"Anya," Colton approached me on Friday morning as we neared Tennessee, only 2 hours away. "She won't come." He plopped down next to me on the couch, looking like the model for a depression commercial. Our moods matched today. I placed a pillow on my abdomen and clutched my stomach through the pillow, knowing that I was getting my period. The cramps this month were worse than usual, though, and I wondered if it was because of all of the sex Acton and I had been having.
"She might," I told him, "And if she doesn't, then this gives you the chance to move on."
"I don't know what I'll do if she does. Anya," he lowered his voice, "I've imagined what I would do when I saw her again. The dreams I've had of her finally coming to a concert, the different versions of that dream. Now that we're almost in Tennessee, I have no idea what I'll do. Hug her, glare at her, or-oh my God. Anya, what if she has a ring on her finger?" Colton started breathing heavily and panting, and I realized he was having a panic attack.
"Colton, if she has a ring on her finger, she wouldn't come here tonight."
"Oh my God. What if she doesn't come because she's engaged? What if she's engaged?!?" my words obviously weren't helping him deal with his emotions, and I debated calling Vance over to clean up the mess I'd made.
I decided against it, considering how much Vance puts into the band to make it run smoothly, and knowing that it wasn't in his job description to take care of emotional problems within the band. "Colton, what do you want for her?" I asked him, knowing what his answer would be. "What is the thing that you want most to come out of all of this, in her world?"
"I want her to be happy," Colton answered, looking up at me though his shaggy hair fell in his eyes.
"And if she's engaged, don't you think that she's happy? So really, all that matters now, regardless of what happens tonight, is whether or not you're happy."
Colton nodded, adding on, "She's not coming tonight. I know she isn't." Despite his words, he offered me a small smile. "I'm going to move on. Tonight."
"Okay, whatever you need," I grinned at him, glad he was starting to feel a bit better about this, yet hoping our conversation would soon be over because I was getting a headache, and all I wanted to do was crawl into bed and sleep.
"When we get to Nashville, the first thing I'm going to do is bring a groupie backstage, okay?" he asked, even though it really wasn't my approval that he needed. I had no say in whether or not he had sex with a groupie on the bus or backstage, all that mattered was what he thought was best for him.
"Good," I found myself saying, thinking back to Sean, and how my friends had suggested I had a one night stand to get over him. And how my poor attempt turned into kissing Acton, and setting off the chain reaction until we got where we were now, dating and telling each other that we loved each other. If I were a fool, I might believe him, but I was no fool. I couldn't believe that he loved me, not while there were so many things in our lives that could drive us apart. I had no idea if our feelings for each other would hold up when things get tough. Knowing Acton, with his commitment issues, he probably would fight a bit, then move on to the next girl as soon as I left.
Colton left as these thoughts ran through my head, and that was how Acton found me, frowning and staring off into space. "Is something wrong?" he chuckled, seeing my expression.
I quickly snapped out of it, offering him a small smile. "No, I'm fine," I assured him, pulling him down on the couch next to me. His hands gripped my waist as he pulled me on top of him, despite the fact that the other guys were in the room with us. "Acton," I grinned, placing a kiss to his lips. He could tell me that he loved me every second of the day, but I would never be able to stop tensing up until he would be able to prove it. Yes, he took me out on a date, and whispers sweet nothings into my ear, but that doesn't mean that he loves me.
Acton smiles against my lips and nipped my bottom lip playfully before he noticed how tense and rigid my body was. "Yes, there's something wrong. What is it?" he asked, and I fought the tears welling up in my eyes. At this rate, I would be the one to end things. I would be the one to run away, because I don't want to get hurt again.
"It's nothing," I answered, placing my hands on his shoulders to try to take his mind off of my emotional issues.
"And when a girl says 'it's nothing', it's really something. What is it?" he asked, holding me in place on his lap and gripping my hips.
"Just emotional," I whispered in a small voice, trying to make sure that my voice wouldn't crack. Maybe I was just emotional.
"Is it that time of the month?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows in concern.
