"As-salaam Alaikum, Ummi! Please pray for me. I'm about to write my last examination."
"I will. May Allah grant you success. I hope you read well."
"Yes, Ummi. I didn't even get enough sleep last night. I just don't want any course to hinder me from graduating," I sighed. It had always been my fear. Five years was long. I didn't want to stay longer at the university.
"In Sha Allah, you will do well. Don't forget to say your prayer before commencing." She reminded.
"Come on, Manal, we're about to start." Hala whisper-yelled.
"Alright, Ummi, I have to go. I will call you when I'm done." Without waiting for her response, I ended the call and followed Hala into the hall.
"I'm going to sit behind you for this exam," Hala informed. "I didn't get the chance to read at all."
I shook my head in disbelief. "What were you doing?"
She sighed. "I was sick. I slept off with my book on my face."
For some reason, I didn't believe her, but I didn't say anything to her either for I didn't want to sound offensive. "Oh!"
The examination began shortly after. It was a little bit difficult but I was able to answer three questions correctly. Hala disturbing me for answers didn't make it easier for me. I did tell her a few, but I was being extra careful because I didn't want to be caught and penalized for malpractice. The last thing I wanted was to taint my family's image.
As usual, Na'eem was one of the first persons to submit his sheets.
He winked at me before walking out of the hall.
Whatever that was for.
Thirty minutes later, I was done penning down the answers to the questions I knew. I was about to go and submit when Hala stopped me.
"Wait, Manal," Hala whispered from behind me. "You haven't told me the answer to number 1c."
"I thought I already showed it to you," I whispered back.
"I couldn't see it clearly. Just read it out to me."
"Plant design refers to the overall design of a manufacturing enterprise or facility. It moves through several stages before it is completed. The stages involved are identification and selection of the product to be manufactured, feasibility analysis and appraisal, design, economic evalua—"
"Manal!" The invigilator yelled. "What are whispering? Are you cheating?"
"No, sir." I stood. "I was just about to submit."
"Do that right now." He commanded.
I apologetically glanced at Hala before proceeding to submit my sheets.
As soon as I walked out of the hall, I sighted Na'eem. He was seated on the bench under the tree—the one we always sat on to discuss after every examination.
I walked up to him. "Can I sit here?"
He narrowed his eyes at me. "When did you start asking for permission?"
"Today," I responded.
"Why?" He raised a brow. "What has changed? Oh!" He exclaimed before I could answer. "Your fiancè probably told you not to be friends with me anymore."
"I..." My voice trailed. Na'eem wasn't entirely wrong. Jawaad did tell me to limit my closeness with Na'eem, but not to stop being friends with him entirely. At first, I made a fuss about it, but I later understand that he was just jealous. He said he felt I was closer to Na'eem than I was with him.
"It's okay if you don't want to sit."
"It's not like that." I sat beside him and hummed. "What makes you think Jawaad told me to stop being friends with you?"
"The signs are glaring. I'd be a fool not to figure it out."
Not knowing what reply to give, I fidgeted with my fingers.
"I don't blame him though," Na'eem continued. "If I were in his shoes, I'd probably do the same. The fact that he feels uncomfortable by our friendship proves he loves you. That's enough for me. I just want you to be happy, regardless of who's making you."
At that moment, more than ever, I couldn't help but wonder why I didn't fall in love with Na'eem instead. The guy was intelligent, nice, selfless, handsome, and down-to-earth. He was everything a girl would want in a man. For a fact, I knew he'd never break my heart if I ended up with him, but the heart wants what it wants. Despite everything, Jawaad was the one every part of my being chose. I couldn't even bring myself to imagine a future without him in it.
"Thanks, Na'eem," I gave a small smile. "thanks for everything. Thanks for not holding a grudge against me for how things turned out between us. Thanks for being selfless and considerate. One thing I'm sure of is that I never want to lose you in my life. I want our friendship to remain."
"In as much as I also want that, I'm afraid it won't be possible," Na'eem's lips thinned into a line. "In a few weeks, you're going to be married. I don't want to be friends with someone else's wife. I still value my life."
