"Are you sure you don't want to move over here, Margie?" James asked me. "Look how beautiful it is!"
"Yeah, it's kind of tempting to be honest, but I have made a decision." I said.
James and I were in the car, he had just passed in front of a university here in Madrid. I knew he had done that on purpose.
"I'm sure you aren't as fluent in French as in Spanish, it would be easier for you to study here."
"I just spoke in French to Karim the other day, I'm sure I can manage." I told him.
"Ugh!" James groaned. "Why are you so stubborn?"
"I can ask you the same question, besides why do you want me to study here so bad?"
"Well, you are my best friend and I like spending time with you and because of it I know you very well and I know that you will regret going to France, I just know."
"I won't."
"Have you had doubts about going there?"
"No." I said, but I actually had had some.
"Right." James said.
Today I had spent the whole day with Daniela while James went training. We went shopping, I did buy some things but not as much as Daniela did. Thank God James went to rescue me and while she was still there at the mall, I was finally getting a well deserved rest for my feet and whole body in general.
"I actually can be transferred to the University of Navarra here in Madrid." I said before I could stop myself, how did I let those words slip from my mouth? I'm screwed. Now he won't shut up about it.
"How come?"
"Nevermind."
"No, you tell me now."
"It's nothing important."
"Margie!"
"Ugh, well when they called me saying I was accepted in the university in France they told me it would be so much easier for me to go to any of the other campus of my current university, one campus is here." I told him.
"And you just tell me now?"
"I guess I forgot to tell you."
"Or you intended to 'forget' to tell me." He said, doing air quotes when he said forget, letting go of the wheel for a second. "And don't you like that idea?"
"It's good, I mean, I would consider it, but I guess I just want to be away from Antoine so my heart can heal and I won't be able to do it if I stay in Spain, I have to get away from here." I said. "Antoine will think I'm following him."
"Maybe only Antoine can mend that broken heart of yours." James said.
"I broke my own heart and I broke his , he won't mend mine."
"Maybe by mending yours he will mend his as well." James said, shrugging. "You just have to forgive yourself."
"What?"
"That heart won't be fixed if you don't forgive yourself, you will always feel guilty and hurt. This is not about Antoine anymore, just you."
I turned to look at him, I had been looking out the window since the university talk started. He was right, I suppose. I mean, Antoine told me he had forgiven me, he forgave me but I don't feel any better, I feel just as bad, as broken, as guilty as I had felt since I cheated on him, maybe I feel even worse.
"Maybe you are right." I muttered.
"Not maybe, I am right."
"But how can I forgive myself when I hurt so bad the person I love so much? When I ruined what we both built for four years and for what? For nothing! It's not like I'm with Neymar now and like he is the right man for me because he isn't the right one, I slap myself mentally when I think about it and I get so upset when I think I fell in his tramp so easily." I said, tears were threatening to fall. "I don't know why I did it, and even though I knew it was wrong I ignored that feeling."
"Everything happens for a reason, Margie." James told me. "Imagine if that wouldn't have happened, you wouldn't have gone to Fortaleza and we wouldn't have talked. And somehow maybe this was what you and Antoine needed it. Remember that obstacles make you stronger."
"You talk like if we are going to get together."
"You can't lose faith." He said. "Remember if everything is good then you don't appreciate anything, but if something bad or though happens then you appreciate and enjoy even more those happy and good times."
"Yeah, that's true. But sometimes obstacles are bigger than our strengths, aren't they?" I said. "Like it's too much for us to handle it."
"Look, I know that what you did was wrong, I won't tell you it was right. But you know that and Antoine knows you know and he loves you, I'm sure of it and love can conquer all, right? I'm sure he will eventually forgive you."
"He already did." I mumbled.
"What?" He asked me.
"He already forgave me." I said a bit louder, slower and clearer.
"What?" James exclaimed, stopping the car immediately.
"What the hell are you doing?" I asked him, looking behind us to check there weren't cars behind us that could bump into us. "Are you mad? You just can't stop the car like that!"
"Why didn't you tell me? When did he tell you that? How did it happen?" James asked, ignoring what I just said.
"Not so many questions at the same time, please!" I exclaimed. "And he told me one day before coming here, on Thursday."
"What? And how did it happen?"
"Remember I couldn't take all my stuff with me the other day?" James nodded. "Well I went for the rest of my stuff before coming here because I just couldn't leave them there forever and I knew he would come here soon so I went for them..."
"Go to the chase, Margie."
"Right, sorry. I went for my stuff and when I was leaving he asked me if I was ready to go to Barcelona, he believed what it said in that article so I got really upset and I told him it was fake and I regretted what I did and I said that I hoped he could forgive me someday and he told me he had already forgave me."
"What happened next?"
"I, uh, I cried, and he hugged me and then he cried too and we hugged each other." I said, looking away from James again.
"And then?"
"And then I left."
"Margie!" James exclaimed almost screaming at me.
"What?"
"You are a fool, you know that?"
"I couldn't take it, I had to leave."
"No, you had to stay, Margie, what the fuck... sorry, didn't mean to swear, but seriously what was going in your head? Can't you see it? Antoine wants you back."
"We got emotional, that's all."
"If you don't want someone back you won't hold them until they stop crying, would you?" James said.
"I don't know."
"Yes, you do! You promised you wouldn't push him away, you promised you wouldn't say no if he gave you another chance!"
"He hasn't given me another chance!"
"Oh, wake up, Margie!" James exclaimed. "He wants you back."