I nodded, a tear leaking out of my eye. In reality, I was on my period, but that wasn't the complete reason why I was crying, unfortunately.
"Oh, sweetheart," he frowned, maneuvering me so he was carrying me like a princess and walked through the bunk rooms to the bedroom. As we left, we heard a few catcalls from the guys, though it was probably just Ren, the filthy minded man.
"A-acton, I don't want to have sex," I whispered, as he placed me on the bed.
Acton smiled softly at me, and turned on the large flatscreen TV on that was hanging in the corner. "I didn't bring you in here for sex, Princess," he whispered, "the remote is on the table. Pick a channel." He continued rummaging around the room as I settled on a movie channel, though I was much more interested in what Acton was doing instead of the movie.
"W-what are you doing?" I asked as he came back with a bag of mixed chocolate candy. I had no idea why he had a bag of Kit-Kats, Milky Ways, and Hershey's bars, but I was thankful.
"Taking care of you," he answered simply, lying down on the bed next to me so we were both facing the television.
"You bought it for me?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. He was incredibly sweet, and now I wanted to cry for a whole different reason. How could I have doubted that he cared for me?
"Yeah," he answered, not meeting my eyes and I noticed his face flush a little bit. "Uh, do you want any pills or anything else I can get you?" he asked, and I smiled in spite of myself.
"I already took some, but thank you. The pills aren't doing anything for the cramps, though," I told him, forgetting the pain for a moment as I looked at him.
"Lie on your back," he whispered softly, and I obeyed. His eyes hadn't darkened with lust, and all I could see was affection and love in them. His fingers gently unbuttoned my jean shorts and unzipped the zipper, pulling them down a bit. He tugged down my underwear just a bit, so that I wasn't exposed, but my abdomen was, and then he surprised me yet again when his fingers pressed against my skin.
I moaned a little bit, because the pain was mixing with the pleasure of being massaged, and I knew he was doing this to relieve the pain of my cramps. He continued to knead my skin, pressing in gently and more roughly at just the right spots. "That feels... really good," I moaned, not knowing what to do with my hands as he continued to massage the painful area.
"Eat some chocolate," he whispered, smiling at me. "Don't worry about me, you can watch the movie."
As I ripped open a candy bar, a tear leaked out of my eye as I gazed at Acton, still shocked that he would do something like this. He really cared, even though the pain would be over in a matter of days, he still wanted to do everything he could to make me comfortable.
"Why are you crying?" Acton's hands stopped and rested on my stomach, his emerald eyes gazing into mine with genuine concern. "Did I hurt you?"
"No," I cried, the tears falling faster. "You're just too sweet," I cried, unable to even take a bite of my chocolate.
Acton chuckled and leaned forward to press a kiss to my cheeks, kissing my tears away. "You sap," I cried, because he wouldn't stop peppering my face with butterfly kisses. I hadn't even heard of a man who would do such a thing, outside of romance fiction novels.
"I'm your sap," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my lips and returning his hands to my stomach to continue massaging me. "And I love you."
"I love you too," I answered honestly, the tears stopping and tiredness taking over my body. As though someone had injected me with a tranquilizer, I drifted off into sleep. Before I did, though, I registered movement on the mattress, and felt Acton lie down next to me and envelop me in his arms as I fell into a deep slumber.
***
"Acton," I shook his shoulder, as he was still wrapped around me but in a slightly different position after I woke up. We had unconsciously switched places while we napped, and now Acton's broad back was crushing the candy beneath him. I didn't even know when he took his shirt off, but it was now strewn on the floor by the door. "Acton, wake up," I shook his muscled shoulder, decorated with inky black tattoos. "Acton," I whispered in his ear, starting to get frustrated. Finally, I resorted to licking the inside of his ear.
Acton's arms moved and pulled me on top of him, and I knew that the candy bars beneath us were completely crushed. "So your solution to wake me up is to give me a wet willy?" he asked drowsily, yawning. I smiled, thinking that it was cute because his eyebrows scrunched up.
"You wouldn't wake up," I answered him, "and you're crushing the candy bars."
