?"
"Ah, yeah. I suppose."
"Inside?" Maggie suggested, nodding back towards the house.
"Ah... yeah." She agreed, following her back a little hesitantly. "This about last night?" Kat asked.
"No, actually. Well, sort of. Glenn told me what happened with Nicholas. He's left it up to me to tell anyone."
"Are you?"
"I'm not sure yet. Glenn saves people. It's what he does. He brought Nicholas back. He said you weren't going to say anything. That it was his call."
"You sound surprised." Kat said with half a smile.
"Well... not surprised, but... I don't know. With everything we went through just to get here. And after and what you had to do to get out of that warehouse... I wouldn't expect you to take any chances, but... I'm glad you did."
Kat's eye narrowed as her smile fell. "Why?"
"What?"
"Why are you glad? What else would I do? Turn around and shoot him?"
"Well, not that, but something. Look... we haven't really spoken much since... everything." Maggie wasn't avoiding specifics because she didn't want to say, she was doing it because she wasn't sure how Kat would react.
"No, but you've done plenty of talking for me." Kat said back, not harshly as she deadpanned Maggie and her sister sighed, knowing she was talking about Deanna.
"Yeah." Maggie nodded. "Sorry about that."
"You're forgiven. It got me out of that stupid interview. For the most part."
"Maybe you should try doing another. You know... a proper one."
"Why would I volunteer to do that? Besides now is hardly the right time."
"It might keep Deanna occupied, but yeah. Maybe no today. I just think it might be good for you. To talk."
Kat stared back a long while and began to take in a deep breath. This wasn't about Glenn and Nicholas at all. "I don't need-"
"Yeah, I know. You do just fine on your own. Dealing with it on your own." Maggie said back a little sarcastically.
"Have you been talking to Daryl?" Kat asked.
"No." Maggie said, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Why?"
"No reason." Kat sighed. "Look. I'm doing fine. Things aren't great and they're not just going to magically get better. A chat isn't going to help that."
"It couldn't hurt, either. I know you blame me." Maggie added softly.
"Maggie..."
"No, just shut up and listen." Maggie snapped. "You don't want to yell at me. But you're not good at keeping your emotions together, so you just haven't really spoken to me instead. Here and there, sure. In groups, of course. But it hasn't just been the two of us in a long time. I miss her too. And I miss dad." Kat turned her head, breaking eye contact and clearing her throat to stop whatever was boiling up. "You're mad at me because we left, you're mad because we weren't the ones to look for her and you think that if you were there maybe you could have saved her and you blame me for that."
"Maggie, stop." Kat begged, turning back to her with tears in her eyes. She was getting sick of this emotional rollercoaster. "Don't do this."
"You can't just ignore it. You can't ignore me forever. You'll continue to punish me and punish yourself until you get it out. Reg, last night... it came from nowhere. Anything can happen. We don't have the luxury to not try and move on anymore. So just get out whatever you need to."
"I can't."
"Why not?" Maggie demanded.
"Because it hurts, Maggie! It fucking hurts. And it's not getting better. It doesn't get better." She said shaking her head as a tear escaped. "You want me to yell at you?! I'm not mad at you... I'm fucking furious!"
She snapped as Maggie's teeth clenched on reflex but she stood up as little straighter and let it happen. This is what she asked for and her sister wasn't known for holding back and worse... she wasn't known for bullshitting when she did it.
"Do you think that's what dad would have wanted?! For us to run off after some bullshit pipe dream and forget that Beth could still be out there?! To give up on her?!"
"You didn't have to follow." Maggie whispered, her voice breaking a little.
"You were going no matter what I did! We're not kids anymore, I can't tell you what to do, but god damn it Maggie! The world fell apart. It collapsed to ruins and we came out lucky enough to still have each other and you decided to follow people we just met and leave me behind if it meant doing that. I couldn't let you go without me. Dad wouldn't have wanted that. Beth wouldn't have wanted it. I left her behind so I didn't lose you and you didn't seem to care. I don't know if I could have saved her, but I know I should have been there." Maggie nodded, her own tear falling. "I failed Beth and I failed dad."
