Kiss My Sass [Books 1 & 2]

By Puppy1899

207K 15.5K 5.5K

Featured in YARomance's 'Love-Hate' reading list as of 01/24/2022 Featured in TeenFiction's 'Funny Bones' rea... More

[book 1] chapter one: an introduction of sorts
[book 1] chapter two: new neighbour
[book 1] chapter three: my neighbour steals my chocolate milk
[book 1] chapter four: drunken dani
[book 1] chapter five: i commit a felony
[book 1] chapter six: i commit another felony
[book 1] chapter seven: the car ride of death
[book 1] chapter eight: study buddy from hell
[book 1] chapter nine: my twin gets in a fight
[book 1] chapter ten: i bunk with a psychopath
[book 1] chapter eleven: test time
[book 1] chapter twelve: semi-finals
[book 1] chapter thirteen: my window gets smashed
[book 1] chapter fourteen: confessions & revelations
[book 1] chapter fifteen: i'm officially an idiot
[book 1] chapter sixteen: kisses & awkward situations
[book 1] chapter seventeen: the cold shoulder
[book 1] chapter eighteen: so it begins
[book 1] chapter nineteen: the real james hastings
[book 1] chapter twenty: blast from the past
[book 1] chapter twenty-one: i unload my baggage
[book 1] chapter twenty-two: the search for my father
[book 1] chapter twenty-three: the ugly truth
[book 1] chapter twenty-four: the untold story of cade
[book 1] chapter twenty-five: field trip to penbrooke
[book 1] chapter twenty-six: niko's dirty little secret
[book 1] chapter twenty-seven: the birds & the bees
[book 1] chapter twenty-eight: ignorance is bliss
[book 1] chapter twenty-nine: i'm dating a liar
[book 1] chapter thirty: the other new neighbour
[book 1] chapter thirty-one: my mom ruins my relationship
[book 1] chapter thirty-two: finals
[book 1] chapter thirty-three: i commit my third felony
[book 1] chapter thirty-four: stitches & broken hearts
[book 1] chapter thirty-five: breakups & makeups
[book 1] chapter thirty-six: election day
SEQUEL?!
[book 2] chapter one: welcome back
[book 2] chapter two: i become a convicted felon
[book 2] chapter three: ain't no party like a parker party
[book 2] chapter four: oh, niko
[book 2] chapter five: the end of the summer solstice
[book 2] chapter six: nothing rarer than a blissful dani
[book 2] chapter seven: we meet the future mrs. parker
[book 2] chapter eight: i get a mashed potato facial
[book 2] chapter nine: late-night rendezvous
[book 2] chapter ten: off to penbrooke
[book 2] chapter eleven: the curious case of leila
[book 2] chapter twelve: we meet the future mrs. parker...again
[book 2] chapter thirteen: dani parker, city councillor
[book 2] chapter fourteen: i make a fool of myself
[book 2] chapter fifteen: ring the bell, it's time for wedding planning hell
[book 2] chapter sixteen: nothing like some sisterly advice
[book 2] chapter seventeen: the boneheaded boys have a brawl
[book 2] chapter eighteen: dinner disaster
[book 2] chapter nineteen: just desserts
[book 2] chapter twenty: secrets
[book 2] chapter twenty-two: truth or dare
[book 2] chapter twenty-three: the aftermath
[book 2] chapter twenty-four: alex becomes a smitten kitten
[book 2] chapter twenty-five: literal heartache
[book 2] chapter twenty-six: sleepover with holden
[book 2] chapter twenty-seven: pre-rehearsal dinner mayhem
[book 2] chapter twenty-eight: the rehearsal dinner
[book 2] chapter twenty-nine: betrayal
[book 2] chapter thirty: nothing but the truth
[book 2] chapter thirty-one: the sting of a friendship breakup
[book 2] chapter thirty-two: my boyfriend meets my dad
[book 2] chapter thirty-three: alex and i share a secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-four: i become the most hated parker
[book 2] chapter thirty-five: my tires get slashed
[book 2] chapter thirty-six: when opportunity knocks
[book 2] chapter thirty-seven: i rescue two drunkards
[book 2] chapter thirty-eight: brenton's dirty little secret
[book 2] chapter thirty-nine: holden gives relationship advice
[book 2] chapter forty: no ship like friendship
[book 2] chapter forty-one: our favourite narc pays a visit
[book 2] chapter forty-two: the bachelor(ette) party
[book 2] chapter forty-three: mistakes and regrets
[book 2] chapter forty-four: old habits
[book 2] chapter forty-five: a new proposition

[book 2] chapter twenty-one: blackout

292 36 8
By Puppy1899

"LUCILLE... DON'T TURN around," the person in the movie said.