In a few weeks, I would be married to Jawaad. I still hadn't gotten used to the fact yet. As the day inched closer, I felt grew more nervous. I just wanted everything to go right, just like Farida's.
"By the way," Na'eem changed the topic of discussion. "How was the exam?"
I was grateful he did. It was starting to get really awkward. "It was okay, alhamdulillah. I pray for good grades. I won't even ask you how yours was because I already know the answer to that."
Na'eem chuckled. "I will still answer you. It was fine, alhamdulillah. May Allah make us pass excellently."
"Ameen." I smiled.
A question was lingering on my mind. I didn't know how it would seem to voice it out. I was being extremely wary of making Na'eem uncomfortable.
"Go ahead and ask," Na'eem spoke, breaking me out of my trance. "I can see you want to speak but you're holding back."
I hummed. "Will you..." I trailed off. "Just forget it."
"Please go ahead," he probed. "I want to know what's going through your head."
"Will you attend?"
By Na'eem's facial expression, I could tell he knew exactly what I had asked. I didn't need to expatiate.
Na'eem gave a tight-lipped smile and shook his head. "No."
Although I understood his feelings, I still felt sad. Extremely. "You won't attend my wedding?"
Again, he shook his head.
"Why?" The question effortlessly emerged from my mouth. I wanted so badly for him to attend. As it was, I felt so bad for not reciprocating his love. His attending would make me feel a tad better.
"He won't be happy to see me there." Said Na'eem.
"Does it matter? You will be attending for me, not for him." I tried to make him understand. I didn't want our friendship to go down the drain just like that. We had been through a lot together since our first year—from studying together to sharing our deepest stories. "Can't you do that for me?" I added. "I will be so happy."
"I'm sorry, Manal." He smiled again. "I will pray for you to have a successful marriage instead. Besides, I won't be around on that day. I will be in plateau state for an important event."
There was no event. I knew he was just trying to avoid attending my wedding at all cost. I couldn't blame him, but I was deeply hurt by his excuse. I thought he really meant it when he said my happiness was paramount, regardless of who was making me.
I guess not.
Not able to say anything, I hummed.
"Don't worry, you won't even notice my absence. You will have so many guests around you."
At his words, my eyes misted up with tears, but I was quick to blink the tears away.
Does he think he has just such little importance in my life?
I decided to ask for the last time; "Is your mind really made up?"
"Yes," he affirmed. "I won't be attending, I'm sorry. I wish I could."
"Thank you," I muttered. I was thanking him for the genuine friendship he gave me for five years—for putting up with all of my tantrums and for loving me. A part of me wished he had made it known to me sooner rather than now. Nothing would have changed, but I definitely would have known how to handle the situation better. "Thanks a lot for everything, Na'eem."
He chuckled humorlessly. "Why are you thanking me?"
"Just." I swallowed a glob of nerves that suddenly got stuck in my throat. The conversation I was having with Na'eem felt like goodbye, and I didn't like the feeling at all.
I hate goodbyes.
Just then, Hala emerged from the examination hall, looking displeased as hell.
I took that as my cue to leave the conversation with Na'eem.
Without saying another word, I stood up and walked up to Hala. "Let's go," I held her hand and practically dragged her along to where my car was parked.
Towards the end of the semester, just before we could begin exams, Hala had talked to me about moving in with me and I agreed.
Walking into the lodge, Hala threw her bag on the bed and sauntered to the bathroom, without saying a word to me.
I figured she didn't do too well in her exam, so I decided to let her cool off a bit. I took it upon myself to talk to her later.
I was worried about her, but more than that, I was worried for Na'eem. He must be going through a lot. I blamed myself for causing him so much pain.
Hala walked out of the bathroom with a towel around her body and walked directly to the closet.
Hala changed into a crop top and trousers and came to sit beside me on the bed. "What's up?" She questioned. "You look tensed."
I sighed, glad that Hala was no longer sulky. "How was the exam? Were you able to answer other questions?"
"Of course. Why wouldn't I?" she was quick to respond. She sounded a bit offended, but I shrugged it off. Maybe I was reading meanings into nothing. "After you left, I realized I knew the answers to all of the questions. I'm not worried at all."