"They're in wrappers. They'll just be in bite sized pieces now," he said, kissing my lips.
"And melted," I finished, glancing at the clock on the bedside table. "Oh, God," I whispered, registering what time it is.
"Yes?" Acton answered, winking at me with his cocky smile back on.
"You are not God," I deadpanned, staring at him.
"Then why are you screaming God's name every night when I'm inside you?" he asked, waggling his eyebrows at me.
My face flushed, and I couldn't think of one word to say to him in response. It was true, I did get loud and shout out during the times when we made love.
"I'm telling you, I'm starting to get jealous of this God guy," he answered, and he opened his mouth to continue before I pressed my finger to his lips.
"Don't keep going down that road, or you'll ruin religion for me."
"You're religious?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Not really."
"Then what's the big deal?"
And then I remembered what time it was. "Acton, it's already 6 o'clock," I told him, pointing to the clock on the nightstand. Acton's eyes widened, and he quickly but gently shoved me off of him and jumped out of bed.
"Oh, fuck. I have to be ready in less than an hour," he said in a loud voice, bending over to grab his t-shirt on the floor.
"Wait," I called, making him pause just before he slipped it on over his head. I got out of bed and moved behind him, focusing on a big dark brown splotch on his back. I knew what it was, and so I gently placed my lips over it, licking the spot.
"W-what are you doing?" Acton asked me in a low, gravelly voice, and I knew it was turning him on. I cleaned up the spot on his back and licked my lips.
"Chocolate," I answered, remembering the chocolate bar I hadn't bothered to eat before we had fallen asleep. "It melted while you were laying on it. I didn't want you to go on stage with chocolate on your back," I grinned, as he turned around to pull me in his arms like he didn't want to hold anything else.
"Thanks. I know you've got my back," he whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead.
"Don't worry," I answered, winking at him. "I've also got your front," I smiled and looked pointedly down between us at his hardening member. "Now get going. You have to get ready."
Acton winked at me and left me so he could go get ready.
***
Something was definitely wrong.
One moment I was straddling Acton on the couch in the lounge room, and he was kissing the hell out of me while the rest of the band chilled out before the concert, and then I could feel the atmosphere tense, and i pulled away. I heard a door close as a bodyguard allowed someone in the lounge room, and I swear to god, not a single person breathed.
Who is it? How does one person have the power to set everyone on the edge of their seat? I scrambled to get off of Acton, and as soon as I laid my eyes on her, I knew. "C-Cara?" I asked, hope swelling in my chest. I hoped, for Colton's sake, that it was her. She wore her hair in a loose braid over one shoulder, her deep red hair framing her face. She's a little taller than me, which isn't saying much because I'm five feet tall, but she's really beautiful. She's wearing a white Beatles tshirt with the sleeves ripped off, black cutoff shorts, and black converse. She glanced around like she's nervous, looking for someone. "Oh my god," I whispered, covering my mouth with my hands. She looked me over, as though she was observing me. No doubt, I am the only other woman to come on tour with the guys besides her, and she's probably wondering who the hell I am.
Acton stood up beside me and pulls me closer to him protectively, though I had no idea what he's trying to protect me from. Cara's arms awee covered in beautiful, delicate tattoos, and she looks like she could have a mean streak in her, but she also looks small and fragile at the same time.
His lips brushed against my earlobe and sends a shiver through my body, like he always does. I hoped that never goes away. "Go find Colton, babe," he whispered, concern in his tone. I nodded and leave the room quickly, knowing that Colton would want to know about this as soon as possible.
As soon as I left, I heard Acton call out her name, and chatter starts to fill the room. A small smirk on my face, I rushed to the tour bus, where I found Colton on his bunk, with a beer in hand and his phone in the other. "Colton," I smiled at him, unable to hide my hope. This is what he's been wanting for the past year, and now she's finally arrived.
"What?" he asked, raising his beer to his lips. Colton's white blonde hair sticks up straight at the top, and his pale blue eyes look haunted. He knows that tonight is his last chance.