"No you didn't." Maggie shook her head, tears falling as she tried to step forward, but Kat backed up quickly.
"I shot at the Governor." She said. "I fired the first round, seconds before everyone else. As he was..." she swallowed hard, trying to grasp hold of her voice. "I missed." She breathed.
"That's wasn't- that's not on you, Kat." Maggie said.
"It is." She said, her voice clearing as she stood up a little straighter. "Whether it was because I was sick, I was scared, I was nervous, or it was just a bad shot. Whatever it was that made me miss... that's on me. Even if he still would have died after, it's still on me. Leavings Beth... that's on me too. I didn't want to leave you, but I at least knew you were safe."
"We shouldn't have left." Maggie nodded. "But I don't think we could have saved her." Maggie added. "And if we couldn't... then I'm glad you didn't have to see it." She said carefully. "I'm sorry." She whispered. "I'm sorry we left. I'm sorry I believed Eugene. But we're here now. And we can make it work. I know we can. We have to."
"Until the next place." She smiled sadly.
"No, Kat." Maggie shook her head. "We have to make this work. This place. These walls. And I need you with me. I need you to try, I need you to be okay because... I'm gonna need my big sister." She said, another tear falling down her cheek as Kat's eyes narrowed. Something was coming.
"Maggie... what are you-"
"I'm pregnant." Kat felt her stomach hit the ground. She was sure her mouth hung open, but no words seemed to come out. "Maybe near on two months. Oh god, please say something. You're making me more nervous than Glenn."
"Sorry, sorry." Kat shook her head, trying to snap out of it. "Are... are you sure?"
"Pretty sure." Maggie stated.
"Two months?!"
"We'll I wouldn't be sure if it was much less than that."
"Two months..."
"Yes, Kat two months. Well, probably 6 or 7 weeks."
"We were on the road." Kat stated. "Couldn't wait till we found a decent camp?" She asked, a hint of a teasing smile in the corner of her mouth.
"Oh, like you can talk. You and Daryl basically christened every cell block and watch tower in the prison."
"Hey," Kat's voice rose a few decibels, "There wasn't much privacy around that place. You grabbed what you could. Hypocrite." She threw on the end.
"We never did it in the bus." Kat rolled her eyes and began to turn to leave. "Nor did we say we were going out hunting as a ruse and take the ute for a raised bed."
"Hey!" Kat spun back around. "We didn't always take the ute... and we always came back with food."
"What about Woodberry when we went back for supplies." Maggie stated, her eyebrows raised. Her and Glenn could be bad, but Maggie knew she could win this argument easily.
Kat gasped in surprise. "I never told you about that."
"Well next time maybe fix your hair... and his." She teased.
"Was it that obvious?" Maggie only nodded with a grin. "Fine. Your suggestion is noted." Kat said stoically before smiling after losing her composure which turned to a laugh. Maggie stepped forward into a hug, the both of them laughing with dried tears in their eyes. "I expect to be her godmother and a middle name shout-out. Even if she has like five middle names, I want to be in there somewhere." Kat stated.
"Oh, it's a girl already is it?" Maggie laughed, pulling back from the hug.
"Well, yeah." She said matter of factly before the two laughed again.
"You were dad's favourite, you know." Maggie suddenly said. "Well... maybe favourite is the wrong word, but he was the proudest of you. He always was."
"Oh, Maggie please. I think I've cried enough."
"No, you need to hear this." With a sigh, Kat let her continue. "You just... did things. You worked out mechanics on your own, you graduated top of your class without his help... in his field no less and he was so sure you were going to become a better VET than he was. But... he always worried about you as well. More than me or Beth because you were always worried more about us, him and Shawn than you ever were yourself. And he thought you needed someone to watch out for you like you did everyone else. And he wasn't sure you'd ever find someone like that. Someone that would be around when he was gone. Not because you couldn't or they weren't out there but because you wouldn't let anyone else in... and that's why he was so happy about you and Daryl." Kat had to look away again. She wasn't sure what she was meant to say, but it didn't matter. Maggie kept going before she had to. "I don't think he ever thought Beth would live long in this world. I just think he hoped that she would outlive him. Me and Glenn... I think he thought we had a chance, a real chance, but he was never sure. I don't think he was sure about anyone... except you... and Daryl. He believed, and Beth believed, that you would make it."