I shoved a handful of popcorn in my mouth as I stared at the screen. "Lucille, don't be a dumb bitch," I murmured.

The music sped up as the Lucille character slowly turned around. There was nothing behind her so I let out a sigh of relief and ate more popcorn. She turned around and the killer was standing in front of her. 

"Lame," I muttered, already anticipating that twist. Out of nowhere, something grabbed my shoulder from behind and I let out a blood-curdling shriek.

"You should've seen your face!" Alex cackled from behind me.

"Alexander," Mom said in a warning tone as she walked past us, not sparing a glance as she buttoned up her blazer.

I paused the movie and turned to face them. "Are you going somewhere?"

Mom tapped away at her phone and nodded her head. "I'm off to a conference for the weekend and Alexander is going to a sleepover. Adam is on his way since he will be joining me, and we're going to drop off your brother before we leave."

"Drive safe," I told her. "There's a huge thunderstorm warning today." The rain had already started a couple of hours ago, and it was coming down hard.

"No parties," Mom told me sternly.

"You're talking to the wrong child," I scoffed. The door suddenly opened and Brenton walked in with a keg, proving my point.

"I'll take that," Mom said as she took the keg from him and set it down. "Alexander, sweetheart, bring this outside." She picked up her briefcase and walked out the front door.

"Could you get any stupider?" Alex grumbled as he lugged his duffel bag and the keg outside.

"This is why you're going to die a virgin!" Brenton yelled after him. I rolled my eyes at them and resumed the movie. Brenton clearly didn't get the memo that I wanted to be left alone and he started talking to me. "What are your plans for today?"

"Take a wild guess." After my fight with James, I had been trying to find any distraction to get my mind off of him. My latest fix was horror movies, and they were doing a pretty decent job I couldn't lie.

"I can think of a better person to occupy your time than those crappy actors," Brenton said.

"Leave me alone."

Brenton ushered someone in and Niko entered the living room, a smile on his face. "Surprise."

I paused my movie to look at him, the remote in my hand. "What are you doing here?"

"I just picked them up," Brenton said with a grin.

My eyebrows shot up in curiosity. "Them?" Niko stepped to the side to reveal James. My jaw dropped and so did the remote in my hand, landing in the popcorn bowl, and I was frozen in my seat.

"He told us what happened," Niko explained. "We're going to go to the kitchen and you lovebirds make nice, okay?" My idiot brothers scurried out of the living room before I could protest.

James shoved his hands in his pocket as he stood in place. "Can I sit?"

"You've already intruded my house so suit yourself."

"Daniella, be polite," Brenton called from the kitchen.

I rolled my eyes. "Sure, sit."

James sat on the edge of the couch and looked at me, his grey eyes filled with sadness. "Dani..." He paused. "I'm honestly so—"

I had spent all of this time trying to forget about him but seeing him in front of me made all of my emotions resurface. Before he could finish his sentence, I found myself leaning forward and throwing my arms around him.

"How'd you even know what I was going to say?" he asked as I slowly felt his arms pull me into his embrace.

"Shut up," I responded. "And me too."

"I felt so awful after what I said to you and for not showing up to the dessert thing," he said into my hair. "I suck, don't I?"

I shook my head. "No, I do. And I don't want to give up on us, you mean so much to me."

James looked down at me and interlaced his fingers with mine. "I'm sorry for making you feel like you were my second choice. If you want, I'll distance myself from Leila."

As much as I wanted him to, I knew I couldn't. After all, James was right, I was a selfish person and it was about time I stopped. "I don't have the right to make you choose. She's your friend."

He rested his forehead against mine so that the tips of our noses were touching. "I hope you know how much I love you."

"I love you, too." I pressed my lips against his and he kissed me back instantly. Our kiss was cut short when Brenton stuck his hands in between and pushed our faces away, separating us.

"Alright, kids, break it up," he said.

Niko beamed at us. "I love a good makeup story. Now that you two are okay, I'm going to let everyone else in!"

I gave him a questioning look. "Everyone else?"

Niko opened the door and Holden and Vanessa came inside, followed by Amber and Leila. Brenton and I instantly turned to look at Niko. "Seriously?" we said simultaneously.