"She's here."
He laid there for a while, staring at me, trying to understand what I just said. "What?" He looked genuinely confused.
"She's here, Colton."
This time, the message seemed to get through to him. Next thing I know, he's bolted upright and he's banged his head into the bunk above him. "Ow, Goddamn," he groaned, rubbing his neck. "Are you sure?" he asked, a smile on his face.
"I think she looks a lot different from what you remember, but it's definitely her."
Colton's face fell as he scrambled to get out of his bunk. "Where is she?"
"In the lounge," I answered with a broad grin on my face. I'm so happy for him. "Let's go."
I started to leave the bus, but I paused when I realized Colton was not behind me. "Colt?" I asked, wondering why he wasn't as happy as I was.
"I don't want to see her, Anya," he whispered, so quiet I could hardly hear what he said. "I don't want to see her."
"But you left all those messages," I responded, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion. Just last week he was saying how badly he wanted to see her, to have her in his arms again, and now was his chance. And he didn't want to see her? After three years of isolation?
"I'm not the same," he answered, looking me in the eye with regret on his face. "She's not the same. She doesn't want me, not after all this time. And I'm not so sure I want her."
"You love her, Colton," I whispered, unable to comprehend what he was trying to say. "You left her messages every day for a goddamn year, for Christ's sake."
He looked down at his feet and murmured, "Maybe I never loved her. Distance... distance changes things. She's not mine anymore. She never was. I haven't spoken to her in three years. We aren't the same people. We've changed. I don't know if we're good anymore. It's too late, Anya," he looks up at me with tears in his eyes. "It's too late. I don't know her anymore."
"So get to know her again, Colton. It won't be too difficult. You love her, I know you do."
"Maybe I only loved the memory of her."
This wasn't making any sense. He wasn't making any sense. "Colt, what changed in the past five minutes? You were sitting here, all depressed and waiting for her to show up, and now that she's here, you don't want her?"
Colton glared at me and said, "The heart wants what it can't have, Anya."
"She might not be here because she wants you. Maybe she just wants to catch up."
"It doesn't matter. I don't care about her anymore. She ignored me for three whole years. She didn't pick up the phone, text, or even email to let me know she was still alive, let alone okay. I don't need to hurt anymore," he whispered, not meeting my gaze. "And I've been hurt so many times already."
I sighed, knowing that he was full of bullshit, but maybe seeing her would put things into perspective. "The concert is starting soon," I whispered gently, nudging his shoulder. "Let's go."
"I don't want to see her."
Now it was my time to get angry. "You're a fucking coward if you can't even walk through a room with her in it. Be brave, Colton. Everyone goes through this at some point in their lives. You're a rock star, Colton. She's not here to embarrass you. She's not out for your blood. She wants to say hello. So suck it up and get your ass in there."
I don't think I've ever spoken so harshly to him before. After I finished, a long, awkward pause set in and I frowned. The guilt started to set in, as I worried that I may have actually hurt him. Feeling antsy, I opened my mouth and started to say, "Colton, I--"
"You're right, Anya," he sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I'm a fucking pussy if I avoid her. Let's go," he put on a fake smile for me, and we headed out of the bus. A bundle of nerves set in the pit of my stomach, in anticipation of what may come next.
***
"Let me go in first, okay?" I asked, just as we reached the door.
"Okay," he answered, shuffling his feet a bit. He was nervous, I could tell. "I'll just... stand out here and try to hold my shit together."
"You'll be fine," I answered, hoping to support him. Colton was a great guy, and he deserved to be happy. I could only hope that Cara had good intentions.
I tried to enter the room without letting anyone know that I had just received horrid news from Colton. The girl, Cara, looked at me so earnestly that I immediately felt pity for her. "I apologize for him, Cara. He's not himself anymore."
"He's changed. A lot, since you left," Acton murmured, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me in to his side. I was grateful for him in that moment, because the knowledge about these two people was threatening to make my knees buckle. Someone, be it Colton or Cara, was going to get hurt. I didn't want to see either of them hurt, not after all they'd already been through. It was hard to believe that they hadn't actually dated, yet they seemed to come back together as thought they had a firm, undeniable connection. Maybe it was fate. "But I can see that you have as well," he finished.