"Why are you telling me this?" Kat whispered.
"Because they're gone. And every time we lose someone you think you've lost one more reason to keep going... but you haven't. Not really. So don't check out again. For me, for Daryl, for Luke... and for them. Because they wouldn't want you to. When you get mad you say things to hurt other people. You do it to try and make yourself feel better. To get it out and to make others feel a little bit of what you're feeling. And you mean them. The things you say. That's okay. Everyone has those thoughts, but if they're strong enough you just can't hold them in. That's okay. No ones perfect. Beth wasn't. Dad wasn't. No matter how much you believed they were.
I felt guilty for leaving and I know you were mad at me for it. And mad at yourself. I just... wanted you to get it out. I'm not going to hold anything you say or might say against you, Kat because... I know you. I know where it comes from. I know why it comes out. And I know you're hurting. You've always been so good at covering up pain but you slip up sometimes. You've always looked out for us. For everyone except yourself and we let you. Maybe that was our mistake."
"No, Maggie, I-"
"Letting you think it always had to fall on you." Maggie went on, not letting her speak just yet. "You studied veteranarian science to follow after dad and take the farm when he couldn't look after it anymore so that Beth and I didn't have to feel like we had to do it. We could choose what we wanted to do. Sure you liked your job, but I know you had other dreams. So get mad if you want to get mad. Blame me for whatever you need to blame me for. Scream, shout, curse, cry; I don't care. Break if you need to break, Kat. However you need to deal. Let me be the strong one for once."
Kat sniffled a little bit, running a hand roughly under her eye to catch the tear before it fell. "You just told me you were having a baby and now you're saying that you're going to be the strong one?"
"Yeah, well... I'm going to need the practise. I never thought I'd have to do the whole baby thing without pain killers." She said before they both smiled and then Kat felt more tears coming for no particular reason.
"Okay, okay. I'm gonna go before we both come out pink and blotchy."
"Too late."
"Great."
By the time Kat made it outside there were other people leaving their houses and enjoying the daylight. It was oddly comforting. She saw Rick in the distance though, loading something into the back of a car with Morgan.
"Where are they off to?" She asked, walking down the steps and falling in line with Daryl and Luke who were about to go up them.
"Deanna doesn't want Pete buried inside the walls." He answered.
"The guy was an asshole, but he still had family. Kids. Burials aren't for the dead."
"Hmm." Daryl hummed and she turned to see him staring at her. "Oh, what?" She asked with a smile.
"Nothing." He shrugged, leaning forward to place a quick kiss on her cheek. He pulled back slightly and gave her a curious look, noting the signs of crying. "Alright?"
"Yeah, yeah, fine. Just..." Kat glanced up to see Maggie standing on the deck, "sister moment. Don't worry about it." She smiled and he nodded.
"He wanted a drink." Daryl then nodded to Luke. "Come on kid." Daryl lifted him up form under the arms and swung him up to the top stair as he giggled. Maggie was at the top, smiling at the two as they walked by before turning her grin on her sister once they were gone and walking down.
"What?" Kat asked her.
"You know, beginning of all this I never would have guessed."
"Again, I ask... what?"
"That you'd have a whole little family not even two years in." Kat groaned and rolled her eyes. "You ever think about it?"
Kat pinched the bridge of her nose. "I hate to sound like a broken record here, but... what?"
"You know..." Maggie shrugged then flicked her eyes down to where her baby bump wasn't quite there yet.
"Oh... no." Kat's eyes went wide. "What?"
"What?"
"What? No, no, no." Kat said, her hands up as she shook her head back and forth. "I mean... congratulations and you'll be great and Glenn will be great and you guys will be..."
