Author's note: this story was written before Cole's official name change on 10/26/21.**
Jesse could tell that the blazing heat of the sun wasn't letting up anytime soon as he awkwardly sprint-walked down the side of the road, a deadly combo for his stomach. He could feel his insides lurch with every step he made on the rough concrete beneath him. He had his eyes set on the broken down outhouse across from him, a very unflattering location to take a dump in, but when you eat a piece of apple pie and wash it down with a cup of coffee, you don't get the luxury of choice.
A quick knock on the door. No response. Wasting no time, Jesse pulled open the door and latched himself inside. Sunlight peered through the crescent-shaped cutout etched into the front. He began to unfasten his belt, pulling his pants down and sitting on the rough wooden platform.
First came the coffee. His piss splashed against the wooden chamber of the outhouse with a satisfying *spizzzz* sound, like rain on the roof of a house. Next in line was the pie. Jesse grunted as he felt a sizable log flow from his intestines. It landed in the pool of piss beneath him, splashing back onto Jesse's ass. Several farts followed after the release of the first log, as if they'd been trapped behind it. He could feel each *braaappt* echo through the interior of the outhouse. Jesse held a lighter to his cigar to reignite it, and hopefully dull the pungent smell of aging wood and poop baked in the heat of the sun. Jesse's insides continued to stir as he released his meal. Each log shimmied its way out of his body and into the chamber with a commanding *plipt* on release, followed by some celebratory farts. He was going to be here a while.
With an aggressive grunt, Jesse finished his final *stppt* into the chamber. He grabbed some toilet paper and began to clean himself up. Once he finished, he turned around to dispose of it into the chamber. The color of his poop matched that of the brown outhouse. It was quite the spectacle; especially for whoever was next to occupy it. But, from the smell radiating from the area, it would probably scare most visitors off. Jesse opened the door and walked out with a confident strut. Pardon me, he said to himself sarcastically.