I felt the need to warn her of what was coming. I had no idea how Colton was going to react when he saw her, and as much as I was hoping they would have the cliche moment of running into each other's arms, I didn't think that was about to happen. "Don't run off when you see him. Just try to deal with it until you two can actually talk it through."
Her brow furrowed and I was once again taken aback by how pretty and delicate she looked, despite the tattoos on her arms. "Who are you?" She looked confused, and my face heated as I realized I was talking to her as though I knew her, but she had no idea who the hell I was.
"Oh! I'm so sorry," I exclaimed, stepping towards her to shake her hand. Acton tried to restrain me though, and keep me close to him by gripping my waist and keeping me on a leash. I swatted his hands away, sending a quick look at him to tell him to back off. She shook my hand back, as I introduced myself. "I'm Anya, I'm Acton's girlfriend." I couldn't help it. This was one of the first times I'd ever introduced myself as his girlfriend, and I couldn't stop the pride from leaking through my smile. I really loved that man, and this was the happiest I'd been in a long time.
I fought back a laugh as she looked at Acton behind me, no doubt wondering what the heck made him settle down for me. Her eyes continued to look around the room, taking in the people that she had known so intimately a few years ago.
"Um, I'm Cara Miller, as you already know," she murmured softly, as though she was afraid to speak louder in case everything would break. And then her body stiffened, and I didn't even need to look behind me to see what she saw.
"Cara," Colton's deep voice rang through the room. It was deeper than usual, and had a low growl to it, unlike anything I've heard from him before.
I backed away from Cara and back into Acton's warm, safe embrace. I had a feeling shit was about to go down, and everyone in the room knew it.
Cara's eyes traced up and down the length of his body, and Colton returned the favor instantly. It was like they were sizing each other up, and I desperately wanted them to just hug and get it over with already so they could both be happy. But things were not that simple, and would likely never be that simple.
"C--Colt," she took a step toward him cautiously, and I was glad she did, because I sure as heck wouldn't know how to approach him after all that time. I felt pity for her, for Colton, and for this entire situation.
She had slipped a hard, tough girl facade on as soon as she laid eyes on him, like she was putting up walls of defense. Like she already knew exactly what he was thinking. But, there were cracks in her armor, and I could see the fear in her features.
And suddenly, my heart dropped to the pit of my stomach and I gripped Acton's hand for support. I had a wretched feeling in my gut, which told me what was going to happen. And I didn't like it one bit.
I shot Colton a pleading glance, but his eyes were on Cara, 100% absorbed in her. He couldn't seem to tear his gaze away, but I could see his eyebrows slowly pull together in anger.
I watched, heartbroken, as he stiffly walked away from her and started talking to Vance.
He didn't stay to listen to me. He actually moved away from her, walking over to Vance as though the girl he'd loved for so long wasn't in the room with him. As if this moment hadn't changed anything about the past three years of his life. As if all of his memories of her were forgotten. And suddenly, I wanted to slap one of the nicest guys in the band, probably one of the nicest guys I'd ever met.
After talking to Vance, he left and went out on stage. The show was about to start soon, and they needed to get out on stage so the women could throw their panties and they could get started.
I felt a tight squeeze on my hips as the other men followed Colton, and I was suddenly brought back to my boyfriend, who bent down and pressed a gentle kiss to my lips. His lips then brushed against my ear, and he whispered, "Don't worry about it. They'll work it out. Just keep her here until after the concert."
He then took off toward the stage, and I all but followed him until the thick red curtain held me back.
I didn't think I was going to have a lot of trouble convincing Cara to stay. She cautiously stepped up next to me so we could watch the boys from the side of the stage. I tried to think of something to say to her, but I couldn't come up with a damn thing.
Luckily, she did that for me. "What is this song again?" she questioned, and I couldn't help but smile at her.