"Great?"
"Yeah! But... me and, and, and that and... and..."
"Okay, okay, okay." Maggie said quickly, her hands up to stop her. "It was just a question. Don't have a panic attack on me."
"Sorry. Sorry." She repeated. "I'm going to finish my walk. Try and not give away all your secrets with my horrible poker face. We'll talk later."
Maggie nodded. "Okay."
Kat must have done three loops of that town. Each time she passed by the Munroe house, slowing as she went and feeling guilty for her good mood when she thought on the family inside. She never went to the door though and continued on walking. All things considered it was a pretty relaxed day. She walked Nelly, checked her food and water and was about to offer Luke another riding lesson when Rick and Morgan came back from burying Pete... with Ron in tow.
The kid had followed, wanting to know where his father was buried, but there was something else on Rick's face.
"Rick?" Kat asked, walking up to him with a question in her eyes.
"There's walkers." He stated.
"On their way? How many?"
"Gather as many people as you can. Our house. We need to have a meeting." He said urgently.
Kat did as she was asked and Rick wasted no time in explaining what was happening. There were walkers trapped at the bottom of a hill, an old ravine formation. Thousands. They were trapped by four trucks that were parking them in at the exits. But more and more were joining every day and the trucks wouldn't stay put forever.
"My team," A man named Heath began, "we saw it early on. Back when we were going on one of those first scouts." He and two others had showed up that morning at the gate. They'd been on a long scout and had just returned. "We were finding out what was around here. There was a camp down the bottom. The people there must have blocked the exits with those trucks back when things started to go bad. They didn't make it, they were all roamers; maybe a dozen of them."
"No ones been back since?" Maggie asked.
"DC?" Heath said as he shook his head. "Every time we're off scavenging it's always in the other direction and I never really felt like having a picnic near the camp that ate itself."
"So, all the while the walkers have been drawn by the sound," Michonne spoke, "making more sound and drawing more in."
"And here we are." Rick nodded. "Now what I'm proposing, I know it sounds risky, but walkers are already slipping though the exits. One of the trucks keeping the walkers in could go off the edge any day now. Maybe after one more hard rain. That exit sends them east. All of them. Right at us. This isn't about if, it's when. It's gonna happen. That's why we have to do this soon."
"This is soon." Carol spoke, her voice high and a little weak sounding. Her usual tone when surrounded by the people of Alexandria. "I don't even have another word for it. This is terrifying. All of it, but there doesn't sound like theres another way."
"Maybe there is." A man named Carter from the chimed in. "Couldn't we just build up the weak spots? I could draw up plans. I worked on the wall with Reg. Construction crew. We could try and make it safe."
"Even if we could the sound of those walkers is drawing more and more every day. Building up the exits won't change that." Rick shook his head.
"We're gonna do what Rick says." Deanna had her back to the group, not part taking much in the discussion until then. "The plan he's laid out."
"Rick nodded. "Now, I told you all we're gonna have Daryl and Kat leading them away."
"Me too." Sasha added. "I'll take a car right next to them. It can't just be them and one bike. I'll keep them coming, Daryl keeps them from getting sloppy and Kat keeps her hands free in case some get too close."
"I'll go with. It's a long way to ride solo." Abe added. "Both drivers should partner up."
"Alright." Rick nodded in agreement. "We'll have two teams. One east side of the forest helping manage this thing. We're gonna have a few people on watch from now on. Rosita, Spencer and Holly." Rick listed. "So, they're out. Who's in?"
"Me." Michonne was first.
Kat caught Maggie's gaze and shook her head from where she sat across the room next to Daryl on the window ledge. Glenn saw the interaction and appeared to agree, nodding to Kat and leaning in to whisper to Maggie. It took a few back and forth comments, but eventually Kat saw her agree.
"I'm in." Glenn then spoke.
"I'd like to help as well." Gabriel stepped forward.
"No." Was Rick's quick reply. "Who else? We need more."
"There's gotta be another play." Carter spoke again. "We can't just control that many."