"Don't tell me that." I whispered.
"Why not?"
"Because it's not true."
"Why are you in denial?"
"I'm not."
James sighed deeply out of frustration, he started the engine again and started to drive, while I only could look from him to anything out of the window, mostly buildings, cars, people, and the sky.
"Margie," He said a bit more calmed. "You are ruining this... again."
I said nothing to him, what could I say? That little sentence hurt me a lot, what if I am actually ruining it again and he is right? What if I am hurting Antoine even more?
"Margie?"
"Yes?" I chocked out, I had a hard time finding my voice.
"If anything like this happens again, will you promise me and this time doing it, that you will not push him away?"
"I didn't push him away!"
"Just promise!"
"Fine, I promise." I said. "Whatever."
"Don't be like that, Margie! I'm telling you the truth."
"Yeah."
After that James drove back home and none of us said another word, but he tried. I saw how he opened his mouth to tell me something and then he closed and shook his head and I just didn't know what to say and I didn't want us to argue, especially about Antoine.
We got to his house and I went immediately to my room, I had a long and hot bath to calm myself. I was really altered by the argument we had, first about the university, still, really deep inside of me I don't know if what I'm doing is the option I should take or if I'm making a mistake but I have been trying to convince myself that this is indeed the best I can do, and second about Antoine.
I know James was frustrated at me, but I know it is because he loves me. He wants the best for me and he thinks he knows what it is and I must admit he has been right so far but I don't know if he is right about the whole thing about Antoine, how could he take me back? It's impossible.
After I finished my bath and dressed into more comfortable clothes, like my favourite sweatpants with the Italian logo on it, I decided to go downstairs, I just couldn't waste the rest of the day inside the room.
"Do you want some tea?" Daniela asked me. "I'm making myself one."
"Yeah, sure." I said.
Daniela poured some tea in two cups and gave one to me, I smiled at her and thanked her. She smiled back and sat next to me.
"Where is Salome?" I asked.
"Oh, James took her outside." Daniela said. "To the playground around the corner, she was pretty bored."
I drank the tea slowly, as Daniela and I talked. To my relief is nothing related to the university or to Antoine or even to football. It was just about normal stuff, she told me about some experiences she had when she was about kid, about her first day of school, her first boyfriend, her graduation day, we actually talked for a long time.
She also told me how she met James, when he asked her to be his girlfriend and how he proposed to her and their wedding. It was such a lovely time we shared.
I also told her a bit about my childhood. I told her that when I was nine years old I spent more than half a year living with my uncle Gianluigi, my parents were going through a rough time, and they sent us away so they could fix things and they did. We never knew why they sent us but we were happy we were living in different parts of Italy. My sister went to live with my aunt Guendalina and my brother who was only four years old was sent to live with our other aunt, Veronica, because her sons are around the age of Riccardo and my parents didn't want him to suffer as much.
But personally I think I was sent to the best place. My Uncle still hadn't had kids at the time so his wife and he only focused on me, I was very spoiled by them and they took me to lots of different places during the weekends. They also took me to the stadiums to watch my uncle play live. Then we went back home without knowing our parents' marriage went through a crisis, we found out like ten years later.
I also told her about the time when I play football, which she already knew. I told her how I was the best in the football team of my school and I also told her when I played for the Juventus Club. It was a nice time of my life, one of the happiest. We won the World Cup under 19, we won several tournaments and I was one of the best female players but eventually all of that ended.
I told her about getting into a really intense French course so I could learn the language really quickly so I could move to France, it was a crazy idea but it worked. No one thought it would but I'm glad I proved them all wrong.
Why did I move to France? I had no idea. I could have chosen England or any other part in Italy or even somewhere farther, like Australia or United States but I chose France and I met Antoine there.
Somehow our conversation eventually led us to Antoine. I didn't even notice until I mentioned his name and I smiled at a certain memory. I tried to change the subject but everything led us to Antoine again.
"I'm home!" James yelled as he opened the door, interrupting our conversation that had gotten too focused around my ex-boyfriend.
"Hola, amor! How did it go!"
"Amazing, Salome made a new friend! Her name was Andrea, I think." James told her. "She lives around five houses away, they got along pretty well!"
"I'm glad!" Danie said with a smile. "James, I'm craving something sweet, maybe a cake. Would you mind taking us to some bakery and we can eat there? Besides I'm sure Margie doesn't want to stay inside the house all day long."
"I don't mind." I said quickly.
"I'll just change Salome's diaper, I'll be right back." James said smiling. "And you better start to learn how to get around here, you know?"
"I know, but right now I would get lost!" Daniela said.
James lifted Salome and took her upstairs to change her diaper and grab a bottle of milk, while I went for my phone and my wallet. And then we all got inside the car go to eat a dessert and so I could see more of Madrid.
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Today is the perfect day to update because it's Antoine's birthday! :D
Speaking of him, I know he has a sister but I've read somewhere else he also has a brother, does he? I think he only has one sister but I'm not sure, could you tell me how many siblings does he have?
On Tuesday I'm going on a trip! :D I'm going to Orlando so I won't post for 2 weeks.
Who do you support in the Champions League? Atletico de Madrid and Barcelona are in the Quarter finals! I support Bayern Munich! <3 <3 <3 In second place I don't know, maybe Juventus or Atletico!
And thank you everyone! This story is only 94 votes away from 1k!! Thank you everyone for voting, commenting and keep reading! <3 <3