"Crushed," I answered, my eyes falling back on Acton as he struck a pose against the microphone stand, his mouth opening to belt out the lyrics to the song. "He wrote it for me."
I knew it was corny, and no doubt she thought it was stupid, the way I heard her scoff beneath her breath. I tried not to let her get to me. She hasn't been her the whole time. She didn't know the whole story.
"We love each other," I whistled at him when he did a hip thrust for the crowds. I didn't care of Cara thought I was a slut or that I was stupid to believe the things Acton told me. And deep down, I knew that he had probably said the words to some other girl, but I liked to fool myself into believing that I was the only woman that mattered to him. Now, and forever.
I didn't expect her to be harsh, though. "It won't last," she muttered under her breath, not swing to care that her words would probably hurt me. "The second you leave, he'll move on and drop you like a hotcake."
And just like that, she pissed me off. I had tried to be nice, but I wasnt going to sit back and take other people's shit, like some doormat. "I won't leave him like you left Colton. And if he does, which he won't, I'll cherish my months with him for the rest of my life."
"Start preparing yourself," she answered, not even flinching at my words. I thought I was pretty harsh. Maybe Acton was right. Maybe I'm too nice to be mean? I couldn't help but notice how her eyes never seemed to leave Colton. "Have you slept with him yet?" she continued, making my blood boil.
"That is none of your business," I all but growled at her, starting to get pissed off at her attitude. I was trying to be nice, and all she seemed to do was want to spit in my face.
"You haven't," she smirked as though she had won the battle.
"We have." I don't kiss and tell, and I don't mean to spread news of our love life around, but damn, she knew how to get me worked up. And I'd only met her five minutes ago.
"How was it? I heard he's a good lay."
"He's not a lay," I said, and I bit my lip to keep from socking her right in the eye. Once again, I tried to be the nice person. "They've changed since you've seen them last, Cara," I tried to reason with her. "And so have you. You should try to be open minded to who they are now, not who they were before."
"People don't change," she growled at me, and I was expecting her to start baring her teeth as a sign of war.
"Yes, they do," I growled back. Now she was starting to diverge into other meanings, and I didn't like it one bit. "Cara... I've heard of what you've been through. And I know I will never be able to understand your reactions, but I don't want to be your enemy, Cara."
"I don't need friends."
I sighed, knowing I wasn't going to get anywhere with her. Cara and Colton were polar opposites. But, opposites attract, I supposed. I couldn't lave her alone without saying one last thing that was on my mind. "Considering the fact that you came here tonight, you obviously do. I know what it's like to need a change in your life, but don't come here expecting things to be the same and peachy as they were when you left. Acton's gone through more women than he can count. Ren is more of a flirt than he has ever been. Vance has thrown himself into his work, working until midnight some nights. And Colton, well, he's been searching ever since I've met him, and I know it's because of you. You've seen him. He's not the same anymore. He's tired and depressed, and he tries to put on an act, but he usually comes to me to talk, since the guys can only understand and comfort him so much."
Once I started, I couldn't stop. When I finished, I was satisfied that I'd gotten my point across.
"How much comforting have you done?" She whispered, and I noticed her head tilt down so she could look at the floor.
I couldn't resist. I simply had to laugh. The thought of Colton and I getting together... It was almost comical to me now. No offense to Colton, but... I simply loved Acton. "Not that kind of comfort," I chuckled, "just talking. Usually about you."
"Please," she whispered, "Stop talking about it."
I knew that she was backing down, but I had one last thing to say to her. I had become very protective over these men during the short time I'd been with them, and is be damned if they got hurt because she decided to make an entrance. "Just to let you know," I said, going for the kill, " if you hurt him, again, I will not hesitate to rip the hair out of your skull. There's only so much one person can take, and Colton has been through enough. I know your life hasn't been easy, but you've had your chance to move on. He hasn't."
I stopped myself after that. I didn't want to be mean, but I couldn't help it. In order to stop myself from saying anything else rude, I left the side of the stage to go lay down on the couch in the lounge and eat some of the chocolate Acton brought me.