"I said it before, walkers heard up." Rick was getting frustrated. "They'll follow the path if somethings drawing them. That's how we can get them all at once."
"So, what, we're supposed to just take your word for it? We're all supposed to just fall in line behind you after..."
"After what?"
"After you wave a gun around." Carter stated. "Screaming, pointing it at people. After you shoot a man in the face. After-"
"Enough." Deanna snapped, shutting him up.
"I'll do it."
"Me too."
"Whatever you need, I'm in." Came a chorus of hands after a moments silence.
The meeting dispersed, leaving a few behind to fine tune the plan. Daryl, Sasha and Abe went to gas up the bike and car and get a can of extra fuel if needed while Kat stayed behind to hear the planning so that her group would be informed.
"This corner here." She said, pointing at the map. "Marshel and Renning Road. We'll need a kind of barricade, it's a sharp turn."
"Yeah." Rick nodded. "We turn them there and force them west."
"How?" Carter asked. "Block it off with what?"
"Cars. Use the RV, some of the bigger trucks; park them end to end."
"We'll be drawing them away. They're gonna keep moving." Michonne reassured.
"That many just bouncing off some sedans.. and then when they start slipping through and the ones walking away start distracting the rest and you stop drawing them away."
"Mans got a point." Heath stated and although Carter was getting on Kat's nerves she couldn't disagree.
"We've got plates." Eugene stated. "The big ass metal ones from he construction site. We can use them to fortify the wall. It'll help disperse the force of impact and turn the walkers clean. Like a pool table. Eight ball, corner pocket."
"That's an army out there." Carter half yelled. '"And what happens if this doesn't hold? They push on through the curve of this hillside," he pointed to the map, "it's gonna send them right back east. Right back here. You seriously want to risk that?"
"No." Rick nodded. "So you need to help us make it hold. These walls... you built them. So, you've already done the impossible?"
"Carter." Deanna cut in. "Please."
Eventually he agreed. It would take them a few days to get everything in order. To get the barricades up, the plan in order and learned by everyone that needed to know it. A lot of people were staying behind. People who weren't capable of being out there and a few others like Maggie, Carol and Rosita to keep things in order. In the mean time though, every set of hands that could be spared were being used putting up the fencer on the corner of Renning and Marshel roads.
"Here." Kat said, holding out her hands with a bottle of water for Daryl to drink.
"Nah, I'm good."
"We're not rationing water anymore, Daryl. It's hot, you've been working all day. Drink it." She demanded sternly. With an eye roll he took the bottle to avoid a lecture before the both of them picked up the wheelbarrows of dirt they'd been filling and began to wheel them away to where they were needed.
"He got Noah killed." Tara was saying to Maggie as Kat approached them to dump the dirt off.
"He did. He did more than that. he lured Glenn into the woods and tried to kill him." Maggie stated.
"What the hell." Tara breathed.
"Thought we weren't telling people that part." Kat leant in to whisper.
"Why not?" Tara demanded, outraged.
"Glenn told me I could tell everyone if that's what I wanted to do. We could get Nicholas exiled. He'd die out there. Could of done that. You could do that now."
"He got Noah killed and he tried to kill Glenn."
"Glenn saves people, even people like that. I couldn't accept it either, but then I thought about you. How we were on different sides of that fence on the worst day of our lives." Maggie stated, nodding towards he sister. "And now you're one of the most important people in the world to me. Things can get better. We can make them better. You tell me what you want to do."
"Umm..." Tara seemed at a lost for a moment and then nodded. "I'm just gonna follow your lead. Both of you, okay?"
"Alright." Maggie nodded back.
"Well, this leader wants you to sit for a bit." Kat stated, nodding to a nearby work bench. "Don't argue, just sit. Ten minutes. You've only been awake two days. And drink this." She handed over the water.
Kat moved on and Tara looked over to Maggie who only shrugged. "I'd listen." Came Daryl's voice, walking over to grab a tool off the bench Tara was sitting on. "She can be mean when she's playin' doctor."