"That twin telepathy never ceases to amaze me," Holden said in awe.

Niko smacked both of our heads. "We have guests, twins, don't be dicks."

Brenton swatted his hand away. "Screw this, I'm going upstairs."

"Me too."

"No, you're not." James wrapped his arms around my waist to hold me in place before I could leave. I turned to frown at him, and he kissed my forehead. Niko also stopped Brenton from leaving, which was fair. If I had to suffer then so did he.

"What a bummer," Vanessa said, pointing outside the door. "I thought we were going to go to the beach."

Niko shook his head. "Not in this weather."

While I didn't have a replacement for the beach I thought of a suggestion to appease everybody. "Why not the base..." Brenton clamped his hand over my mouth before I could finish.

Vanessa looked at Niko expectantly. "Sure, why not?"

"No way," Brenton interjected, his hand still over my mouth. "That's my man-cave."

Amber placed her hand on her hip and gave him a bored look. "So what?"

Brenton retracted his hand as he turned to glare at her. "Why are you in my house?"

"Stop being a dick," Holden said to Brenton.

"Why's he here?" James grumbled in my ear.

I patted his cheek sympathetically. "If I can't complain, neither can you."

We decided on the basement, and the eight of us went downstairs, everyone taken by surprise from Brenton's man-cave. Over the last few years, he had transformed one end of the basement to a games room filled with a pool and foosball table, one section as his personal gym, and one as his own den. It was complete with a mini-fridge, beanbag chairs, and couches. We all dragged the beanbags to form a lopsided circle and we sat down. Niko took out his phone and plugged it into the speaker to play some music, but as soon as he did there was a loud clap of thunder, followed by a blinding strike of lightning, and the power went out.

Remember what I said about blackouts in the summer here? It was not surprising at all. We had become so accustomed to these blackouts, Brenton and I turned on our cell phone flashlights and he retrieved flashlights while I grabbed candles from a storage closet on the main floor. We came back down and he turned on the flashlights while I lit the candles, setting them around the basement.

"So what are we supposed to do now?" Leila asked.

"I've got a little idea." Holden had a devilish smile on his face as he opened his backpack and took out a plastic container of brownies.

Brenton's eyes lit up at the sight. "Are those..."

"Special brownies? Hell yeah," his best friend answered.

"My favourite kind of brownies!" Brenton opened the container and took out a brownie before passing it over to me. I took a brownie out of the container and gave it to James who looked reluctant.

"I don't know," he said in an apprehensive tone.

I bumped his shoulder with mine. "Come on, live a little."

"Yeah, come on, doc," Holden said from the other side of the room. To shut him up, James took a brownie and ate it. He then passed the container to Vanessa and Niko, who helped themselves.

Brenton was on his third brownie when he passed the container back to us. "Dude, it's not working."

"Give it a minute," Holden instructed. "You're a lightweight anyway."

All of a sudden Brenton burst into laughter. "Dude, it's totally working."

Everyone was laughing and in a relaxed mood as we continued eating from Holden's batch. How he managed to sneak this in the café kitchen I had no idea, but I wasn't going to complain. I looked over at my boyfriend who was giggling. 

Yes, the brooding James Hastings was giggling

"You okay?" I asked him.

"This is why I avoid pot," he answered, still giggling.

"Oh my God, this is comedy gold!" From across the room, Leila whipped out her cell phone and recorded James, both of them laughing.

I couldn't help but feel a small pang of jealousy. I knew James loved me, but still, seeing her record my boyfriend stirred up something inside of me. Without sparing her a glance, I scooted closer to James, pulled his face toward me, and kissed him. As he kissed me back I saw Leila put her phone down out of the corner of my eye. When we pulled apart James was smirking down at me. He leaned down to kiss me again but before our lips could touch he burst into a fit of laughter.

"Well, it was fun while it lasted," I muttered.

"I have an idea!" Brenton said. "Let's play truth or dare!"

Holden groaned. "Dude, this is why I don't get high with you."

"Come on, it'll be fun" Brenton urged. "Who's going first?"

"I will!" Vanessa offered eagerly.

"Truth or dare?" Brenton asked her.

"You're in a room full of horny boys, please pick truth," Niko begged.

"I pick dare," she answered, making Niko shake his head in disappointment.

"I dare you to kiss someone in this room," Brenton said.

Vanessa smiled lovingly at Niko. "Done."