"I thought—"
"You thought I'd be mad at you for not telling me the answers?" She quirked a brow.
Bemused, I furrowed my brows. "But I did tell you the ones I know."
She huffed, "Believe me, babe, you told me nothing. I couldn't see a single word. I told you so in the examination hall, didn't I? I wrote that exam singlehandedly. You don't help. Not even a tiny bit."
I hummed. Hala was vividly lying, but since I wasn't in the mood to argue with her, I changed topics. "Na'eem and I spoke earlier." I began.
"Yeah," she nodded. "I saw you two talking. What did y'all discuss?"
"He said he won't be attending my wedding. "
"Oh!" Hala seemed to have forgotten. "Your wedding. It's in two weeks, right?"
"Yes," I fiddled with my fingers. "Na'eem told me he has an important event to attend but I know he just wants to avoid attending my wedding."
Hala nodded in agreement. "Did he tell the what the so-called event is all about?"
"I didn't bother to ask. He seems determined not to attend." I said, lowering my head. I just couldn't get used to the fact that Na'eem wouldn't attend.
"If I may ask, why are you so bothered? Just let him be. If he doesn't want to attend, that's his business."
"He's my friend," I stated.
"That guy is annoying abeg. Who does he even think he is?"
"This is not about pride, Hala," I heaved a sigh of exasperation. I didn't even know why I was explaining to her. The fact that she didn't like the boy would make everything about him seem wrong in her eyes. I connoted I would be wasting my time.
"Whatever." She waved a hand, sideswiping the topic. "So in two weeks, you're going to be married to Jawaad. You're so lucky oh!"
"Yes, I'm am," I concurred. "He feels equally lucky to have me."
Hala sneered. "Why would anyone be lucky to have you? There's nothing extraordinary about you." She finished and burst into laughter. "Just kidding! You should see your face. Can't you take a little joke? You look so serious."
For some inexplicable reason, I felt Hala meant everything she said but masked it up with her laughter. There was definitely something off about the laughter itself. "The fact that I am me and there's no one else like me is extraordinary enough for him," I remarked.
"Come on," she nudged my shoulder with hers. "Don't tell me you actually took me seriously. It was just an innocent joke."
"What are we cooking?" I asked, avoiding the topic. "I'm famished."
"Since we're attending the get-together later, let's cook instant noodles. We will have a proper meal there." Hala replied.
"Get-together?" I furrowed my brows. "There's a get-together?"
"Of course!" She replied in a high-pitched voice. "How comes you don't know about it. We've been planning it for weeks now."
"Oh!"
"It's just a gathering of my close friends and some of our course mates," She continued. "You're going to attend, won't you?"
I shook my head. "I think I will pass."
"What?" She yelled. "just tell me your joking right now."
"I'm not, Hala," I breathed. "I just don't feel like attending any get-together."
"Why not? You're such a buzzkill." Hala was obviously not going to stop until she convinced me. "It's just to celebrate our graduation in advance. It's a big deal. You can't afford to miss it. Besides, you're going to get married soon, I doubt your husband will allow you to hang out with us after your marriage."
I hummed, unsure of what response to give.
"But it's fine if you don't want to attend. I understand you don't trust me enough to attend a party organized by my friends."
"It's not like that," I sighed. "I'm just not comfortable attending parties."
"Who said it's a party? Just a simple get-together. There isn't even going to be any dancing, I promise you. We don't even have to stay long if you don't want to, and if you're worried about what Jawaad would say, don't tell him. He isn't your husband yet. His permission isn't important."
I really didn't want to go, but because Hala was insisting so much, I decided to just agree. She was right. I didn't have to tell Jawaad. He wouldn't stop me, but he would try to convince me not to attend because boys might also be present there. "Hmm..."
"Is that a yes?"
I nodded. "When is it?"
"9 PM." She replied.
"Isn't that a little too late?"
Hala narrowed her eyes at me. "9oclock is too late? Don't be a spoilsport!"
I sighed. "Fine. Go and cook the noodles, I'm hungry."
"Is that a command?" She raised the corner of her lips.
"It's a request, ma'am," I smiled sheepishly. "Please add a lot of pepper."