Tara was only her first stop though... next was Aidan. He most definitely shouldn't have been out there and he wasn't proving to be the most useful if truth be told. He was, however, feeling a little useless back home and Kat had reluctantly given him the okay to help because she understood how he must have been feeling. Laid up in bed with nothing to think on, but his father. Rick was making plans he couldn't be a part of when it wasn't all that long ago it would have been his job. But Kat could see a spec of blood coming through his shirt so that was enough for today.
"Times up." She called to him as she walked over. "You're done for today."
"What? No, I'm fine..."
Kat reached up and pulled back the corner of his collar to show the fresh blood. "You're done." She stated again. "Those stitches are going to get harder to redo the more I have to do it. And it'll hurt more every time. Go back. If you're so desperate to do something you can relieve your brother on watch." Kat was already walking away as she finished, not giving him a chance to argue back. "I'll drive you myself if I have to!" She added and reluctantly Aiden left for one of the cars that Spencer would then show up in in about an hour.
They retired about an hour before sunset. They'd pick up again tomorrow and the day after that with the aim to be done in three days time.
"You should talk to Deanna." Kat said to Rick once they were back home. They were walking side by side as she led Nelly. The horse had come in handy in moving a lot of the heavier equipment around the construction site.
"About what?"
"Reg." She said. "Condolences and all that."
"Have you?"
"This morning." She nodded. "We're still new here. We don't know them well. It's the right thing to do if you want to lead these people."
Rick saw Deanna from across the road and nodded. "Alright. Maybe you should be the diplomat."
Kat laughed. "That's funny, but you've got Maggie and Glenn for that."
Kat watched from across the road, waiting for Rick to come back, giving Nelly a good pat while she did. When Rick walked back over he took the horse from her and nodded back to Deanna. "She wants to speak with you."
"Oh?"
"I'll meet you back at the house, I think you'll be a while."
"Terrific." She whispered before heading over to Deanna who smiled up at her.
"Come on in." The older woman nodded and Kat followed her upstairs, unsure what this could have been about. "Take a seat."
It was the same chair she'd been asked to sit in when she had her first interview. "Ah, what's this about?"
"I spoke to Maggie."
"Oh, god." Kat sighed. "Look..."
"It's okay, Katherine... take a seat, if you like. But only if you want to. Maggie said that you might like to redo that first interview we had, like I suggested you could."
"Maggie shouldn't have asked you. Not now."
"It's alright. Maggie and I have been going over plans all day and we got to talking. I appreciate the distraction. Besides, after everything you've done for my son the least I can do is listen. Do you mind?" She gestured towards the video camera. Kat nodded and she began recording.
"Do I have to state my name again?" She asked with a smile that dropped at Deanna serious expression. "Really? I do?"
"Well, depending on how this goes I might replace this with your first one so... for the records... yes."
Kat took in a deep breath. "Alright... my names Katherine Greene, I'm probably 27 years old. You know, even since we've been here I haven't bothered to ask what day of the year it is." She said with a light scoff, looking down.
"Why are you suddenly ready to speak with me, Katherine?" Deanna asked.
"Well, it doesn't matter does it?"
"What doesn't?"
"Whatever I have to say." She shrugged. "We're here aren't we? Those kids out there; Judith, Luke, Carl. They're the ones that really need this place." She wouldn't mention Maggie's baby, but it was on her mind. "The longer you're out there the more you become like animals. Like a once tame dog set loose. You lose pieces of who you were. Slowly at first and then... all at once. I don't know if it's too late for me." She said softly. "I can pretend... I'm good at pretending... but I know it's not too late for them. I know it's not too late for my group. I was just... a little closer to being savage at the beginning, maybe."
"You know, Katherine. Pretending... that's half the work. The rest tends to follow."
"No... you don't get it. It's not that I don't feel at home. It's not that I can't get used to the running water or the comfy bed or the big safe walls. The nightmares don't go away just because the walls are up. The showers don't stop me from smelling rotting flesh with every breath. Just because I don't jump at every sound doesn't mean that I'm not constantly looking over my shoulder. I see a world covered in rust." She whispered. "It's a broken world. It's fractured and it's once glossy paint is flaking and showing the rot underneath. That's okay." She smiled sadly. "You need people like me. You need us so you don't have to be awake every second. You need us to do the things that gives you nightmares so you don't get them. You need us so that in places like this you can live normal lives between all the rest."