"Other than your fiancé," Holden added.

She rolled her eyes. "Okay."

"On the lips," Brenton finished.

"Fine."

She walked forward, making both boys' eyes light up in excitement, their giddiness making Niko cringe. Vanessa then surprised us all by locking lips with Amber. All four boys watched in awe as my incoming sister-in-law made out with my best friend. When I saw James staring at them, slack-jawed, I covered his eyes with my hand and flicked his arm.

"I'm equally furious and turned on right now," Brenton said as he watched them. Niko threw a nearby pillow at his younger brother's head. What could I say? Violence ran in our blood.

When the kissers pulled apart, the two of them giggled at the boys' reactions before Vanessa returned back to her seat. "I pick Niko," she said.

Niko was laying back, propped up on the back of his triceps. "I pick truth."

Everyone booed at his choice. "You're so boring," Holden said.

"You're just jealous because you know I'd kiss James over you," Niko told him before jokingly blowing an air kiss to James. My lame boyfriend pretended to catch the kiss and put it in his jeans pocket.

Vanessa turned to face Niko to ask his question. "When I asked you to vacuum the apartment before my shift this morning, did you?"

"Yes, babe, of course," he assured her.

She folded her arms across her chest. "Really?"

Niko sat up straighter. "The floor is cleaner than our dishes! What's there to even clean?"

She gasped. "I can't believe you!"

"Thanks a lot for this stupid game, Brent," Niko spat.

"Don't blame him," Vanessa snapped before the two of them got into a full-fledged argument about vacuuming.

As we watched them bicker like an old married couple, I grabbed the container and ate another brownie.

"Maybe you should pace yourself," James suggested.

"Maybe you should shut up." I picked up another brownie and shoved it in my mouth.

Holden awkwardly chuckled as he took the container. "No, he's right. I didn't measure anything when I made these."

"What?" Brenton screeched as brownie pieces fell out of his mouth.

Holden put a lid on the container and tossed it in his backpack. "I think that's enough for one day. Who's next?"

"Brent," I said, making all heads turn to him. "Truth or dare?"

"Truth," he answered right away.

"Truth or dare?" I repeated, earning confused looks from everyone.

He let out a sigh and ducked his head in defeat. "Dare."

A devilish smile appeared on my face when I saw the dreadful look on his. "I dare you to run down the street in your boxers."

Niko and Vanessa halted their argument to weigh in their thoughts. "Come on, there's a storm outside," Niko reasoned.

"A dare is a dare, isn't it, Nikolas?" I said.

Brenton scowled at me as he stood up, pulling his shirt over his head. He took off his socks and pants, clad in nothing but a pair of white boxers with pink hearts.

"Fifty says you won't stay in them until your next turn," Holden said to him.

One thing about my twin, he never backed away from a bet no matter how ridiculous. "Double it and I'll keep them on until the end of the game." Both dummies shook on it and Brenton grabbed a flashlight to lead us upstairs to the front door. We all followed him and watched as he completed the dare. Brenton ran outside barefoot, down the street, and back up again in the pouring rain. When he came back inside, we all clapped for him. I handed him a towel and he snatched it while giving me a dirty look. "I hate you."

We had returned back downstairs and I was laying in James' lap, playing with his fingers as we continued the game. I didn't know if it was the weed or just my pure boredom, but every couple of minutes I tried to bite his finger. Whenever I did, James would yelp and tell me not to do it again, and so the cycle repeated.

"Holden," Leila spoke for the first time in a while. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare, but don't be cruel like Dani," he said.

Leila smirked at him. "I dare you and you to go into that closet back there for three minutes." My gaze instantly flickered to Brenton, whose jaw was clenched. Clearly, Leila didn't know their history because she just dared Brenton's best friend to be alone in a closet with his ex-girlfriend.

"Can I get another dare?" Holden asked when he saw Brenton's death glare.

"Rules are rules," Vanessa piped in. "Poor Brenton had to run in the rain, you can spend a few minutes alone with a pretty girl."

The two of them went inside the closet and shut the door behind them as Leila timed them. Brenton's leg was bouncing up and down as he waited for them to come out. When Leila's timer went off the two of them came out, awkwardly laughing. Brenton looked at Holden who subtly shook his head no. I raised my eyebrows at Amber who pretended to gag before mouthing, He's all yours.

"What did she say?" James whispered to me.

I shrugged my shoulders as I gave Amber a dirty look. "Hm? No clue."

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