"I'm doing this because you agreed to go to the get-together with me, if not," she scoffed.
"Whatever," I chuckled. "Go ahead and please be fast."
Hala halted in her tracks and spun around. "One more word from you and I'm not cooking anymore." She threatened, feigning seriousness.
I held my lips, indicating I wouldn't dare it.
Hala chuckled before walking away.
Immediately she left, I remembered I hadn't called Jawaad to tell him I was done with my final examination. I could already imagine how excited he would be.
I dialed his number and waited for him to pick up.
At the second ring, he picked up. "Assalamualaikum."
"Wa Alaikum Salaam," I responded. "Guess what!"
"You're done with your examinations." He replied.
"Yes! I'm done. Finally!"
"That's great news. How was it?"
"Alhamdulillah, it was fine. I believe I won't have any problems."
"In sha Allah," he muttered. "May Allah crown your efforts with success."
"Ameen Summa Ameen. Thanks a lot. I can't wait to go home."
"Why?" He asked.
I could sense the cockiness in his tone.
"Because..." I trailed off. "You know the reason."
"I don't," he responded. "I wouldn't have asked otherwise. Why can't you wait to go home?"
"You see, I'm getting married in two weeks. I need to be home for the preparations." Heat rushed to my cheeks as I made that statement. I still hadn't come to terms with the fact that I'd no longer be single in two weeks. I was having mixed feelings. I wanted the day to arrive as quickly as possible, and at the same time, I wanted it to slow down a little bit. I wasn't sure if I was mentally and emotionally ready for the responsibilities that accompany marriage.
"Woah!" He exclaimed. "Congratulations to you! The man you're getting married to is lucky. I hope he knows that."
"I believe he does, but I can't be too sure about that..." I voiced. I didn't know what came over me, but I got reminded by what Hala said about nothing being extraordinary about me. I wanted a little assurance that he considered himself to have me. "Maybe he is, maybe he isn't."
There was silence for a few seconds. "What makes you think that?"
I shrugged, even though he couldn't see me.
"Who wouldn't be lucky to be getting married to a beautiful, intelligent, and well-mannered young lady? A dunderhead, I guess."
His reply brought a smile to my face. "My fiancè is far from that. After my father, he is the wisest man I have come across. His sense of judgment is top-notch."
"If that's the case, then you shouldn't have any doubt about him feeling lucky to have you."
I nodded, totally convinced that Jawaad felt the same way I felt. "I'm convinced now."
"Perfect! Lest I forget, I'm also about to get married in two weeks."
All smiles, I asked; "Really? Who are getting married to?" I asked, waiting for the compliments to grace my ears. I could never get tired of listening to him say nice things about me. I took advantage of the chance I got.
"She's Manal. She's had a crush on me for a very long time. I think she was just seventeen then. She used to do everything to catch my attention but I wasn't moved at all because I had no feelings for her."
His words sent a pang directly to my heart.
"But as time passed, I realized what a wonderful person she was. I didn't see it then because I didn't want to. I just concluded she wasn't my type, but when I got to know her better, everything changed. My wife-to-be is the nicest person you'd ever meet. She's caring, God-fearing, intelligent, beautiful...in fact, she's every good thing you can think of. I don't know how I got so blessed. It must be because of my mother's prayers."
I smiled. I was happy with the things he said about me, but what would make me even happier was if he told me he loved me. I just wanted to hear him say it to me once. Just once and the little remaining doubt I have about his feelings for me would diminish. "Judging by how well you speak of her, you must really love her a lot."
"Do I?" He asked.
The uncertainty of his didn't settle well with me. At that moment, I didn't care if he was just kidding. He ought to have been serious because I sounded serious.
Is admitting to loving someone so difficult?
"I have something to do right now. I will call you later." I didn't wait for his response before ending the call. I immediately put my phone on flight mode to avoid his call. I needed a moment to thoroughly think things through.
Does Jawaad really love me?
Am I making the right decision?
I shook my head in an attempt to spurn the thought. "What's taking Hala so long?" I mumbled to myself as I stood and made my way to the kitchen.
"I don't care!" I overheard Hala speaking on the phone with someone. "just get the job done perfectly."
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