"Maggie thought you were making an improvement." Deanna said gravely.
"I told you... I'm good at pretending." Kat whispered.
"You're telling me the truth."
"I told you that too... it doesn't matter. You're not going to tell anyone. Not unless I mean harm which I don't. Talking to you doesn't make a difference. Maggie thought it might help. Getting things off my chest. But you're not going to give me a magical cure and you can't make me any angrier. Or sadder. This isn't going to bring up things I'd rather not talk about because... I'm always thinking about them. I'm always sad and I'm always angry. On some level. I've never been good at controlling myself." Kat smiled, this time it was less sad, more real. "I've been yelling at people my whole life. People I was angry at, people I thought I was angry at when I didn't have anyone else to blame. And when I couldn't do that I'd run... I yelled at Maggie... blamed her for Beth because..." Kat scoffed lightly. "What does it matter. It wasn't fair. She baited me, she knew what she was doing. She thought if I just got it out..."
"Maybe it didn't work right away. But it will. Piece by piece, Katherine... with a little help... you can put yourself back together."
"You know what I was thinking after our first interview? I asked the others what questions they got considering we didn't get too far into mine." She smiled. "And I thought... you were asking the wrong ones."
"Did I? And what would you have asked."
"We used to have question too... I told you about them; How many walkers have you killed, how many people... and why. They could help you, but... that's not what your trying to do here. You're trying to give back a piece of what was taken. Then you ask how people can be useful. That'll help, but... that's a job. Something to keep you occupied. You want to give back then maybe you should ask people what they did when didn't have to do anything. Ask them how they lived. Why they lived. And try and give that back to them. Otherwise... what's the difference between us and the dead?"
"And what do you like to do?" Deanna asked.
"Ride. I used to go out with my horse and disappear for hours. I used to sing and play guitar. But I'm not the one you have to ask. You should ask the kids... before they forget." She said sadly. "That's all I'm trying to do with Luke. I'm not his mother. I didn't ask to be. But he deserves someone. Someone to protect him, teach him... someone to make sure he doesn't forget. To give him books to read, to sketch out a game of hopscotch on the pavement." She laughed lightly. "I'm sorry... about your husband." She said with complete sincerity. "He was a good man and he deserved better. You deserve better and your sons do."
"There's a lot of people like that these days, Katherine. You're one of them. Even if you can't see it. I lost my husband, but i still have both of my sons thanks to you. Aiden's alive because of you and you alone. You saved him, you took care of him after. You still are. I'm thankful that Reg got to see that. That he didn't have to live long enough to see his sons die. To go knowing they were in good hands. Yours." Deanna stated, watching as a tear rolled down her cheek.
Kat shook her head before lowering it to the ground. The tear fell, just visible in the camera lens as it glistened to the floor. "Savings people is just down to luck." She whispered then she looked back up. "I know... I know what it feels like to be a walking corpse. My reason... my biggest reason for keeping before alive was dead and buried and it took me a while to wake up and remember I had more. That was selfish. But I'm awake now and I'm here. I'm here to do whatever I can to keep them safe. But that doesn't change the fact that a piece of me died out on that road. I left it behind when I buried my father. I left more when I buried my sister. I've been losing pieces of myself since I was 14. And those will never come back. One day I'll run out, but until then...
You don't get a choice. Every night the sun sets and every morning it comes back up again. Life will grab you by your hair and drag you forward kicking and screaming. You don't get to hold on to any moment. You don't get to freeze. All you get to do is play it out; feel it all, live it all until the end. Maybe you get to choose that end. Maybe you get to say now is the time. But if you do that you need to know that your end is not theirs. That just because everything turns to black does not mean it does for those you leave behind. They still have more life to live and if staying alive helps them do that, helps them in some way... then you have to go on. Return the favour because they're still breathing for you. So when I've got no one left... nothing that I would want to die for when the times comes so that maybe it all feels worth while... that's when I'll give up."
Deanna didn't have much to say to that, save for one thing. "Do you want to die, Katherine?"
Slowly Kat began to smile and then she chuckled, finding some kind of amusement in the question. Her laugh was sweet, but oddly out of place.
"No." She said with a smile.
"Are you afraid of death?"
"No." She whispered, her smiled dropping a little.
"What are you afraid of? Other than losing more people. What do you fear?"
Katherine could see it. She could see it spreading even now. Up and over the couch Deanna sat on. Touching her flesh and coating her skin. Spiralling out and over everything around her. Red and hot, eating away at all it sunk its teeth into. It was rot. It was decay. It was incurable. It corroded, it crumbled, it destroyed.
"Rust." She answered.
Deanna leant over and stopped recording on the camera. That was enough for that day. She wasn't going to get anymore. And it would take her long enough to work out what she had just been told. So she let her go home.
Kat came back to the house, walking inside quietly and slipping into the living room. Morgan was there next to Luke, helping him with a puzzle.
"He's staying here from now on." Rick said quietly to her.
"That didn't last long." She said back, smiling over to Rick. No one had a problem with it. Morgan was just one man and they all felt there was something trustworthy about.
"I don't think it needed to. Do you disagree?" Rick asked.
"No." She replied. "We got food? I'm starving."
Each check point was marked with different coloured balloons, from red all the way to green at the home run. Kat was to ride with Daryl from the beginning to the end while Sasha and Abe were in the car. They were going over final plans, walking the trail backwards all the way to the massive herd of walkers.
"Gonna take them right past here." Rick was saying as they stood outside a tractor store. Walkers could be heard inside, growling and pounding on the glass. "All that noise could distract them, we'll clear it on our way back tonight. Don't want any surprises tomorrow."
"You sure about him?" Kat asked Glenn quietly, nodding to Nicholas. "I mean not telling everyone is one thing, but you sure you want to be out here with him?"
"No." Glenn replied. "I told him he's staying back tomorrow. He can have another chance. But he can sit on it for a while."
"Alright." Kat nodded as Nicholas looked over his shoulder at the two of them speaking. He didn't know how many people knew, but he was certain she did. The wounds gave them away and she had pulled Glenn aside right after. Her constant glares didn't help either.
Rick took them all to the ravine of walkers. There were two sets of two trucks blocking two different exits. They stood by one as Rick stood up on the front of a car to speak to the group.
"Now I know this sound insane, but this is an insane world. We have to come for them before they come for us. It's that simple. This is where it all starts tomorrow. Tobin gets in the truck, opens the exit and we're off. He hops out and joins up with his team staying on the west side of the road. Daryl and Kat get on the bike-"
"You see that?" Glenn interrupted, stopping Rick from continuing as he pulled everyone's attention to the truck in the far distance. It sat atop a hill on the road down the gully. It creaked, it rocked, and a land slide fell from under it.
The truck toppled off the edge with a loud crash and one by one and then all at once the walkers began to exit.
"It's open! We gotta do this now!" Rick yelled. "Tobin get moving, go!"
"No, Rick, we're not ready!" Carter called.
"We don't have a choice." Kat snapped back at him.
"Sasha! Abraham!" Rick called them to action.
"Damn straight, we'll do it live." Abe called back as the two headed for the car to speed out onto the road where they'd meet the bike.
"We'll meet at red. Let Daryl take them through the gauntlet." Rick instructed.
"Rick, I'll hit the tractor place." Glenn called.
"Just the three of you?" Kat asked him, looking to Glenn then Heath and finally Nicholas with a glare.
"Kat, go with them." Rick ordered before she looked back at him and then over to Daryl.
"Go." Daryl nodded. "I'll be alright."
Kat ran forward and gave him a quick kiss. "Be careful." She said briefly and took off before he could say another word and her group sprinted back to the tractor place.
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